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teyvattherapist · 3 years

Text

Episodic

My sister and I had a long talk about how we both suffer from dissociation earlier today cause of an ask I got. And I got inspired to write a lil smth. This is based off of my experiences for the most part so anywayss.

tags: gn!doctor!reader + Kaeya, feat Diluc + Venti, dissociation, Kaeya story spoilers, Diluc story spoilers, mental health in general.

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Lies, so many lies, that’s all he was made up of! A liar, a cheat, a fraud, a dirty traitor. Years ago, well into his teens, he wouldn’t have cared. He didn’t give a damn whether or not the nation burned to the ground, he didn’t care if Teyvat as they knew it was ripped away from them and destroyed. But he was older now, and he cared so much. Oh too much. Torn between loyalties, his royal family who abandoned him to help them or the nation that loved and raised him. The lies stacked up, the nightly duties, the work within the shadows, the information he gave to his informants.

The lies were bearing down on him, he was being crushed, lungs screaming for air. It was almost like he was drowning except the ice above his head stopped him from surfacing for air. Kaeya Alberich could swim but he was not strong enough to shatter inches of thick ice. Every drop of water that filled his lungs, every lie that he needed to keep track of, they all froze over eventually. He was heavy, his body felt heavy, his shoulders hurt, and taking in air was a chore. He wished he’d just drown, but he kept scrambling, slamming against the ice, would anybody come-

“Are you even listening?” Diluc sighed, setting the glass down on the bar counter loud enough it shattered Kaeya’s thoughts and he lifted his head from his hand, star pupil blown as he looked around quickly. Diluc raised an eyebrow at the reaction, not expecting it from the ever composed cavalry captain he once called brother. The bar was relatively empty, Venti was asleep at a table tucked in the back. You were leaning against the wall while you did some work at the bar. Kaeya’s breathing was shaky, he realised as he tried to intake air, fill his lungs, stuff down the suffocation.

“Kaeya?” You set your quill down, concern quickly taking over your features. Diluc grabbed the glass Kaeya had been drinking from, opting to dump whatever remained. Kaeya didn’t even react to Diluc’s actions, instead he opted to look at his hands, opening and closing them, he did the action with his palms up and then repeated while looking at the back of his hands. Being a doctor for the knights, dissociation wasn’t the hardest thing for you to recognise. Approaching the situation, however, that was what became difficult.

“I don’t know how much longer I can endure this.” Kaeya’s voice was so weak, like he was testing out a tongue that didn’t belong to him. You stood immediately, Kaeya turning to you in surprise from the sudden action. You held your hands out and Kaeya looked at your waiting hands, he blinked and then looked up to you where he received a quick nod in return, a reassuring smile on your face. Kaeya put his hands into your own, his hands were surprisingly warm even through your gloves, slender fingers curling to intertwine with yours.

You gave his hands a gentle squeeze, he could feel two different sets of eyes staring at him outside of you directly in front of him. The weight of the world was so heavy and he felt himself slipping beneath the current again, it was relentless, endless, it dragged him down, the frozen lake was so dark- “Describe how my hands feel, please. What do my gloves feel like? Temperature?” You did your best to keep your voice reassuring, exceptionally kind as you crouched slightly so you could be at eye height with Kaeya who continued to sit.

The words dragged him to the surface and he struggled to remember who he was beyond all of these damn lies. There were so many lies, so much to hide, so many ties and loyalties oh how they swirled in his head. But he had to focus on the feelings of the gloves, thankful his seemed to be fingerless. “Cotton, your gloves feel like cotton.” He got a reassuring squeeze, an affirmative. Diluc snuck out from the bar, heading to the tavern door to lock it, sure an hour early, but given the circumstances.

“Okay, anything else?”

“Cold.”

“Haha, very good. Do you know your name?”

“Kaeya Ragnvindr. No, wait..” He trailed off, eyebrow furrowing. “I changed it, Alberich.” You quickly nodded, prompting him to continue. “You smell like mint and I smell like wine. Or is that the redhead? I’m not sure.”

“Both, probably.” Diluc responded casually, as if his heart didn’t just shatter hearing Kaeya say his old last name as his own once more. How long had it been since Diluc tore that family name from the navy haired captain? Diluc got closer, standing behind you, enough distance from Kaeya not to overwhelm him, but close enough he could watch.

The water still lapped at his legs, threatening, stabbing into him and trying to drag him back in. But he clawed at the sand, finding hold in the frost covered shore. “Are you back with us then, Kaeya? If not, you could try describing one of us.” You squeezed his hands again and Kaeya slowly nodded, his brain fog was lifting at least, he wasn’t entirely focused on the frozen lake anymore. When had he broken through the ice?

