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singularity-paradise · 1 year

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Summary: your ex boyfriend from 2 years ago has returned. Despite wanting to avoid him at all cost it’s impossible when you both share the same friend group. To make things worse, he has come back with a girlfriend.

Pairing: Taehyung x reader ; Yoongi x reader

Genre: angst, fluff, exes to (?), exes au

Warnings: starting with a flashback (again 😭); honestly this chapter is mostly flashbacks of how their relationship was before; y/n being a simp for Taehyung and Taehyung only; y/n is just a sad bitch tbh; a bit of Jimin’s and Yoongi’s perspective and yeah! Oh! Just a little fyi some phrase are repetitive cause they kind of share the same brain 🙄. Mini reunion between Taehyung and y/n at the end of the chapter ( but not really). Next chapter you’ll see the reunion of y/n and Taehyung!

Authors note: honestly I’m not really satisfied but I am? Let me know if I should rewrite this chapter tbh 😭 Also its 6 in the morning so if there’s some typos let’s just ignore that. I’m pretty sure I got them all though so fingers crossed.

Chapters: m.list | 01 | 02 | …..

"I-I don't think I can make it across" You yell as you pay attention to the ground. You're too scared to pay attention to anything else, even the voice of your boyfriend.

You've always been a homebody, you hated being outside, and being adventurous. Well, you didn't have that growing up, so you guess that added onto your lack of courage. And maybe deep down you wanted to try new things, but again, you had no one to share that with.

But Taehyung, your boyfriend, is trying to stop that cycle. He wants you explore the world, and not just with anyone, with him.

"It's okay! I got you" Taehyung yells back but with a more soft tone. He wants you to feel comfortable enough to take a risk. But he also needed you to hear him. He wants to make sure you know that he's got you, no matter what.

"No! You just- you go ahead and have fun. I can just stay back and wait for you" You move your hands all over the place, almost like you're shaking off water. And that was a dumb mistake, as you clumsily began to lose control.

You were standing on top of a rock, and you're not exactly the lightest human being. You're also not very coordinated, so you tend to fall a lot. But Taehyung still managed to convince you to do this, you're still not even sure what this is.

You trust Taehyung. Just as much as you love him. So, you didn't think you'd be feeling scared to the point where you feel dizzy. But here you are, feeling exactly that.

He never did respond to you. Technically, you did tell him to leave so you shouldn't feel mad or disappointed. But, you guess deep down you wanted him to fight for you.

Yup! You're being dramatic again. You definitely need to grow the fuck up.

"Ahhh" you scream as you kick your legs, and move your arms like some crazy person. You felt arms on your waist, and you could have sworn that you were about to get kidnap.

That was until you heard that deep voice, with an adorable laugh. Immediately you felt as ease. He didn't leave you. He didn't.

"You came back!"

"I never left. I'd never leave you"

Those words. It made you feel seen. It made you feel important. You almost wanted to cry, knowing that you have someone who is willing to put with you. It sounds silly, and you know it. But sometimes it's nice to know you're needed or wanted.

That day ended up with you both falling into the water. Well, actually Taehyung pushed you to fall on your own, but you dragged him down with you.

"I'm so going to be sick tomorrow" you laugh as you continue to splash water and throw some towards Taehyung.

"It's okay! That just means that I can cuddle you all night, and never leave your side"

"Gosh. You're so clingy sometimes" You say, even though you love when he acts clingy. It just means he’s not tired of you yet.

He laughs and carries the biggest smile you've ever seen on anyone. The way his eyes were shining, and staring directly at yours. Your heart beat kept rising, you could literally feel your heart beat out your chest. You were head over heels for Taehyung. You were happy knowing that you had found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

"I am. I really am"

You continued to stay in the water for hours, just laughing and playing silly little games. He had brought back the happiness you were so desperately were trying to find.

You were beginning to realize how life is so beautiful when you share it with someone.

Who knew dreams can turn into nightmares?

"Hey, y/n. It's me Taehyung"

Did you hear that correctly? Was your ex-boyfriend really on the phone? It didn't make sense, like at all. Still in shock, the phone slid down your hands, and fell onto the ground. You were in complete shock. This was most definitely not something you had planned happening. You're almost one hundred percent sure, that Taehyung also didn't have this planned.

"Hello? Y/n?!"

Taehyung tried to yell loud enough for you to hear him. He knew that the phone had slipped out of your hands, well because you were quite predictable when it came to reactions. But the yelling couldn't knock you back to your senses. Maybe it was the fact that this did not feel real, this felt more like a dream.

However, it was a dream you wanted to wake out of. This wasn't what you wanted nor needed right now. You were about to go outside and have your friends either hype you up, or maybe make some dumb comment that made you laugh. Either way, you'd take it. But now things took a drastic turn. Your hear a knock on the door, and shivers ran down your back. Immediately, you regained yourself, well sort of. You technically were now more aware of your surroundings, but your mind still felt foggy, and shaky.

"Are you going to show us the dress or not?! I can't promise I'll be nice, but I promise to tell you the truth!" The whine in his voice, yup! It's Jimin. Even though, you technically regained your senses, your mouth felt like it was glued shut. You couldn't let a single word slip out of your mouth.

"Okay! You leave me no choice but to come in there and see you butt naked! Is that what you want?"

Still no reply from you. You were once again in a frozen state, and all the effort to escape this mess was undone. You hear a loud noise, and you instantly knew that Jimin was in fact trying to break in. He didn't know about your current situation, but why was the idea of having him in the room with you making you more nervous? Is it because things could end horrible, and the whole birthday dinner would be ruined or... could it be something else? You just didn't know.

"Dude..what are you doing?" A new voice appeared and you could really differentiate who was who. Your mind was still stuck on the voice that you heard a couple of minutes ago. His beautiful deep voice, you missed it. You missed him.

"Trying to open the door. Duh?" Jimin was questioning Yoongi, rather than actually making a comment. He had that sarcastic tone, like he was answering a dumb child.

Usually you'd laugh to that. Or at least crack a small smile, but it seems like the things that are suppose to make you happy, only make you more sad.

"Why don't you just use the key?" Yoongi spewed back. He was also carrying that sarcasm with him. You just knew they were going to argue about this for days. These two, as much as they loved each-other, they are too petty at times.

At times it feels like Yoongi and Jimin are the exact same person. The only difference was, Jimin had no boundaries and Yoongi at least attempts to be respectful. Although he also has his few bad moments, and ideas.

"There's a key?" A smack was heard and that again brought you closer to your senses but not completely. Why did he say your name like that? And why couldn't you stop thinking about it? You wanted to do nothing but cry. For days, weeks, months or fuck it, years. You wanted to release the very few emotions you've tried to hold back.

"Y/n! Please help! Yoongi just hit me in the back of the head" Jimin continued to plead for your help.

"Yeah, well maybe stop being a dumbass and you won't be smacked" Yoongi's hot breathe, and extreme close proximity to Jimin's ear, lead to Jimin's outburst.

"Snitch" Jimin attempted, again, the key word was attempted to whisper. But if you heard it and there was a door in between you. Then, Yoongi was already planning Jimin's funeral.

You know. You know you're being ridiculous. You're 23 years old, and you're locked up in your room, crying for an ex boyfriend. And it hits you even more knowing that Taehyung hasn't cried for you, or had break downs while he was working like you.

You know that no matter how you're feeling, Taehyung was happy. He beat you. It's not like it was ever a competition, but you know that feeling when you see your ex boyfriend move on, and he seems to be doing better in life than you? It's almost like you were never needed, and instead you were setting him back.

You make yourself believe that you were the problem, even if you weren't. Of course, you had your moments, but who knows. Maybe, you're making yourself a saint, and were actually the reason behind the break up.

God. Some days, you just want to climb onto the highest mountains and just jump right off them. You doubt the pain would ever amount to the one you're currently feeling.

No. You need to get your shit together, and snap out of it. He has moved on, so it shouldn't be hard for you to do the same. But it's just a bit harder when you weren't the one who gave up, the distance never took away the love you had for him. It only increased it.

No. You shake your head, as you try to shake off those thoughts that keep haunting you. It's time to focus on your present self, and the dress that is attempting to cover your flaws. As it turns out the first time you "figured it out" , you had your dress inside out. Luckily there was no one with you, because that was truly just a brain fart moment.

"I-I'm going. I just need to figure out the straps" your voice was a little too squeaky. It was making your entire body cringe. And you hate it. You hate that your voice was tiny; you hate that you're acting like a child when they don't get what they want.

Even when you attempt to fix the straps on the dress, you're moving like a sloth. But you manage to do it, and you couldn't be more sad. It's just... it's too hard for you to act like everything was fine.

See, Taehyung was your go to person. He was the first person that made you feel comfortable in your body. He was the first person who would go out of his way, and drop you off food at work. He was the first person who could read your mind. He knew you. He exposed you to things you've always wanted but never had the guts to try on your own.

And trying on a dress was one of them. You never enjoyed putting on tight clothes. Not unless you were around Taehyung. It's not like you depended on him for a lot of things, and you probably sound like some desperate women who always need a man’s approval. And you don't and aren't.

But Taehyung let you take your time, and never pushed you to do or be someone you aren't. He would always reassure you, take pictures of you, and made sure you are able to appreciate yourself in them.

"Bitch you're slow as fuck! Hurry up!" Jimin's throwing a tantrum again. You hear the stomping and the knocking on the door, and it managed to crack a little smile on your face.

You walked towards the door, not even caring to take a look in the mirror again. Of course, you were afraid of breaking down, because let's face it you were an insecure person. It hit you even more, knowing that Taehyung was going to see you in this very dress.

Your hand grabs the door knob and twists it a little before you actually open the door. You take a deep breathe before you eventually open the door, and let your two stupid friends walk in.

The looks on their faces, made you feel some type of way. You weren't sure if you should be more insecure or if you should be over the moon. It definitely made you more self aware.

"Is it that bad? Or do I look bad?" You're roaming your hands all over your body, almost like you're fixing it up. Even though it's clearly ironed and nothing needs to be adjusted. You're just a nervous mess right now. They're too quiet.

"Oh. My. God. Let's fuck!" Jimin said that with no hesitation. It made you choke the very air, you depended on to live. Your throat was becoming dry, as you continue to cough.

"That's- I was not excepting that comment." You're not sure if you should take that compliment too serious. Well, you know that you and Jimin will never fuck. He just likes to play a lot. But still, you guess you meant if you were even attractive enough to do you know…that.

"Dude! You are so going to make Taehyung's girl jealous" Jimin let's just about anything slip out of his mouth. He even allowed Yoongi to punch him. Not that Yoongi ever needed permission, but he sure did not put up a fight.

"Do you ever just think before you speak? This isn't about Taehyung or his girl. This is about y/n! Which by the way, you look... gorgeous."

