pat-the-togorian - Tumblr blog

pat-the-togorian · 1 month

Text

Excited to join, moderate, and invite all Vaderkin fans this new fic and art exchange event!!

Vaderkin Creative Exchange 2024!

Hello and welcome! This is a gift exchange in four steps, organised by the Vaderkin Community (Vaderkin is a lightning rod discord), to increase interactions between writers and artists and give everyone some time to shine!

✒️ Step 1: Writers write prompts for artists, everyone get matched depending on sign up answers. 🎨 Step 2: Artists have one month to draw one or more works from the prompts they received. ✒️ Step 3: Arts reveal. Writers get assigned one or several art pieces and have two months to write a minimum 500 words story inspired from them. 🎨 Step 4: Fics reveal. Drawing festival, every artist can draw fanart over the new stories created from the event (and be reblogged by this tumblr for it).

All works (art and fic) from tumblr will be reblogged by the Vader Community and all works (art and fic) from ao3 can be added to the event collection. For this, the works need to be tagged properly with "Vaderkin creative exchange 2024", as well as the tag "explicit" if it is explicit (smut, strong graphic violence) work.

Overall, it’s a typical gift exchange, only writers prompts will be in image rather than words, and everyone is strongly encouraged to have fun and try their hand at sketching during the ’drawing festival’.

Schedule:

Sign up opens: Marsh 28th, 2024 Sign up closes: April 27th, 2024 Artists receive prompts & giftee: May 4th, 2024 (as a little sw gift 😉) Writers receive prompts & giftee: June 2nd-4th, 2024 Artists Submissions: June 4th, 2024 Writers Submissions: August 4th 2024 Drawing Festival: August 2024

Have fun!!

Rules and FAQ below the cut

RULES

- This is an Anakin Skywalker | Darth Vader exchange. This character needs to be one of the main characters, or at least have a very strong presence in the artwork/story. Crossovers are accepted.

- Respect your Giftee's Do Not Want (DNW)

- Do not reveal who your Giftee is before the reveal date (June 4th for artists, August 4th for writers). If you have a question, ask as anon through the Giftee's Tumblr or ask one of the event mods (we will serve as intermediary).

- Do not repost your gift content (especially art!) Mind your giftee’s extra request for AI-scraping protection if there is any. If you can, use the ao3 gift function to link to their profile. Otherwise, mention in your work post that this is a gift, with a mention of your giftee username and a link towards their tumblr/ao3/otherwise page, if they gave one.

- Do not use AI to produce your gift, be it to produce the prompts or to produce your art / written work.

- Avoid character bashing, kinkshaming, and ship wars. If one fits in your DNW (ex: You absolutely do not want Obikin content), mention it politely. This is an event for everyone to have fun! The fandom is wide, and there is space for everyone.

If any of the above rules is not respected, mods reserve the right to ban you from this and any future Vaderkin Community events.

By participating in this exchange, you commit yourself to producing one art piece if you sign up as an artist, one written fic if you sign up as writer, or one artwork and one fic if you sign up as both. If you can't complete your work, you must warn one of the mods at least one week before the deadline.

Please don’t forget to comment on your gift, even a small ’thank you’ to the artist/writer is better than nothing and will make everyone very happy!

---

FAQ

Can I draw a comic? Yes, a comic panel will be counted as an art piece.

Can I write a multi chapter story? Sure! Feel free to! But your first chapter must be able to pass as a one shot, and be finished by the writing deadline.

I missed the sign up deadline (27th April), can I still join? No, but you can still join during the Drawing Festival! The final event is open to everyone.

I only joined as an artist/writer but also wanted to participate as the other one. Same answer. The sign up closes in order for us to properly match everyone. But don’t hesitate to join and give gifts for the Drawing Festival!

Someone else also have the same writing prompt/art prompt/giftee as me, is this normal? Yes, this is how we balance the number difference between writers and artists. Prompt interpretation varies from person to person!

Can I do several art/fic works? Sure! In the case of art pieces, it will allow the writer to choose from which picture to draw inspiration from, like receiving several prompts, so several art pieces is highly encouraged!

I cannot finish my work in time, what do I do? Contact us ASAP and tell us your estimated delay. If you are an artist, keep in mind that your gifter cannot begin their writing work before your art piece is published.

I do not wish to participate anymore, what do I do? Contact us ASAP. Please try not to drop out right before the deadline, as we may have to create a work to replace yours.

#Vaderkin creative exchange 2024 #Vaderkin #Star Wars event #writing event #gift exchange

52 notes · View notes

pat-the-togorian · 3 months

Text

It's almost a crime I haven't been officially following you all this time 😭 I'm so glad I found this blog 😌

Here's my favorite drawings of 2023, wooooo! It's so fun to see all the different seasons represented. I'm curious, which of these do you like most?

Thank you for following along with my art this year! I feel so lucky that anyone connects with my weird little drawings. Your attention and kindness is very much appreciated. ♥

Here's to more growth in 2024!