“Whoa, sorry- What happened there?” Kaeya pulled his hands back suddenly, gripping his head in one hand and shaking it with his signature laugh. Diluc had been frowning the entire time, and your reassuring smile vanished in an instant at his new words. “What? Don’t look at me like that, it’s embarrassing.” Kaeya smiled, turning his head to survey the rest of the empty tavern.

“You were having a dissociative episode. I’d offer a mora for your thoughts but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why.” You stood straight again and Kaeya wished you weren’t on his blind side, that way he’d be able to see without turning towards you, instead the cavalry captain eyed the sleeping Venti in the corner. “I’m not going to ask you to talk to me, but at least talk to Diluc about what’s on your mind if nobody else. It will only get worse from here.” You moved by the redhead who made no objections, and you began to gather the paperwork you had been working on.

“I promise, I’m fine. You’re worrying over nothing. And you, Diluc. I didn’t expect such concern.”

“We grew up together. Of course I’m concerned. You’re one of the few competent knights, and they need you to be on your best.” Diluc had his arms crossed over his chest, but he genuinely was trying not to seem so malicious, despite the biting words of his former brother. “How often has this been happening?” Diluc inquired, waiting for Kaeya to actually look back at them, but he never did, calloused fingers gently tapping the wooden bar countertop instead. “Okay, when did it start, then?” Diluc switched questions with a nod from you.

“A few months ago. They only lasted a minute or two, and I’d barely remember what happened. Recently the times I’ve blanked have been longer. I don’t remember what happened since coming in here.” Kaeya’s voice was quiet, low, ashamed maybe. He was so tired of it all, the lies and the burdens. He didn’t want to be a plot point or a chess piece. He just wanted to live his life, free of the whispering secrets of the dark.

“That was seven hours ago. [Name], is that normal?”

“Quite. Some dissociative episodes have been known to last years. The hours will turn to days, days into weeks. You know how it goes. I’ll bring Venti home so you two can speak.” You pulled your bag over your shoulder, heading off to grab the drunk bard from the corner. “Come on, bard. You can stay at my house.” You lifted the man easily, letting Diluc silently unlock and open the tavern door for you. The door was shut and locked once more.

“You don’t have to pretend to care, Diluc. I’m fine.” Kaeya pushed his barstool back, standing to his full height. He was exhausted, his brain fog may have been gone but his body still didn’t feel real and every step he took felt like walking on pins and needles. It didn’t help when Diluc blocked the door though, the usual bored expression replaced with something else.

“I do care, idiot. Whether or not you believe that isn’t my problem. You’re still my brother, even if we never shared any blood. Now you’re going to sit down and we’re going to talk about what happened that night, do you hear me?” Diluc lowered his arms, gaze dropping to anywhere but the captain. “Please, just talk to me. I won’t push you away this time.”

“Do you promise?”

“Obviously.”

#Kaeya x reader #not really but you're familiar with him #Genshin Impact #Genshin x reader #Kaeya #kaeya -handshake emoji- lane suffering from Stress #i've been depressed okay don't @ me for the sad posting #LET THEM BE BROTHERS AGAIN MIHOYO #Lane Writes #s/o to the person who sent the ask I will get to it

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1-800-i-ship-it · 4 years

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do you think bam or khun would be a better bf to their SO

Well well well anon you really making me compare this perfect ship with each other huh

Jk haha it’s just a tough q for me

(Also I apologize for taking so long to reply ahh)

As always, disclaimer: this is based on my own opinion so you are free to disagree or agree :)

I don’t think either bam or khun would be a better bf to their SO, I think they both have their strengths and weaknesses, like most couples will have.

Think I already mentioned what I think their love languages are already in another post but in case u forgot, I think Bam is quality time (main), words of affirmation and acts of service and khun as acts of service (main), combined with quality time and words of affirmation (yup i thought they’d both have similar things...i’ll explain myself)

Let’s go over them, shall we? (you can skip the love language part and jump to the line for the answer if you’ve already read it in my prev ask post/not interested)

Bam: Quality time because he really values the moments he spent with the friends he made in the tower and he appreciates each and every one of them (well, fuck rachel) but anyway, in my head bam just seems like the kind of person who would love quality time with the people he cares about <3 he’s said countless times how he would rather die than lose those that he cares about, and always rushes to protect everyone, so i think quality time would be his top one, and so as bam’s partner (ahem khun) just spending time with bam would make him happy :) and as for words of affirmation, I feel like bam would appreciate them a lot coming from those he loves (like khun!) if khun was like “I appreciate you” I bet bam would feel all warm and fuzzy inside and then say smth super cheesy back which would get khun to blush lmao; and finally acts of service cause bam kinda shows how he cares through saving everyone (like all the time) and yea Ifeel like he’d appreciate small things his partner does for him

