#// the way this man is taking over my brain
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this megatron is just so sweet and gentle with the kids it absolutely. DESTROYS ME.
#GAMPAW🥺💕#someone get this man a mentee of his own STAT#he’s just so eager to teach and he’s so patient with them oh my goDDD#no wonder tfe megs absolutely dominated the wifeatron poll#my heart can’t take it just my brain isn’t working that way okay the post is over goodbye now#transformers#tfe megatron#tfe spoliers#transformers earthspark#Earthspark spoilers#transformers Earthspark spoilers
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arcane incantation
#GOD. the THINGS i want to do to this mans cervix... FHDSKGFHDKGFGHDS#kaname date more like can i may have my fucking life back asshole god fucking damn#hate his ass. HATE HIS ASS (<- obsessed with him)#aitsf#kaname date#ai the somnium files#my art#this is the first properly painted Thing since like...... was it the ryuki drawing i did ages ago? or like. ig i have a painted comm wip#(that i... need to work on. surprisingly this took way less time than those do! not in a bad way btw i love comms they just take way longer#(for me at least)#also lol 'arcane incantation' is the title of the date residence ost since i got the idea of this from looking at date's house replaying ai#anyways while im here. im going insane over the fucking nursery rhyme-like piano motif in parts of sinkin in the brain#and that being carried over to atrocious insanity 2 but sped up and running through the whole song instead#when those are the two key points where we're hinted/get told about date's identity and like. the major parts where they're the actual Focu#I LOVE MUSIC MOTIIIIFFFSSSSSSS im insane whatever WHAT EVER.#whatever. look at my art Boy.
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realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille
#possramble#ignore this im just babbling but#the thing is that like. i don't ship laios and marcille together. their relationship is so so important to me in that laios comphets himsel#and THINKS that he might be in love with her but he isn't and that's my insane obsession#platonic soulmates for real but they're so sweet together that i fully expect them to be shipped together#like i get it. that's almost the appeal for me. if dungeon meshi were any other series there'd be an epilogue where they get married#convention dictates that they're meant to be together as the male protagonist and his beloved female deuteragonist#but dungeon meshi DOESNT do that and i love it so fucking much they're the comphet besties ever for my strange little brain#like if i ever did an arranged marriage au it would absolutely be laios and marcille having a platonic political marriage and then just#the most insane mutual pining with marcille and falin while laios and marcille struggle their way into becoming best friends#the imagery of the king and his beautiful court mage being tender to each other and everyone thinking they're in love is like catnip to me#like yeah they'd be like that and have no idea people think they should be together and the subversion makes me so obsessed#the more people ship them romantically. the more i enjoy their platonic dynamic it's like some sort of weird comphet fetishism idk#people think they're in love and im outside the window like YES... YES!!!#but also the second i see stuff of them kissing on the mouth or fucking im like oh god no i went too deep in here i gotta get out#don't wanna see that. i'll go feral over the idea of laios and marcille being arm-in-arm like king and queen but they would not fuck.#i want marcille to be his default comphet beard and dance partner/plus one at official royal events but they're not kissing.#she's there on his arm because he's scared of the other noble women tryna get him and being a baby about it#and people see them muttering to each other and laughing and generally being very sweet and think that they're dating but they're not.#she's actually covered in hickies from falin underneath her dress and is gonna get dragon dicked right after the party is over#like she's in her bedroom and falin's helping her take her ridiculous dress off while listening to her complain about politics#and falin is the person she goes home to the person she falls asleep to and wakes up with#they're a triad of utter devotion to each other but only farcille's side of the triangle is romantic#it's almost like an open secret because they're not trying to hide it at all but people assume and are surprised to find out#like people are so right about her relationship with the toudens but with the siblings' roles switched#love of her life & irreplaceable life companion. does anyone get it#anyway. i don't know what's wrong with me#it bothers me that they're not the undisputed most popular het ship for marcille on ao3#it's unnatural. marcille being paired with any other man should be a fringe case.