16K notes · View notes

pat-the-togorian · 3 months

Text

Aww true, but I can be thankful for everyone who understands 💜

(The fact this post had zero comments until I accidentally posted one did *not help*)

gilbert is always so relatable

780 notes · View notes

pat-the-togorian · 4 months

Text

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

8! There are some much older titles on my FFN (14), but I've stopped posting new works there.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

43,798! Mostly thanks to month-long challenge attempts in Feb and April of last year! Otherwise, I write *very* briefly.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars currently! But in the past I've written for Legend of Zelda, Civilization V, Doki Doki Literature Club, RWBY, Octopath Traveler, Pokémon, Kung Fu Panda, and even one Hardy Boys parody fic! In the future, I want to do more with HTTYD and some of the others, likely in a gift fic request form!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Tending to Togrutas - 61

Never That Normal - 39

The Silent World - 20

Skywalker Snared - 16

Pat's Febu-Whump 2023 (28 chapters) - 7

(OC fics and one-shots sure make the numbers uninspiring 😅

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, I love getting comments, especially from repeat commenters! I always try and thank them and let them know it means a lot. Engagement is priceless.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

One of the individual chapters in Febu-Whump or Angstpril, most certainly. Leaning towards Chapter 23 of Pat's Febu-Whump, "You'll Have to Go Through Me," in which Pat witnesses several Clone Troopers, including one who terrorized him before he became a Jedi, sacrifice themselves for his sake; becomes Force-inhibited, and is presumed dead by his new found family.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of them do 🤣 But of the ones I have written, I'd say it's Never That Normal.

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

Not usually. Some of my old stuff got some anonymous reviews, but I'm pretty sure they came from one vindictive person, on personal reasons, rather than fic preference. Oh! And my Pokémon piece was caught up in Blades of Chance's crusade.

9. Do you write smut?

Nope!

10. Do you write crossovers?

I sometimes roleplay crossovers or toy with the ideas, but nothing that's complete enough to publish.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of! Help me out if so!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

It would be news to me! Although it would be an honor!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes, @sinvulkt, @ct2002-rema, and @asteral-feileacan consulted on their characters in the prompt challenge fics, and I'm officially co-authored with them and The Jedi Wayseeker on A Questionable Encounter. There are also a few fics with Venom Garage and @christina-stark-skarlet-stileto, such as Across the Stars.

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

I usually just stick with what's canon when reading, and I don't write a lot of romance on my own 😅For reading, though, I like Hiccstrid (HTTYD), Zelink (Legend of Zelda), Link/Orielle (LOZ: Skyward Sword), and laughing from afar at whatever madness my fellow roleplayers (...especially you, Rema...) come up with for their original characters!

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Maybe my attempt at Angstpril 2023? Some of it is based on roleplaying game sessions none of us remember that well 😅I still hope to post what I did finish, but making it to 30 is unlikely.

16. What’s your writing strengths?

Mechanics, grammar, thesaurus and editing. I love editing (but I'm not taking new jobs rn sorry). I also love writing dialog and short, punchy descriptions.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Sometimes I can make paragraphs too long or make scene transitions a bit vague. Also, when I have a strong internal conception, I don't always remember to explain it fully on paper. I also get caught up in high-school English level bad habits like never using the word "said," which makes my dialog tags laborious and distracting.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Never been fond of the idea of, for example, learning Mando'a. For Pokémon, or the dragons in HTTYD, or droids, I try to focus more on their body language, movements, and the mood of their nonverbal vocalizations. I'll mention when people/sentients switch to another language, but requiring the reader to understand the language or translating it directly on the page removes readers from the moment, in my opinion.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

My first fic ever published was for Legend of Zelda! It's only on FFN, titled Shared Memories. The first fanfiction I ever attempted to write was for Wreck-it Ralph (being the first ever work of fanfiction I stumbled across) but alas, I was 14 when I wrote it, and I'm grateful I didn't publish those awkward beginnings.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

For its sheer merit and the (relative) acclaim it's gotten, I'd choose Gift (Guardians of the Galaxy, on my FFN).

For the experience, Pat's Febu-Whump 2023. It brought out the long-hidden roleplayer in me, deepened my friendships with the creators of the other characters, and has even been printed out by @sinvulkt ! I got to autograph it for them and it was a huge honor! It was a proud finish, and I'm forever grateful to my team and all the reviewers from @fanfictasia.

Speaking of whom... @asteral-feileacan and @christina-stark-skarlet-stileto, would you like to take the same interview? Anyone else is also more than welcome to keep the chain going!

20 Questions For Writers

Wow, thank you so much for the tag @fanfictasia !! I've wanted to participate in something like this forever!! 🎶✨️✨️

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Right now? 66.

"Yes, as a star wars writer, I am very proud of that. No, I do not intend to change it anytime soon."

I really need to focus on (and finish) some of my WIPs, and that mean trying not to disperse my energy amidst one shots (no matter how much i love monthly challenges and fic exchange events). Also I'm very proud of that 66 count and want to appreciate it xd.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

321k words!!

(More or less 100k / year 🎶 little me would never believe that 0.0

My school exam results sure don't, with how they are dropping 🤣)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star wars mostly (Vaderkin or my OC Sinvulkt), then Marvel (Dr Strange), Dream SMP (Dream), Le Visiteur du Future (Renard) and more recently Batman (Bruce Wayne) as well as Avatar: the last airbender (Zuko).

