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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Bolcravia

Sässäl: "Oh, Bolci! It's wonderful. I've just booked us a cruise."

Bolcravia: "Oh, lovely! For when?"

Sässäl: "September!"

Bolcravia: "You absolute fucking moron, Sässäl!"

Sässäl: "Excuse me?"

Bolcravia: "You are an indeed. We're mayflies. We'll be dead by September."

Sässäl: "Oh..."

Bolcravia: "It's non-refundable too, isn't it?"

#conversations #september #cruise #death #mayflies

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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Cathica

Tomborla: "This is wonderful, Cath. Thank you for inviting me to High Tea."

Cathica: "Yes, it's lovely."

Tomborla: "And this tea tastes so... Interesting. Very unusual flavor."

Cathica: "Yes it is, isn't it?"

Tomborla: "I mean, it's very, VERY unusual. I could almost swear things are... Moving."

Cathica: "They are, aren't they?"

Tomborla: "Cath... The... The table... Is it walking away?"

Cathica: "Maybe."

Tomborla: "Cathy... The tea..."

Cathica: *puts down teacup* "Please excuse me for a moment, Tommy. I need to just pop into the hallway and brush all of these ants off me. Oh, and perhaps scream for a bit. Won't be a minute."

Tomborla: "Cath... Cath... The table is eating the sofa..."

Cathica: "See you in a minute, Tommy!"

#conversation #tea #high tea #high #friends

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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Alex

Bally: "Barbecue at mine Tuesday?"

Alex: "Sorry I can't, Bally. I've got a doctor's appointment. I'm getting neutered."

Bally: "Sorry, what?"

Hildegard: "Oh for God's sake Alex, stop telling people that! It's called a vasectomy!"

#contraception #vasectomy #barbecue #conversation

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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Charmaine

Blocky: "It's disgraceful. This can't go on."

Charmaine: "Agreed."

Blocky: "He leaves everything to us. Everything."

Charmaine: "Agreed."

Blocky: "And then he just saunters off doing whatever he likes. And we're left here to do all the work."

Charmaine: "Absolutely. We need to speak to him right away. I think we should just march into his office and tell him that we're just not up to it!"

Blocky: "Not *putting* up with it."

Charmaine: "Oh, right. Yes."

#work #boss #conversation #conversations

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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Messa

Dormine: "Are you alright, Messa?"

Messa: "No, sorry Dormine. I'm just a bit riled up."

Dormine: "Oh. Well, you should do something that calms you."

Messa: "Oh, I most certainly will. In fact, I'll start right now."

Dormine: "That's excellent. What are you going to do?"

Messa: "I'm going to write your obituary."

Dormine: "Ah... Wait. What?"

Messa: "Yes. I do it quite often, actually. I find it calms me immensely."

#obituary #conversation

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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Wanta & Washa

Wanta: "Hey Washa, would you like a bite of my samosa?"

Washa: "Oh for God's sake, Wanta! Please keep your filthy tongue in your mouth. There are children present!"

#children #samosa #conversations #food

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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Madam President

Scientist: "Madam President, we have some bad news..."

Madam President: "Oh Jesus Christ, what now?"

Scientist: "We built a digital twin of Earth and used it as a model to predict the future of climate change."

Madam President: "Oh no. That doesn't sound good."

Scientist: "Using the model, we've discovered exactly how much time we have until climate change completely destroys human civilization beyond repair."

Madam President: "Fuck. How much time do we have?"

Scientist: "You're really not going to like the answer, Madam President."

Madam President: "For God's sake, man. Just tell me how long do we have. Is it worse than we feared? Thirty years? Twenty?"

Scientist: "Uh, no. Shorter..."

Madam President: "Oh my God. TEN years!?"

Scientist: "Even shorter, Madam President..."

Madam President: "For fuck's sake man! Tell me then! When will it happen?"

Scientist: "Well... Uh... N-next Tuesday."

Madam President: "Next... Next TUESDAY. Fuck me."

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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Happily, I have hired a platoon of servants to solve this problem.

#weed #smoking #drugs #servants #help

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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Countess Jarmina de la Gucci XIV

Countess Jarmina de la Gucci XIV: "Here you go!"

Bob: "What... What is this?"

Countess Jarmina de la Gucci XIV: "It's a bowl of rose petals."

Bob: "Right. And my money?"

Countess Jarmina de la Gucci XIV: "What money?"

Bob: "The money you owe me for building your summer house."

Countess Jarmina de la Gucci XIV: "Oh, are rose petals not enough?"

Bob: "What do you think?"

Countess Jarmina de la Gucci XIV: "Well, my mummy always paid the tradesmen in rose petals."

Bob: "I see. And is your dear mummy still alive?"