Khun: I would guess that it would be acts of service, combined with quality time and words of affirmation, though I'm a bit iffy on words of affirmation because he does come from a family where he was forced to fight against other kids from his family where manipulation and deceit was probably very present. but I think he would really treasure real, genuine words of affirmation and would secretly like pet names even though he pretends to hate them (ahem only bam can call him those hehe). I think acts of service would still be the most prevalent, because that’s the main way that khun has shown his love/loyalty to bam, through actions that benefit bam etc… so I believe he would appreciate acts of service as well. I also think he would be the type of person to value actions more than words. For quality time, I think he’d enjoy having the attention of his SO and would just appreciate being able to spend time with them, small things like that.

______________________________________________

I wrote this with modern-day implications

Bam:

Strengths:

always has good intentions

super sweet

learns very quickly what his partner likes/dislikes

loyal to the end

extremely good at cooking

thoughtful but often forgets mundane things sometimes

always makes time for his partner and really values being able to spend time with them

very empathetic

somehow always knows what to do to make his partner happy

has an irresistible radiant smile

often showers his partner with a multitude of compliments

will not hesitate to remind his partner he loves them

appreciates his partner a lot and makes sure they know it

is a very good cuddler

will do anything for his partner

Weaknesses:

kinda oblivious abt like the most obvious things ngl

loyal to a fault sometimes

can seem clingy but he’s just afraid to lose his partner (one of his biggest fears is being alone)

might accidentally get his partner jealous bc he’s super nice to everyone

might overburden himself with everyone’s expectations and seem withdrawn and might have some trouble communicating with his partner

cares too much about others and too less about himself, so may frustrate partner by agreeing readily to things instead of expressing his own opinion

has trouble saying no to things he doesn’t want to do when people ask him for favors–leading to decreased quality time with his partner

has a lot of internal conflicts that may hinder his ability to be present with his partner

Khun:

Strengths:

very thoughtful, super thoughtful, did I mention thoughtful

pretty mature for the most part

has very good life skills and knows how to survive, aka always knows what’s going on and is typically “the responsible” one

does taxes well, manages finances very well

shows his love through actions, whether its getting his partner a little something on the way home, or making sure his partner has the lights turned on when working, or creating an elaborate plan to allow his partner to succeed without burdening his partner

extremely loyal to the right partner

makes excellent coffee

very organized and tidy

knows what he wants and has a lot of ambitions and thus plans for the future well ahead of time with his partner

is always prepared for the worst scenario, has a lot of savings for him and his partner

takes no BS and will not be afraid to provide his partner with honest advice even if it hurts

will do anything for his partner

Weaknesses:

won’t admit he’s thoughtful/a tsundere (could go in both categories)

kind of uptight sometimes

does not have much patience

always wanting to be in control of a situation may not let him fully be present with his partner at times

not very good at articulating his thoughts/feelings

overthinks a lot and worries too much which may lead to him acting cold to his partner

a workaholic that is not very good at taking care of his health

often pushes his feelings deep down instead of dealing with them properly

doesn’t think he deserves his partner and is really insecure but hides it very well

sometimes too caught up in his own head worrying about the future to be present and there for his partner

puts aside his well being for his partner too much

They both have their own strengths and weaknesses, but they work through it together with their respective partners who are obviously each other and are a power couple :D (ahem light bearer and wave controller power couple amirite)

Hope that answered your q anon!

Also @cannottranslate here’s the thing I was working on I hope it met ur expectations :’)

#bluris answers asks #asks #tower of god #bam #khun #khun aguero agnes #25th bam #khunbam #khun aguero agnis #kami no tou #this took me for-frickin-ever and idek why #i feel like i accidentally made some of these headcanons #oh well #anon i hope you enjoy #suggestions are welcome #omg i legit had to fix the placement of the keep reading line like 5 times sigh #ok its just broken

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authenticaussie · 7 years

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"send me a ship" asks -- marsab for the knight/princess one 🥐

who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)

Marco makes a nice knight and the wbs make a cool guard (group???????? I’ve forgotten the plural for guards being together and the only thing coming to mind is troupe and I’m like no they are not travelling performers). Also like !!! it Confuses me/Concerns me abt like the oNE THOUSAND WHITEBEARD KIDS ALL TECHNICALLY HAVING A TIE TO THE THRONE. How’s Whitebeard supposed to divide this evenly!?!

