queer-advice-hotline
Queer Advice Hotline
DISCLAIMER: I am in no way a proffesional, just someone who wants to help in any way I can. Take all advice at your own discretion.With that being said: anyone is welcome to vent, ask questions about identities, or share anything they think could help others!nie/nier and zy/zyr/zyrs pronouns; I'm Synn
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hey, im a lesbian and i was wondering of any other lesbians feel a disconnect from femininity, not in a trans way but because you feel sorta ostracized from other women. i feel predatory for being attracted to women. also, a lot of lesbians have mostly guy friends and i’ve never been like that, i’m a girls girl lmao. idk i just feel disconnected from womanhood and like i don’t fit in with/have the same experiences as other women due to being a lesbian. is this normal?
Since I'm not a lesbian, I'll leave this open for any lesbians to give their input.
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teenage trans guy here with a burning question (btw crazy ive never seen a blog like this before. you are doing wonders)
what should i resort to for binding if :
a) i have rib damage and breathing problems due to my inexperience binding and lack of research
b) have tried transtape with terrible results
c) physically cant bind with sports bras due to previously mentioned lung issues
i cant afford top surgery. im not even out to my family as a trans man, and i know i dont have to bind to be able to pass but its getting increasingly harder to be in public and pass as a man. thanks for your help if you end up responding to this 🏳️⚧️
Hey there dude, welcome and thanks for your support. I try and get through all of my asks, but I am doing full-time school at the same time too, so sorry for any delay in responding. Since you seem to have not seen many of these style of blogs, I'd recommend @our-transgender-experiences @our-transmasculine-experience @our-trans-punk-experience and @our-queer-experience .
This is a difficult ask and first let me take a moment to warn people against unsafe binding because of this.
Now for my advice to you - don't double down on the bad binding practices - no duct tape I REPEAT NO DUCT TAPE - I suggest trying to create an overall boxier, angular less curvy silhouette - this can be done by working out, particularly chest and other upper body exercises - or by layering clothes that have structured fronts (tshirts with large laminated design panels, utility vests, jackets with big chest pockets) Also, I wouldn't completely write trans tape off, it's a skill you can get better at with a little practice :)
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to the genderqueer anon, i feel so similar. i’m a trans guy who hopes to have at least top surgery and t at some point in the future, and i always feel like i’m tricking people into dating me, and it’s really scary!! just make it clear to your partners about your gender and we’ll be fine xx.
Well said, thank you.
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Hi Synn!
You’ve rly helped me a lot of with your blog, so I just want to say welcome back, we’ve missed you :)
I apologise for being away for so long, and I’m very happy to hear this blog has helped you.
I also apologise for being so behind on asks. I am trying my best to catch up, so replies will be a bit behind for a while.
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I have a friend who never takes off his binder. Literally NEVER. He sleeps in it, works out in it, wears it 24/7. I'm concerned about him. He knows that it isn't safe, but his dysphoria is just too bad. I don't want to pressure him into taking it off because that could make his mental health much worse, and at the end of the day I don't get to tell him what to do with his own body. He's a minor and at least 3 years away from being able to get top surgery. I'm sending this to a few different trans blogs so I can get as many ideas as possible.
Having a talk with him about the risks of improper binding may help. It may also help to give him some alternatives, like trans tape, that are safe for longer wear times.
Another thing you can do is try and find other ways to relieve some of his dysphoria without binding, such as wearing larger shirts or sorts bras. At least having him take it off when alone or at home will help, especially to stop sleeping in it.
Of course it’s his decision in the end, but offering suggestions may help.
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Hi!
So I'm nonbinary and I've been wanting to get a binder for a while but am now getting to a point where I could actually buy one.
I ended up asking a trans friend of mine (who has been binding for as long as I've known him so maybe 4 years now) where he got his binders from and he answered gc2b and that he still buys from them now and that they're great.
However I've been seeing a lot of people who say that it's not a safe go-to anymore and that a lot of the newer binders have gone down in quality and sometimes just aren't safe.
Are there any safer alternatives? Like different binder companies that have kept a good reputation or even alternatives like trans tape and whether or not it works as well?