"Thanks Yoongi. It really means a lot" You sway your body, as you took in that compliment. Yoongi does compliment you, but it's on rare occasions. And usually you have to ask him, but today, he took the initiative. So you guess, you guess you look decent.

"I'm sorry y/n. I know you are your own person. I just- I didn't think. You look amazing, really! I mean I'd marry you, you know... if I was into you."

Yoongi gives Jimin a "what the fuck" look. But you just end up snorting and laughing like a maniac. Now, they are both giving you a "what the fuck" look.

Now there's tears streaming down your face. You were sad, but those tears weren't sad tears. They were more like, you're grateful to have two friends, who despite being idiots. Are always supporting you, and making sure you feel somewhat comfortable.

"I'm so sorry! Did I make you cry?" Jimin's panic mode, looks like a mother losing a child in a store. It's just hilarious seeing him all stressed out and worried.

"Nice going, dick head" Yoongi says as he rolls his eyes. He was so over Jimin and his stupid comments. He really just wanted to slap tape on his mouth and hope that would shut him up.

"At least I get head"

But Jimin just continued.

"Oh gosh. I'm leaving this conversation" You continue snorting as you walk to the kitchen. You needed a drink or maybe some pills to calm the arising headache you're getting from being in their presence.

"Can you bring back wine, while you're at it" Jimin shouts, as if your apartment wasn't small and had thin walls. He holds a mischievous smile, and you are shivering from the very thought of it. Jimin when he's drunk, is not the best influence.

And you drunk? Well... you're definitely a follower.

You just hope you can wake up for work tomorrow. Or you guess today. You needed a distraction before the stupid birthday dinner. Well, it's not actually stupid. Taehyung is.

Taehyung. How you wish you could turn back time.

Jimin ended up passing out after only one glass of wine. He probably had some earlier, he usually lasted longer than that. As for Yoongi? He was taking pictures of you, and attempting to guide you.

"I think it might be better if you... I don't know, put your leg forward? That's hot. Right?"

"I don't know" you shrug to emphasize your confusion. "You're supposed to tell me that" you laugh, as you see him constantly squint and attempt to find your angle. He is trying his best, and that's all you could ever really ask of him.

You continue to move around, or pose in a way, that doesn't look like you have back problems. Or shows just how poorly you can walk in heels, and apparently standing in heels is also a huge struggle for you.

You almost want to give up. In fact, you should. You know that keeping those photos in your camera roll, will be for no reason. You'll never have the courage to truly admire the details, without having something bad to say about them. And if by chance, you happen to look through your camera roll, you'll wake up with puffy eyes and stuffy nose.

"I mean... you look good" Yoongi hesitated for a while to make a comment, which lead him to stutter. You can see the instant regret and embarrassment all over his face. He even curses under his breathe, clearly ready to leave out the very door he snuck into earlier.

"Thanks" You simply reply, as a small smile plasters on your face. It felt forced but at the same time, you know you wanted to smile. He seemed... somewhat genuine about it. Still, his effort definitely lighten your mood.

"Anyway, I should...probably go" he points behind to Jimin and then the door. "He's drunk and I have work tomorrow. Or I guess today?" He freezes realizing how bad he fucked up. Yoongi takes a while to fall asleep, and now looking at the clock, he knows he'll end up showing up to work, without any sleep. He sighs as if had been holding his breathe in for a couple of hours. He's dreading leaving, knowing that he'll have to leave straight to work.

You understand that in so many ways. In fact, you're debating yourself if you should call out of work. It's not for any particular reason. Okay, you're lying again. It's the pain and shame in showing up in a place, that held so many memories.

Taehyung always felt like you're other half. Literally and figuratively. He was always with you, whether that be in mind or standing right beside you. He would always go with you to work and pick you up, just so you don't encounter some creep. Taehyung was half of your heart. He shared this bond with you, that at times it felt like you were seeing your exact reflection.

But when he left. In a way, he left with your heart and identity. You had no idea who you were without him. Maybe, that's why you decided to not reply back to him on the phone. You were unsure of how to respond to him, without remembering all those memories and words that were floating around your heart. You're afraid of admitting that the man you were talking to, or ignoring was not your Taehyung. It was just a different version of a man you used to or…still love.

God. How did you go from work to missing Taehyung? Your mind sure likes to play games with you. Yoongi is the one standing in front of you. Showing you just how much he cares. You should have the decency of keeping him in your thoughts rather than Taehyung, who is no where around.

"Thank you" You blurt out of nowhere. You kind of scared yourself, to be honest. You weren’t exactly sure where that came from.

Yoongi placed Jimin over his shoulders, grunting as he attempts to keep a good hold on him. But once he hears your voice again, knowing you were deep in thought, he turns around. Or attempts to have a better view of you, just as you of him.

"Don't. Thank Jimin, it was all his idea"

"I will. But I'm thanking you right now"

"Why?" Yoongi questions, clearly taken a back by your hard stance on thanking him.

"You made me forget about him. You made me think of me. I didn't think that was possible, even if it was just for a spilt second"

"You're an amazing person, you should think of yourself more often. Plus, it was you who made it possible"

"What?" You snort as you lean onto the wall behind you. "How? How did I make it possible?" You question him as if there was no possible answer to your question. Deep down you felt like there wasn't.

But he sure finds ways to surprise you. It made you feel all giddy inside, knowing that you still had someone who went above and beyond to make you feel like a little kid again. He made you feel... well, you're not sure if you can accurately describe it. But it sure felt nice.

"It's just easy to compliment and make someone feel special when they already are" he turns back around, as your eyebrows furrow. You were trying to take in his words, and the meaning behind them. It felt like he sprinkled your open wounds, with fairy dust. And the wounds were slowly closing.

He gives you one final look back. "Good night y/n"

"Good night" you whisper as the door slammed closed.

Instantly your body was sliding down the wall. As your brain was rebooting itself, and your tears were streaming down your face. You could feel everything and nothing all at once.

You're special? Like you?

Maybe just to him. Maybe he was just being a good friend, and managed to say the right words. Even when the right words felt wrong, especially the way it took your breathe away.

You stare in front of you. You stare at the broken glass that was left from earlier or yesterday. The glass that was holding up, the picture of you and your supposed soulmate.

And just like the glass, you were scattered on the floor. You were fragile enough to break with one sentence. You were broken enough to understand that no matter how much love and praise you get from others, you'd flip everything, and rain on your own parade. You loved yourself enough to hear those praises, but hated yourself to the point of turning those praises into pain.

Because if you were so damn special you wouldn't be in the place you were in. And he wouldn't be in the arms of someone else.

Even if he called you. Even if he contacted you first. You were always going to be his second option.

He managed to move on. without you.

"Jimin wake up" Yoongi rocks Jimin's lifeless body, well it felt that way anyways. Jimin was passed out. He's not even sure how he managed to do that, especially after only one damn drink.

"Mmm later" Jimin managed to slip out of his mouth, but it still sounded a bit slurred. Thankfully, Yoongi can speak hung over Jimin.

But just like Yoongi can understand Jimin, he knew the only way Jimin would wake up is if someone threw cold water to his face. Well, that or a slap. And because it was Jin's birthday dinner today, Jimin could not have any marks on his face.

Unfortunately.

After a couple of buckets of water thrown at Jimin's face, Jimin managed to wake up. A little bit too much for Yoongi's liking, seeing as Jimin can not shut up.

"I just know it's going to be super awkward, and I'm going to bust out laughing because of it. Like it's already weird enough that's Taehyung is going, but he had to bring some girl he just started dating. Like does he even think of y/n and her feelings like-"

"If you say like one more time, I'm going to strangle you to death" Yoongi interrupted as his head was starting to hurt from Jimin's constant blabbering. He knew that he had good intentions, but it's 10 in the morning, and honestly speaking, just the idea of seeing Taehyung is making him annoyed.

He's also a bit disappointed. He used to be close to Taehyung, but then he had to pull this little stunt.

He still remembers how Y/n had been knocking at his door at 3 in the morning. Her mascara was splattered all over her face. Her eyes were black, almost like she had been in a boxing match and lost, bad. The way her hair was sticking out, and clinging onto the corners of her face from her constant crying.

She looked so out of it. It hurt. It hurt to know that he couldn't protect her, even if he couldn't do anything to prevent her from feeling that heartache.

And the worst part was that Taehyung went mute when it came to explaining why he dumped her.

"Hello?! Are you even listening to me? God. I need a new fucking roommate, I'm amazing to talk to" Jimin didn't pay attention to Yoongi, and the way his face immediately changed.

"Sorry. What did you say?" Yoongi didn't even recognize himself. His tone, his voice. He felt and sounded so weak.

"Dude. Did you just apologize to me?" He points to himself as he stares behind him, in case he missed someone's presence.

This only annoyed Yoongi. He was always annoyed, and he hated it. For once, he wanted to feel okay. He wanted to stop this rage he carries with him. He wanted to feel nothing.

"Yeah? It's no big deal" His annoyance carried throughout his voice. He almost wanted to cry, because of how overwhelmed he felt.

How he hated emotions.

"It is if it's coming from you! You never apologize. Not even when you dropped food on my bed"

"I guess" Yoongi shrugs, as his eyes roll back. It was his way to disguise the tears that wanted to pounce out his eyes. Even that expression felt like too much, but it was just this strong feeling, that he couldn't describe it differently.

Why was he acting like this? He should just act tough, be the man he's suppose to be. Or whatever his father used to say.

"What's wrong?" Jimin questioned, after feeling that tension between him and Yoongi. He wanted nothing more than to hear Yoongi's truth. But he knew that won't happen any time soon or ever.

But he cared. He cared so much that it physically hurt him to see Yoongi like this. And he knew why, or at least deep down he had a feeling.

It was the same reason as his. He missed his old friend. He missed laughing at the same movie, because you guys could never agree on one, and resort to one you watched ages ago.

It was a comfort movie. It was. Until it wasn't.

"Nothing" he shrugs it off. "What's wrong with you?" Yoongi's throws back the question. But he could guess the answer that was going to slip out of Jimin's mouth. It would be the same as his.

"Nothing"

Knew it.

They both stayed quiet. They were used to this, the silence. It was different before, but that was a different time. It was a time where the trio were together, where the trio would do everything together.

See, when Taehyung left and dumped y/n, in a way he also dumped his friends. At least Jimin and Yoongi. They never got an explanation either, so the pain and anger y/n feels, they feel twice as much.

They knew him longer than y/n, but still he didn't act like he did.

And they try to hide it. They try to hide the fact that Taehyung broke their hearts too. Taehyung was their glue in a way. He was the one to convince Yoongi to be a bit more out there and enjoy life. And he helped Jimin understand when it's necessary to act like an adult.

He was the perfect person to put Jimin and Yoongi in their place. The only difference was they both didn't mind it. And when he left. It was difficult for them to help or guide the other one out.

"I missed him" Yoongi wanted to blurt out. He wanted to shout. Taehyung was like his little brother, and when he lost him because he did lose him. He just wasn't ever himself.