Plus the original stories I am supposed to write but almost never end up doing xd (the engagement in fandom compared to original stories make the switch hard xd).

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. Dreamt of a Never Ending Sky (Dream SMP)

669 kudos

2. To Fly Free Under The Morning Sun (Star Wars)

480 kudos

3. On the Edge of Twilight (Star Wars)

380 kudos

4. Scales of Embers (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

353 kudos

5. Crash Landing on Space Australia (Star Wars)

319 kudos

I'll never know how my Dream SMP fic got so much engagement. Good timing at a moment the fandom was in effervescence, I guess. Scales of Embers scoring so high is also a surprise 0.0. I discovered it had that many kudos today. It’s a shame the Dr Strange fandom is small because I think my Dr Strange WIP What If Doctor Strange Lost His Humanity ? would have deserved a place here. It definitely does in my heart.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! As a reader, I always feel super happy when the author shows that they’ve read and appreciated my comments. I know that personality an author who answers make me more likely to want to drop a comment.

As an author, I absolutely want to show how much I love every single comments, so I try to answer them all. But I get a little overwhelmed sometimes, bcs lots of other stuff going on irl or another reason. As such, it can happen that I don't feel the energy to answer a comment on the spot. And if I don't answer it on the spot (using the power of the wiggy dizzy nice happy feeling of getting a comment), I don't necessarily have the energy to answer later on. I currently have something like 60 unanswered comments I think? TT.TT

But rest assured that whether I answered or not, I absolutely adore and cherish every single ones!! Comments are amazing! ✨️.✨️

(This kind of engagement is one of the only reason I managed to settle into such an active rythm of writing after years of trying then dropping the hobby~)

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Glance at my fics.

Uhhh... This is a hard question here... Many of them have angsty endings XD

Mostly the ones at the beginning (the worst written ones xd). I wonder why~

Also a lot of them don' have endings yet XD

I'll say amidst the 'old' fics from 2021, Day 8 - Screaming (Star Wars) would be the angstier one (or most horrible one ig xd).

But as far as recent fic go... While I haven't finished writing it bcs its wordcount exploded in my face, I already plotted / drafted it a few months ago and I know the ending, so I'll choose:

Batman’s Downfall (To Stand Alone) (Batman)

I noticed my kind of angst doesn’t have much success around these parts ��🤣. Oh well. I cherish it all the same :3.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Sometimes I think I wrote too many fics. It's hard to select one.

Uhhh... My fluffiest works are one shots in Of Feathers and Freedom serie, but they are part of the series so it’s not really an 'ending'.

...

I'll answer for the crackiest story rather than the happiest ending bcs all my finished fics ending are ominous open ending at best xd.

The Blob Adventures Of Excentrics Jedi (Star Wars)

Because it's cute blob drawings of our crazy team of OC in taaoej, and I love them (although we are all angst lovers in taaoej, so it's more crack-angst, and we don't know the ending bcs there isn't really one. Not yet at least. Hopefully never).

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

Just my own innervoice as far as I'm aware. But then I've always been rather clueless when people tried to 'hate on me'. The message usually just got lost somewhere in dreamspace immensity, never computing.

I've found the fandoms communities really welcoming at the very least!!

9. Do you write smut?

No.

I don't really enjoy reading smut. Nor romance for the matter. I don't think I'd enjoy writing it.

But maybe I'll try one day, for the sake of experimenting all genres.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I never did. I don't know why. Maybe I just never felt the need to mix characters and universes. There are amazing crossovers out there though, so who knows, maybe one day I'll try one.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of. In all honesty, I don't think my works are nearly popular enough to get stolen xd.

My writing style isn’t that good yet, and my dislike of romance when the majority of the fandom community is ship-powered means I end up in a corner quite niche. (A corner I love, that being said. Yay Crack, Angst and Gen~)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but maybe I'll translate some of mine in french someday. Be it only so that I do write fiction in my native language from time to time.

Anyone that wanna translate my fics, feel free to!!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes, To Fly Free Under The Morning Sun (Star Wars)!!

I’m still waiting for my co-author @purpleopossum to come back to me / get back in star wars mood to continue that one. 🫠

Can’t say my hopes are that high up after all this time, but it’s the redemption | healing part of the serie and I don’t really have fun writing alone redemption | healing part... i prefer doing the whole mayhem that create the injury in the first place. And with how long some of my fics hiatus are (and I got no excuse for those xd), it’s only fair for me to wait. (I did write more other works for the dragon Vader serie in the meantime xd).

I made an oath to myself to never leave a work unfinished though, so we’ll see. If in several years purple still doesn’t wish to continue it, or if she inform me she is dropping the story, I’ll try to make some kind of ending. It’s part of the game i guess.

Alternatively, the The Amazing Adventures Of Excentrics Jedi universe is a group of star wars OCs that we made together with @pat-the-togorian , @asteral-feileacan , @ct2002-rema and Xylian. I don’t know if that count as co-writing? We usually write our OCs pov.

But in all cases, co-writting is very fun and I’d definitely do it again if other opportunities arise in the future.

