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perrysian · 1 year

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have you considered: Dooku fucks up and resurrects All of his dead children? Qui-Gon Jinn, Rael Alveross, and the bad bitch herself Komari Vosa yoink Asajj Ventress out of the Seppies and off to Adventure while pettily dismantling their master's plots bc he was annoying and sided with the man that killed them/got them killed (qui and rael) or killed them himself to prove his worth to that brother killer (komari). dooku, having fucked up real bad and no longer having control of this shuttle, races off after them to try and contain the black hole of chaos his padawans all together make. something something Yoda lineage rat race to break the empire across the galaxy

Qui-Gon gets necromancied by Dooku for Reasons, but instead of being convinced to join the Seps as the dear Count planned... Qui-Gon goes "oh cool, free grad student" and kidnaps Ventress on his way out of Serreno so he can fix all of That

#sw #yoda's disaster lineage

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perrysian · 1 year

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*crawls out of my -8 degrees exhaustion nest* ok but au where cumplane transmigrate into luo binghe (airplane) and mobei-jun (cucumber) instead because System thought it would be funnier.

only only only, they are still and shivering coward hamster boy (luo airplane) and his angriest black powder fan pretending to be Chill And Normal and overcorrecting into Terrifying Frost Bitch Whose Soft for Luo Binghe (cucumber).

System A: this is a disaster. they are disasters. why did I agree to this. System B: because you love me and this job is boring and sucks. plus: they can't break this world worse than the originals System A, watching Shang Binghe drag behind Shen Qingqiu as he clings to his ankle, sobbing: Are you sure about that??

“they were roommates” this, “they saved each other” that, how about “you killed me by making your novel so shitty that i rage-hyperfixated myself to a vague and undescribed death, i killed you with my rage-hyperfixation comments that made you laugh so hard you ramen-electrocuted yourself and we both ended up in the same other world only to marry the demonic op versions of each other”??? get on cumplane’s level everyone

#I need a scum villain tag #svsss #cumplane

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perrysian · 1 year

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2022 Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards Winners

the competition is open to wildlife photography novices, amateurs, and professionals, celebrating the hilarity of our natural world and highlighting what we need to do to protect it

full roster of this year's winners with narratives by the photographers: X

#photograhy #so good #aminals

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perrysian · 1 year

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yall ever see a fictional character n be like "this is my rotten little man and i encourage his rotten little shenanigans"

#I mean #*gestures at anakin*

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perrysian · 1 year

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I think the message of Howl’s Moving Castle is that in order to maintain a successful relationship with some kind of fucked up wizard, you must find it in yourself to also be some kind of fucked up wizard.

#howl's moving castle #my favorite queer heterosexual couple #howl: what if I do absolutely nothing as loudly as possible and then die by being a giant bird #Sophie: what if I do absolutely everything as quietly as possible and keep everyone's secrets in my pocket until it kills me #howl good isn't always nice #Sophie nice isn't always good #they match your honor bc they're two spindles in a washing machine

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perrysian · 1 year

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#it's him!! the man!!!#shen wei #guardian

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perrysian · 2 years

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me: *looks at the pile of sw au fics I have in wips folder* ANYWAY

it's 3:30 am time for me to be back on my bullshit!

Love a good double agent Vader-esque au: here's a terrible horrible no good great idea

Anakin was playing Palpatine the whole time.

Fox didn't kill Fives, he stunned the fuck out of him and dragged him to his commander, aka Anakin, and together they uncover to plot to overthrow the Republic and kill the Jedi. Anakin realizes who Palpatine is, what he wants, all of that and fully delves into the realm of "ooooh no. we need a plan. you know who's good at planning things? my wife" so that's how Padme, the Coruscant Guard, the 501st and Mace Windu wind up in a conspiracy to end a conspiracy together.