But he chose to stay quiet. As did Jimin.

They simply gave each-other a knowing look, as their eyes began to reflect their inner pain. One smile and they went their separate ways.

Sometimes it was better to leave than stay.

Maybe they had more common with Taehyung than they thought.

You woke up with the biggest headache and you knew it was a foreshadow for todays event.

You didn't want to get up. You didn't want to see him, even though you've been waiting for this exact moment since he left.

You even typed up a couple of messages to send to Taehyung before you eventually read them over and deleted them.

You wanted to know what he was going to say, and honestly speaking you would have sent them but you were afraid that it would be at a bad time. Or his girlfriend would see it and blame him or you for it.

You just didn't want to jeopardize Jin's birthday. And maybe you were afraid of the answer you'd get. Maybe it was a mix of both.

Sometimes you wonder if he's the same person.

Has anything changed? Well, apart from coming back and with a partner.

Has he dyed his hair the color he has always wanted? A lighter brown. Although the color sounds plain and quite common, Taehyung loved it. He said he found warmth in that color. He felt it every-time he would see that exact color in your eyes.

Has he been taking the writing courses he was saving up for? He used to walk around the streets holding your hand, showing you places, and making sure to bring a pen and notebook with him. He would bring you a pair as well. That way, you could write down what you saw, and your way of seeing the world compared to his. He wanted to learn a side of you, that only you can see. He wanted to make sure to learn and appreciate your vision.

Has he saved enough money for a car? You remember as you took bus rides to your dates, he would pick up pennies, nickels, dimes, and a couple of buttons because he couldn't see very well at night; and place them in his pocket. At first you were confused but then one day you asked him, and from that day forward, you both got to understand each-other in ways you never thought you could.

"Every-time I see a penny, nickel, or dimes on the ground, I have to pick them up. I know it sounds crazy, and I'm probably thinking too big, but I'm saving them up for two things."

And that's when you would butt in and ask him a very original question, "what are the two things?"

"Well they both involve you. Can you guess what it is?" Taehyung would always throw back a question to you, because he knew you'd get impatient and he found your annoyed face to be the cutest thing to ever exist.

"Come on! Just tell me! You know I suck at guessing. I'll probably just say something dumb too"

And as you went on with your whining, he would stare at you with pure adoration. Almost like he were looking at a cute puppy. He couldn't get enough of you. He didn't care if you or anyone else thought he was being extra or sappy, he just wanted to admire you every day.

"Well... okay! One is for a car"

"A car?"

He nods his head. "Yes! A car." He continues to admire your face, the features on your face were so perfect.

"That's great! I have a couple of coins that I can give you! It's not a lot but it's a step closer to reaching your goal. But wait, you said it involves me. How?"

"Well… honestly, I just want to be able to take you on dates without having to embarrass you. I know dating someone who uses a bus as a transportation isn't cool, so.. yeah."

"Woah. Slow your roll there buddy. Do you really think I care if you do or don't have a car?"

"No, I know you don't but I care. I mean I just- I see couples, where the guy picks them up in their own car, and takes them out and stuff. And all I can offer you is a bus ticket." He scoffs. "I want to give you what you deserve"

"Taehyung you've given me more than what I deserve. I mean I have you, and I clearly do not deserve you. And I didn't date you because of what you do or don't have. I'm with you because I know your heart, and I know that if I'm ever feeling down, you'd be there besides me, holding and making me feel better"

You can't see it because you're talking with so much speed and emotion. But something flipped in Taehyung's heart. He felt this urge to get on his knees and ask you right there to be his forever. He felt this urge to let you know, that if anyone doesn't deserve anyone, it's him. He didn't deserve you.

He didn't.

"You do all this without a car. You do all this without asking for anything back, even though I know I have a lot to repay you but-"

Your mouth was shut with a kiss. Taehyung had been hearing every single word that came out of your mouth, and each one touched his heart. He felt like he won a lottery, finding someone like you. And he knew that if he were to ever have to let you go, it would be one of the most excruciating pain he's ever felt.

You shake your head as you try to snap out of that memory. You don't even want to think of a time where you felt like you were going to be together for a long time.

You didn't even get to hear his second choice, if he were to save enough money.

It didn't matter anyways, and it shouldn't. It's been two years, so these random memories and past feelings should have been out of your system a long time ago.

You take a quick glance in the mirror, and get up with speed. You decided that today was it. Today was going to be the last day you cry and think of Taehyung. Because if you don't, you'll grow up old and sad.

And it feels stupid when you think of it. But maybe then you would convince yourself to let go. After all, today isn't your day, it's Jin's.

That old man is getting older and you need to appreciate his friendship and your other friends, before time passes by and you lose them too.

You've clearly been distant from them for a while now. You stopped going out with them, and meeting up with them in general. You always seem to use work as an excuse, and of course they never commented on it but they knew. They knew you were just drowning in your sadness.

But like you said, today was the last day. You're going to be more productive now. You'll fold your blankets, and fix up your bed. Maybe even clean your room a bit, since it looks like a tornado hit.

Your life was starting again today.

It only took a couple of hours, but you managed to clean your whole apartment, and just thinking about it makes you want to tear up. You thought for sure, you'd give up half way through cleaning, like you always do.

But for some reason, you didn't today. You accomplished something on your own, with no help. And it made you feel proud? happy? Maybe both. Because for the first time, you didn't rely on someone, and maybe you're over exaggerating, but for once you didn't care.

You were trying to let your emotions be valid.

Of course. You’re worse than today’s weather. You kept changing your mind. Because just like that, your happiness turned into nervousness.

You took a quick glance at the clock on your wall and it was time for you to get ready. You suddenly feel a slap to your face, as you're wanting nothing more then to call your two friends over.

So much for being independent and not needing to rely on someone anymore.

You walk towards the kitchen table, because you remember that was the last time you had your phone. And unknowingly form a pout, when you realize that your phone was indeed not anywhere near the kitchen area.

You sigh as you scan all over the rooms, under the couches, and even cross your fingers for someone to text or call you. But your phone is drier than a desert. And that was no where near an exaggeration, because it was the truth. its your fault though, you never answer peoples text or calls.

A knock on the door was heard, and you just knew that Jimin was behind that door. You also knew that he probably brought extra clothes, like some tights that would look "sexy" on you. Because Jimin likes to think that tights go with everything. And he also just has a weird obsession with tights if you really think about it.

Or worse, he's brought an even sluttier dress, because he just thinks that if you wear something slutty, you're automatically not sad anymore.

To be honest, the logic is there. Just not when it involves someone as insecure as you.

You also don't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing your shocked face as you open the door, so instead you yell, "the door is open come in!" And continue searching for your damn stupid phone.

You decide to go back and check the kitchen one more time, and funny enough it's sitting right where you first had left it. You really need to get your eyes check, it's started to getting embarrassing.

As the door opens, you look through your messages and see one message from Taehyung. You debate if you should open it as your finger is placed right on top of the message. But instead choose to place your phone down on the counter and shut it off.

"I would have thought that the second time was going to work. I guess that’s why they say the third time the charm"

That voice. That bad humor. That deep awkward laugh. That feeling in your heart, when you think of him.

"Taehyung?"

taglist: @bjoriis @btsbangers @kimxhanbin131 @got7usernames @gotjimin13 @laylasbunbunny @rjsmochii @jhopeshopee @taeriffic @shydestinyyouth @tarahardcore @bloodline1632 @turnthepageandbeburnt @starbtslove

#reminder to read later

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singularity-paradise · 1 year

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Links:

↳ mood-boards

↳ m.list (missing some)

↳ fic recs (tba)

Works in progess:

↳ currently working on: Idek I’m suck 🙃

↳ recent update: I loved you jk.3

Updates:

I write through inspiration not a schedule! It might take a while before I update but I will still end up updating. I also make sure to post/make announcements if anything does change. But still thank you so so much for your patience 💜 I also post everything I’m currently working on- on here.

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singularity-paradise · 1 year

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I LOVED YOU | JK.3

Summary: being friends for 10 years means nothing, especially when he betrays your trust so easily.

Pairings: Jungkook x reader; Taehyung x reader

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to (?)

Warnings: straight off the bat, it’s a long introduction (sorry!!); y/n is straight up throwing up emotions ( mostly sad ones); Taehyung is being the sweetheart he is but also being more bold..; y/n not having a backbone but attempting to have one; Jungkook is Jungkook. ANGST and more ANGST.

Authors note: hey everyone! it’s finally posted after a month of waiting (maybe a bit more). I’m so sorry for the wait, but I finally finished my midterms and should be able to post more frequently; without waiting for a long period of time. This is a very angsty chapter, and contains a bit of each characters story, which I think it’s important and necessary to see how it shaped them to be the way they are. Anyways, hoped you enjoy it!! Also it’s 2 in the morning for me, so please ignore the spelling errors and typos. I tried to find every single one of them so hopefully there’s none!!

Masterlist | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04

It’s funny the way the world works. It really is. It’s like you have this amazing guy in front of you, who genuinely cares for you, and makes sure to show it. And then you have an asshole right next to him, but still try to find some good in him. And like the dumbass you clearly are, you fall for the asshole.

Maybe it’s the way you grew up, or maybe you just don’t know how to choose wisely. Frankly whatever the answer is, you need a solution to it. You hated feeling this emptiness, and heaviness in your chest. You hated seeing the way, he falls for girls so easily, but you’re almost invisible to him. He moves right past you, to follow the girl behind you. His eyes never match up to your eyes, and he never once was attentive to your feelings, and body language.

You were always quite open about your feelings. Not always verbally, but your body sure did talk for you. Maybe that’s why you felt more disappointed, when he claimed to ‘not know you were feeling that way’.

“I’m so stupid” you mutter, afraid a stranger that was passing by heard you. You knew you’re already getting a few stares, and you cared, you cared too much. You immediately felt your throat closing, as you hold back all the emotions that you were feeling in that moment. The pain was unbearable. It felt as if they were tearing your insides, and you were slowly shutting down.

You take your phone out of your back pocket, and look at the lockscreen. The picture of you and Jungkook, when you were both in a Hawaii, celebrating your job promotion. He had it all planned out, and it was the most beautiful and ridiculous moment you’ve loved to relived.

For many reasons, actually. For one, it was one of the few times you’ve both genuinely interacted with one another. He only paid attention to you, well of course a few girls caught his eye. A few caught yours. But he wasn’t purposely trying to find them, and leave you behind. He was making dumb jokes, as you both had your daily walks. He would carry you, when you would get exhausted after a couple of minutes of walking. He would embarrass himself, when you felt too insecure to step out of your room. He would do the most to make sure you felt secure, loved, and cherished.

But that all changed. He changed. And with that so did your friendship. But when your friendship changed, it’s like people were desperately trying to see it for themselves. Because every time Jungkook would ditch you, flat out embarrass you, there was always someone watching your humiliation.