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he… he was born to be a hero and became a villain… he was born to be a villain and became a hero… no one asked them what they wanted… they don’t even know what they want they don’t even know who they ARE…. they bring out the worst in each other…. they can only be honest with each other and they hate it love it hate it destroy it in the end…. they ruin each others lives…. they don’t regret each other…. if you even care…. I’m gonna apass out
#WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME????#HELLA WHYYYYY#I swear this is cruel and unusual punishment#you can’t take your talented brain and invest it into dabihawks and pull out the most beautifully tragic words for them#YOU CANT MAKE MY HEART WANT TO CHAIN SMOKE#MY HEART IS CHAINSMOKING#WHY WHY WHYBWHYYYY#Wait why am I thinking you write a MHA fic???#I’m going to go to your ao3 and find out#Hella why do you want me to suffer with you???#I’m trying so hard not to get sucked into their bullshi#But I can’t stop thinking about them now#Seriously the way hawks respond to things with wit and a smile even though his sense of justice is more fucked than even dabi#Dabi sees the injustices in the justice system and he wants to burn it to the ground#& hawks is over here like ‘just not the wings man’#fire is good fire is bad fire is good fire is bad#Hot is good hot is bad hot is soooo good but it’s sooooo bad#Damn it hella stop it#STOP IT#Is is bad to say I do like endeavor?#Are people going to throw shit at me from the back!?#I love myself a flawed character with a fucked up sense of judgement and I’m also a sucker for that character realizing that they fucked up#& then trying to make amends because it’s not too late but it is too late hunny nothing will never be the same as it was and even when it w#It was fucked I mean come on man shotos crying in the dojo because you hurt mommy while touya is imploding in the forest and now they’re#Battling it out for your love while also seemingly rejecting it because they don’t need to be loved (but they need to be loved so badly)#SOMEONE LOVE HAWKS DAMN IT#Haha I love hawks though he’s like welll shit I kind of forgot about my mom I hope she got out ok and Dabi didn’t murder her oh well#Shit happens wow this is a nice apartment maybe I’ll sublease this thing#Make back some of the money she made SELLING ME TO THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT#*deep breath* I’m getting rambling over here
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*downs coffee like a shot* Before we go back to our regularly scheduled Linktober/Linktober Shadow (because I don't leave things unfinished if I can help it), I gotta get the idea of Revenant First out of my system and y'all get to suffer with me until it eventually ceases being an idea and it turns into an actual story. For some reason we talk a lot about First already being alive or already a ghost by the time the Chain meets him, but I don't think I've ever heard someone talk about him actually coming back to life and so y'all get to suffer with my insane ramblings like I'm an 1800's psychic ward patient who believes themselves to be a witch.
Can be x Reader or not idk just an idea that won't leave my mind.
Might expand on this later so Part out of I/?
Revenant First, who died for his people and in the name of his Goddess. All alone on the surface, fighting, fighting, fighting, always fighting. Just to make the land a little safer before the next hero arrives, just to contain the Imprisoned for a little while longer with likely nothing than a ordinary, common sword to his name and a slowly rusting armor.
Always giving so so so much for his people, always doing his best to protect them, though they scorned him, loathed him, didn't believe or support him, rejected him.
With a spirit so strong and lovely that a Goddess fell for him, hated herself for having to manipulate and put him through such horrid experiences just to save the many, just to turn the diamond of his soul into an unbreakable lonsdaleite blade agaisnt a mad deity.
Someone whose will would be enough to keep him going, just one more fight right? Just one more kill right? Forward, forward, ever onward, it doesn't matter if the flesh decays, if the blood drips drips drips until he is dry of it, if the liver doesn't process nutrients, if the lungs don't draw air, if the nerves feel nothing but the cold cold numbness of the winter of his final years, if the heart doesn't beat. If the armor rusts or the sword breaks. He must keep going, he must keep fighting.