Only it Fails Horribly. It's only after clearing the 501st and the Guard of the chips that they realize they're never gonna be able to get everyone clear in time, so they start planning to evacuate the Temple when it's time. It's only when Mace and the rest are in to room with Sidious that Mace realizes they're in over their heads and can't win this particular fight. The entire Anakin turning and pledging allegiance to Palpatine? That was Plan F.

And now Anakin has to march on the Temple with his men and the Guard with only Mace knowing the plan. Unfortunately to be able to get all the younglings and the healers clear? there's gonna have to be some bodies for Palpatine to find. So the Temple Purge happens.

Yoda and Obi-Wan were not in on the plan, Mace explained everything to Bail Organa he could while they were escaping Coruscant, Padme knows if Anakin "turned" and had to kill Jedi to keep cover then they are in a very bad place in the plan so she does follow him to Mustafar so she can pick him up and meet back up with the cleared troopers and Mace, only to realize Sidious is definitely watching them when they meet up on Mustafar so they decide to have a holodrama worthy fight to distract him and get Padme clear to get back to the proto-Alliance.

Except Obi-Wan isn't in on the plan. In good old reverse Deception-Arc fun, Obi-Wan fully believes Anakin turned and Now They Must Fight. Anakin, who fully trusts his Master to Know Him and Know When He's Lying, thinks "oh Padme filled him in on the way here, he's gonna help me sell this."

Well. Obi-Wan sure as fuck does sell it.

Queue all members of the Conspiracy meeting up on that medical freighter or whatever, Padme has the kids and survives cuz Ani was very good at faking her death on Mustafar, and Mace Windu goes, "Wait where's Skywalker? We need to go over the plan for how he's going to get information back to us without tipping Sidious off."

Obi-Wan: "Um. What?"

The whole thing spills out. Obi-Wan Guilt Complex etc.

Anakin-now-known-as-Vader: Well at least I'm Fallen enough to not clue Sidious in to the Plan. .....at least I can free more clones?

#anakin skywalker #mace windu #padme naberrie amidala #star wars #shut up perry #obi wan kenobi #all Vader's inquisitors are just his lil Jedi ducklings he saves along the way #they figure out a way to maintain the light while faking being fallen #the alliance gets info from 'empire fugitives' that Vader sends their way #sure it's not a perfect system but there's a good number of them for a while to keep the communication open at least one way #all the younglings that escaped the temple are on the resolute now that 'crashed' so now Ahsoka is accidentally the master now #Ahsoka would like to know who died and left her in charge because she has some complaints to file

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perrysian · 2 years

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I THOUGHT YOU MEANT SABACC WAS CHESS. Hahaha. I just imagined Han Solo being REALLY into the Corellian leader boards and betting on who will win on which checkmate.

I think in a Legends comic Qui-Gon played dejarik to meditate

that’s so funny imagine pulling up to a poker table like what’s up I got a LOT on my mind can’t wait to process it what are the starting bets

#replies #shut up perry #qui gon jinn

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perrysian · 2 years

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actually the funniest possible explanation for Qui-Gon only talking to Yoda when the Jedi are already screwed is that he’s been trying to talk to them for years and Yoda’s only finally listening to his weird Qui-Gon hallucination because he’s getting REAL fed up with all the younglings who keep having nightmares about a tall man standing at the foot of their bed and staring at them

#I love this very much #but wait wait wait wait #anakin came from a desert planet full of slaves and you KNOW they gotta have weird mirage-ghost stories from there #ui-gon appears to wee!ani like ‘might as well try’#ani doesn't scream or even react by ignoring him he gets weirdly reverent???#fully ‘yes guide me on my path spirit of freedom and sarcasm’#and qui-gon fully ‘I can work with this’#obi-wan accidentally haunted by his dead master through the actions and philosophical debates with his very annoying padawan #very cool and deeply stupid #qui got jinn #ahsoka tano #causing problems on purpose #disaster lineage

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perrysian · 2 years

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Jedi Apprentice Characters | Tahl, Siri Tachi, Tallisibeth Enwandung-Esterhazy (Scout), Vokara Che, Bruck Chun, Xanatos du Crion, Granta Omega, Jenna Zan Arbor