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

The absence of ship is my all-time favorite ship. Otherwise, "main character / digging their own grave" would be my 'favorite ship' since I tend to synch with idiots snarky jerks disasters.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

To Fly Free Under The Morning Sun (Star Wars) that I mentioned for question 13? 🤣

More seriously, I'll answer On the Edge of Twilight (Star Wars)

Because it's my vent fic. I know the main plot line, I vaguely know the current arc, but no one can predict where the next arc will go. It's all pure impulse and while I have a vague idea of 'ending', I refuse to plan a path towards it. This fic specifically, I want to keep pure impulse. So I'd love for it to become some kind of "The NeverEnding Story". :3

16. What’s your writing strengths?

I write.

No seriously, it's not something I did four years ago appart from vent poems here and there. Writing is in itself a huge writing strenght!

Otherwise I'm also a bottomless well of idea. It's pretty neat.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

... romance?

Or dialogues. Lastly I have a lot of frustration around the transition from dialogue / transition / dialogue. I feel like I'm crap at properly timing that.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

It's fun. I do it for games sometimes. Since apparently writing normally is not chllenging enough for my brain sometimes. It did teach me bits of mando'a.

Recently for Sēċan (Star Wars) I decided last minute to put the whole droid dialogue in morse, and I regret none of it.

I'm usually only doing it for one shots though, and never 'official existing' languages until now.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Star wars :p

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Now that's another hard question, how am I supposed to select one.

I'm gonna answer the whole Of Feathers And Freedom (Star Wars) serie. Bcs wings. :3

Tag time~ (if you wish to)

@purpleopossum @pat-the-togorian @cinderfeather @beguilewritesstuff @purple-iris @dreaminghour @ravenite-void @trickstress333 @bluntblade @doctorgeekery @stewardofningishzida @jenae-0 @trickstress333 @kittonafoxgirl @pastelcourage @salparadiselost @kefalion @charlottevader @ravenstakeflight @starr234 @aelaer @sarcasticfirefighter @mckiwi @linzerj @sonderwalker @exomal @tonhalszendvics @nephilimswitchlight @firejay112 @only-here-for-the-star-wars @ajedilikehisfather @makaronik @chickadeechickadoo @dirtkid123 @numerousbees1106 @akizumy @25centsoda @udekai @wendingways @silvereddaye @in-company-of-misery @wisechaosglitter @kuraiarcoiris @alright-anakin @wyvunn you're more than welcome to join on the interview fun!! (Or to ignore the tagging if not interested xd).

I know I tagged. I lot of people. Some of you may recognise my pseud, some may not. But I thought it would be interesting to hear the answer of the various authors with whom I interacted on ao3 over the years, so I went and digged up those with tumblr I could find from my inbox 🤣

(Hopefully I didn’t bother any of you >.< - otherwise I apologize. Same for if I accidentally tagged a non-writer.)

I'd love to hear your answers! 🎶

#ask game #writers on tumblr #ao3 writer #fanfic #fanfiction

24 notes · View notes

pat-the-togorian · 4 months

Text

Barbie or Oppenheimer // ketchup or mustard // crinkled fries or curly fries // robots or dinosaurs// silly hats or silly socks // spring or autumn // A Wizard of Earthsea or Lord of the Rings // vacation or staycation // day or night // board games or video games // books or movies // money or love // milkshake or iced coffee // waffles or pancakes // chocolate or candy // beach or pool // laundry or dishes // take-out or dine-out // fantasy or sci-fi // lays or pringles

Surprised you chose nighttime, Early Bird! 🤣

@asteral-feileacan @christina-stark-skarlet-stileto

This or that?

Thank you for the tag @redwidow616!

barbie or oppenheimer // ketchup or mustard // crinkled fries or curly fries // robots or dinosaurs // silly hats or silly socks // spring or autumn // harry potter or lord of the rings // vacation or staycation // day or night // board games or video games // books or movies // money or love // milkshake or iced coffee // waffles or pancakes // chocolate or candy // beach or pool // laundry or dishes // take-out or dine-out // fantasy or sci-fi // lays or pringles

No pressure tagging @brekker-by-brekkerr, @aintinacage, @accidental-spice, @dean-belongs-with-lisa, @lovelymysticmoon and @fictionalfangirlsworld!

372 notes · View notes

pat-the-togorian · 5 months

Text

If I can help motivate a writer with reblogs, I will!

*cracks knuckles* i've never been one to be unique, so i shall dabble in this as well

if this post gets to 20k notes by the end of november (see the impossible deadline?) i will finally get cracking on my novel and put it up on wattpad when its done

i love impossible deadlines, especially when i'm setting them <3

#writing encouragement

21K notes · View notes

pat-the-togorian · 6 months

Text

Sigh… it’s true 🤣🤓

You know a professor of mine here once confused the English words and said “the carrot of the tree” when he meant the root 🤣

we just allow people to speak dutch

670 notes · View notes

pat-the-togorian · 6 months

Text

How Lost am I?

There was a girl in my classes who always said things like that. She couldn’t see the strengths in herself at all. To ask her, she’d call herself a fake, who learned nothing in the classroom or the internship. She saw herself as cowardly and weak and spineless.

That’s not how I thought of her at all.

She always showed up to class ready to learn and help and participate. I envied that as I dragged myself out of bed and straight to class, coffee and cheap fried food in hand, far too late in the day.