You instantly examine your surroundings, and attempt to find a hidden spot for you to let it out. A great sob escaped your lips, and you covered your face with shaking hands.

You bawl your eyes out, as your knees are pressed against your chest. You’re rocking like a child in its crib, and it’s almost scary to see yourself. Which is why you choose to not do exactly that.

Your phone buzzes, and you’re afraid to look at the screen. Because in that process of answering you’ll see your lock-screen again. And there is only so much you could bear. But then again, you got a ride from Taehyung, so maybe this was a way for you to get a ride home. Although you don’t want anyone to see you in this state.

“Hello” your voice comes out shaky, and you want to curse yourself out for not being able to hold still for a mere second.

The person on the other line was clearly taken aback from your voice crack, and your sniffling. You almost want to make another comment, but you’re unsure if your voice would cooperate with you this time. So you decide to wait it out, and hope it’s sooner than later.

“Hey y/n, are you okay?”

Well are you? No. But you don’t want him to know that. Even though you’re sure, he knows something is up.

You instantly knew who it was. Taehyung. God, why is he so damn nice? Why does he makes this so much harder for you? It’s not his fault, and you know this. It’s not like you’re trying to put the blame on him, but he’s exactly what you want to see in Jungkook. Attentive and caring. But since Jungkook isn’t like that, it makes you wonder, why him? If you so desperately want someone like Taehyung, why haven’t you fallen for him?

It’s your damn heart, that likes to play games with you. What other explanation is there for you to be acting like a damn fool. None. But as you’re mentally speaking to yourself, the silence on your side of the phone call makes him speak again.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt or bother you, but I never got a message back from you, and I was worried about you. I just want to make sure you’re safe” his voice is soft and almost careful, as he makes sure to not say something that could potentially cause you more pain.

You don’t know this, how could you. But Taehyung was across the street, looking at your fragile state. He witnessed everything, and he can’t help but blame himself once again. Why does he keep letting you go with him? He knows how he is, and yes, so do you. But for some reason, you’re filled with an enormous amount of love for him, that it cancels out all the bad. Well, not all the bad, but enough for you to keep letting him in.

“Yeah.. I’m-I’m just getting ready for bed” You stutter as you spit out a random excuse. It’s like you were trying to get caught up in your lie. You bite on your lower lip, to prevent any noise to come out of your mouth.

It breaks his heart seeing you so bravely hide your pain. Because it was brave the way you attempted to shield your pain, the pain Jungkook caused you.

“Y/n, I’m in no way trying to overstep any boundaries, and I understand you don’t want to speak on this matter, but can I just say something really quick?”

You really don’t want to hear it. But you need to.

“Yes” You inhale and exhale, as you try to compose yourself to be fully prepared to hear his comment.

“You are a gorgeous and strong woman, despite the fact that you like to claim you aren’t. And I understand that it’s because of personal reasons, but I’m telling you as a friend, you are every thing I have described. So I just want to ask you, would you prefer an Uber, or me to pick you up”

He’s sure you’re confused, especially in the way he set up his comment; but frankly speaking, he was just trying to remind you of who you are. And asking for help, isnt going to make you less of that. Asking for help, won’t make you weak, or whatever negative perspective you have on that.

He just wanted to remind you of his presence in your life, as a friend. Even though, he wished it more of than that. He still appreciates and accepts that he’s just a friend.

You couldn’t help but ignore the comments he made before, even though they are imprinted in your mind and heart. “What do you mean pick me up?”

He takes a deep breathe, and simply says, “You don’t have to tell me what happened, or even speak to me. But I know you’re not home y/n, and I really don’t want to intrude, but I’d hate myself more if you walked home at this time, then knowing you could have a secure ride”

“How do you know that” you looked left and right, and even in front of you to see if you could spot him. And you couldn’t, which lead you to be more confused. Because how exactly did he know this?

It terrified you to know that Taehyung could have possibly witnessed this all go down. Especially considering the fact that you ditched him for an asshole. You left a good man behind for Jungkook. And it was embarrassing to admit how heartbroken you are because of that decision.

But Taehyung always knows what to say. Taehyung always know how to make you feel seen.

“I know you”

You break down. You don’t attempt to hide it anymore, because you so miserably want someone to hear you. You want someone to push you into their arms, and never letting you go. You want to be suffocated in their arms. You just needed someone by your side.

“You’re probably going to hate me for this… but I’m on my way”

The call got cut off. As you continue crying, you’re exhausted. Your body was beginning to run out of tears, and it was making you feel sleepy. You wanted nothing more than to be curled up in your bed, with the warmest blanket you have. You wanted nothing more than to be away from the world, and people, and just anything that had to do with you being anywhere but your house.

You almost want to take a small little nap, right where you were sitting. It’s just going to be a minute, right?

Your stop fighting the urge to keep your eyes open, and curl yourself into a ball, to provide more warmth. It’s not like anything else could possibly go wrong, so why not sleep outside in the cold? You must have been either way too exhausted or stupid, maybe a mix of both. Because it was way too dangerous for you to be acting like that.

But then again, you haven’t been able to fall asleep because of all the late night driving you’ve had to go these previous weeks. Having to pick up Jungkook from his drunken state at parties, or hookups. Which have added onto your emotionally drained state.

“Mhm” comes out of your mouth, as you felt an arm of your waist.

“It’s okay, I got you” Taehyung whispers, as he carries you over his shoulder and once he is close enough to his car, he places you gently in it.

Your in the front seat, gently buckled up. He looks over his shoulder, to catch a quick glance of you. He can’t help but smile to himself when he sees your mouth slightly open, and small snores coming of your mouth.

“I’ll take care of you. I promise”

He drives off while he has one arm holding onto your seatbelt. He wants to make sure, you aren’t awaken by your body moving slightly forward, as he goes through speed bumps.

He’s not sure what’s overcome him, maybe it’s the way you looked at peace in your sleep, or maybe it’s the way, he desperately wants to spit out his emotions, without you actually hearing it, but he whispers something that he’s held on for too long.

“I like you y/n. I think I always will”

“Hey! You over there, pass me another beer”

Jungkook is slurring on his words, and his balance isn’t as strong as it was in the beginning. He kept placing his hands under the chair, to prevent it from moving too much and have him fall off his seat.

He felt like he had no other option but to go to the closest bar. He wanted to drown himself with beer, instead of drowning himself with guilt and sadness. But it seemed like the drinks were making worse, at least after they settled in.

“Sure buddy, but I’m going to need your car keys if you want to keep drinking”

“Just take it” he places the keys on the counter and slides it closer to the bartender. “My friend will pick me up” he takes another sip, after the man passed him his precious alcohol.

“If she still considers me that” he spits out, as he vigorously shakes his head. He laughs at himself, as he feels a burn down his throat. He doesn’t want to continue swallowing, but he feels as if he deserves every single ounce of that burning sensation.

“Okay…buddy” the bartender said, as he moved on to the next lonely, or heartbroken person in the bar.

He’s not sure why bars exist, they just turn people into alcoholics. He should know. He’s slowly becoming one himself. He hates every single thing about that addiction, as it made him more like his father. And he wanted to be nothing like that man.

“Hey, my friend was wondering if you’d interested in possibly having a threesome with us” she bites her nails, attempting to be sexy. It’s almost disgusting the way she was throwing herself at you.

Normally you’d be all over that, but right now you felt like complete shit. You weren’t even a bit turned on.

“I’m good” you waved her off, as you kept asking and sipping on your drink. You decided to was time for a stronger drink. You wanting to clear your mind, erase your memories, and the words that slipped out of y/n’s mouth.

“Are you sure? It’s going to be both of us… naked”

Is she dumb? She must be. You clearly said no.

“Yup, I’m sure. Now if you don’t mind, I’ll like to be alone. And not bothered”

“Whatever, it’s your loss!” She storms off, rather dramatically. But not without having poured a drink on your face.

“Mm. Guess I deserved that too”

You don’t attempt to clean yourself off, even when the bartender hands you a rag. Honestly, you did deserve all this and more. You’re not even sure why you treat y/n like crap. She’s… amazing, and has such a big heart.

It’s kind of scary, if you think about it though. She’s too nice. It almost makes you second guess everything you do, and if you should be doing it in the first place.

Y/n’s like a moral police, and although it’s cute and kind of dorky. It’s also unbearable. Those high expectations that she has, takes a toll on someone like you. You’re not perfect; you’re quite flawed. Anyone can see that. But she insists that you aren’t, and well you can’t help but try to show her that she’s wrong.

It’s not about being stubborn, it’s about being realistic. You’re flawed, so what? Is it that hard to admit. It’s silly really. This is all silly.

“Well…you look like shit” you heard right next to you. It sounded like a man, or maybe a woman with a very deep voice.

You laugh once you hear that accurate observation. Because you knew that you looked like shit. You’re covered in alcohol and guilt. You’re almost positive that you stink too.

“It’s been a shitty day” you respond without thinking too much about it. You don’t turn to look at who’s speaking to you. Instead, you bring your glass closer to your lips. You needed the taste and smell of alcohol. It helped you forget—some things— and it also makes you feel numb—at times. You make sure to close your eyes to savor every single last taste of it.

Okay, this isn’t working. He needed to see her, and he needed to see her now.

You place a 100 dollar bill on the table, and don’t take a single glance in front of you nor next to you.

But as you’re about to walk away, you feel an arm on your shoulder.

“Listen, I already told someone to fuck off. I don’t mind doing it again”

“Well, why don’t you give it a try”

Seriously? That’s just a dumb, and childish response. And you want to let it go, you really do. You wanted to be a better man— person— for y/n. She deserves to see that side of you, the side she so openly speaks of. Despite not having seen it for a couple years now.

“Listen, I’m not trying to be involved in this childish drama” you say with sincerity, but also with an eye roll that couldn’t be stopped.

“It’s too late for that. You’re the one who started this childish drama” the person angrily says, as he sends spit onto your cheek. It wasn’t intentional though, his anger just got the best of him, and therefore salvia went flying out of him onto you. At least you hoped it wasn’t intentional or else you were about to do something dumb.

“You have some nerve—“ you turn around, finally being able to see who this person is, and you couldn’t believe your eyes. You must be drunk, like shit face drunk. There’s no other possible explanation for this person to be here.

“You?” You question, as you use your hands to rub your eyes, hoping that the person in front of you disappears once you open them once again.

“Me.” He shrugs, as his glare makes you feel extremely uncomfortable. Y/n had clearly told Taehyung what happened today, and now he’s sitting in front of you, ready to skin you alive. At least that’s how it looked like.

“I think it’s time for me and you to talk. And I’m not taking no as an answer”

You gulp, and your Adam’s apple is more visible. You simply nod your head, as you take a sit next to him.

You want to punch his face, but you also had to be clever about this. Y/n for some odd reason cares about him, so the least you could do is pretend to be nice.