#this is simultaneously very cool and deeply stupid #just like Star Wars should be #oh there's my new sw tag #very cool and deeply stupid #but bruck chun looks exactly like your elementary school bully but also a BABY at the same time #tahl remains the coolest Jedi in existence ever #siri and scout both look like d list former Disney kids that I can almost remember the name of #the face claim for Jenna was clearly Baywatch era Pamela #and Xanatos look at both ends not at all how I imagined him but exactly as he should look #like someone dip dyed obi-wan in shoe polish and told him he could grow a beard successfully before the age of 30 #he looks like someone skinned qui-gon jinn of his Liam Neeson-ness and then tried to fix it with sharpie marker #he looks like every gross dude at an anime con who's trying to lure people into his 'suite' for an 18+ dnd run but keeps inviting minors #he looks dumb and far too young to be the big bad of obi-wan's teen adventures but also exactly like someone cast in that role in a bad wig #I love him and hate him it's perfect #other peoples art

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perrysian · 2 years

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still haven't slept so brain is still on full "brr dumb ster wers" ideas BUT

IMAGINE WITH ME: Anakin in fact, DOES leave the Order either post the Hardeen arc or the Ahsoka leaves episodes, right?

Granted he's married to a relatively popular and famous and probably wealthy core politician. And there's probably some weird nebulous merch out there with his face/name on it due to his relative fame that he probably has some variation of rights to know as a private citizen, but that's going to be wrapped up in law suits and all and not immediately viable, but he's married!! He's a free man!! He basically adopted his padawan without his wife's prior consent!

He would like to contribute to the house hold!!!

Granted, also, Anakin-the-arm-candy-house-husband, Anakin the trophy bride, is very very tasty and I applaud anyone and everyone who subscribes to this ideal to sally forth and enjoy yourselves.

But let's be frank, it'd be five minutes at a political party of some sort for someone to say something snarky and backhanded about Padme for Ani's immediate reaction to be to put whoever opened their mouth in the hospital.

Not very good arm-candy if said trophy is busting kneecaps in your honor. Flattering? Yes. Useful to further your political nominally pacifist goals? Mmmmm not reeeeally.

SO, in the effort of Anakin Making Himself Useful and Being Good and Therefore Deserving of Love and Affection (please. please. get some therapy by all the little gods. please.) Anakin comes up with Immediate Plans for Funding to both: a) provide monetary compensation to his household for his many short comings, b) provide funding for Lawyers both Copyright and Legal to defend both his name as a citizen of the Republic and also TO GET THE CLONES RIGHTS AS SENTIENCE, WHICH IS ALSO WEIRDLY A COPYRIGHT ISSUE, WHICH ANAKIN FIRMLY AND LOUDLY DISAGREES WITH How does he do this you may ask? Well Merchandise, of course, that he and His Team (being him, Ahsoka sometimes, Ventress weirdly enough, and C3PO), control the production and sale of.

First piece of merch they create for distribution? ....Hero with No Fear Calendar of the Month. Like a Firefighters Fundraising Calendar, but with Young Saucy Former Jedi Anakin Skywalker.

Needless to say it makes bank. There's a weirdly intimate space magazine article talking about his history and how he had to "relearn ownership of himself and his body" once leaving the order. It's essentially a fluff piece but the accompanying photos are soft lit shots of him in delicate silken robes and mussed hair, long bare legs splayed out on the couch, space lace collar of the robe falling just so over his décolletage.

(Ventress takes surprisingly tasteful photos, for a former Sith apprentice.)

It's Scandal, Sex, and Senate Sanctions from the word go!!!

Anakin Skywalker, Space Wizard turned SpOnly Fans for Lawsuits.

((Padme is already pregnant at this point and if she wasn't she is now fuck you canon timeline, so they were planning on retiring to Naboo anyway once she neared her due date, and honestly if she's gonna go out, Padme's going out with a bang!))