…..

Unless immortal!whitebeard

yessssssssss okay okay okay so immortal!whitebeard who idk was like an old god or smth??? and he’s still considered a King of the Earth (and probably part of the seas but roger’s an Asshole and Totally wrestled that away from him at one point and Whitebeard was like #FAUX UPSET DRAMATIC GASP) And like, Whitebeard’s kids totally technically count as princes and princesses and other royal lines and stuff, they basically all just laughed and were like sure whatever and they’re pretty lax abt this monarchy thing. Oh oh oh oh but like!! Different divisions protect different parts of Whitebeard’s huge as fuck kingdom and so division commanders are considered princes/princesses and are allowed to make decisions in Whitebeard’s stead as long as they all have a meeting abt it before hand and talk it over (unless they’re sent on diplomacy missions WHICH MARCO IS)

So Marco goes off and does some diplomacy and things are Going Okay (not great, but like, decent) until they realise that to the Whitebeard fam the title of ‘prince’ and ‘princess’ basically just mean that they control part of the army but they don’t like?? Rule. They’re all very very content not to rule, even though they settle disputes and stuff, bc like?? ruling is hard. Whitebeard has to put up with sooooo much shit. BUT BASICALLY THEY’RE LIKE “WE ALSO HAVE PEOPLE WHO RULE ARMIES. WE CALL THEM COMMONERS, AND THEY LIVE TO FIGHT FOR US OR DIE” and Marco’s like Wow Okay haha we’re totally going to go to war against you and depose you. BUT BEFORE HE CAN DO THAT THEY TOTALLY HOLD HIM CAPTIVE.

bc you know what’s a story w/o a little captivity/kidnapping.

Anyway Marco had a couple people assigned to him and depending on where you wanted this story to go (and how angry you wanted marco to be) like. a) they could be captured too or b) murder is an option. And the King and Queen say that they bid marco farewell/say that marco went travelling but then Oh No they were attacked on the path what a tragedy!!! Marco’s been kidnapped/some enemy of your kingdom killed him!! We are in mourning too, for some of our people were killed, it’s all very upsetting, let’s make an alliance, Whitebeard, and hunt down “””your””” enemies.

And Marco’s like….oh man just…poor marco. His heart’s breaking because those were his brothers, those were his people, it’s his job to stand at the front line and it’s his duty to protect them and he- he let them get killed…He led them into a death trap because he was to arrogant and rude and couldn’t hold his tongue and thought that they’d do nothing about him basically declaring war on them what type of fucking fool is he????

And so say Sabo’s a knight in this kingdom and he’s pretty unhappy bc he’s been able to travel quite a bit and when he heard marco’s silver tongue cutting his king and queen to pieces he wanted to cheer, even though he knew it disloyal. And he volunteers to guard Marco as much as he can and can’t talk to him at first because everyone’s pretty cautious about word getting out and so sabo volunteers to be a permanent guard bc that lessens the amount of people knowing and who’d spread the secret, right???????? So Sabo is Marco’s personal guard and Marco won’t talk to him at first, he’s angry and upset and more than a little bit afraid, for all that he’s good at hiding it, because what if his brothers come and say the same thing he did?? What if this kingdom sneaks into his own and hurts his family?? What if he can’t escape and warn everyone of their treachery???????? And Sabo is….well he’s nervous too, bc if he talks to this prisoner…Yeah, “treason” would be putting it lightly, and- he’s planning on helping this guy escape.

So he carefully broaches conversations but Marco’s an angry lil asshat and Sabo will always respond in kind to that, if you’re kind he’ll be kind right back (even if not to the same degree, but he still- he wants to believe that people are good??? And if you show him that he’s not going to trust you, persay, but he is going to do his fucking best to be polite and kind and help you and he blocks off parts of himself bc hes never found anyone he can just be around, and be comfortable w/ expect Ace & Luffy, but, still.) So they’re snarky little assholes to each other but ?? For Marco it starts being?? A bit normal?? Sabo isn’t aiming to hurt him, not like every other barb every other prisoner or guard or torturer is trying to, Sabo’s just- annoyed at him, for being a dickhead. And like, Sabo also, for all that his words are sharp and aimed to bruise egos, like, he’s going to make things better, and to do that he needs Marco’s help, and so ofc he’ll still be- you’know, himself when it comes to things that are small and physical and hard to notice. Like, his replacement drops marco’s food on the ground and kicks it in, but Sabo takes the time to let him grab it so none of it spills and will eat with marco?? Sit on the cold floors and eat, and they don’t necessarily talk, but the companionship is nice. And he subtly leaves little hints towards Marco’s family’s well being around, or drops it in conversations w/ other guards, and marco doesn’t realise he does that until later and just has to go over their interactions and is kinda like….oh.