“Alright. But for y/n”

“For y/n” Taehyung confirms as he continues to glare at Jungkook like his life depended on him.

This was not going to end well. For both of them.

You woke up with the worst headache. Your argument with Jungkook really took a toll on you. Every other minute, you’d wake up remember what happened and then ended up crying again. It made you think back to all those times, the good ones of course, but somehow along the way, you reminisce about how there was some bad in the good. Even now it’s like that.

You continue to lay in the bed, as tears stream down your face and onto your bed sheets. You wanted to find an escape in your mind, anything would have helped. You wanted to think back of when it was just you and Jungkook, and no one or anything would stray you away from eachother.

It sounds ridiculous, but all you could think about is him and your friendship and your… stupid love for him. As if there isn’t anything else in your life. As if there isn’t anything else you could be doing with your life.

Your old enough to get yourself out of this bed, and do something more productive. Maybe ask for more days at work, go to the gym, or quite literally anything else that isn’t this.

Your friendship is over, so you might as well get it over it. Crying and begging him, or yourself isn’t going to change your situation.

However it is easier said than done. Your mind understood this was necessary, but your body was having a harder time to adjust. You couldn’t move a muscle, and it was become harder for you to stay still as your leg was falling asleep.

You tried to locate your phone to see who you could call for help. And on top of that, it had to be someone you know would not judge you harshly.

You flap your arms around until you feel anything that felt remotely close to your phone. After a couple of seconds of moving like your drowning, you found it.

“Yes!” You yelled as you scrolled through your contacts. “Now, who do I call? Well, I only have one friend… technically two. But right now, I’m not sure if my friendship is still a friendship. And… I’ve bothered Taehyung too much already” you rambled on, and muttered to yourself, seeing as you had no one else to rant to. This was getting ridiculous. Your life was like a teenagers, seriously just drama after drama. It was getting old… you were getting old. It was just not something you needed in your life right now or ever.

You hear a buzz coming from your phone, and it startles you. You were stuck in a trance, of what has gone entirely wrong in your life. Of how precious time and your past memories are. Of how you never realized how much you should have valued your life before all this.

Your eyebrows almost touch each other once you read the message on your phone. Your life flashed before your eyes, and all the praying for your past to come back, has happened. But at what cost? At the cost of your happiness, that’s what.

Mom: meet me in 30 minutes. I really need your help.

She’s begging for help? Her? After everything she’s put you and your siblings through. After she did what she did. She wants you, out of everyone to help her out of the mess she probably brought upon herself.

Yup. You’ve officially become cursed. It seems like you can never have a day go by, without something or someone ruining it.

You: I don’t believe I’m the best candidate for the job.

You respond without much thought. But immediately regret it. After all she still is your mother, the woman who gave birth to you; and somewhat raised you. Your grandmother taught you manners, so you should execute them in her honor.

You: Sorry, that was really rude of me. Send me the location and I’ll be there soon.

Mom: Glad to know grandma taught you something good. Next time I won’t be so forgiving, and make sure to come on time, you know how I hate people who are late.

You: Okay.

You didn’t have the energy to argue with her. You barely had the energy to get off your bed. Now, you have to use a weeks worth of energy, since you know how things would end if you came late. Your mother was strict and does not accept people disobeying her orders, especially if you’re blood. Which unfortunately you are.

You stand with a pace that instantly made your head hurt, and made you feel as if you were flying. Or maybe it was just the fact that you seeing double. You should have been more careful, that’s for sure.

“What do I even wear” you utter as you walk to your closet, shivering due to the fan being on the whole night. But you’d rather die of coldness than hotness, so that’s why you leave it on the whole damn night. And almost feel like you’re about to wet your bed. Again, you’re just a complicated person.

“I just have black clothes, if I show up in that I’m definitely get scolded” you continue to talk to yourself, seeing as you have no one else to talk to. Or someone you feel comfortable sharing this vulnerable side of you. Sure, they’ve seen many other sides of you when you were weak and vulnerable but this, this was different.

You grabbed the first thing you saw, because whatever decision you made, your mother would still find something to criticize. And you’d rather her criticize your outfit choices then have her waiting for you.

It was a simple outfit really. Black ripped jeans with a black hoodie… yeah, you should probably shop after your meeting. It’s not normal for someone to not have at least one clothing that was bright or not black. The worst part was that you finished it off with black and white converse. But hey, at least there’s some white, a pop of color if you will.

Who are you kidding, you’re about to get your ass beat.

“Please have patience y/n. Please let this all go well” You said while looking at the mirror in front of you. You were trying to remind yourself of how important it was to not let that women get to you. But of course, everything is easier to say than to do. It’s become your life motto at this point. You’ve said it way too many times.

“You got this! Hopefully…” you gave yourself a thumbs up, as your face screamed worried, but time was ticking. So you grabbed your car keys, and rushed out the door like your life depended on it; in a way it did.

Taehyung kept replaying last night. He kept thinking of the way you cutely thanked him, as he took off your makeup. He’s not even sure why you kept thanking him, since he kept accidentally poking your eye, and the makeup wipe, he was using kept drying up.

He might have wasted all of your wipes, attempting to take off your makeup.

“Could you stay? I mean, just until I fall asleep”

Could you? Yes. Should you? You’re not sure. It’s like you kept playing yourself every-time you’ve accepted to help Y/n. You know you need to keep some distance from her, especially since your head over heels for her. But when you see her crying, or anything that isn’t happy, you want nothing more but to mend her heart.

And you know you’d probably curse yourself out, the next day for accepting this offer. But that was a tomorrow problem. And today, it’s just a solution.

Plus, how could you say no, as she’s holding onto your arm. While her eyes look up to you, with such desperation.

“Anything for you” you utter, as you move a strand of hair, and place it behind her ear.

She immediately felt as eased, and whispered, “thank you Taehyung, you’re the best friend a girl could have”

Friend. Yeah, it was like a bullet was shot directly to your chest. But of course, it was an expected bullet. And you decided to come here unprotected, without a bullet proof vest. But still, it was worth the temporary pain.

She had finally asked you, not Jungkook, you, for help.

“Good night y/n” you said, as you pulled the sheets over her legs, to completely cover her up. You gave her a last glance, before you stepped closer, and bent down to give her a forehead kiss.

She smiled once she felt a kiss on her forehead.

“Good night Taehyung”

He’s not sure how he ended up here. In a bar out of all places. He’s not like this. Sure, he drinks wine almost every day, but to be in an open place, where people are trying to get laid, flirt, or fight over the dumbest things. Well, it just wasn’t his scene. But his friend was right. He had to be more open to things he dislikes, or else he’s going to die with ‘regrets’.

Well he’s already going to die with many. For one, he’s doesn’t have the balls to confess to y/n just exactly how he feels about her. How his heart breaks every time her eyes light up, when she mentions Jungkook. How she always runs to his arms when they’re closed, and yours are wide open and always avoided. Well, unless she had an argument with Jungkook. How you hated being the second option but still choose to stay, because you have this hope in you. You have faith that one day she’ll look in your direction and never look away.

But until then, he’ll drink his pain away— or attempt to— even if it’s in this shitty bar. And you did exactly that. With every single drink you took, you drowned yourself. You filled yourself up with all the alcohol possible, that you were about to spill it out.

It was starting to cloud your judgement. Which you took pride in. It was something your parents were proud of, and since they took too much pride in it; you could never have it in your heart to start acting like a dumbass. It was their last wish before they… yeah.

“Can I have another one please” you asked the guy behind the bar. His eyes kept examining your state, you were drunk. It was clear to anyone that paid attention to you, or at least caught a little glimpse. He looks hesitant to reach over to the vodka you’ve been swallowing.

“Fine. But this is the last one for the night. Alright?” The guy behind the bar says, as he tries to convince himself to hand you the cup.

“Yeah. I just need one before I do something stupid” you spit out without thinking much about it. Your face was red, and you kept pouting. You were still really hesitant despite drinking the whole bar.

“That’s not every convincing..”

You shake your head to wake yourself up. You still need to order an Uber, and you needed to be conscious to do that.

“Relax. I’m just about to tell the girl of my dreams that I love her”

You smile to yourself; you look insane. You bite on your lower lip to try to contain your excitement. But of course, something always has to ruin your day.

“I don’t think she’ll like a drunk man in the middle of the night confessing to her. But hey! What do I know?” The guy shrugs before leaving the cup right in front of you.

“Yeah, just leave with all your stupid comments”

You sip with such a slow pace. You were stalling. You were scared. What if everything goes wrong? What if she laughs in your face? After all she called you her best friend a couple of hours ago. Okay, no! You need to stop being a wimp and just confess to her. You can’t keep living like this.

You can’t keep containing these feelings that are eating you alive. You wanted to be able to show her off as more than just a friend. Show her what real love is. Not what Jungkook has provided her with.

You chugged the rest of the drink, and begin to walk out of this smelly and loud bar. But something caught your eye. It can’t be. Did you just have a magnet that attracted trash?

Was that jerk really flirting with a random girl, while y/n was crying her eyes out. While y/n became so tired that she actually slept outside. Her body had given up on her, and here he was. He was drinking, not even beating himself up? Not even trying to ask y/n forgiveness.

You couldn’t take it. The drinks sure did have an influence on your next decision.

“You’re 5 minutes late” your mother says, as you enter her house. It makes you want to cry out of fury, or disappointment. You had just stepped inside, and she was ready to scold you and give you hell. She never changed, and she never will.

“Yeah, sorry there was a lot of traffic” you whisper, losing all the confidence you had before you stepped in the house. You hated being this weak, and not having any backbone. Why couldn’t you fight back? Why must you always be the one to cave in?

“I know, that’s why I called you when there wasn’t”

It ticked you off the way she spoke to you. As if you werent her daughter. Her own blood. She talks to you as if she were superior, as if she were your boss, and you were some clumsy assistant. Still, she shouldn’t speak to anyone like that, especially if you haven’t done anything wrong.

“Is this why you called me for? Didn’t you say you needed my help? And you’re arguing with me.” You point at yourself, trying to exaggerate how angry you were. But there really wasn’t much you could do, your whole face was red, and your fists were balled up, becoming white from all the pressure you were putting on them.

But you couldn’t stay angry for long. You’d like to blame your grandma, but you know it was one of the best lessons she gave you. To carry anger with you everyday, is such a burden. Why carry all the bad energy, when you can try to be positive. Try to be hopeful that the good will outweigh the bad, and eventually you’d have everything you wished for; or something equivalent to that.

You truly wanted to grant your grandmothers wishes but it was difficult when the person against you, had little to no respect for you.

“No that’s not it. And you better watch your tone young lady. I am your mother above anything else!”

You nod your head while looking around the room. You attempted to hide the tears that were threatening to fall out of your eyes. They created a puddle as they stayed still. But you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore, and with that fell your tears. Each possessing a pain that was difficult to put into words.