(((Bail Organa: please do not actually go out with a bang, do not get assassinated because your very attractive young bride keeps poking the trade federation and the anti-clone people in the eyes directly. can I get at least 20 copies of the calendar for Breha's staff?)))

#shut up perry #i need a star wars tag #star wars #anakin skywalker #the council is Very Done with anakin #Obi Wan is on clean up pr duty #which would be more successful if either of his lineage were willing to answer his calls #Mace Windu breaks into Padme's apartment from her windows with a stolen speeder to throw the pile of 48 signed joint motion files at Ani #and that's only the first wave #bc Anakin's not the only one that had weirdly invasive holodramas name him personally #so it was easier to cc the order and the council into the actions to make sure all parties receive equal and fair compensation #mace is very tempted to have both Anakin and his legal team Jedi arrested for being deeply annoying

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perrysian · 2 years

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Do you think obi-wan and anakin would have bonded closer if anakin was qui-gon's apprentice, just because first obi-wan doesnt want to abandon a 9 year old to Qui-gon's qui-gonness, and later because the council decided that it was the will of the force that Qui-gon just be mostly obi-wan's problem. Also does anakin just go rescue his mom because qui-gon didn't say "no" (he may have said "hmmm" thoughtfully sounding) and anakin doesnt end up putting obi-wan on the "perfect jedi" pedestal because he's seen the man ripping his own hair out and possibly muttering plans to lock Qui-gon and the council away for a week then see who comes out of the room?

The short answer is... no, I don't.

The slightly longer answer is that it really depends on what characterization you're going with for Qui-Gon, which in turn impacts Obi-Wan's character, and while I have seen 'Qui-Gon lives and Obi-Wan and Anakin become super close' done convincingly, it's really difficult to get to that point.

The long answer is that no matter what, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are both really bad about talking about their feelings. Neither of them likes admitting they're hurt, especially when they're afraid that the other person already knows and doesn't care. Qui-Gon is too proud to admit his mistakes first, and Obi-Wan (while a lot more willing to swallow his pride to make peace than Qui-Gon is) has to think there's a reconciliation that's possible if he wants to get to that point.

Which means that, if you want Obi-Wan to get along with Qui-Gon well enough to (a) not resent him enough to come visit and (b) not resent Anakin at least a little bit for the debacle in the council chambers, you have to stick Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon in a room together and make it so they won't argue. Like, for instance, making it so Qui-Gon got stabbed through the gut, saw his life flash before his eyes, and not only doesn't have the energy for the row that would lead to Obi-Wan stalking out and not coming back for years, but also genuinely just feels bad enough to swallow his pride.

But if, say, Obi-Wan dumps Anakin on the Council, leaves (for Duty and Selflessness and certainly not because he's still angry at Qui-Gon but he feels bad being angry at an invalid and he just feels bad being angry in general, because he should be Above It All by now), and doesn't come back for years—

And if, say, Qui-Gon wakes up, realizes Obi-Wan is gone and isn't coming back, and decides to ignore Obi-Wan's... everything and train Anakin (for Duty and Selflessness and certainly not because he's deeply, deeply hurt, so he's pulling a Qui-Gon and covering it all up with Righteous Indignation), and doesn't see Obi-Wan for years—

Then I think we have an Anakin on our hands who not only resents Obi-Wan (like in canon), but resents him for being Qui-Gon's Perfect Former Apprentice, who did EVERYTHING right that Anakin couldn't and STILL left Qui-Gon (because clearly this is a black-and-white issue where Qui-Gon was the victim and Obi-Wan was the villain, because Qui-Gon can't do any wrong, Qui-Gon rescued him, Qui-Gon is the perfect Jedi better than all the other Jedi which means he's always right and they're always wrong, etc etc).

So yeah, major mess all around.