Once that happens it goes a bit better, because even though Marco’s not a fan of apologising, he sees the necessity of it, and he understands, and he can recognise when he’s being an asshole, and he doesn’t s u p e r want to apologise to someone holding him prisoner so he ?? says thanks for the things sabo does, and tries to be just a bit nicer, and their relationship gets better from there

BUT THEN

BUM BUM BAAAAUUMMMMMMM

Sabo/Marco find out that the kingdom is going to launch a surprise attack on the Whitebeards and they have spies planted within the kingdom to assassinate Whitebeard!!! Because while he is immortal and impervious to a lot of injuries, he’s not impervious, and he only heals normally, not like Marco does (and like, look, you could also throw in marco-the-healer, as well, if you wanted, which is a double blow to the Whitebeard forces, because they’re used to knowing that their King is safe, bc like??? They have the world’s most powerful healer in their midst). So Marco’s freaking out and Sabo’s like Oh Shit that’s so much earlier than I thought and he’s trying to plan how to get Marco out, because he was going to try and sneak in a replacement of some sort from the rebels so that it’d not be discovered for a bit longer, or like, do something to make sure they get a headstart, because a day???? Against everyone in the kingdom looking for them??? No. Noooooo fuckin way. They’re fuckedddd if that happens. And Marco doesn’t know what to do and Sabo’s trying to figure out a plan and is like no, it will work, everything’s going to be fine, you’ll get out of here, I promise and Marco’s like how the fuck could you know that and Sabo’s like because I am going to get you out of here and Marco’s like—

you go. You go, to my family, and- idk maybe he has a momento of some sort, his own signet ring ?? But I guess the King/Queen take the signet ring and be like “oh no look this is Proof that Marco DiedTM) - but anyway he gives sabo that, or a password, or knowledge of a secret passage and is like tell them. Please, tell my family what’s going on. They need to know so they can be ready, and I’d slow you down. With everyone looking for me??? It’d be safer.

“Yeah but you’ll-!! They’re going to know I’m missing, and what about all those times they didn’t feed you but I snuck in food, like?? How are you going to be okay??”

“I’ll be okay if I know my family is safe.”

And Sabo’s like— ow….bc Marco’s tone is so!!! It’s so serious, it’s a promise, a vow, he will be okay as long as his family is okay, Marco’s so fucking loyal to them, and that’s probably when the first inklings of feeling - for him, at least - hit. Because Marco is just- Totally dedicated to them. And would do anything, be anyone they needed him to be, be strong, give up his only confident and companion and safe place in this entire castle just to know that his family would be warned, and Sabo kind of— it hurts him. It hurts him, because he doesn’t want to leave Marco. And because he understands self-sacrifice but he doesn’t want….he doesn’t want that for Marco??? For him to have to carry that burden alone?? But he knows if he doesn’t go, either, marco’s not even going to blame him, he’ll still be blaming himself….

So Sabo goes and like honestly you have two paths here. You could do it so that everything goes relatively decent and sabo finds the WBS and is blocked a bit from talking to the king but whitebeard’s a good guy and listens to everyone’s voices, even those from another kingdom, and what this brat has to say??? He’s preparing for war in moments, and has his own trusted team ready to go and free Marco, and Sabo would ofc volunteer to be on it but then he gets?? Caught, possibly, while the rest are freeing marco, and then you get beat up!sab and frantic escapes from the castle and some nice stuff where Marco takes care of sabo and then kinda feels like he wants to stay by sabo’s side instead of going to the war front to lead his troops and this is the first time he’s felt like that, he’s felt like he wants to stay by someone instead of serve his country, and that’s a bit weird to him, because like, his people have always come first?? And he’s had boyfriends/girlfriends who were super fucking important to him and they’re still good friends, and he’d have gone to war for them at the time, but like….he’d stay home from war because of worry and care, for his brothers, for his father-

and now apparently, for Sabo.

And then you go from there and have idk, they win the war, or maybe long war and sabo comes out and fights by marco’s side and swears to be his vassal (?? I think that’s the term, but w/e) and they get closer and more affectionate (and eYYY bedsharing and nightmares!!!) and then when they come home from a war front after victory, there’s just this accidental/awkward realisation of “uhhhh when did we…start dating??” / “Shit, are we dating??” / “I think so…I mean, if you wanted too!!” / “Uh, sure. Yeah, that’d be Cool.”

