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Journal of a Seeker
Notes on experiments and lessons as we seek That.
The world calls us Sadhak (साधक). And Sadhana (साधना) is our way.
Vichara (विचारः) means to contemplate in sanskrit. We contemplate on the truth.
तेजस्वि नौ अधीतं अस्तु (tejaswi nau adhitam astu). Let our study be vigorous and effective.
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First three teachers
Our education starts with uttering three Gods - Brahma, Vishnu and Maheshwar (Shiva). This trinity represents the three great forces - creation, maintenance and destruction. Master speaks about a nice simile.
Let’s talk about the vahana of these Gods. Brahma is served by a Swan (hamsa), Vishnu by the great bird (garuda) and Maheshwara by the bull (nandi).
A hamsa represents Discrimination (viveka). Legend says a hamsa is the only being to have the ability to separate water from milk. With discrimination, the student has the ability to be open to learn. She can differentiate good acts from the bad. She learns forever from the world and the nature.
With discrimination and the subsequent ability to learn; she acquires Knowledge. Garuda symbolizes knowledge, it is said that sounds of the Veda emanate from his wings. Equipped with knowledge, the student goes on to do good for the Self and the Society at large.
Knowledge does require a rein, a set of constraints to act. If we look back at the epics, the vilian characters (be it Ravana in the Ramayan or Hiranyakashyapu etc.) had Knowledge. They were hard working and earned their powers through immense penance. Our third ingredient is Dharma, symbolized by nandi. Righteousness is the rein which puts constraints on the use of Knowledge. Dear Student, let your experiments in the world be guided by Dharma, may you be virtuous!
Remember Discrimination, Knowledge and Righteousness as the three corner stones to base your education.
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Ego, ownership and little I
Dear Little I,
You have been thinking a lot about ownership of an object. You say, ownership brings in the liberty to make good changes to an object. Either it improves the object or it improves you. Ownership is essential for progress.
First, you rationalize, if you don't own an object; you will not contribute to it's evolution. It is someone else's responsibility to fix things up. You don’t need to bother. Now, your better half, Ego chimes in. That's so true, why do you want to spend your resources for some Object that you don't own. You could spend those in better ways.
Second, with ownership a liberty to take decisions comes. An ability to decide what should be done, and what not. This power strengthens the Ego. No doubt, the Ego wants to keep running the show. Ego wins this round.
Third, a sense of time makes things worse. You imagine, if you were the owner, you would evolve the object in so and so way. It will make things so much better, everyone in the world will be amazed. They will greet you with respect and shower accolades on the entity, You. Ego up.
Dear self, I challenge you to demonstrate your ownership on any single object in this world. Even, the most intimate inner garment is not owned by you. You don't even have a control on how, where it is manufactured and by whom. For someone, who can't even decide the aspects of his inner garment, it is absurd to even think of owning something else.
Don't give in to the ridiculous affairs. There are a few things you have to offer, by your study or profession. Give it away for free, let the owners bother about evolution. Let your abilities be an offering without any sense of ownership.
Love,
Big I
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Search and seek
Master says the act of searching implies we’re not sure that the object exists. When we search for a key, we never know where it is if at all it is.
Seeking, on the other hand, is an act when the Subject is absolutely sure of the Object. It exists. It exists somewhere there. It exists, for sure, so I have to look for it.
The meaning from an unknown indeterminate to one backed with faith in the latter. While a searcher is clouded with doubt, a seeker rises, driven by the singular determination that she has to find it, understand it and be it.
Seeking is to love, beyond the fuzziness of questions. Be a seeker, my friend.
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Importance
Importance
This is completely in the mind.
We create an image of anything we perceive in the mirror of our minds. We attach various attributes to that images based on the signals we've received from our senses. Next, the intellect gets a chance to attach the judgements and relationships.
Our valuation is a function of this image, attributes, judgements and relatedness. It is not an objective affair, instead it is purely a matter of we valuing our own mental creation.