“You’re my mother?” You spit out, while your voice cracks in the middle of your question. You continue to shake your head, emphasizing the shock from hearing those words come out her mouth.

“Were you my mother when you’d hit me everyday after school because my father was giving me more attention than you? Were you my mother when I was diagnosed with depression, and you said that it was just a phase and refused to get me the help I needed? Oh! Were you my mother when you—“

“Enough! You’re clearly on some meds right now, and saying things that aren’t even true. And even if they were that was ages ago, get over it y/n. Gosh, when did you become like your father”

“I’m proud to be his daughter. But yours? Not even close”

You saw her lifting her hand, and aiming it directly for your cheek. It was a loud sound, and it took a lot in you, to not fall to the ground, and cry your heart out. It really did. Because in between those slaps, you were sent back to your childhood. To you coming back from your school, and waiting for your father to come home, so your mother wouldn’t lay a finger on you. It reminded you of the times, you lied you were staying at a friends place to finish a project, but actually hiding behind the shed in your backyard, until the coast was clear and you could sneak back to your room.

You raise your hand to stop her, and were lucky to caught her hand mid air. Your cheeks were burning, it felt as if someone had poured boiling water on it.

“Let’s not forget your dear father, left you behind. He’s out there with his other kids and wife, while you’re so proudly protecting him. He doesn’t love you y/n, when will you get that. Maybe if you weren’t always so ready to call him out on his errors, he wouldn’t be with another family.”

You let go of her hand and ran. You didn’t care that she was screaming out your name. You didn’t care that you were running into people, or if you got hit by a car. You didn’t care about anything. You just wanted a break. You just wanted to take a deep breathe. You needed this to be over.

You chest felt like it was going to explode. You place your hand on your chest, and began hyperventilating. Even when you were breathing, you weren’t. Your throat was shut, and your eyes were waterfalls.

You ran to your house, you ran without looking back. You ran without a care in the world. And every time you were burnt out, you stood in the middle of people and kept looking around. Everything was spinning, everything was triggering you.

You saw people laughing, smiling, and why? Why do they get to be happy, and here you were struggling to even stand still.

“Miss, are you okay?” A couple asked, but that only made you more sad. Here they were all happy and loving with eachother, and you didn’t have that in your life. It felt like they were rubbing in your face. And you couldn’t be there anymore.

“I can’t-“

And again you ran. You ran with your all. You wanted to be far away from people. From this place, that never feels like home.

You just needed to get home and down all those pills in your room. They would help you sleep, cry less, and think less. They would ease the pain you endure everyday.

It been a couple of hours since your interaction with that woman, and it still feels so recent. It feels like it was a couple of seconds ago. The things she said scarred you. It was something you attempted to erase in your mind. You wanted to remember your father like he was once. When he was your best friend, when he would do anything to make you laugh; to cheer you up.

You tried to forget when you would argue because he kept breaking his promises. You continued to voice your pain, and your anger got the best of you. So he left. He left you with your mother. He left without a single goodbye. He left without a care, about you, about your mother.

“Why did you leave” you weep, and you hug your pillow. You pet it as if it were an actual human or pet. You couldn’t seek anyone to comfort you, so you decided to pretend your pillow was the person you needed the most.

Your anger would come and go, but when it came, you would go from cuddling your pillow, to punching it with your all. And then came the emptiness.

You were dried out of tears. Your pain was still there, but it was frozen. You’d stare up at the ceiling, and find even the idea of reminiscing to be the most silliest thing ever.

You laugh out loud, at the mess you are. You laugh at the joke your life is. You laugh at how fucking sad and lonely you have always been and will continue to be for the rest of your life.

Your brain is processing everything that was today, and throughout that process, you hear a knock on the door. It can’t be her? No, it can’t she doesn’t even know where you live, where you work, or your damn birthday.

After the knocks, came the constant doorbell sounds. It was driving you crazy, and you clearly had no patience nor the right attitude to talk to anyone.

“I’m not home!” You yell as you cover yourself with a warmer blanket. Why does it have to be so damn cold?

“Y/n! It’s me open up please! I- I have to tell you something important?”

You shake yourself out of your moment for a spilt moment, and get up. You cover yourself with the blanket as you walk towards the door.

“What are you doing here?“ You comment before you open the door. You weren’t trying to be rude, but again you had a rough day and weren’t in the mood for company.

“Please.. I just. If I leave now, I’ll never be able to confess this..”

You gulp, as you unlock the door. But before you open it, you remember you look like a mess. You’ve been crying for hours, since… well, since Jungkook.

“Just- before you come in. Ignore my face, and say what you’re going to say”

“I can’t just ignore your face y/n. What’s wrong?”

You couldn’t confess what had just happened. He came here to talk about himself, and you don’t want to hear it but at the same time, you don’t want to push anyone important to you out of your life, again.

“Please! If you want me to listen to you, promise me you’d ignore my face” you pleaded, as your voice went a pitch higher, and your eyes were shut; hoping to hear the words you wanted.

“I promise” he immediately responds, knowing that it will bring you to peace. But if he sees you in pain, he’ll break that promise without hesitation. He cared about you, maybe even loved you enough to let you go.

“Okay, come in”

You opened the door with caution and attempted to hide your face. Mostly your eyes, since they contained the feeling you weren’t trying to show him.

“Are you okay?”

“What happened?”

You both said at the same time. Your eyes displayed worry and pain. One of you was physically hurt, while the other one was mentally drained.

You both had a rough day. You both needed comfort. But you weren’t sure if you both were the right person to comfort one another.

Taglist: @mwitsmejk @bambamsthings @belovedsthings @jamlessstars @bjoriis @jeonzll @oxzie @whipwhoops @driftapart @taeriffic @laylasbunbunny @ellesalazar @boredcatto @bunbunbunnykoo @taeees-world @rainfprest @sparklingprimrose @jossabelle88 @bloodline1632 @neg-l3ct @bbtsficrecs @bloopkook @petalsofink @bliiss @linours @crissteetee67 @starbtslove @laurynne5 @hollyweird0 @fragmentof-indifference @kooliv @halesandy @bloodline1632 @sukunasrealgf @bnagtanx1306

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singularity-paradise · 2 years

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Taehyung’s group - haters

Masterlist | prev | next

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singularity-paradise · 2 years

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y/n’s group- a normal day

Masterlist | next

Authors note: hope it’s not a bad first chapter! It was a struggle to come up with something 😅

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singularity-paradise · 2 years

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crossing paths- taehyung smau

Summary: You were looking for a casual fling. He was looking for someone to help him with a YouTube video. It wasn’t until you both tried different methods to find your person that you both crossed paths. Funny enough, you both found each-other in a dating app.

Pairing: Taehyung x reader ; each of them have random hookups/ relationships

Warnings: cussing; a little mature at times; both friend groups are just chaotic and bullies.

Banner made by the lovely @kimtaesss

Introductions:

Y/n’s group

Taehyung’s group

Chapters: tba

Taglist: @kimtaesss @belovedsthings @thelilbutifulthings @taeees-world @sstarrysshit

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singularity-paradise · 2 years

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He cheated??? | YN’S perspective

Roommates - masterlist

authors note: there was a glitch so there’s a color difference in two slides 😭 and I’m too lazy to fix it so for now just ignore it…

taglist: @highly-functioning-mitochondria @belovedsthings @btsbangers @kimxhanbin131 @taessspart2 @got7usernames @bambamsthings @jaxavance @sukunasrealgf @bjoriis

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singularity-paradise · 2 years

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I LOVED YOU | JK.2

Summary: being friends for 10 years means nothing, especially when he betrays your trust so easily.

Pairings: Jungkook x reader ; Taehyung x reader

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to (?)

Warnings: Taehyung + oc intimidate moments (somewhat); Confused Taehyung; Oc being a mess and indecisive; JUNGKOOK!!!

Authors note: I feel like this might be too short…

masterlist | 01 | 02 | tba

“I can’t believe that- that jerk!” You spit out in disgust. Your body from head to toes, was filled with anger and disillusionment. He hasn’t changed, will he ever?

“Well believe it” Taehyung continues on from your rant. He had the right to feel frustrated. But it wasn’t about the little shove that Jungkook had given him. Rather it was the fact that Jungkook hurt you. He hurt you with his words, and actions. He had hurt you, when you were most vulnerable. And Taehyung didn’t prevent that from happening either.

“I’m sorry” Taehyung’s voice cracks, while shifting on the couch. He covers his face by pulling down his hoodie. He couldn’t bear the idea of you being in any state that wasn’t happy. He knew you were in pain, and yet here you were trying to console him.

“What- what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing” He responds.

But if everything was alright, why was he sniffing? And why did his voice crack? He also wasn’t showing his face. Everything was just not alright. So, why couldn’t he be honest? Maybe you were just a horrible friend to everyone, so they don’t trust you enough to be vulnerable. After all that’s what Jungkook does to you, he pushes you aside.

“I understand if you don’t want to talk or need space. But just know that I’m here for you, always and forever”

“Always and forever?” Taehyung pulls the hoodie away, so you can get a clearer view of him, and vice versa. His eyes were the first thing you noticed. They were puffy, and red. He looked disappointed and tired? Maybe it wasn’t that but that’s what you got from the first glance.

“Yes, of course” your eyebrows furrow, while you hold his hand. They were freezing cold. It felt as if he was stuck in a freezer or had just taken a bath with only ice in the tub. It instantly made you feel chills over your body.

“I think I have something to keep you warm”

You frantically search up and down, left and right all over your small apartment and try to find anything to make him warmer.

He notices the lines above your eyebrows, and the way you run around in circles, sometimes hitting yourself, just to find him something and he gently smiles. He sees you’re worried about him, and he understands it’s because you feel guilty, but he’s just going to pretend it’s because you care about him. At least in the way he cares about you.

“I can’t find anything!” You toss the socks you had just picked up a second ago, when you thought it was a good idea to use socks as gloves.

“Why don’t you just hold my hand?” Taehyung partially jokes. But to his surprise, he doesn’t see you refuse his proposal, in fact he sees you shrug, and stare towards him.

“I-I was just- you know, joking” he trips over his words, and he sees you softly laugh. Instantly he feels more relieved and excited.

“Well what if I actually wanted to do it”

Your large innocent-looking eyes reeled him in. His jaw was hanging low, as salvia was about to come out.

“I would gladly accept that offer” he cleared his throat, while making space for you. He patted the spot for you to continue walking towards him. He was beginning to look stiff and awkward. He was sitting up straight, and kept looking in front of him.

“Are you always this nervous?” you giggled, while staring at his sitting position.

He looked like he was in trouble, or in detention. It was quite a funny scene for you. But you caught a glimpse of his elbow, and you were back to feeling a heavy amount of guilt on your chest.

“Does it hurt” You softly place your hand on his arm, and leave enough space to not touch the scraped area.