Ummm but then path two could be like!!!!!!!!!!! Marco told Sabo of a secret passageway to enter but!!! dun dunnnnnn, the King/Queen figured out that sabo was a revolutionary agent and sent a force to follow him and use the secret passage and storm the castle and take it over and so everything’s messy and complicated and sure as fuck nobody trusts this blond knight who was apparently leading them, and he might yell a bit about marco but who’s??? going to believe him?? They all mourned and suffered and what if it’s another trap?? He could’ve been part of the bandits that kidnapped marco in the first place!!

And like, idk, you could have him being how did i know about the passage, then, how did I know all your names, how did-!!

Shut up!!! someone yells, grabbing him by the collar, stop trying to trick us into believing the brother we lost has been held captive! And Sabo just softly, slowly goes,

“Do you really not believe me, or do you not want to admit that if I’m right it means that he needed to be saved, and none of you came to help him?”

And like, they’re all silent and looking at each other or looking at the ground and just…it’s so tense and still and ?? Maybe Whitebeard stands up and looms over him and is like Tell us why we should believe you, when you got us pushed from our own home?

And Sabo talks about Marco, because how else could he talk about anyone different?? About the fact that Marco’s first and only smile was because he’d been talking about his family, about the fact that the only reason Sabo had come, the only reason Sabo had left him was because Marco had begged him to make sure that the WBS wouldn’t be hurt, about Marco’s guilt because he’d been unable to save his guard, and then- he talks about how much he wants his kingdom to change, about how people are afraid to live there, about-

About the hope he felt when Marco had declared that they’d free the place, the he feels every time Marco had promised him that it’d be better, about everything Marco had talked about - the equality, the trust, the way Whitebeard ran his kingdom….

And he almost talks about just- Marco. About Marco being brave even though he was sad, and scared, he almost talks about Marco’s soft secrets to him, whispered in the moments before Marco’s healing had kicked in, when he’d confessed that he’d never been afraid of death but now it terrified him, because what if he died before he was ready? And what if he died and hadn’t been able to save his family?

What if he kept living, and hadn’t been able to save his family?

He almost says that, but they stay locked behind his teeth because- those words were for him. Were for him, when Marco was afraid, and lonely, or when Sabo felt hopeless and terrified-

And they don’t trust him, fuck no they don’t trust him, but they do believe him. (You could also have like, the person who yells at him?? about tricking them into thinking marco’s alive – you could have that be ace and as soon as he gets close and sees that snap of a response he’s like shit. What the fuck?? Or you could have commoner!Ace in sab’s kingdom who later comes to serve in the army and the 2nd division commander dies on the battlefield and so ace takes control and he keeps trying to give it to someone else but they can’t take it so he just leads them, but, I digress) He’s kept under heavy guards and is never told any of their plans, but he gives them all the information he has and never complains and just- he just wants Marco to be safe. And maybe something’s wrong when Marco gets home, maybe they’d done something to him that hurts him, and Sabo’s burning up with worry because he fucking left, and maybe if he hadn’t he could have done something, and no-one will let him see Marco and god it’s driving him crazy, and he can’t help himself from snapping at people because there’s so much frantic energy buzzing in his bones and he’s worried. He hasn’t been worried like this for years. He doesn’t get close enough to care, or get worried, but he is and for Fuck’s sake it’s driving him insane

But bc of Marco being sick the WBs are like okay so are plan to present weak and then Smash Them in one swoop won’t work bc Marco needs rest and safety and so the WBs take back their castle, bc fuck off this was Whitebeard’s land, and he wasn’t still called the King of the Earth / an Old God for nothing. And the war is long and tiring and messy and Sabo’s running letters between the revolution of his kingdom and Whitebeard and steadily finds himself with more responsibilities and working with Dragon and Whitebeard to an excessive degree and for fuck’s sake he was a knight, he wasn’t prepared for this shit-

But he throws himself into it because he’s not doing to let anyone down, he refuses to be the weak link in the chain that might cause this to fail and….and if the benefit is that he drops into sleep every night exhausted then at least he’s not thinking about Marco, who’s still sick and delirious because they don’t know how to fix him.