So guess, where is the goodness for the man who sees the best in everything? It is within, my dear friend :)
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Master says pleasure is not happiness, rather it’s a tiny indication of the vast realm; just like the mirage is not water.
Pleasure is always associated with the 6 *indriyas* (5 sense organs and the mind). And because of that it is affected by the weaknesses of each. It is derived when the sense organs act in the field of their objects. Like everything that has a beginning this feeling of pleasure also ends. It has a cause.
That which is dependent on causes can’t be the reality. It ceases as soon as the causes cease to exist.
Go for the immortal, my love. Let thy eyes be set on the infinite, the cause of everything, the causeless. You will attain it, one day!
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All this fear: of situations, individuals, understandings, relations and possessions is my misunderstanding. It is this *I* which didn’t understand the complete picture.
Master says anything that is finite brings along fear: of loss. Oh mind, concentrate on that which is not finite. That which envelopes every one, and can’t be contained. That is the truth.
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Every action creates an impression (sanskara) and these latent impressions create further actions unconsciously.
That’s the cycle, my dearest! Beware... watch the thoughts, the speech and the physical activities.
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There is a tremendous itch to speak about yourself and your activities. I did this, and that and you know, that led to some more this and that.
There are times when a conversation is just composed of a series of "I did", "I would" etc.. Instead of progressing on a topic, you focus on the individuality and so do the other people involved in the conversation.
Why do you act this way? May be you're holding unto the activities even after they're complete. May be you have unconscious impressions to be different? May be you want to reinforce your thinking behind those actions.
Oh Self, observe your speech.
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Don't cry, don't cry, my love!
No balloon has ever captured the wind,
Nor can the vast sky contain all the stars..
No lake can hold the grandeur of Sun,
Oh dearest, see beyond the reflection!
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Spiritual diary
An excel sheet is available at https://filetea.me/t1swBpohoOjSV2FSGeemmjP5Q
Instructions:
Swami Sivananda - Importance of Spiritual Diary
http://www.chinmayasaaket.org/articles/gurudev/spiritual_diary.php
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Quote
To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
William Blake, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auguries_of_Innocence
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I mustered courage to go dark yesterday, away from the world. Cut off most of the outlets that connect me and the worlds I create.
Mysterious are the threads that bind this body and ego to the world. That mind which helped me cut off the tie is now in a guilt/retrospect mode.
What if the people I love feel upset about my (ego's) activity? Am I not making them unhappy? Am I hurting them?
There is a strong feeling to explain my activity to them.
If I explain, and they hold me back or say something that reinforces my feelings for them; I will be knee deep in mud again. The worlds of feelings have become the weakest point.
Oh mind, please don't break. Hold on to the decision, continue for a while. You are pure, so are your intentions. There is no fear or weakness. Sincerely pray that no body is upset. Let no one be unhappy. May they smile ever!
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We must learn to be very careful in "not burdening others with our philosophies". What is not important to you may be of utmost importance to others.
Practice to hold the opinions to the self. Do not generalize. It doesn't matter if something is congruent to our principles, or non congruent, just smile :)
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Day 2
Emotions bubble up. As long as I am not the emotion, that is I do not identify with them, I see them as parts of a live movie playing on the screens of my mind.
Then I lose the environment, the movies absorbs me. Suddenly everything that I see in the movie is happening to me. I become the subject of the movie and the object of immense pain.
Witness, oh dear! The movie is your creation.
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Day 1
It helps to keep the self busy.
When the inner worlds are in chaos, even the small external world activities gives solace. Strange. May be the mind just needs an object to hold on to; inner or outer doesn't matter always.
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Day 0
I have to get rid of this stupidity. It doesn't seem possible to win against thoughts by indulging in them.
I need to culture the mind, concentrate and bring it back to the path.
No more experiments with the ephemeral world. Curiosity did pay off, in a very painful way. Unbearable are the pack of emotions that follow the curious actions :-/
Reboot. Let's start climbing the wall once again.
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Mantra
मननात् त्रायते इति मन्त्रः
That which liberates on being meditated is a Mantra.
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