Buck: Chris, why did you just hand me a giant box of tissues?
Eddie: and me a pocket-sized one?
Chris: because you don't cry as much as Buck
*Buck and Eddie share a look*
Buck: fair enough. But why tissues?
Chris to Bobby: here, you can have some, too
Buck: Chris?
Chris: because I know you. Papa.
*Buck bursts into tears while pulling Chris into a hug*
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Eddie: I think I did something stupid on the weekend
Buck *frowns* but we didn't have sex?
118: what?
Buck: what?
Eddie: I was talking about letting Chris use glitter for his school assignment
Buck: oh good, cos trust me, when we have sex, you won't just *think* it happened
118: ....
*a few minutes later*
Buck: Hey Eddie, wanna do something stupid tonight?
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Buck: if I were to marry someone for the tax benefits -
Eddie: Yes
Buck: Yes?
Eddie: Yes, I'll marry you for the tax benefits
Buck: *squeaks* you'll marry me?
Eddie: of course! Tax benefits are no joke
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Buck: if I were to get married for the tax benefits, but, like, I was totally committed to this person and our family - in it for the long haul, never gonna stop hanging out with them and cooking them dinner and having their back and raising our kid - is it still fraud?
118: ...
Eddie: excuse us *drags Buck out of there*
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Buck: I think we should get a dog
118: ...
Buck: it could be like our mascot. It could help people feel more comfortable, calm down children, and even be trained to bring us things!
Hen: dogs are a lot of work...
Buck: we're hard-working people!
Chim: who's gonna feed it?
Buck: I will!
Chim: and clean up after it?
Buck: no problem!
Bobby: Buck. Donaldson is allergic to dog hair.
Buck: *pouts*
*a few hours later*
Chris: Dad, can we get a dog?
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Buck: I hate your stupid face
Eddie: sucks to be you, then
Buck: ....
Eddie: you married this stupid face
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