What stopped me from saying the same things about myself?

I was the one who failed to integrate with the group and forgot my tasks even when I did get one. All the time she bashed herself openly, I bashed myself privately. And I couldn’t help, whenever I heard her say something so cruel about herself, thinking: “If she’s this lost, how doomed am I?”

I realize that I make self-deprecating jokes often, despite trying to rein it in. Of course, I would call myself attention-seeking, but I wouldn’t dare accuse anyone else of seeking validation that way. I wondered what they would tell me if I started saying mean things about myself. Or maybe, I should have tried to tell her that that’s not how I saw her at all. It could have meant a lot to her… but I also could have ruined it without even realizing it.

“I don’t feel like I learn anything!”

I know. I feel lost too.

“I’m the fakest student!”

You have things on your resume that I am sorely lacking, and I look up to you.

“I’m too weak and stupid and cowardly to work a job like that.”

Not everyone has to be measured by whatever kind of position you’re referring to…

It was both calming and unsettling to see that someone else had doubts that sounded so familiar to my own. My heart ached when she said these things.

I’ve been there. Some days I still am. And if there was anything more of me left, I’d try to help you.

It wasn’t my job, of course, to help her with anything of the sort. I guess I always thought if I helped others, I’d feel like I helped myself.

I don’t know what the future holds. Neither of us will be in school forever. When I disappear into my room to write my thesis and graduate, I may never see her after that.

But I’ll remember how she cut herself down and I found myself aching as well.

I’ll remember how this version of herself she accepted as fact seemed so wrong to me.

I’ll try to summon the strength of will from within myself to do my best, and to cut out the self-deprecation from all that I say.

And occasionally, I’ll talk about how much it hurts to see it.

#my writing #free verse poem #poetry #deep thoughts #deep feelings #life #low self worth #low self confidence

3 notes · View notes

pat-the-togorian · 6 months

Text

Not Along the Shore At All

One week later, I made my way back to the shore. I hadn’t planned it. The bus had brought us to the same place as I’d caught the ferry last week, so full of joy and adventure.

The dock was only a little ways down the dike from me. The same ferry boat stood there, flags snapping in the wind, ready to carry another group across the sea to adventure. Not me, not this time.

I wandered outside of the restaurant with its bustling peers, all talking and laughing. I crept down to the water’s edge on my own. The sun was high in the sky, the wind played with my hair, the sun shone bright in a way that filled my bones with energy. Flags and sails mere meters from me whipped and fluttered in the gale. Birds stood still in flight, skillfully riding the wind.

How did everything change in a week?

Today, I wasn’t taking a ferry, but a bus, and a packed one with a long, educational itinerary. It was morning now, but I knew I wouldn’t reach home before dusk.

But it wasn’t their fault.

Even if I’d only seen the sea twice, I could tell you it doesn’t really change. It rises and falls, grows stormy and calm, but it’s always there. Maybe it was unusual, but I had always liked the constance of the sea.

Diametrically, I had lost my University ID, and my paper, which I had poured my life into came back with a failing grade. If I failed the rewrite, I couldn’t finish the course anymore. I couldn’t imagine explaining to my parents that I’d have to return home in disgrace when my shorter courses wrapped up, tell my amazing friend who I’d finally meet at Christmastime that I wouldn’t make it, explain to everyone why I’d started failing introductory papers at 25.

Some people compare life, their goals, their dreams to the sea. I couldn’t think of anything less descriptive of mine.

Dark clouds loomed offshore, pierced by a rainbow. A sign of promise, I thought. It must be promising someone else today.

Nobody expects the sea to dry up, but I felt as if my life was on the edge of pouring out.

The whole day, the bus carried us to different places, different waters. We saw canals that ran between two dikes, their water levels far higher than the land on which the farmers depended.

So precarious, I thought.

We saw houses built on artificial land, with seawater running between them. Back home, I would never have wanted to live next to the water in a floodplain, but my whole time here, I had been living on a giant floodplain.

So full of hubris, I thought.

As we walked back to the bus, my professor must have noticed I was different. Before the past week, I had always been excited for these trips, asking questions, cracking jokes. Today I had walked mostly alone, shrunken, letting my tears fall where no one could see them. He asked me a question, if we did the same kind of construction back home. I explained, and a little spring came back into my step. Even the people who failed my work hadn’t written me off.

The last place we visited was a small hill in the middle of the field, surrounded by nothing but grass and distant trees. A lighthouse stood next to a keeper’s house, and a small set of harbor piers arced around in a semicircle. It was an island, once, before they drained its water.

It’s an event center now. People have parties or weddings on this island, now high and dry. My professor explains that the buildings aren’t original; they’re reconstructions for the tourists.

That explains why there’s no salt damage, rust, or tar in those pilings, I thought.

Our professor asked us, “Does anyone know why this is a World Heritage Site?”

Three or four people threw out their hopeful answers. And finally, I did what I hadn’t done all day. I knew it.

I raised my hand, and when he called on me, I shouted through the wind, “Because it was a former island?”

With his affirmative, everyone clapped.

This island’s sea had dried up, but it was still a place. It became special, worthy of international preservation, after its sea had drained.