To keep them safe he must have faith, faith that he can keep going, to grasp onto that one.single.thread of purpose until the day that fiery, indomitable, determined will finally burns out. Even if his Goddess may have forsaken him knowingly or unknowingly, even if his people have rejected him to the point he isn't even human anymore, even though they reviled him, even if that rejection should by all intents and purposes chained his spirit to the land or ground the jewel of his unbreakable soul into dust, he still loves them, still adores them, still wants to protect them.
No matter how long he must keep going for it. He wishes to see those he holds dear happy, though they cursed and imprisoned him once.
The Chain getting dropped into a completely empty, desolated and undeniably dead version of Sky's Hyrule, only to find the only living thing besides monster is a single man, with rusted gold armor and an old sword, a faded tunic of green with a long, crimson scarf like a bloody banner. With hair and eyes like theirs, undeniably a Link. But so very frigid, so very silent they almost didn't notice him, that they can't help but wonder just how many years he has spent there, eroding away, ruined but still kind, kind, so very gentle. A shadow of his former self, yes, but still himself, still so so so good, doing all he can until Sky's Era comes and maybe, just maybe, he can finally rest.
Or maybe not, after all, someone has to keep the land safe until the Hero after Sky comes around, no?
Just Revenant First in general.
Or maybe we give him the House in Fata Morgana treatment, the House in Fata Hylia Au if you will- *collapses from sleep deprivation*
#linked universe headcanons#lu first#lu fic idea#Revenant First#lu first x reader#maybe? it's mostly just an idea lol#might expand on this later lol#Also knows as what happens when Summer is sleep deprived while doing essays takes a break by listening to The House in Fata Morgana OST#and suddenly gets First in the brain lol#still have way too much First Hero on the brain that man deserves the world but at the same time I want to put him into Situations lol#Feral Revenant First being protective of the Chain my beloved#Sky being so confused because Fi at the same time recognizes the man and has just started lowkey crying and screaming in chimes#Twi Wind Hyrule and Time not knowing wether to be morbidly intrigued or horrified because he registers as both dead and alive to them#Meanwhile First is just chilling#doing his own thing and probably bonding with Wild over 'Being Dead but Got Better'#Probably doesn't even register he shouldn't be moving anymore after taking a stab to the heart or something lol#if we want to make an X Reader kind of thing then it's literally his love for Reader which also allows him to keep going#alongside sheer force of will and determination#Michel and Giselle vibes ya know? lol#Wait would that make Hylia Morgana? Or could it be Demise or something? Eh#I dunno might expand on that later/write out that Au later on as a self indulgent thing#Anyway for now ya'll get this until I am finally not swamped with literature/language essays and fistfighting sleep deprivation#Summer Writes#Summer Writes Linked Universe Headcanons#Summer's Sleep Deprived Headcanons
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okay fINE i'll just say it!! i miss fandom!!
