Today Im gayer than usual. In my defense. I woke up to a message from a pretty girl.

When she calls you dude and you want to call her baby

I'm trying to seduce her and shes under a blanket and it's cold. Unstoppable force v.s. immovable object

The world is terrible.

Alright here me out. If I could shapeshift into any animal, could I technically like. Help repopulate endangered animals? Artificially of course bc ew. But like. Would my animal sperm work as a shape shifter?

I'm frustrated bc my bigoted ass step grandma is coming back to our house and theres a reasonable chance this is going to break up my mom and my stepfather's marriage. And my stepdad isn't perfect and hes not even great all the time. But he was getting a bit better and he cared about us. And this sucks. And my face and mouth hurts because I just had my wisdom teeth taken out. And I'm falling behind in school. And I just wanna cry without making people feel bad that I'm crying.

What I'm realizing now that I'm an "adult" is that all of us kind of thought we'd be dead by 18 and didn't think past that.

Wlw culture is talking to a girl for a week and you already start having stupid day dreams about you guys HGTVing an old house together.

Numbers are made up. The stock market is made up. The economy is made up. It's all imaginary and meaningless. Eat Jeff Bezos

When she sends a dirty message back:

And then followed by face in pillow.

I really hate that as accepting as the Jewish community can be theres some really stupid division. Reform Jews are Jews. Full stop. They're not less Jewish. They're not too assimilated. The Jewish community is stronger when it embraces everyone.

Damn my Roman catholic italian Republican grandparents are going to be real surprised by my queer communist jew ass

“bittersweet ending”

“angst with a hopeful ending”

“ambiguous/open ending”

What's a random interaction with a total stranger that changed you forever? I used to move around a lot and we lived in kind of a shitty neighborhood. The people who lived there where great, but it was next to a really busy street and that made sucky people drive through. And I used to take the bus in my freshman year of high school and the bus would drop me off at the top of the street and I would walk about 2 blocks home. And I passed the same houses everyday.

I used to be really messed up. I'm still not like. Great but back then I was just numb. All the time. And when I walked home I'd just stare at my feet as I walked.

One day one of my neighbors stopped me. I knew the guy sat on his porch everyday but I didn't know him. I was lost in my own head and didn't really pay much attention to my surroundings. One day this guy calls out to me. "Hey I see you walking down the street everyday. You look sad and you never look up. How come?"

And I remember being kind of on guard, to be fair this was a total stranger and this was the same year a man tried to follow me home and a different guy tried to get me in his car. But I'm also an idiot. I stopped. I didn't approach his porch.

"I dont have anything to look up for I guess" we kind of make jokes about emo teenagers but at the time I meant it.

And this like total stranger talked to me for like 10 minutes. Never tried to move closer to me, never tried to get me to come closer to him. He told me about the beautiful things I could look up and see: the sky, the birds, the leaves. He asked me about school, I didn't really think much of telling him where I went to school, pretty much everyone went there. Including this guy I guess like 30 years ago. But he acted like it was special and nifty that we went to the same school. He asked me what classes I liked. He asked me what books I liked. He even asked if I went to church (I don't, I'm Jewish, but even then he said that made us cousins). Then he told me I should probably get going to home and he told me to keep my head up and keep smiling.

While it was like. A really nice moment I cant say it totally changed my outlook instantly. I was still anxious and depressed. I still hated things and felt numb. It's something that I still struggle with. But ever since then when I'm walking down the street I look up. I look at the sky and the clouds. I look at the birds, the squirrels, the flowers. I stare at the trees and wonder about everything they see. And sometimes I smile. Depression makes the world feel so small that you feel like you need to retreat into yourself. And this total stranger helped me open up my world a bit.

I dont remember his face or his name (although I don't think he told me his) and someone new lives in that house. But I hope that guy knows I appreciate that.

Sorry for oversharing. I've just been thinking about this a lot.

You know what. As someone who still accidentally follows those 10th grade friends I haven't talked to in 5 years can I just say past me wasn't good at judging a lot of things. But considering every single one of them immediately understands and fw stupid skyrim memes, even now, means I had good taste in one thing.

Oh to not be chronically ill and have limitations to what I can do in a day

How did yall know you were gay? Was it a crush on a hot video game character that you shouldnt have been simping over bc graphics were shitty back then? Yeah me too.