nysocboy
Gemstone Pride
Beefcake, boyfriends, subtexts, and gay representation on "The Righteous Gemstones" and occasionally other tv shows
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It wouldn't be Saturday without Tony taking a beefcake selfie
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Gemstones Episode 3.7: The Handsome Man, misdirections, queerbaiting, and me yelling at the screen a lot
In Episode 3.6, we saw the aftermath of the Judy/BJ and Kelvin/Keefe breakups, with failed reconciliation attempts, a fist fight, and both Kelvin and Judy quitting their jobs at the church. In this episode, things get even worse.
Title: "Burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe." Exodus 21:25. Fans argued like mad about trying to connect the burn/wound/stripe to the personalities or kidnapping strategies of the Gemstone siblings, but it's a misdirection. The previous verse has the more familiar "eye for eye, tooth for tooth." It just means that the punishment should fit the crime.
Burn for burn and all that: During the evening of the day of the Aimee-Leigh Hologram debacle, the BJ-Stephen penis fight, and probably the Kelvin-Keefe rocking chair fight, Judy goes to a drug store to buy pain medication for BJ. On her way home, goons from Peter's militia crunch her car with the Redeemer and grab her.
Misdirection alert: the trailer makes it look like she is the one crunching.
Chuck Montgomery tries to trick Jesse, and when that doesn't work, the goons shoot him with a tranquilizer dart.
Kelvin bangs on the door at Woodpecker's Carpentry, yelling: "Are there any woodworkers in there? I'm looking for Keefe Chambers!" Now that he's no longer worried about his job at the church, he's free to reconcile with Keefe. But it's long after hours; the building is dark and deserted. Why would anyone be inside? Besides, Keefe told Kelvin where he was working; wouldn't he give him his new home address, too?
Six militia men wearing scary masks surround Kelvin. The trailer makes him look paralyzed with fear, but actually he is quite brave, trying to intimidate them and then defend himself. They punch and hit him, and squirt a toxic liquid into his eyes -- which stings but has no long term effects. Why does Kelvin need six guys to take him down? Why does he get a more brutal kidnapping? I don't know.
Screaming like a woman: The three siblings are put in what everyone calls a chicken silo, although chickens are housed in coops. They are tied to chairs, with pillowcases over their heads. What for? You don't need to be imprisoned and tied up both.
Kelvin yells for help. Uncle Peter enters and asks if he is "screaming like a woman," maybe a dig at his gayness, but more likely because he considers any emotion "like a woman." He explains that the militia is holding them for ransom.
The handsome man: When Keefe arrives for work the next morning, he sees Kelvin's car with the doors still open, checks the ground for signs of a struggle, and asks his coworkers, "Have you seen The Handsome Man?" This makes no sense, as Kelvin only visited once, for a few minutes, and most of the carpenters weren't paying attention.
Cut to Amber and BJ noticing that their partners didn't come home last night. Next, Eli, at the office even though he's retired and should be fishing, receives a scary video of Kelvin crying and Judy and Jesse screaming in rage. The gay one has a "sensitive" reaction. Peter gives the ransom demand.
Cut to BJ, Amber, Gideon, and Eli discussing the kidnapping with Sheriff Brenda. They were kidnapped in town, so it should be the Rogers Police.
Notice that Keefe is not there. Why didn't Eli call him? Because his number has changed, because they have broken up, or because he is just a friend, not a partner?
The Freemans arrive. Tiffany has made dolls of the siblings --very quickly -- "for you to hug and kiss until they come home safe." She gives the Kelvin doll to Eli. Same question:Why doesn't she save it for Keefe? Because they have broken up, or because they were never partners to begin with?
Geography problem: How did they get to Eli's house so fast? Don't they live in Florida?
The trailer made it seem like the militia sent the dolls, adding a hint of the paranormal that turned out to be a misdirection. Still, they look like Gullah Island voodoo dolls: "You can hug and kiss them until your loved ones come home safe. And if they ever stray, you can make their privates fall off."
More queerbaiting after the break
It's Kelvin's casual acquaintance: BJ, Amber, and Gideon walk out into the garden. Keefe finally arrives. Why does it take him longer to get to the compound than the Freemans? There's no evidence that he called the family to see if they knew what happened before driving over.