Sabo working in the bare fraction of spare time he has, when Dragon’s ordered him to stop and gotten koala to force him to his room/tent so he rests, to find a cure for whatever’s hurting Marco. Being unable to spend time by Marco’s bedside because it’s paralysing, to do it, like, what if they don’t end the war in time to dedicate time to find a cure? What if Marco dies before the war’s over? What if he’s sick forever?? What if when he wakes up again, something’s wrong with him?? He can’t remember things, or he can’t heal, or he’s afraid and jumpy and god damnit Sabo should have been there.

But it’s a war and it’s one they haven’t prepared for, and while the fighting’s on Whitebeard’s land they win because, well, ~god powers~, but it’s not always on Whitebeard’s land, and Whitebeard can’t be everywhere, or help everyone, and everyone knows the Phoenix is sick and what are they supposed to do about that?? Most of them fight harder, angrier, but still, it’s- It’s hard. It’s hard to know one of their commanders is fighting for his life and no-one can do anything to help because of this war.

and ??? Look here’s where my brain gets fuzzy, like, ?? Wars are complicated and messy and I need to fix marco, lol, but I didn’t build any space to do that. So. Maybe Sabo finding something in his books, or finding this- tiny discrepancy in a legend, or in the reports that the King and Queen of his old kingdom were sending. And he’s desperate, and tired, and his brother is here and has his own commandment, and- he wants Marco to get better and the best way to help Marco is end the war. So he goes to Ace and asks for volunteers for a stealth mission, and Ace ofc volunteers and all his soldiers are like haha yeah at this point we’re pretty committed, we’d follow commander Ace into the grave, and so Sabo has this dedicated team of soldiers and he doesn’t know if he should follow the legend or attack the king and queen bc they would know what they did to marco but all of them could die if they attacked w/ like. 30 ppl. But the legend is only a legend and if they waste time, and with sabo being gone- there’s this sudden huge stress on the army, and 30 men is still 30 men that they could use, to buff them up somewhere, to give people a chance to rest-

They go after the legend, because they live in a land of legends and if Sabo can accidentally fall in love with a dumbass bird then surely a magic tree/rock/macguffin could exist ALSO LIKE GOOD TIMES IMAGINE ACE KIND OF HALF TEASING/TALKING TO SABO ABOUT HIS BIG CRUSH ON MARCO AND SABO’S LIKE WHAT NO I DONT AND ACE IS LIKE LOOK MAN WE’RE HIKING UP A MAGIC MOUNTAIN IN ORDER TO FIND A TREE THAT MAY OR MAY NOT EXIST BECAUSE MARCO’S BEEN SICK. You feel SOMETHING about him. And like?? I love outside characters prompting inside introspection so Sabo’s basically like Oh Fuck goddamnit, ace is fucking right. This. Isn’t fair. He’s never right!!! Why is he right about this!!!

IDK??? WAVES HAND MAGICALLY OVER PLOT HOLE/GAP BC THIS HAS TAKEN ME TWO HOURS AND I DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW WHERE IT’S GOING, PROBABLY SHOULDA JUST KILLED THE LKING AND QUEEN EVEN IF IT WAS CLICHE BUT WOW LOOK MARCO’S HEALED AND SABO’S #USELESS BC MARCO JUST SMILED AND HIM AND SAID THANKS FOR GOING TO HIS FAMILY

Also izo, who’s still stubbornly been eyeing off sab, is finally like “okay so maybe you did know him” and marco’s like???????????? did you?? not think that sabo did??? and izo’s like guiltily shifting like uhhhh nahh we took him prisoner?? fir st ,,,bc we thought he was Lying. And marco’s like why??? and sabo’s like it’s not a big deal and marco gets kinda snappy (excuse him, he’s been locked up for a couple of months and then had to deal with ~magical plot bullshit~ and was Sick) and is like yes it is, you were the one who helped me, and you stayed??? here/??? even when they all didn’t trust you??

and ohhh just imagine sabo just kinda mumbling out, “I couldn’t leave you.”

AHHHHAHAHAH FUCK ME UP I KNOW IT’S CLICHE BUT THIS IS THE SHIT I LOVE

Anyway you totally get flustered/confused marco at that and then dragon/whitebeard arrives to check on marco and also to chew out sabo and sabo gets hustled off to get ?? taken care of and do work and shit like that, you’know, and marco has to rest ??? And like marco’s better, leads his division again, the kingdom’s like Oh Shit and end up loosing and there is peace! And happy times! Yay! Instituting new social reforms!! Rebuilding borderlines and changing maps to reflect this sudden kingdom they now own!! Basically what happens is Dragon + Sabo get set up as the king/prince accidentally but they’re like nAH monarchy is for PUNKS and kind of slowly start instituting what Whitebeard has??? Where it’s kinda a democracy?? And if you want to change things you go and talk to the king and the king ofc includes Everyone that this change affects and finds the best way to solve it and dragon sets that up kinnnd of on accident?? He wanted more democracy but fuck, if it works it works, and like?? Is aligned w/ Whitebeard/Whitebeard has assured Dragon that if things start goin down the Shit later on in whitebeard’s immortal life he’ll take over and fix it a N D HEY GUESS WHAT LOOK LET’S JUS T