As we all walked back to the bus for the drive home, my professor asked me what my favorite part had been. I answered that it had been this last stop. I explained my fascination with islands, the complete surrealness of the place, even the uncanny pristine replicas of the island’s former maritime trappings.

Perhaps he thought I was joking, calling the last stop my favorite part of the trip. He doesn’t know how much my sudden understanding of that place meant to me, and that’s okay. But I hope I can tell people now.

I hope I can tell people that what they face, even if it’s stranger than the sea drying up, is not the end. Your answers might just be a little ways down the coast.

And they might not even be along the shore at all.

#my writing #free verse poem #poetry #deep thoughts #deep feelings #life

5 notes · View notes

pat-the-togorian · 9 months

Text

It keeps changing because I keep forgetting about this game 🤣 but this is it, because Fallout:

https://open.spotify.com/track/3TZOD3te4s6emphPXcVeQz?si=z3Nd2pJlTIKqS8gx8FrJBg

@asteral-feileacan if you haven't been tagged already 😁

@christina-stark-skarlet-stileto

tagged by @pinkcomputervoid to post the last song i listened to!!

currently listening to

you already tagged some of my friends so XD gonna tag @disco-troy @wingedrobins @vampirehal @gretaghostgirl @is-this-fandom-who-knows

25 notes · View notes

pat-the-togorian · 10 months

Note

Thank you! ☺️ @christina-stark-skarlet-stileto

hugs you real tight Would you please send this to ten people on your dash? Make sure someone gets a hug today!💝💝

Love you all. Everyone.

@marvelstars @thranduilswifesblog

20 notes · View notes

pat-the-togorian · 1 year

Text

Pat's Angstpril Day 19: Breaking Down

The affectionately-named Milk Battalion had just come off of their biggest bust yet. Thousands of enslaved souls were set free, many of them receiving immediate care from the Clone medics aboard the Gruyere even as the crew set out to celebrate. Pat’s ship, the Beholden, and his own actions on the ground, had brought about the traffickers’ capture. All night, he soaked up commendations from the officers and the Clones. Aheka and Sinvulkt looked so proud.

He flashed his trademark grin until his jaw hurt, sipped the drinks they bought for him, and altogether, did his best impression of himself all night. But unlike the big-wigs and the adoring public, he had been in the trenches, with Clones shot out from right beside him. He was in the blocks of cells and the webs of chains, slicing the bonds off the emaciated bodies of the underworld’s worst victims. He saw their wounds and scars up close. Too close.

Some days, it all got to be too much for Pat.

People enthusiastically pointed out, thanked, and praised Pat all night. He was honestly thrilled that he was recognized for doing something great. At the same time, though, he grew more and more anxious and queasy. Why could this be celebrated when it couldn’t take place without suffering? Surely they don’t know what I had to see… I just want to be with my pack right now…

Eventually, the four weary warriors stepped away from it all, the merry buzz of the party carrying them back to their quarters. Pat tried to just keep walking, make it to his room before dropping his facade, but it was no good. Rema, Sinvulkt and Aheka noticed immediately as they looked at him more closely.

“Pat, what’s wrong?” Rema asked, spotting the signs of distress rapidly. Aheka and Sinvulkt stopped cold, also looking at him with concern. He gave a heartbroken smile.

“You saw things down there, didn’t you,” Rema murmured.

Pat’s eyes welled up. I’m ruining this night for everyone, his mind wailed.

Sinvulkt acted first, rushing to wrap her wings around his shaking form and gently letting him down as he fell to his haunches, sobbing.

Aheka placed her hands on his shoulders, being careful never to touch his neck. “You can talk to us,” she assured. “About whatever you saw down there.”

“N-no… I’m okay,” he pleaded. “Please… keep having fun and don’t lose sleep over me…”

Each of them looked outraged at the suggestion that they should leave him alone with everything he’d seen. “We aren’t going anywhere,” they all asserted.

“I-I don’t deserve this! I deserve to be a slave myself! It should have been me… oh, now I sound so ungrateful…” he curled even tighter, writhing with humiliation and grief.

“Easy, Pat, let’s all breathe together, okay?” Aheka urged everyone to join in and they walked Pat’s breaths back to normal.

“I-I-I couldn’t save everyone… I can’t bear what I saw… I’m such a disgrace…” he hiccuped through the words. At least he was breathing. The three looked ready to go to war against Pat’s feelings.

“We’ve all seen the horrors of war, Pat,” Aheka reassured him. “And we’re all here for you.”

“I’m supposed to be happy…” he whispered, brokenly. Sinvulkt’s wings tightened protectively around him.

“Talk to us, my Padawan,” she whispered. “Don’t hesitate.”

“All of the captives were… in such bad shape,” he choked out. “We took out the guards but before we could stop all of them they started to shoot people… one after another…”

He couldn’t stop a sob from tearing out of his throat.

“A-a-and… I was trying to pull this girl… out from under a huge pile of chains… d-d-died in my arms…”

Aheka looked heartbroken, though unsurprised, that one of her children had to witness such atrocity. Sinvulkt looked like she’d never let Pat leave the safety of her wings. Rema clamped down on her own flashbacks to keep on rhythmically stroking the top of Pat’s head.