#i know i'm still like. AROUND. but it's different#ofc it's different#idk man#things don't click and clack in my brain the way they used to#which is probably a good thing all things considered bc we were in a bit of a pickle mentally there for a hot minute#but goodness gracious i miss the community of it all and the freakouts and the emotional meltdowns over Some Guy(s)#it was FUN#it IS fun#and there is nothing saying i can't reblog shamey stuff whenever the fancy happens to strike me#bc it is not that serious and it ultimately doesn't matter what i do bc life is just one small blip in the grand oblivion of it all#but i feel like making a french exit and then swooping back in is a bit of a weird move lmfao#anyway#this is all to say that i'm thinking about them today#i'm thinking about their love and their story and the way that they were literally the blueprint and completely unmatched on all levels#and it's driving me a little mad#maybe i'll make some gifs#we'll see where the day takes me#okay that's all goodbye
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There's pieces of media that alter your brain chemistry and then there's pieces of media that rearrange you on a molecular level
#this is about#Frankenstein#again#classic lit#sorry but it's nearly 5:30 am and im biting and screaming about the whole Prometheus business#and how much it FITS BUT ALSO DOESN'T#Victor WISHES he had a modecum of Prometheus's swag#but in a non joking way -> It makes sense he uses Prometheus as a descritor for what he's doing. creating a man and all#and dramatic irony dictates that it also fits in the sense that he ends up tortured#but Victor lacks the one thing that made Prometheus's fate tragic#that being the love for his creation(s) . Prometheus made humans and cared for them so much that he went against the god of gods#to give them fire when he saw them struggle in the cold#and wound up paying a heavy price for that good deed#Victor made a man and cast him out INTO the cold the moment he realised the creation wasn't the ideal thing he hoped it would be#Adam is fitting for the creature because Victor by all accounts acts more like god than Prometheus#but point is his fate is as hand made as his creature. a result of choices based on bad assumptions he refuses to ever acknowledge as wrong#compared to prometheus his losses are kind of. well you know the tripping over own bike with a stick meme#anyway disclaimer pls don't take this that seriously as a text analysis- again this is just my 5 am brain going crazy
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never wont lose my mind over Glenn’s choice to frame the scene like this and have Mac pointing towards Dennis before delivering the line “yeah.. that’s the one.” like OK!!! OK!
#macden#macdennis#the beginning of my insane amount of re-watching this show over n over again all began with the 2 week period wehere i did nothing but#rewatch this ep n take notes. it did things to my brain#like glenn rewatching the show pre-s14 rlly shows cuz all the directing choices made in Macden Break Up came very much back into play here#with the Walls... ugh. sunny motifs u kno#ITS SHOWIN THAT DEN IS STILL THE CAT KEEPIN HIMSELF IN THE WALL!!! IT BRINGS BACK A SIMILAR SHOT FROM MACDEN BREAK UP!!#like... dennis FEELS like theres a wall between him n mac. but its invisible. n mac wont just TURN AROUND even tho he knows yeah Dennis..#hes the one! his guy... his LEADING MAN#JUST TURN AROUNDDD#but the thing is there IS a wall n its invisibile so DENNIS cant see how his own insecurity n fear of taking a risk is holding himself back#from what his hearts always wanted.. which is just the same exact core conflict of Macden Break Up... in reality they never addressed that#problen so this ewas a smart way to bring it back around before we open up our Real macden storyline in s14/s15...the Set Up.. the Act i...#parker posts
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hello! i would love to hear the rant about PET scans :3
Holy shit so okay I'm in the train for the next 20 minutes, and I _know_ that's not enough time to get into all of it, but I could rant about this for hours, so. Maybe we cap this at 20 minutes. [20 minutes later] Okay so I wrote a huge wall of very boring text that barely started getting into it, so let me provide way less detail, actually:
It is massively expensive. A PET scanner costs a lot. And it's not a one time purchase, and then you can do scans, no, you wish. You also need some very expensive equipment to create radioactive tracers (which are what is used to do a PET scan) on site, because that stuff needs to be created fresh (under an hour) before every scan. To create the tracers is ALSO incredibly expensive. A single PET scan costs multiple thousands.
This also means that PET research makes use of as few participants as possible. A study with 15 participants is considered big. You simply cannot infer from 15 participants to the whole population. This also means that, statistically, it is highly likely that you don't find an effect even though it exists - meaning if your PET study looks for the effect of A on B, it is highly likely that it will find that A has no effect on B even though it does - simply because you didn't have enough participants (if this explanation doesn't make sense, let me know, and I can explain in detail)
This, together means, that an absolutely absurd amount of money is used for research that, by design, will not find results, because to find results, they would need more participants and even more money.
Because scientific publishing is a shitshow at the moment, research that doesn't find results very rarely gets published, especially not if you can't even be sure whether the result is right. So absurd amounts of money put into research that doesn't even get published.
