"Every story is a labyrinth. The only way to the center is to admit you're lost."

- Jareth the Goblin King, Jim Henson's Labyrinth: Coronation

Maggie’s dream

I wrote this short story for a writing contest my uni is doing. If any part sounds weird, it’s probably because the original is in Spanish. My first draft of this was in quarantine, when I was undiagnosed and still didn’t know anything about autism, so I was just describing my own experience with an hyperfixation. I have now updated it.

Maggie's frustrated dream has always been to be able to learn ballet one day. She longed for it so much. She imagined one day being able to dance one of her favorite shows on stage. She thinks about it every day.

Maggie had found a new passion. The way it told a story through dance and music had fascinated her so much. So much so that when she got home after seeing her first show, the first thing she did was to look for the most famous works and learn everything she could, without eating, without going to the bathroom, until her brain absorbed all this information.

For Maggie, her interests and likes are her life. Without them she would be unhappy and would have no personality, according to her. She changed the way she dressed, pretending to be a dancer, and she didn't care about the strange looks other people gave her. She was already used to that, to being seen as “weird,” even though people usually can't figure out why they see her that way.

Aside from ballet, her other interests involve things that are unrelated to each other. Her favorite singer, a revolutionary artist who always changed his style, a collection of all the pink and cute things she can find, and frogs. What makes ballet different is the greater chance she has of being able to participate. But it gives her a lot of anxiety. Her ideal class would be one where she didn't have to be with anyone, even without someone to instruct her, and just let herself be carried away by the music.

There are days when ballet is the only thing she can think about and talk about, to the point that she feels like her head is not her own, and her true thoughts are in a bubble waiting to be released while the rest takes up all the space. When she has bad days, she repeats facts or stories about her favorite shows to calm herself down. She sometimes does it unconsciously, surprising herself.

That's why she was now in her room, listening to music and imagining being part of both the audience and the stage. At the end of the day it's all she needs to feel like herself again. Maggie is actually autistic, but that hasn't been discovered by her yet. For her this is the most common and normal thing in her world.

Autism Month

Happy Autism Month everyone!!

While there can be a lot of misinformation, I think this month is very important so more people can be aware of what autism really is and get diagnosed sooner. It certainly helped me realize how important it is thanks to other autistic content creators and activists. And the more people know about how it is for us, it can get better. So, this month, please share and hear what we have to say, nobody knows more about autism than us, autistic people.

Jareth 🔮

Labyrinth "Chilly Down" scene redraw.

just something I found

Unmasking my special interests

My first ever Special Interest was Mario Bros, which was normal for a child, and fun since I share it still to this day with my brother who was the one who got me into it. But when I was 10, and my Interest was My Little Pony, something changed. I went from ‘Info dumping’ to my family and friends about it, to keeping it to myself. There was some embarrassment, I’d see other kids weren’t like me with the stuff they liked. And then it came the fact of me getting older, being 13 and still liking it and other kids saying it was weird for me to like a show their younger siblings liked.

For many years I kept myself every time I was about to “get overexcited” with what I like the most, and keeping surface level “Interests” that were more “normal” and common to share, like cats, Harry Potter, popular animes. But the truth is, that’s not what is in my brain at all times. I realized this is part of my mask. So I’m working on it.

My most current Special Interest, of 2 years, has been the movie Labyrinth and David Bowie. And this month I decided to start talking about it. It doesn’t feel real, having responses and not being judged for it. There’s nothing embarrassing in what gives me the most happiness, and if anything, my therapist has encouraged I spend time seeking them since it is what my brain needs to avoid meltdowns. I’m happy, I still can’t get myself to info dump like when I was a child, but everyone knows what I like and it’s fine.

We shouldn’t have to hide what makes us happy, just to fit in or be liked.

Well folks, it happened.

Today I had the talk.

With my therapist.

About Good Omens.

Did I get any advice on how to manage my hyperfixation that has taken over my life to the point that it has become a problem?

No.

Did he pull out his phone and Google "Good Omens" and say "Oh, Neat. There's a lot of famous people in this. Oh, Neil Gaiman! I'll have to watch this."

Why yes, yes he did.

Me:

I’m not usually insane about movies but if you tell me you haven’t seen Labyrinth (1986) this WILL be us

Literally everyone needs to experience Jareth at least once, I mean LOOK at him

Yeah I just rewatched it can you tell?

Autism is funny, one moment your like "I'm fine this is fine I'm actually so great I wonder if I even have autism or if I'm gaslighting myself" and then the tiniest change happens and you're all like askebhdbejsvfbdied

if a character means enough to me i will truly never stop thinking about them. i just retire them into a little back room in my brain and periodically bring them out to stare at them under a little light

First Therapy Session

For my first therapy session I went to the same professional who did my assessment.

She made me play UNO cards so I could talk to her without forcing eye contact or focusing on how my body looks.

I learned I control everything, most of the time unconsciously, and that I analyze and learn how every person is so I know how to act around them. It’s when I lose control that a meltdown or shutdown can be triggered. I know she meant it related to people but it applies to everything, routines, any kind of change, it’s too much.

I’ve also realized that I have no idea what to do to calm down my anxiety. And neither does my family, since they have no idea what I was going through as a child. Now I have to make a list of everything that I think can help me.

I keep thinking I'm going to color this some day but it's been ages and I haven't so I'm just giving up and posting it as is- flaws and all

No longer insane I just decided to scroll through the labyrinth tag and jareth tag and I'm okay again!

you’re doing great! ♥