Upon seeing the partners and Gideon, Keefe walks through some hedges to reach them, while they bicker about his name. "Look, it's Kelvin's friend, Chief.... I always heard it as Quiche." You don't know the name of your brother-in-law's partner, when they've been together for more than two years? And what's with the "friend"? Do they mean a post-breakup friend, or friend as a euphemism for "lover," or are we being told that the guys are actually straight buddies?
Apprised that Kelvin was kidnapped, Keefe offers to help, but Gideon rebuffs him: "The police are handling it." Ok -- "this is a family crisis. I'll go."
Amber nods. Yep, you're a stranger. Not family. Get lost. This infuriated me even on a second viewing. Friggin asshole, Keefe was admitted to the family in Season 2. But, assuming that McBride isn't queer baiting, maybe Amber is referring to the breakup -- Keefe is an ex-lover, no longer family. Or maybe she thinks that gay relationships don't count.
Wait -- BJ calls out: "You're Kelvin's friend. We're family. We're in this together." Amber glares at him, as if to say "He's a casual acquaintance, dude," but she doesn't resist as Keefe says "Together," kneels, and does a weird offering thing to the three of them. Ok, maybe BJ is using "friend" as a closeted term for "lover."
Time for Church: Meanwhile, at the compound, Peter calls the siblings to church.
Timeline problem: This is a weekday -- Keefe had to go to work. Has time elapsed, or does the militia have church every day?
Peter threatens the siblings with a snake, then forces them to lead the service. They can't do it without a well-lit stage, a sound system, a band, sermon notes, hymnals, and so on -- plus they're terrified. Peter judges that they are incompetent -- in spite of their wealth, he is a superior preacher. Has this all been a "whose dick is bigger" contest with Eli?
Back at the office, Jesse's crew has set up a phone-tracking system. Shouldn't the police be doing that? When Peter calls about his ransom demand, Eli tries to keep him on the line by refusing to pay? He hangs up.
The militia guys suggest killing one of the siblings, to let Eli know that they mean business. Timeline problem: If this is the day after the kidnapping, why are they getting so frustrated so soon?
Peter thinks that this is a good idea, and goes to inform them. "I'm going to kill one of you after service today." Timeline problem: Is the church service still going on, or is this the next day? Or the next Sunday? The siblings don't look nearly as disheveled as they would be after a week in the chicken silo.
Kelvin's Butthole: Everyone goes home and puts on their Sunday clothes for a prayer circle. Timeline problem: Why go home and change to pray? Or is this a week later?
Keefe is wearing a BDSM outfit: a carpenter's smock and pants with breakway tabs and a slave collar. This photo, which appeared on IMDB a few days before the episode, is a major misdirection. The Kelvin doll looks like a genital whip, and we can't tell that Amber is sitting next to him. It looks like Keefe is involved in a BDSM scene with an unidentified woman,
At least Eli gave him the Kelvin doll, suggesting that he knows that Keefe is his partner, not a platonic pal.
Your One F*king Guy: In the chicken silo, the siblings discuss their potential murder. If Jesse goes, he wants Judy and Kelvin to take care of his kids. They refuse: "it's a big ask." But Gideon and Pontius are over 18, and Amber will still be around to take care of Abraham. This makes no sense.
Left: a muscleman to make the upcoming queerbaiting palatable.
Kelvin complains that no one will miss him if he goes. Not necessarily, Jesse points out: "Your one fucking guy with the dead eyes and the perm. He'll miss you." Judy agrees. Why doesn't Jesse know Keefe's name? Why does he use a description, as if trying to specify one out of Kelvin's dozens of friends? And most importantly, why "friend,'" Queerbait McBride?
No, Kelvin says, "Not after the type of friend I've been to him. Should've had his back, but now I may never have the chance." I got really angry at these lines the first time, thinking that it was the Big Reveal: "Kelvin and Keefe are buddies. They've never been boyfriends. Fooled you!"
But after watching Episodes 3.8 and 3.9. we know that McBride was not queerbaiting. What could Kelvin possibly mean? Is he just being closeted? Or maybe he means that they've broken up, so technically they are post-breakup friends, not lovers.
Are we almost done here? During the prayer circle, Cousin Karl, unwilling to let his cousins be murdered, calls May-May and tells her where they are being held.
Why doesn't she yell out "I know where they are!" Instead she goes out to her car and drives away. Gideon, waiting in Eli's car, follows. Why is he waiting? Eli is at home. He might not need a driver again until tomorrow. And why doesn't he call the family and say "I'm following May-May to the compound. I'll give you the directions, and you can tell the police."
