Reflecting a bit here as I’m less than a month from my 10 yr anniversary of my first suicide attempt... a lot of emotions have been coming and going and tangling themselves up in one another. It’s so exhausting fighting through so much over the years buts remembering how far I’ve come. While things have not been easy and so much complicated trauma has made things difficult at times, I’m at a point in my life where I never thought I’d be. Now married, a homeowner, newly licensed therapist, pet owner.... things I never thought would be real 10 years ago. I never thought I’d live past 16... and yet here I am a month away from 27. Things still are rough at times but I’m still here. It’s so crazy to think about... This year I want to do something to celebrate/symbolize my anniversary in a positive way. But not sure what...

The saddest moment is going to self harm and realising you have to look for clean skin to cut...

I’m home with my family for Easter this weekend and stumbled across this in our back bedroom. My mom must have not opened it - either that or ignored it. This was where I stored my razor blades and first aid to take care of my cuts years ago. I opened it - because why wouldn’t I - and at the bottom found a blade. It’s been 4.5 years since I’ve cut - which has not been easy at all - but it still sends me into a weird state just looking at it...Thinking of how I could still go right back to it and yet I cant. The thoughts of all of the close calls when I almost cut too deep and the secrets. I know I can’t afford to go back - as hellish as life has been the past few months. But it is tempting

How I’m trying not to relapse right now even though I’m so close with someone pushing me even closer to the edge

hi where can i purchase one (1) pack of mental stability? :)

To whoever loves me next, I’m sorry if I’m afraid of you or if days of flirting turn to radio silence, without warning. I’m sorry if I make you say the words over and over and over until I believe them. (I’m sorry if I don’t believe them.) I will probably spend more time worrying about losing you than I spend trying to keep you. Trouble is, every single time I’ve ever thought something was too good to be true– I’ve been right. Understand, I will know how to be vulnerable with you, but I won’t know how not to regret it. And I have no idea how deep we’ll be into this relationship before I admit I’ve never done this before. Not really. Not in any way that counts. Before I admit that I know how to put my body inside someone else’s but not how to make it beautiful. I probably won’t be easy to love. Too many people loved me badly, I’m not sure I know how to do it right.

Ashe Vernon (via wnq-writers)

John Wick opens a doggy daycare instead of going back to assassin things and everything is totally fine

Remember why you started and don’t forget the reasons.

(via psych2go)

“I’m gonna nap right here next to you.”

It’s okay to take it slower on the days when you’re particularly struggling or have had an especially tough therapy session. No one ever told me that therapy was like a marathon (mostly because I never knew anyone who went to therapy), but it’s a lesson I’ve learned over three years, first-hand. It’s hard and tiring and mentally exhausts you. Don’t feel like you’re doing it wrong if you walk out of therapy feeling more exhausted than when you walked in; it just means you’re putting in the work.

Vivian Nunez, “Working It: Vivian Nunez Shares the Importance of Challenging the Lies You’ve Told Yourself” (via twloha)

I live with anxiety and depression; they’re a part of who I am, how I function, and how I process things. There’s no way for me to separate them from my life and work, which in and of itself is a reality that I do struggle with. I have good days and bad days with accepting their presence in my life and adjusting to it. With work, my anxiety makes me very high functioning, which is not the most horrible thing, but also isn’t the best because it makes it harder for me to notice when things aren’t going well or when I need a break. With life, it means that in certain situations where some can just jump, I need a bridge. I have to practice a lot of grace in my personal life to remind myself that it’s okay if it takes me a bit longer to talk away my fears.

Vivian Nunez, “Working It: Vivian Nunez Shares the Importance of Challenging the Lies You’ve Told Yourself” (via twloha)

Every time we attend a therapy session, take our prescribed medication, get out of bed, shower, eat a healthy meal, spend time with other people, exercise, or ask for help, we are fighting. Each step in recovery is an act of defiance toward our mental illness leading us to hope.

Michelle Stepp, “To Hope Is to Fight” (via twloha)

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