This post talks a bit about trans tape. One important thing to note about trans tape is that it’s more effective on smaller chest sizes, so it’s something to keep in mind depending on the results you want.
This post has binding resources. As you mentioned, gc2b has been known to cause problems recently, so I don’t recommend them. The post linked has other, more reputable sources listed.
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i made a diy packer today out of a sock and dude it was so easy, i could make so many in my free time, so many pps
also here’s the video i followed hehe [X]
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so I'm a closeted lesbian and want a partner would it be unfair to my partner if I didn't tell my parents about them?
That would be something you would need to talk to your partner about.
#queer advice hotline#1-800-queer#question calls#advice calls#sexuality calls#romantic orientation calls#queer#lesbian
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so I've realised recently that I don't really care if people call me a boy, girl or other and that I just don't really feel attached to gender in general. I was wondering if you (or anyone else) knows of any labels that might fit.
Gender apathetic- a label where someone doesn’t care about their gender or how they’re perceived.
Agender- feeling as though you don’t have a gender, or it’s completely neutral, or you don’t connect to the idea of gender.
Anyone with other suggestions please share.
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i recently came out to my friend as agender. she didnt really know what it meant, so i said i dont feel like i have a gender. she got really confused and said that she doesnt understand what i mean by that. apparently she doesnt have an innate feeling of gender either, and she said that the people who strongly identify with being a man or woman are like sexist homophobic macho men and those stay at home moms who make their whole personality about their kids. and that what im feeling is normal and doesnt make me a different gender. so now im confused, is she right? is it true that most people dont have an innate feeling of gender?
No, most people have a sense of their gender, and find labels that match accordingly. Even cis people feel like the gender they were assigned, the same way a trans person would about their gender.
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I am afab non-binary and use they/them pronouns more often than not but recently I have been referred to as sir and he and that makes me feel fuzzy and happy? For some reason. Would it be disrespectful to use trans-masc instead. I'm new to everything about this so I am uncertain.
It wouldn’t be disrespectful at all, if that’s how you’re feeling. You’re more than welcome to use any label that feels the best.
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I am genderqueer and AFAB, I feel so confused when a lesbian says that they like me because… idk, it feels like I’m tricking them. Any advice on what to do? Is this something I shouldn’t be worried about? Help!!
As long as they’re aware of your gender, there’s no need to be worried.
#queer advice hotline#1-800-queer#advice calls#gender calls#sexuality calls#romantic orientation calls#queer#lesbian#genderqueer
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Hello there- is genderflux and agenderflux the same thing?
When I try to learn abt agenderflux i get a lot of genderflux stuff so was wondering if it’s the same or not
The definitions of them are similar, but ultimately it’s up to the person using the label how they define it for themself.
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I don't wanna let go of being a girl but I also want to be a girl :(
You can be a girl and not a girl at the same time, if you want.
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any name finding advice? I've been having trouble choosing one
You can ask people close to you for suggestions, and try those out.
You can pick a “theme” you think you might like, like nature or space themed names, and look through lists until you see some you might like, and try those.
Ultimately the best way to find one is to have people call you that name for a while and see what sticks. Getting a list of ideas together is the best first step.
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To the anon who is struggling with their faith and identity, hi. I get you. I’m in the same boat in a lot of ways. (Discussion of anti-science rhetoric, lgbt-phobia, and conservative Christian stuff for anyone who doesn’t wanna read that)
I was raised Christian, and taught that evolution and the Big Bang were false. I was taught that dinosaurs were real and the earth was billions of years old, but we were still creationists.
I was also taught that being gay or trans was sinful and that gay marriage shouldn’t be legalized. My family was never outright hostile (my uncle is gay and we always loved him, even though “we just don’t agree with his decision” ugh), but clearly bigoted.
I was also raised in baptist churches, who absolutely love to quote the same three verses over and over in order to tell women (like myself) that our whole purpose is to shut up and bear children and take care of the house, that we are to obey our fathers and husbands in everything and cannot teach men at all. Fortunately my parents at least hated that BS, and after every sermon regarding that point my mom would lecture us that that was the only thing she disagreed with with our church, and that me and my sisters could be whatever we wanted to be. She continually pointed out the instances that contradicted what our churches had said about women’s roles.