Cousin Karl, May-May, and Gideon then rescue the siblings. The end. Boo!
The full review is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends
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Tricep Blasting with Mike and Tony
Michael O'Hearn demonstrates the proper form for the tricep blast
Tony Cavalero tries it with much lighter weights. I think I'd have to go down to a 10 lb.
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Workaholics, Episode 3.7: The Origin of Kelvin's God Squad.
Adam Devine said on his podcast that Workaholics Episode 3.7 inspired Danny McBride to offer him the role of Kelvin. Unlikely, since it aired in 2012, long before The Righteous Gemstones was ever conceived of, but maybe we can find some precursors of Kelvin's God Squad.
Scene 1: The guys hiding in a supply closet at work, watching The Lord's Force. "How did these buffed dudes escape my radar?" Blake wonders. They are performing in town tomorrow. Adam wants to watch the show, then try out. Der protests that the show is religious, and Adam doesn't believe in anything.
"I'm very religious! Father, Son, whatever. Noah's ark, two animals having sex."
Scene 2: The show is sold out. They try to get in by claiming to be bad people: Doesn't work. Darn, I wanted to see the actual show.
Scene 3: They wait outside until two members of the Lord's Force, Ram and Samson (Adam Dunnells, Scott Connors), appear, and talk them into getting a beer. (Adam jumps onto the guys back and begs).
The full review is on Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends.
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Jamar Pusch, bodybuilder and social media personality
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Brock O'Hurn gears up to play Zeus.in Zodiac, about his wife Juno hiding out as a modern-day high school student. Wait -- Juno is the Latin version. Shouldn't she be named Hera?
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Stephen Louis Grush: From Pericles to Peter's Militia, with nude photos of practically everybody
Stephen Louis Grush, one of the militia men in Season 3 of The Righteous Gemstones, has over 30 credits on the IMDB, often in projects that emphasize gay subtexts, or texts.
In Catch Hell (2014), two toughs (Stephen Louis Grush, Ian Barford) kidnap a Hollywood actor (Ryan Philippe) with the intent of torturing and killing him. They do a lot of torturing, but Junior (Stephen) also falls in love with him.
In Gracepoint (2014), Stephen plays a plumber's apprentice who may be gay, accused of murdering a small boy.
In a 3-episode story arc on Rectify (2016), focus character Danny (Adan Young) is living in a halfway house. His roommate Manny (Stephen) walks around naked and masturbates in front of him; this is particularly upsetting because he was repeatedly raped in prison. But Manny won't stop. Finally Danny tells the house leader about it, expecting the guy to be kicked out. Instead, they give him a new roommate.
Coincidentally, Gavin Munn appeared in an episode of Rectify, playing a little boy who Danny sees on the beach, causing him to think about a "normal" life, with a heterosexual wife and kids.
Stephen graduated from Roosevelt University in 2006 with a B.F.A. in Theater Performance. He is the artistic director of XIII Pocket, which produces and performs original plays by Chicago-area playwrights.
He frequently appears on the Chicago stage. His credits include The Seagull, Romeo and Juliet, Pericles, The Tempest, Lifeguard, Sex with Strangers, and The Last of the Boys.
The NSFW post, with nude photos, is on Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends
#the righteous gemstones#Peter Montgomery#militia#Stephen Louis Grush#gay character#Rectify#Catch Hell
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Tony visits the Natural History Museum
I think he means the Natural History Museum of L.A., not the National History Museum in London
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Adam Devine's House Party, Episode 2.9: Adam takes his shirt off, Nick Rutherford takes his pants off, and some guys...um...never mind.
Adam Devine's House Party (2013-14, 2016) is a Comedy Central series where Adam hosts a party in a gigantic mansion to showcase three up-and-coming comedians, with a brief story in between the sets. I reviewed Episode 2.9, "Flip Top Twins," because it features a lesbian comedian.
Scene 1: The gang is set up for the world's biggest flip-top contest (where you drain your cup and then flip it over). Adam offers to order a pizza (for 500 people?).
Scene 2: The three comedians are hanging out when Adam appears, pretending to be his identical twin Jerome, from Germany. He comes on to Sabrina Jalees, who is offended by his obnoxiousness, and complains about sexual harassment.
He leaves, and returns as Adam, with his shirt off: "That's my thing. I have the right combination of muscle and fat." No argument there, Dude. combination of muscle and fat"). Adam explains that his twin is a sexual deviant who will try to mount Jalees, but she should give it a try because he is good at sex.