“It hurts,” he finally whispered.

No one disagreed.

Eventually, Aheka stood, gradually letting the others help Pat stand up. The three were bone-tired, but Pat’s eyes looked like they’d be open until the end of time. “You know where to take him,” she whispered to Sinvulkt and Rema, herself sneaking away to Pat’s room to grab his favorite blanket.

The next morning, any other Jedi walking through the common room would have stumbled upon quite the sight. Aheka’s outstretched arms and Sinvulkt’s wings curled around Rema and Pat, who’d both fallen asleep curled around the other. The former two had been awake for hours, but would do anything not to wake their sleeping charges.

Whenever it got to be too much, they deserved every moment of comfort they could provide.

#angstpril2023 #starwars #fanfiction #day19 #taaoej #the amazing adventures of excentrics jedi #angst #whump

11 notes · View notes

pat-the-togorian · 1 year

Note

If you receive this, you make somebody happy! Go on anon and send this to ten of your followers who make you happy or somebody you think needs cheering up. if you get one back, even better! 💖💛💖💛💖

Thank you!! I probably know you, so I hope you feel seen and appreciated in our un-anonymous friendship as well! 🥲

0 notes

pat-the-togorian · 1 year

Note

Awwww! Thanks, random strangers! I probably know you... I hope I'm properly showing you how much I care.

0 notes

pat-the-togorian · 1 year

Text

Pat's Angstpril Day 18: Exhausted

Sinvulkt, Pat, Aheka and Rema trudged wearily through the snow, the whistling winds embracing all of them in turn. Pat stumbled for a moment, hoping nobody noticed.

He shivered. Nobody would believe me if I told them I was cold… I’m covered in fur, for crying out loud!

How much longer would the storm last? How much longer did they have to travel until they reached their camp again? Were they going in circles?

He was losing energy quickly, clasping his chest with his paws, whining slightly. He was grateful that the wind whisked the sounds away.

Sinvulkt turned to look at him, and he snapped to attention again. I refuse to let them all see me weak!

No matter that he wasn’t an arctic cat…

His paws were getting number, his legs less obedient, his balance more and more stunted. He finally fell backwards into a sudden, icy sitting position.

“Pat!” Aheka quickly scanned him through the Force. “Are you alright?”

Rema quickly knelt next to him, and Sinvulkt let him warm up in her cloak and feathered embrace.

Pat struggled to stand once more, but couldn’t get more than a foot off the ground before sinking back down. “Well… that’s… inconvenient…” he looked at the three of them with a scared expression. “Just a minute… really…”

“Pat, you don’t need to, we’ll find a way out of this!” Aheka insisted.

“G-go on without me!” he blurted. The rest of them looked at him, stunned. “You’ll all die if you stop!”

Rema, probably the physically strongest aside from Pat, grabbed him under his arms, hauling half of him up. His catlike body stretched out, his haunches still on the ground. Sinvulkt and Aheka each grabbed a paw, stunned at how icy-cold they were, not to mention the ice on his fur already.

I hope they make it… Pat thought grimly. No matter what, they should live…

#angstpril2023 #starwars #fanfiction #day18 #taaoej #the amazing adventures of excentrics jedi #angst #whump

2 notes · View notes

pat-the-togorian · 1 year

Text

Pat's Angstpril Day 17: Running Away

I marched to the Council Chambers with a spring in my step, ears happily pitched forward. I’d been doing well to improve in my studies as compared to my overwhelming entrance to Jedi training so late in my childhood.

And then, the meeting started.

I’d never felt so laid bare.

The Datapad that held all my best work, report cards on my improvement with my lightsaber, and notes of praise from Aheka and Sinvulkt sat forgotten on Obi-Wan’s armrest, amidst the scowling faces of the rest of the Council. They didn’t want to know about my progress. They wanted information. I’d been grimly proven right about the suspicions I’d raised to Aheka. The Council hated me.

Obi-Wan looked at me with sadness and suspicion. “Pat, you are indeed a prodigy as a Seer, and in Force Seek and deciphering Force signatures, but you must be aware of the pitfalls of your fears,” he advised. I knew it hadn’t been an easy time for his own Padawan, but it felt like he saw right through me, and worse, saw too much of Skywalker in me.

“That’s putting it lightly,” Mace Windu grumbled. “Your fears and attachments have already disrupted the important assignments of others… your very own Master included.” He was clearly upset that Sinvulkt’s Shadow mission had been interrupted by our Battalion. “I have half a mind to ask you, right now, to defend your actions.”

“A disciplinary hearing, this is not,” Yoda’s voice burst in. “But your fears, you must rectify. A gift your Sight is, but the future, in motion, always is.”

I nodded silently, afraid that my voice would break if I tried to speak. But I felt them so strongly… how could I promise to lose my fear overnight?

“On your current path, we cannot endorse your Knighthood,” Windu warned again. It was clearly a loaded statement, implying that far worse would befall me than being held back a year from my Trial.

I nodded, trying not to look too sullen, or too heartbroken. I felt like any single thing I did would only make them view me as so much lesser.