Countess Jarmina de la Gucci XIV: "Oh no, sadly she passed. Funny that, she was actually murdered by a group angry tradespeople."

#conversations #tradespeople #builders #rich people

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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Shilli Gaku

Molly: "Hi Grandma. I have something to tell you."

Shilli Gaku: "Hi Molly. Oh, what is it?"

Molly: "I'm a bit nervous, actually. I'm not sure how you'll feel about it."

Shilli Gaku: "What is it, dear?"

Molly: "I... Well, Grandma, I'm gay."

Shilli Gaku: "Gay?"

Molly: "Y-yes. I'm a lesbian."

Shilli Gaku: "Lesbian? I was a lesbian once."

Molly: "Oh... Wait, what? Really?"

Shilli Gaku: "Yes! I loved it. Did it for over forty years."

Molly: "Oh... Wow. Are... Did Granddad know?"

Shilli Gaku: "Of course!"

Molly: "That's... Wow, mindblowing. What did he think?"

Shilli Gaku: "Oh, he approved. He was very supportive. Which was quite something back in those days. His friends kept saying I should quit."

Molly: "Gran this is... I don't know what to say."

Shilli Gaku: "I did retire eventually, of course."

Molly: "Huh?"

Shilli Gaku: "Yes, when the library closed."

Molly: "Uhhh... Grandma, that's a librarian."

Shilli Gaku: "Oh. Then what's a lesbian?"

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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Mathgosia al-Gorithma

Mathgosia al-Gorithma: "Do you like it, Harrel?"

Harrel: "...uh... What... What exactly is it, Gozzi?"

Mathgosia al-Gorithma: "A piece of poo."

Harrel: "What?"

Mathgosia al-Gorithma: "A piece of poo. Excrement. Covered in spray paint."

Harrel: "Gozzi that is... That is absolutely disgusting. What is wrong with you? You are so weird."

Mathgosia al-Gorithma: "For God's sake, Harrel! You are extremely irresponsible if you somehow thought I was going be in any way normal."

#conversations #conversation #poo #gift #gifts #poop

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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Bonsessa

Margarita Techador-Roberts: "It's a fountain."

Bonsessa: "A what, dear?"

Margarita Techador-Roberts: "You know, a water feature."

Bonsessa: "What's that?"

Margarita Techador-Roberts: *sighs* "It' very simple. It's just a bunch of pebbles with a hose in the middle. And then water dribbles out of it, and splashes over the pebbles..."

Bonsessa: "Oh, alright dear. Just one question then."

Margarita Techador-Roberts: "Yes?"

Bonsessa: "What on earth is the point of that?"

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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Bungo

Bungo: "Say, Borold, you've been awful quiet lately."

Borold:

Bungo: "I really miss our chats, you know?"

Borold:

Bungo: "And your sense of humor."

Borold:

Bungo: "Seriously Borold, what is your fucking problem?"

Bungo: "And don't give me that 'I'm dead', excuse, either! At least make some damn effort."

Borold:

Bungo: "You know what? This friendship is over."

Bungo: "Oh. And up yours."

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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Bonsessa bash-Barli

Margarita Techador-Roberts: "It's a fountain."

Bonsessa bash-Barli: "A what, dear?"

Margarita Techador-Roberts: "You know, a water feature."

Bonsessa bash-Barli: "What's that?"

Margarita Techador-Roberts: *sighs* "It' very simple. It's just a bunch of pebbles with a hose in the middle. And then water dribbles out of it, and splashes over the pebbles..."

Bonsessa bash-Barli: "Oh, alright dear. Just one question then."

Margarita Techador-Roberts: "Yes?"

Bonsessa bash-Barli: "What on earth is the point of that?"

#fountain #pebble fountain #water feature #conversations

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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Catechism Teacher

Catechism Teacher: "Why do we say 'Thanks be to God' at the end of Mass?"

Student: "Because we're so relieved that Mass is finally over and now we can go home and watch cartoons."

Catechism Teacher: "No."

#catechism #catholicism #sunday school #sunday #teacher #student

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observationsdreary · 3 years

Conversation

Eupoxia

Banjay: "Eupoxia, I've just finished my short story."

Eupoxia: "Oh, well done!"

Banjay: "Would you like to read it?"

Eupoxia: "Of course not. I do not read, Banjay."

Banjay: "You... Don't?"

Eupoxia: "No. I am read to. Now hop to it."

#conversations #friends #stories #short stories

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observationsdreary · 3 years

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Boxy O’Reilly

Boxy O’Reilly, she only had one face!

Boxy O’Really, she didn’t know her place,

Boxy O’Really - She murdered seven men!

Boxy O’Reilly - Let’s help her do it again!

#song #songs #murder

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