#I do like this a lot!!#another fun variant could be that qui-gon is unconscious for a while and for all their missteps with each other #obi-wan does care about him and wants to make sure he lives before haring off into the great wide somewhere #so Yoda being the interfering little goblin he is sticks anakin with him until qui-gon wakes up #which eventually leads to obi-wan and anakin and qui-gon in the soup of Awkward Unspoken Feelings #but giving Anakin the impression that These Two Love Each Other Really #They're Just Very Very Stupid just like Master Yoda says #so this eventually leads directly into 'Parent Trap My Two Divorced Jedi Dads Together Again'#featuring two small feral goblins anakin and Yoda #and two Bitches Here For The Drama Rael and Quinlan #turning a tragedy into a farce but it's still a tragedy because it's Star Wars #shut up Perry #i need a star wars tag #disaster lineage

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perrysian · 2 years

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Terminal Hanaki? Boring. Chronic Hanahaki? Exciting.

#you have no idea #none #how badly I want to subject this on Star Wars #and the Jedi order in particular #lookin at you obi wan #you repressed bearded bitch #good good good #fic ideas

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perrysian · 2 years

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It's nearly 4 am so now I am here to deliver you more Star Wars Garbage!!!

So some of you may know the fic(s) I'm referencing here but I'm not gonna go searching for them right now to link bc I am Too Wired/Tired.

SO there's this Time Travel fix (what other kind do I read lately honestly.) about Obi-Wan and Ghost Squad traveling back to Korda VI during the Mandalorian Clan Wars, but they don't show up in their adult bodies.

Oh no.

They are cute lil babies. So cute that Jaster Mereel, Jango's dad, adopted them p much on the spot.

But I was thinking, why let Obi-Wan (12) and Ghost Squad (10) have all the fun?? Sure take Obi-Wan and Ghost Squad and shove them back as pre-teens in the middle of the clone wars, drop them on top of adopt-happy True Mandalorians, and watch your crops be watered, but also take Ahsoka (8 again) and Rex (10) and The Boys (10) from the 501st from near the end of the clone wars before Order 66, and Vader-returned-to-Anakin (from a Double Agent Vader or similar adjacent universe, physical age 14/15), Luke, and Leia (both 6-ish) post ROTJ, as well as select members of "Vader's Fist" including Commander Fox, Appo, and Kix.

How would they meet up again? Why running a raid on a Kyr'stad base of course!

The True Mando's, Obi-Wan, Cody and Ghost Squad roll up on the base of the Death Watch, only to find some kind of insurrection/prison break already happening.

Hey wait a minute. Aren't those more clones?? REX?? Oh there goes Ahsoka, oh she's. Okay they're doing fine, let's go help!

Why are there two tiny children lifting grown men in the Force and throwing them? Who-

Anakin! Anakin stop beheading people that's excessive!!

And so forth.

When the fighting dies down and Tor Vizsla has had himself Removed, all the Not!Children meet up in the middle with much hugging and trying to match up where in the timeline they've all come from. Obi-Wan is very surprised to find that Ahsoka is no longer a member of the Jedi in her time, and he's trying to find Anakin to figure out Hey, What the Heck is Up With That, only to find Anakin and the tiny terrors stealing a DW ship to leave the planet.

"Anakin!" "......Kenobi."

Leia and Luke stand there awkwardly watching the tension build between their reformed Sith Dad and their weird crazy Wizard (Grandfather??) General He Murdered Because Undercover.

Which is when Fox and Kix catch up to the Skywalkers and Obi-Wan gets to watch the distinct pleasure of 501st Commander and Chief Medic argue down Darth Lord Vader while he avoids explaining that he definitely was just gonna leave the planet without telling anyone (namely them) in Imperial High Naval Command Speak.

Obi-Wan is confused, Luke is concerned, Leia lasts about five minutes before she starts shouting at everyone all at once.

Anakin would very much like it if the Force would stop fucking with him in particular.

The Force just sends him the equivalent of a condescending parental head pat.

#once again I am back on my bullshit you are welcome #Star Wars #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #shut up perry #I need a Star Wars tag #pre canon #but also post canon #canon is merely a suggestion i ignore #disaster lineage

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perrysian · 2 years

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