When I went to college, I made friends, met people with wildly different backgrounds, and began to form my own opinions. I am a supporter of lgbt rights (I believe that there is strong evidence that wording was changed to condemn homosexuality, and that even if it’s a sin, we are called to love each other first and foremost, and that we cannot force our religious beliefs upon anyone else, and that respecting someone’s sexuality and pronouns is just basic fucking courtesy. I’ve even convinced my trump-supporting grandparents to use peoples preferred pronouns and respect gay marriages, with the logic that “you believe it’s sinful, but they don’t, and you can’t force your religious perspective on them. There is nothing loving about making them uncomfortable just because you disagree.”
I also strongly believe in scientific theories like evolution and the Big Bang. There’s plenty of evidence, and if you read genesis with fresh eyes it’s pretty clear to me it’s highly symbolic, not literal. I can believe God created the universe and that he did so through the Big Bang. I can believe God created humans in his image through the process of evolution.
As I was expanding and changing my worldview, I also realized that I was aroace. I’ve never been interested in dating, I don’t find men good looking at all, and my appreciation for women’s beauty is more similar to how someone would appreciate a painting, not someone they want to date or marry or have sex with.
And I don’t believe it’s a problem for me to stay single either. When I told my mom she immediately told me that the Bible says that singleness is, for many, a gift, and only a different path, not a wrong one.
I often don’t know what God’s intention is, but I do know that Christians are called to be the light of the world. So I will always be kind and loving, because that is how you be a light. I always pray for better understanding of how I should do things, but in the end the most important thing is to be kind.
Sorry if that was rambly, I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone in these struggles, and that you can believe different things without being a bad person. Personally, my family doesn’t know that I’m now fairly liberal and that I believe in evolution and the Big Bang and such, but I’m okay with that. If they find out, I’ll tell them more or less what I just said here. Best of luck to you and to anyone else in a similar situation 💛
Thanks for sharing, I’m sure this will be helpful for a lot of people.
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Binding
Binders
I found that Spectrum Outfitters worked best for me (prices range from $50-$39). I also have binders that are older and stretched out or that don’t work as well (like gc2b) that I use when I don’t need as flat of a chest because they are easier on my rib cage lol. If you do that, do NOT count that as a break!
Practice safe binding!
Don't bind for more than 8 hours
Don't sleep in a binder
Don't exercise in a binder
Get the right size
Try to only wear a binder for 5 or 6 days a week (this one is hard, I know)
If it hurts, take it off!
If you notice bruising, something is wrong! Your binder might be too small or you may be wearing it for too long.
TransTape
Wearing binders all the time is not too good for you so I recommend using a variety of different binding techniques. One is TransTape!
The reason Ace bandages are unsafe is because as you breathe it gets tighter and tighter and can really hurt you. But TransTape doesn't do that, it's like the tape athletes use when they sprain their ankle or something. It's safe as long as it is used properly. Plus, you can wear it for up to 5 days, exercise and sleep while wearing it, and it's water proof!
TransTape isn't the only brand of course, but they do have a lot of great resources.
Learn more at their website here. I recommend starting with this page and the FAQ.
Men's Compression Shirts *I have not used these myself (yet) but I hear they work pretty well*
Made for cis men with gynecomastia but hey we can use em. Obviously will work much better for smaller chests, but could still do something for bigger chests, maybe for under a hoodie?
They won't flatten you as well as binders but the goal is more to masculinize the shape of your chest than to completely flatten it. They are also safer than binders.
Other stuff
The color black will make you look flatter
Layers! Lots of layers! (don't overheat)
Sports bras
Compression bras
Button ups <3333
Resources
Pain-Free Binding Techniques | Youtube Video by Arthur Rockwell
Binding 101 - Point of Pride
Binding Safely - Spectrum Outfitters
How to Hide Your Chest (without a binder) | Video by Iris Olympia
Please free feel to add!
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