And I haven't even talked about the results they did find and issues with them. Don't ask me to explain those. Don't tempt me to put hours into writing a multiple page essay that nobody will read.
So, in conclusion: PET is an absolutely amazing feat of engineering that is magnificent in detecting cancer and with it we could learn so. Much. More about the brain and how it works. But to do that, a lot of the basic organisation of how we do science would first need to change. Many labs would have to collaborate and be okay with making the collected data openly available, so appropriate sample sizes (=numbers of participants in a study) can even be achieved (Here's a paper on that). That probably won't happen, though.
Now, obligatory note: one of the professors who taught me about PET is a man who wrote an extremely controversial paper about exactly this stuff, despite also using PET in his research. If you like niche drama in science, look into this paper and all the articles that are responding to it.
#answers#thank you so much for the question!!!#i tried to not go into too much detail and still make sense but let me know if I should explain something better!#don't get me wrong. PET is amazing. we could learn so much with it#but also. i could not do PET research with good conscience because currently it is a waste of a shitton of money#god I wish though. it is such an absolutely cool method.#like - you can look at fucking dopamine. straight up. not just at brain activity but the actual neurotransmitters!!!#that's cool as hell!!!!!#I fucking dream of that being possible and also FEASIBLE#damn reading over this after I hit post and reading 'let me provide WAY less detail actually' and then a long ass post#me @myself: damn man you gotta take your adhd medication#also if you click one of the last two links. I know my profs name is very... unfortunate.#please don't mention his full name in my notes though. i don't want him to google his name and find my tumblr or something#personal#neuroscience
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tbh out of the games I’ve played all the way thru thus far (0, 1, 2, 3) I think y3 is by far the strongest in regards to kazumaji content/implications, at the very least when it comes to majima’s feelings and displays of affection and whatnot. like. it’s legitimately hard if not impossible to adequately explain some of majima’s actions in this game as anything other than being out of way-beyond-platonic love for kiryu and it makes me want to slam my head against a wall and scream
#like this whole game just has dramatic example after dramatic example of majima going way above and beyond for him#saving him when he doesn’t even know he needs it- being there for him despite him being too stubborn or prideful to ask- pulling big stunts#using basically all of the men under his command just to greet kiryu and show him respect and eventually a good time-#it’s implied that it’s a widely known rule to majima’s men that kiryu is to be helped in any way necessary by them#majima gets between a rock and a hard place politically/in clan dealings and regardless of what option would’ve maybe been the safest for#him or most profitable he sided with kiryu. when he got framed kiryu knew he was being framed because he knows majima would’nt betray him.#kiryu tells him to look after daigo as his right hand man long-term and he does. kiryu tells him to stay back in kamurocho and keep the#entire Tojo clan in check and he does. no questions asked.#can you imagine majima being so soft and pliant with literally anyone else as to basically go ‘I want to go down there and help you directly#and I think that’s what you need but ah well I know you’re stubborn so I’ll just do whatever you want me to do’#with literally anyone else#the mad dog himself just. rolling over like that. instead of arguing for what he wants if not Taking it#god they make me insane#this game is doing things to my brain#yakuza 3#y3#kazumaji#goro majima#kazuma kiryu
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trying to write a pair of twins that are 1 girl and 1 boy and realizing it's just rin and len 2.0:
#delete later#ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAKJHSKJHK 😭😭😭😭 what vocaloid will do to your brain#i was thinking abt lucian and luna again and if i did take potential story developments LITERALLY ITS HAKJFDKIJLKMLDF#luna even has a fuckign bow in her design too ARE YOU GODDAMN KIDDINGSH ME AHRIUO8TYIJ. MY FUCKING SUBCONSCIOSU ARE JRDKHKL;L#screaming. YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#i do try to have variety in the way i portray sibling relationships obv like some get along better/worse than others etc#but man. VOCALOID DOES IRREPARABLE DAMAGE TO YOUR BRAIN HSKDJH I CAN NEVER BE IN PEACE#funnily enough i was also thinking abt a scenario w/ gekiyaku & kazehiki and in THAT case its a weird fucking. reverse#cause i was like 'wait this is just lucian & luna's story all over again' SO. HUH.#in that case i think potentially its just i keep fuckign reusing the same shit tropes over and over again GODDAMMITTTT 😭😭😭😭 FUUUCCKKKK#IM SORRY IM PREDICTABLE HKJNK 😭 i just. some tropes hit so much fcking harder than others personally idk#my mentally ill brain gravitates towards certain things b/c i have certain issues ig i am A Tad Bit Messed Up 😔✌️
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trying to keep telling myself "you are a little baby learning this language for the first time, be patient with yourself" but OUGHHHH i don't understand how to learn another language... I fear that I may be no good at this,,, also I am so impatient with learning new things aheemheem whimper
#i gotta learn it though... do my part in keeping it alive and also do it for my relatively recent ancestors who were not allowed to speak it#and who lost out on learning the language because of the government#and also for ME because i want to feel better connected to my culture and less like an imposter#i think one of the best ways to embrace and surround yourself with a culture is to learn the language#im trying so hard to not be just like. connecting a direct line btwn english and m.ichif but im not entirely sure how to learn it otherwise#i am just trying to take it one step at a time and put it in my brain without tying it directly to english#but man. this is me learning like five entirely new skills all in one go#hmm actually i wonder if there are books on how to learn a new language... perhaps i can look into that tomorrow or over the weekend#dandy.cmd#vent //
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Hiyori is the most effective person to complete their kill so far
#kid is having flashbacks over struggled breathing and silence its so over.... omg that was so good.....#nvm kid has TWO women on his crew... he is on par with luffy now... law... 👁👁#omg her arm is broken..... THE BONES???? jesus#good technique but what is law cutting..... now thats something else big mom..... damn... cant law shambles kid out of there.... poor man#oh that was a good one law.... but kid is OUT also WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT SWORD GOING????? he is getting haki punched all over the body...#and what does that do law.... what the hell.... oh i was thinking that..... goodbye big mom.... funny how all of the big guns have been yee#ed of the island.... also wdym to be continued.... goddamn. well next episode then#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1066#i have been saying kid should have repelled her out of the island 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ can't help it if my brain is so big..... well nvm...#big mom saying they like her.... jusg like kaido said to luffy akdhsk#oh jeez soul pocus.... oh nvm CORA INSPIRED ATTACK????#yamato be careful omg.... fuck it kanjuros fire thing is dying hell yes.... BIG MOM OUT!!! HELL YES!!!!! 67 children orphaned just like tha#also who was the brave soul that asked roger about hia treasure..... absolute legend.....#wdym you can find the one piece in wano... what the hell is big mom spewing....ohhh i get it i get it.. she found it...#it really is the friends she made along the way.... but she can't see it..... too focused on the lava pit she is falling into...#omg and no one notices because of the silento..... that was such a slay.....#PAUSE. zunisha was a joyboy friend who commited a crime??? how does momo know about joyboy.... the diary?? oden knew??? i forgor#episode 1067#franky got zoro.... no izo noooo....... why..... PRIORITIES!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO WHYYYYYYY!!!!!! IZO WHYYYYYYYY!!!#marco saying he is tried of helping people and will just chill there.... IZO IS DEAD!!!! MARCO????!!!!! if big mom is dead how is zeus stil#drake you better kill that man take izo and run.... why are you playing in a moment like this akdhaksj... girl she is going to kill you#YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! SHE GOT HIM!!!!! SHE GOT HIM!!!! FUCK YES!!!!!!!!! HELL YEAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! FUCK THAT MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!#FUCK YEAHHH HIYORI!!!!!! THE SONG!!!!!#episode 1068#YEAAAH DRAKE GET HIM!!!!! oh shit in the neck....#luffy got eaten again..... oh jesus....#NOT EVEN KAIDO LIKES THE CP0 BUT HE GOT LUFFY!!!! KAIDI REGRETS IT EVEN!!!! EXACTLY!!! izo died trying to get them to stop#episode 1069
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.