FUCKING WRAP UP THE PLOT W/ DRAGON BEING LIKE HEY WE SHOULD THINK ABOUT ALLIES AND SABO LIKE (thinking about marco) Arranged Marriages are Helpful and I am single and technically the prince, the land that big mom owns is pretty strong, there’s also shanks’ weird pirate fleet kingdom if we wanted sea control and dragon’s like you sure?? and sabo’s like yeah it’s fuckin fine and then Marco (whom Sabo has been meeting with frequently, mainly to talk about politics and stuff and how to be a prince bc jfc this is not where sabo was expecting his life to go what the f u c k, but also to just- talk to, because they kind of becoming weird dependent friends and hahaha sabo has a Big Fucking Crush on Marco so more time w/ him is…good) tells Sabo that Whitebeard’s arranged a marriage for him and Sabo’s like- he just pauses and ow, ow ow ow ow, like, he figured it’’d hurt when he got married, but like?? That had nothing on this, and he’s basically like… “…what? To- who??”

And Marco kind of half-moves and fidgets a bit and then leans his elbow on the table and is reeealllly close and he’s like “You” and Sabo’s like-

Does Not Compute

“Uh….What”

“I MEAN IT’S NOT LIKE, ARRANGED, ARRANGED,” Marco goes frantically, because he’s just realised that maybe Sabo wouldn’t want to marry him and jfc he probably should have started with dates but dragon had come to whitebeard and suggested it and said Sabo was fine with getting married but jfc he was probably expecting someone else, maybe someone he’d never met before, and like, Marco doesn’t want to!! Force Sabo to marry him!!, “It’s like if you wanted to. It could. Be. Arranged. I want to. NOT THAT THAT HAS ANY BEARING ON WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.”

And Sabo just is staring at him and then he just?? Jfc this is the most hilarious confession he’s ever seen, and so he starts snorting and covers his hand w/ his mouth and starts l a u g h i n g his head off and Marco just groans and is like “I practiced this”. “I practiced this, and you were supposed to swoon into my arms, or something, and this was supposed to be romantic and cool, god fucking damn it when will I learn not to take Izo’s and Vista’s advice I swear to god they read too many cheesy romance books”

“Yes.” Sabo goes, before Marco can rant himself into oblivion, “Also don’t even try and deny that you’re the one who reads cheesy romance books, I’ve seen your bookshelf.”

And Marco’s like?? “What?? That’s a cruel and horrible lie, I have no idea what you’re talking about” and just teasing him but also he’s a bit confused and hopeful and he just, “What do you mean by…yes?”

“If you wanted to, because I want to,” Sabo goes slowly, carefully piecing bits and pieces of his thoughts together. “Then I would…I would definitely like to arrange our marriage.”

And then he grins and ahhh Marco’s heart just- yep. He did a good. This is Definitely a good plan.

ofc it takes a little longer than that to organise it, and they go on dates first, and just meander along being fiances for a reeeally long time, until Dragon’s pretty old and doesn’t want to rule anymore, so they hold the ceremony and Sabo’s king and marco’s technically king too?? And all his siblings tease him abt it bc “maarcooo you can’t be king too, dad’s king!!”

“Yes but I’m a prince here and a king in sabo’s kingdom”

“That sounds really weird when you put it like that birdbrain. Can’t you just be king everywhere???”

“I can’t be king around whitebeard that feels weird.”

“Yeah but I’m a king around Whitebeard.”

“Yes but you were never a prince.”

“Y ES I WAS, technically for me it should feel weirder!!! I started out as a knight!!! A commoner!!”

“You were still the ruler of my heart,” [dumb stupid wink and sabo laughing bc marco’s being an Idiot]

“IZ O O MARCO AND SABO ARE BEING GROSSS AGAINNNN”

#marcosabo #marsab #aussie's anons #ask aussie #long post #be warned: readmore #man readmores are a pain in the ass #like??????????#sometimes they show up #sometimes they dont #GOOD FUCKIN LUCK GUESSING THO #also like omfg tfw you accidentally write fic plot and then l OOSE THE PLOT HALF WAY THROUGH #lies down #smoll bread friend

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