He looks up to you, and swears he could feel his heartbeat in his head. You looked beautiful, has he mentioned that today? Maybe he hasn’t, especially since it’s been hectic but still he should have. Because you did, look beautiful that is.

“No. Not as much anymore”

You immediately felt butterflies, they were all flying around in your stomach. There was no other explanation for feeling the way you were now. He looked really good, but his soft plump lips made you want to get closer. You kept glancing at him and then his lips. You weren’t sure if you were being obvious, but you couldn’t hide it either.

“I- I’m glad” you managed to answer, staring at this perfect man in front of you.

“Yeah me too”

It was his turn to bounce from staring at you, and then your lips. They looked soft and homely. They kept telling him ‘kiss me’ without having said a single word.

He wasn’t sure of doing what he wanted to do, so instead he decided to take things at a slower pace. “Hey, I know this sounds ridiculous after the night we had but do you want to go eat something?”

What he had initially wanted to say was, ‘would you like to go on a date with me’ but it’s clear to him, or frankly anyone that he isn’t Jungkook, that you were madly and utterly in love with him. Why? Well, he wasn’t so sure of it himself. Jungkook was an ass so why did you fall for him and not Taehyung?

“I would love nothing more” you blushed before, during and after you replied.

Taehyung tucked his lower lip behind his upper lip, and nodded his head before getting up, reaching out his hand to not only lift you up, but to make sure you have the best day of your life. This was the only opportunity he’s had to just be you and him, and he was planning to use it.

“I can’t believe you let me walk out of my apartment looking like this?”

You had a crop top that said ‘bite me’ and some Christmas pjs. Thankfully Taehyung gave you his sweater, so now you could at least zip it up, and cover at least one uncomfortable and ugly clothing.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! You look better than anyone else here” he compliments while pushing your chair back and then forwards, allowing you to smoothly sit an inch closer to the table without having moved a muscle.

“Okay, now you’re being too nice” you slouch to cover your flattered self.

He shakes his head as a no. “You’re just not seeing what I am”

“Well what do you see?” you respond, while fixing your posture feeling uneducated, compared to him and the other people in that restaurant.

“Hmm… I see” he points at myself, emphasizing that it’s his own opinion. “I see a drop-dead gorgeous, head-turning, strong, and alluring woman”

When he said all those beautiful things to describe you and the manner he said it, it made you want to cry. You felt noticed and it sounds stupid but you haven’t received that since, well ever. It’s these exact words that made you even more confused.

But then again, he is your friend. So, he’s probably saying all this because you’re clearly upset about everything that went down and how it went down.

“You’re only saying that cause you’re my friend” you emphasize in your gloomy state. You don’t even pick up your fry, you play with it and you’re aware of how you’re looking right now, but you don’t have the energy to hide how you feel.

“Well I don’t lie to my friends. Especially if they mean to me a lot like.. you” he holds an intense gaze, while admiring the freckle beside your nose. He always called it your beauty mark.

He couldn’t grasp how vulnerable you were being right now, he was afraid of breaking or hurting you even more. He didn’t want to push you, but he also didn’t want to make you feel unnoticed. He knew you’d like the extra attention, but not in a superficial way. It was more of a ‘can you see me for me’ way.

He wanted to reach over and give you the biggest hug or shoulder rub. But he just knew deep down, you’d hate that because you’d break down that instant and you hated nothing more than to be the center of attention.

“I really do appreciate you Taehyung” you couldn’t smile nor show it on your face, just truly how grateful you were. But you had hoped that he understood where you were coming from.

He simply sends you an endearing smile, and it felt like he sent a hug your way, the way it embraced you and made you feel better.

You eventually decide that it’s time for you to suck it up, and eat the damn fry that’s beginning to get cold. You even lift it up and place it in front of Taehyung’s mouth so he could take a bite. But before he could take a bite, you move it and eat it instead.

“Hey! You tricked me!”

You laugh and snort altogether. He really had this spark and talent to make you feel comfortable. That’s what you loved about him, whenever you were in his presence, your mood was automatically lifted, whether you realized it or not.

“Okay but you complained your outfit when I’m literally in swim trunks”

You both laughed along your silly, dumb jokes. You never realized how truly comforting Taehyung’s presence was until today. He instantly lifted up your bad spirit, and you could not ever repay him for making you feel loved and important.

“At least you look handsome” you comment, while shifting your head towards the other side.

“ You think so?” He scoffs, while reexamining his outfit. His pink swim trunk shorts, with a yellow baggy t-shirt.

“Yes!” You answer, but it sounded more like you were questioning him. In a way you were, how could he not know all these things about him.

He began covering his face with the napkin that was once placed on the table. But you could still see the red tint on his cheeks, and that shortly led you to also have the same or darker red cheeks.

This was perfect. He was perfect. You couldn’t have imagined any other way to end your night, especially after the day you had. You were glad to have accepted Taehyung’s offer to come out and eat. You stare at him, and try to fight the smile that wants to sprout.

It wasn’t until you heard a familiar deep voice shout, that you realized that happiness is only limited.

“Just great! I have the traitor and loser right in front of me”

“Jungkook?!”

You see him walking away. You look back at Taehyung, he nods his head and points towards him. He knew you wanted nothing more than to go after him and who was he to stop you? No one. He wasn’t important to you. Or not like Jungkook was.

“I’ll call you, okay?”

Again he nods his head, and glances around for a waiter, to ask for a to go box. He even packed your things, in case your talk with Jungkook ended horribly.

He knew it would hurt. But he also knew you were worth the pain.

The tears and cries that have been wanting to escape your very drained eyes, were beginning to be released. You had kept them under lock and key, by blinking every single one away when it started to feel wetter than usual. That was the thing about Jungkook, he always pushed you to tears.

“Jungkook! Wait up!” You utter a loud, piercing cry.

You run after him and in the process of doing so, you wonder why you were foolishly running after someone who does not want to be caught. Instead of staying beside someone who will only ever run towards you.

But it was too late now. The damage was done, so you had no other choice but to keep chasing after Jungkook. And when you have the slight advantage of being close enough to grab him arm, you do. However, once you do. He immediately pulls away, and slightly pushes you in the process.

“What do you want?” he growls, as his ice-cold eyes look directly into your very skull.

You were afraid. Afraid of being open to him, and instantly being shut down. But you had no other choice, you were going to finally be honest and how he took it was not your fault.

“You to listen to me”

You stood your ground. You forbid yourself from allowing him to see you in the state he has left you, broken.

“Why don’t you go back to him. He’s clearly the one for you” he begins screaming like some insane person and it didn’t make sense to you.

“What are you talking about?! He’s a great friend of mine, and because of me he’s hurt”

“Don’t. I’m the one who shoved him not you” he says it in a gentler tone, and you know it was his way to reassure you, that you were in fact not at fault.

Deep down you know it’s not your fault, but there is also a part of you that continually blames you for involving Taehyung. If you had kept your mouth shut, if you had just stopped being a baby, Taehyung would not have been hurt. So maybe you are at fault. The more you think about it you realize you’re the problem.

“Yeah but he got shoved because he was trying to protect me”

“Protect you?! From what, me?!”

You didn’t respond verbally, but you looked away. He immediately knew the answer to his question. It was your tell, when someone asked something, and you looked away, you were either hiding something, or afraid to speak up.

Jungkook’s nostrils flared as he stared at you. He couldn’t believe you’d think even for a second that he would hurt you. Your heart raced in your chest as you looked at Jungkook and took a step backwards.

“You think I’d hurt you? like really hurt you?” he whispers.

His voice cracked, and you felt like you needed to look up into his eyes. They were glossy, and you knew he was sad. You were stupid, you should have kept your mouth shut. You should have just dealt with the pain yourself. Or maybe you should have approached things differently. It was too late now, but then again you had finally voiced all those doubts and feelings. It wasn’t fair for you to deal with pain all alone. You don’t know, this is all messed up.

He begins to slowly walk towards you, and you feel like you have to stay in place. He places his hands on your ears, to get a better grip of you. He reaches down and connects your foreheads, your nose is pressed against each other, and your lips slightly touch. You both were breathing heavily, and it felt like you hadn’t seen each other, it felt like you were separated for years. You needed to feel his lips, you wanted to know what it felt like kissing him. He wanted that too, he really did. But then you said something, something that shattered him into the smallest of pieces.

“I don’t know”

You attempt to kiss him, but once you do, he pushes you away.

“Don’t. Please don’t”

And with that he walked away. You saw his figure getting smaller, and further away. It could also be the tears that built up the minute he moved away from you. You were close, you were about to kiss and you had to ruin it. You ruin everything. But maybe it’s better that way, afterall why would you kiss someone that doesn’t love you back. Why would you want someone who chooses to leave? Why would you kiss someone that hurts you?

Tag list: @mwitsmejk @bambamsthings @belovedsthings @jamlessstars @bjoriis @jeonzll @oxzie @whipwhoops @driftapart @taeriffic @laylasbunbunny @ellesalazar @boredcatto @bunbunbunnykoo @taeees-world @rainfprest @sparklingprimrose @jossabelle88 @bloodline1632 @neg-l3ct @bbtsficrecs @bloopkook @petalsofink @bliss-1111 @linours @crissteetee67 @starbtslove @laurynne5 @hollyweird0 @fragmentof-indifference @kooliv

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singularity-paradise · 2 years

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Title: A hidden bet

Summary: it was the first year of college, the first day you bump into that stranger. That stranger ends up holding your heart and lies with him for a couple of years.

Pairings: Jungkook x reader; Mentions of Taehyung x reader

Genre: strangers to lovers; classmates to lovers; angst; fluff

Warnings: supportive mother (maybe way too much 🤷‍♀️); yoongi being a horrible but typical cousin; oc making a fool of herself 😭; there might be some cringy conversations (it could just me cringing at my own work though); I believe that’s all!

masterlist | 01 | tba

“I can take you to school and then bring you back home!”

“Oh no! It’s fine mom, I’ll be okay on my own!”

Your mother did not accept that response. Instead, she leaned closer to you, making it possible for you to practically taste what she had for breakfast. It was not something you wanted to deal with this early.

You were grateful for all the support and love your mother has been giving you lately, especially since it was the first day of your first year in college. But you felt like you needed to take this step on your own or at-least not with your mother.

“Don’t be silly! Come on, let’s go” She grabbed the car keys, and looked around for her purse. She was determined to do it her way, her smile widened, and it made it impossible for you to contradict her.

She studied your face, the way your lips formed into a pout. Which led her to know what was going to come out of your mouth, or at least knowing it was bad news. You had this habit when it came to you speaking from your heart, you always pouted, whether that be intentional or not, it’s just the way your face reacted when you were honest but afraid to be.

You kept glancing around the room, afraid of sharing, and wording things poorly.