#this is not a hot take anymore but i Will be a hater about this#if you're at a concert and you're literally on your phone the entire fucking time#like you can safely say more than half of the gig you were staring at a tiny screen in your hand#the brightness of it burning your brain cells and ruining the enjoyment of ppl behind you#you are not living right#take a few videos!! take a few pics!! but you don't need all of them!! you don't!!#someone else will have it and otherwise you'll have your own fucking memories man!!#maybe perhaps your memories will be more vibrant if you're not focusing on that fucking phone!!#holy shit i'm mad and i know i should let it go bc they can live their lives the way they want#but they're actively making concerts and my enjoyment of them worse#also this is not me hating on younger ppl bc i witness all ages do this#this rant is based off my experience last night standing behind an insane person constantly on that damn phone#rant over
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JQ nation i'm about to kms over this picture
Kind of embarrassed by how persistent this fixation with him is now....I'm not used to it 😭
#idk what it is about him#i know my fics may be misleading but i experience genuine attraction to men so infrequently#i have a lot of baggage with men and have my walls way up now given past trauma#i can only really cope with them in fiction#it feels very weird to be losing it over a man like this lol#it'll take a hell of a lot for me to consider getting involved with one again#this is no shade to JQ either but like#you know when people are like NORMAL hot#like not super model hot which i don't actually consider hot at all#something about him tickles my brain#forever ignoring denying and burying his resemblance to my dad#nttalks
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One of these days when I'm in the right mental space for it I really, really want to post about how incredibly isolating it feels to be neuro-divergent in the pagan community and, at the same time, more or less following a near-reconstructionist path despite how extraordinarily difficult it is because my brain just wired differently so I basically have to fight own instincts and inherent nature in order to practice my religion but at the same time I fight entirely of my own accord because it falls in line with my personal principles and--
#solvi's personal ramblings#it's late for me so today probably will not be that day#but I've been wanting to write a series of posts on this topic and others#because there's an immense feeling of isolation that I deal with in the pagan community that I don't talk about#and weirdly enough I feel like my non-pagan followers on here would understand it a lot more than the broader pagan community likely would#especially my abbilen in the Legend of Drizzt community#but like to put it simply for now I genuinely feel like Kimmuriel and maybe a bit like Drizzt sometimes#especially in my offline social circles#because certain people in my personal life who have grown progressively anti-theist over the years#will actively shit on anyone who believes in or worship anything because in their mind it's all Christianity#and all of Christianity is the Westboro Baptist Church#and on those rare occasions where I do manage to slightly challenge them they give me the Drizzt treatment#'man drow suck they're awful they're just the worst I can't wait to kill them... oh well except you 'cause you're OK I guess'#like because my brain just doesn't work the way other peoples' brains do there are aspects of religion and spirituality I struggle with#so I don't really fit in with the crystal woo crowd but I also don't fit in with most other recon-leaning polytheists#and then I get really actively shat on by anti-theists I know because they can't separate modern ex-Christian baggage#from literally everything else#like it does not compute in their mind that extreme American Christian beliefs =/= ALL RELIGION or ALL CHRISTIANS#and nothing seems to get it through to them and they take everything in bad faith#so I feel very isolated at times because I don't seem to really have a place really anywhere#because my interpretation of religion and spirituality and my ability to practice it will always be different due to my inherent nature#so I'll basically never 'belong' anywhere#I'm gonna join Kimmuriel in the 'I shoulda been born an illithid' thing except I don't know what I should've been born as#I just know that the person I was born as just doesn't seem to fit in anywhere or have a place in the world
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