I trudged back to my quarters, shoulders hunched and tail dragging. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end up! My friends, my Master, my Grandmaster… the Council saw me as a discredit to all of them. And that would never do.

The Jedi Order had never been so big on possessions, so I hardly had to prepare at all. I left my lightsaber, belt, and my dressier robes neatly on the bed, wearing only my simple tunic. I cradled the leather Padawan braid that usually hung from my right ear, with the bead made from the first shiny stone Sinvulkt had gifted me. A couple of fat teardrops fell onto it. I left the room, feeling a foot shorter than when I’d left it this morning. The weight of the Padawan braid felt so heavy, I dropped it on the floor as I slunk away. I’m sorry, Master… for everything.

It went against everything I wanted, but I still headed for the door.

For a few hours, I sat in the late-afternoon rain on the Temple’s front steps. I shivered, shaking drops loose from my fur. Get used to this, I berated myself. I forced my mind to come up with a plan. It wasn’t likely the Order would ship me somewhere else, aside from potentially my home planet, or the Agri Corps… but that was what they’d want for me, wasn’t it? Resisting living as their little worker bee was the last kind of pride I had left.

Suddenly, I heard a ruffle of feathers, and the rain drumming numbingly on my skull dissipated. The water beaded and ran off of Sinvulkt’s feathers as she raised a wing to cover my hunched form.

“I-it didn’t go well,” I shakily told her. “Th-they… want this for me…”

“You don’t have to,” she whispered. “You can stay.”

“But… who would want me to stay?” I whispered.

Sinvulkt hissed sharply. “What we don’t want is for you to be out here alone with your doubts. What we want is for you to get back in there and fight for yourself. You aren’t being kicked out of the Order, right?” Her eyes flashed with some distant memory.

“No… I’m not,” I gulped and replied with a bit more effort.

“It’s your choice, Padawan,” she finished. “Far be it from me to stop you from running. But you can also come back and give yourself a chance.”

I nodded slowly and drew myself back up. Sinvulkt folded her wing back from its use as a makeshift umbrella and reached out her hand. In it lay my Padawan braid.

“Th-thanks,” I murmured, looping it back over my right ear. “Really. For…for everything.”

She gave a slight smile. “The reason you belong here is inside you, Pat.”

@formeralleycat

#angstpril2023 #starwars #fanfiction #day17 #taaoej #the amazing adventures of excentrics jedi #angst #whump

1 note · View note

pat-the-togorian · 1 year

Text

Pat's Angstpril Day 16: "You Have To Let Me Go"

A/N: In an AU where Order 66 never happens!

All throughout the day of my ceremony, I did my best to wear a smile along with my dressiest robes. I’d done it—I was due to be Knighted. I’d been working towards this day ever since I’d been brought here. Brought here…

It was clearly my day in the spotlight. During my later years as a Padawan, I’d truly proven myself to the Order after my various rough spells. The commendations rolled in, and each one of them made me grin like an idiot. All through the day, however, there was one presence who seemed unusually distant.

There was no question that Sinvulkt was proud of me, and she most certainly had reason to be proud of herself for training me. Her presence, though, seemed unusually muted. She typically was always around to throw some wrench into pompous ceremonies like this, especially the ones with the Council involved.

Is she alright?

At the end of the day, I’d be ceremonially sent on my first assignment as Jedi General. I wouldn’t have any reason to cross paths with her, or the rest of the Milk Battalion, for almost six months. It was the longest I’d ever been separated from them, well, willingly, that is, since before I’d met them.

It was the ceremony I had always dreamed of. It took place in the Hall of Knighthood with the entire Council present. They presented their sabers in a ring around my kneeling form on the ceremonial platform. Grandmaster Yoda dipped his blade over each of my shoulders, severing the lower half of the leather strap I wore as my Padawan braid.

The crowd started to dissipate in the time between the ceremony’s end and my departure. Sinvulkt herself stood next to the platform, in the same place she was all through the ceremony. As the crowd thinned out enough to feel private in that space, I nervously approached her.

“M-Master…? I know I’ve said it before so many times, but I am so truly grateful for everything you’ve done for me… and… even though we’re not going to have as much time together, I hope you can always consider me to be a part of your Flock. And… I know I’ll always consider you part of my Pack.”

She smiled warmly, emotion rolling in her Force presence. "Thank you, Pat."

We walked together to where the Beholden sat. Now, it would only be my shuttle to the larger Star Destroyer I’d be commanding. Aheka and Rema smiled at us as we reached the gangplank. We stood together for the last time in the next half a year in silence, pride and sorrow swirling together in all of us.

Throwing it all to the wind, Rema charged me and wrapped her arms around me. I laughed in surprise and returned the embrace for several seconds. “I’ll miss you, Sister,” I whispered.

As it took off, I looked out the window on the bridge of the Beholden, catching sight of all the rapidly-shrinking figures that had wished me well, and I picked out Sinvulkt, still standing next to the place my ship had just left. In my hand, I cradled the upper part of my old Padawan braid and its shiny stone.

I’m not supposed to be the one who flies away!

But I’d likely always have the ability to find her.

@formeralleycat

#angstpril2023 #starwars #fanfiction #day16 #taaoej #the amazing adventures of excentrics jedi #angst #whump

1 note · View note