“Yeah.. let’s go ahead and do that”

You completely backed down, you are and always will be a coward. How were you supposed to survive college, when you couldn’t even be honest and open with your own mother? It’s not like she’s going to hate you for sharing your feelings and concerns, and you know that very well. It’s just that you were afraid of letting people down, so instead you push your own dreams and hopes, because you’d rather let yourself down a billion times, then let anyone else down once.

Your mother walks towards you, with smaller steps. She places the car keys, and her purse down on the counter in front of you, and embraces you with the biggest hug she could give you. You were evidently bewildered, and once you felt something wet on your shoulder, and your mother frantically shaking, you were even more confused and to be quite honest, scared.

“What’s wrong mom?!” You ask, while your voice quivers. You constantly pat her back, and remain frozen. You kept biting your lips, afraid of saying the making any noise, or worse, cry with her.

“You’re all grown up! My baby’s grown up” she babbles on, while you continue to pat her back, and occasionally slide your hands up and down, hoping to soothe her.

“Mom-“

Before you could finish your sentence, your cousin interfered and you had never been relieved. You couldn’t even contain the huge sigh that came out of your mouth once he spoke.

“What the fuck is going on?”

Your mother detaches herself from you, and moves her hair out of way. Her cries left her looking like a mess, she had snot running out of her nose every passing second, despite her attempts of cleaning it off with her fingers. Her mascara was also running down her face, and she honestly looked like she showered with makeup on. It wasn’t her best look that’s for sure.

“Language!” Your mother emphasized, as she pulled his ear.

“Ow! That shit hurts!”

You roll your eyes at the scene in front of you. This was not exactly how you pictured your day going, especially before you had your classes.

“Yoongi, just behave already” you scolded.

You picked up the car keys your mother had placed on the counter, and pushed the chair backwards to give you enough space to ditch this mess and house in general.

“Whatever’s. Let’s go already, you’re so slow!” He whines, as he drags his feet.

“You’re so fucking annoying” you attempted to whisper.

“Language!” Your mother exclaimed. Her arms were crossed one over another, and her feet kept tapping against the floor. It was the same posture that rushed you out of that door, knowing she was giving you both a warning before you got your ass beat.

“Love you!” You blurted, as Yoongi grabbed your hand, and dragged you out of that house.

“I’m not getting my ears pulled again” he said while continuing to push you out of that house, and into that car.

You laughed in response to his dramatics. You knew in that instant that your first day wasn’t going to be so bad. After all, you had a dramatic and lovable person right beside you.

“Don’t forget your seat belt!” You cheerfully say.

And with that you drove off forgetting all those negative thoughts that have been on your mind the whole week.

So it turns out the company you depended on, had just left you alone in a hall full of strangers.

“Fuck my life” you said under your breathe, as you examined for anything that helped you locate your class.

“231.. no.” You squint your eyes, as you use your finger to point at the class number. “257… no. Where the hell is 405?”

You started to feel anxious. Constantly checking your phone for the time, hoping that time will stay still. You could not arrive to your class late, it’s the most embarrassing thing ever. You could just feel your sweat all over your body, especially in your armpit area. It’s gross, you immediately want to use the pamphlet that was given to you, to dry it off. But you also don’t want to grab too much attention so instead you kept cluelessly walking.

Maybe you should just skip the class? Or even, just drop out of college altogether. Okay now you were totally freaking out. You grab onto your shirt, and pull it forwards. You kept flapping it to create some air, something that doesn’t make you this hot and red.

“Okay! just breathe” you walk in a circle, as you keep inhaling and exhaling.

Your vision is blurred. You can’t see things as clearly as before, and it’s leading you to feel this heaviness in your chest and head. You had made a complete fool of yourself on the first day. Maybe you just weren’t meant to be something important. Maybe you should just give up.

You kept calling Yoongi, in hopes that he could give you exceptionally clear directions. But every time you tried calling him it would take you directly to voicemail. This was about to be your last straw. There must be this dark cloud following you around. You were in constant trouble and self doubt, but then again you were alone. There was no one beside you, reassuring you that everything is or will be okay. It sounds childish and dumb, but you needed an immense amount of support, and not having it left you looking, well like this.

“I’m so sorry!” you hear as your body rapidly hits the ground.

You take a deep breath, and move your hair out of the way. You don’t even want to look up, and see who was in front of you afraid of it leading you to more trouble.

A hand reaches down to your level, and you have no other choice but to accept it. Imagine falling down in front of a bunch of strangers, and choosing to stay on the ground. It was humiliating, your body shivered just thinking of all the whispers and things people were saying behind your back.

“Thanks” you mumble, as you wipe yourself off, despite there not being anything on your shirt or pants.

“I’m such an idiot. I really shouldn’t be running in the halls, I am just so sorry” he bites on his lips, while he holds a worried expression.

“Well you really shouldn’t. I definitely feel like a concussions coming soon, I might have to sue you”

“Wait, really? I’m just a college student, so you won’t be getting much of me anyway”

You both hold a stare and eventually break the contact, making you both jointly laugh.

“Jungkook” he announces while stretching his hand towards you, and revealing this bright and mellow smile.

It was a bit mortifying to admit this but you felt like a teenager, you suddenly realized that there was an attractive man in front of you, who also happens to share the same humor as you. You just knew you were about to either do something that makes you want to drown, or worse drive him away. You felt the sweat from earlier coming back, your cheeks were beyond any doubt red. You probably looked like you had finished running a marathon.

“Get it together y/n” you utter, thinking that he wouldn’t hear you, but of course, luck has not been your friend today.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you y/n”

Here he goes again with that warm smile. It was just so perfect, that you couldn’t even feel embarrassed. Sure, he overheard you and he most likely has an idea of why you are acting like a kid but still you were somewhat fine with that.

“Um.. it’s nice to meet you too!”

You both stay silent, but still continue staring at each other. It sounds strange, and you know it but it felt like fate put you both together. You were feeling alone and now you had someone with you.

“Are you–”

“Actually–”

You both say at the same time. It’s a comedy show between you two. You kept chuckling throughout your whole conversation.

“You can go first,” he comments.

“Oh okay. Well I was just wondering if you knew where room 405 was located? I’m already–” You looked at your watch for the time, and once you see the time, you can’t help but panic. You were running late! This can’t keep happening to you.

“Late?” he finishes the sentence for you, because he’s just that perfect and smart, and you were probably given him more credit than he deserves but you were starstrucked.

You simply nod your head, as you convert to a panic state.

“Don’t worry, come on, i’ll lead the way”

Okay so maybe you were being dramatic the whole time. Maybe you don’t have this dark cloud over you, destroying every little good thing and turning it into something bad.

“You’re a lifesaver!”

And with that you walk alongside him hoping that he asks for your number or frankly anything that confirms he wants to keep seeing you.

Your hands kept accidentally touching eachother, it was probably due to your close proximity. You kept giggling to whatever had come out of his mouth. Probably making a fool out of yourself, again. But it just felt nice to talk someone that wasn’t your cousin or mom. You sound like a complete loser, but its true.

“I really think you’ll like it here” he comments.

Oh, he has no idea how much you like it here already.

“Well here it is” he points at the door that is preventing you from staying longer with him.

You know you could make the first move but you were literally having a panic attack not so long ago, and you’re clearly a mess and not even in his level, so maybe it’s not a good idea to tell yourself that there is something going on when there clearly isn’t.

“I guess it’s a good thing you ran into me” you scratch behind your neck. “Uh- because you know, I would be lost without you” you slightly tilt your head, and look away, while your eyes were alarming wide. You just kept making things worse.

He tried to hold back his smile, but it was evidently clear what his mouth was trying to do.

“I’m glad I could help you out”

You waved him goodbye, and kept stumbling on your way to your door.

“Need help?” he questioned.

“No! I’m okay!” you immediately replied.

“I just want to make sure you don’t get lost”

You turn around, offended, that he threw that back to your face. Maybe not offended, but it you felt awkward. He made you realize why it’s important to think before you speak.

“My bad!” he puts his hands up before you say anything to him.

You wanted to slightly push him or hit him as a joke, but you were a stranger, sadly. So you are stuck rolling your eyes, and going back to walking inside your classroom.

“What time does your class end?” he screams, while your body was half way in.

“3:30, why?”

“I’ll see you after then?”

He’s so ugh! Yes a billion times yes! You wanted to not walk in that classroom and go with him right now, afraid that he won’t be waiting for you outside the door once you’re done with your class. But you can’t look desperate, at least not more than you already have.

“Yeah! I’ll see you after”

He waved you goodbye, and you awkwardly sent one back. You had made yourself look like a fool all day, and now your first impression with your professor and classmates is most likely not the best.

You quietly walk towards the back of the room, and sit down. You place your bag on the floor, after taking out your notebook and pen. You stared ahead, and hoped that you were not too behind the lecture.

Horribly enough, you did end up missing the lecture because you kept thinking of Jungkook, and what he had up his sleeve. You just kept wishing and praying that you wouldn’t embarrass yourself again.

Maybe he’ll ask you on a date? Or what if he just wants to be a friend? Ugh, you just couldn’t stand the idea of not knowing.

“Uh– You.” You snap out of your trance. You pay attention to your surroundings, moving your head left and right. You notice a couple of people staring at you, and at first you didn’t think much about it but then you noticed your professor looking at you. This is just great, you weren’t even paying attention.

“yes?” you timidly reply.

“How do you motivate patients?”

“I- Uh- You know” you stammer. “You just do?” You shrug while responding. Except you answered with a question rather than an answer.

This was most definely not your day. The whole class laughed at you, and you immediately place your head low and bite your nails.

“Yes… that’s the goal. Anyways, let’s open up our books to page 12″

You needed to stop fucking this up for yourself.

Therefore after your little incident, you kept writing down every single thing that he mentioned, or wrote on the whiteboard. You felt like your whole arm was about to fall off, it was becoming harder and harder to continue writing the speed as you were before.

“I’m ending class early, but make sure to go over the pages and notes everyone!” You didn’t hear the rest, you just heard, you’re leaving early. If Jungkook was passing by, you would actually be able to notice him and that made you feel more relieved.

You put your things away, and pick up your bag. You wait until everyone in the front leaves, and then walk out of the classroom. Placing your hand on the door, you push it forwards, and accidentally hit someone in the process. You were really debating if you should just jump out a window, at this point.

“I’m so fucking sorry” you blurted out loud.

You were confused when you heard someone laugh instead of cursing you out. Clearly you were not expecting that reaction but who were you to judge someone, when you’ve made a complete fool of yourself.

“Guess it’s your turn to run into me?”

You had got to be kidding me! It had to be fate, there was no other way to explain why you both kept running into eachother.

“I guess it is” You grin from ear to ear. There’s a spark in your eyes, and you knew it, he knew it.

But he mimicked the exact smile and spark you had. It made you wonder alot of things, but at least one thing was clear, you were not going to behave like a moron anymore. Hopefully.

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