Scene 3: Sabrina's set. She saw a boy on the subway complainng because Vanessa wouldn't talk to him, and wanted to console him" You have nothing to worry about. You're 100% gay." She wished she knew at age 12: sleepovers would have involved titties. She had a hard time coming out to her Dad because he's Muslim,and wants her to have 10 wives (that sounds Islamophobic). Her wife's family are southern Republicans, but they love her.
The full review, with beefcake, bulge, and guys doing...um..is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends
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Episode 3.6, Continued: Kelvin and Keefe fight, BJ and Stephen fight, and nobody likes hologram Aimee-Leigh
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The Second Reconciliation Attempt: Keefe enters with a rocking chair carved with Kelvin's name on a tree. This is way too much for a "let's stay friends" gift: he is attempting a reconciliation. You're the one who left, dude. You could just ask to get back together.
He is not wearing a sexy outfit; actually he is sweaty and rather disheveled, as if he rushed over the moment he finished the chair.
Why a rocking chair for an athletic 34-year old? "This is true love: we'll be together forever." I am reminded of Robert Browning's famous lines from "Rabbi ben Ezra": "Grow old with me -- the best is yet to be."
Keefe expected Kelvin to be alone to accept his gesture. Nope, Taryn is there.
Kelvin looks nervous and decidedly guilty, as if he has been caught cheating; he pulls Keefe into a bro-hug, asks inane questions ("Is that chair made of wood?"), and stammers "We were just...um...we..." until Taryn takes over and explains that they are just working together.
Platonic pal advocates, pay attention: Taryn wouldn't think it necessary to inform Kelvin's buddy that he has nothing to worry about, they are not having an affair. Either she has inferred that they are lovers, or one of the guys told her.
Keefe turns on the jealousy, and asks if Taryn has replaced him. As assistant youth minister, of course. But he means as a romantic partner.
Angry at the implication, maybe feeling guilty because he was planning to start a relationship, Kelvin plays along: he asks Taryn to give them a moment alone, touching her affectionately on the back to usher her out, exactly as you would ask your girlfriend to give you a moment to talk to your ex.
Keefe continues to lash out, demanding to know if Kelvin and Taryn have had a "physical connection." Romantic but not sexual partner advocates, pay attention:Kelvin and Keefe must have had a sexual relationship, or Keefe wouldn't think to ask about sex with his "replicant."
Kelvin goes on the defensive, denying that he has anything going on with Taryn, but quite accurately pointing out that "You left me." They have broken up; he has every right to see other people.
He tries to touch Keefe's shoulder, and upon being rebuffed, pulls back from the romantic partner term "left" to the good buddy "ditched": "You ditched me. If you had said yes to Immigrant Outreach, we could still be dudebros." Keefe rolls his eyes; even after the break-up, Kelvin can't say what they were.
He continues: "What was I supposed to do? Just sit around, be lonely? Wait for you to deliver some stupid rocking chair?" He would be going to work regardless, so "sit around, be lonely" returns to the romantic relationship. He's telling Keefe that it's too late; he's moved on, he is in fact with Taryn now.
The reconciliation attempt failed, Keefe starts to cry. He says "I will not disrupt what you and Taryn are building together," referring to the heterosexual trajectory of marriage and family. Kelvin grimaces in disgust at the thought of becoming Taryn's husband.
Keefe runs out, doing a cartwheel on the way to demonstrate the hotness he's missing. Kelvin kicks the chair and screams.
We fade out to a close-up of the Kelvin tree.
More Humiliation: At home, BJ is working out. He reads on Judy's laptop that Stephen is asking for another hookup -- after everything that's happened! His wife and kids are gone -- he's alone in the house, if she wants to stop by. Pretending to be Judy, BJ responds "Coming."
The Aimee-Leigh Hologram: Later that day, the family -- except the partners, all in the midst of marital riffs -- gathers in one of the Gemstone theaters for Jesse and Baby Billy to unveil the hologram Aimee-Leigh.
They hate the hologram: disrespecting the memory of their loved one, turning her into a carnival sideshow or a Sith Dark Lord. Eli starts to cry. Judy and Kelvin rush up and destroy the hologram machine, and then quit their jobs as co-ministers. Now it's Jesse by himself.
The nude fight: BJ goes to Stephen's house, sneaks inside, and finds him in the bedroom, masturbating. If he thinks Judy is coming over for a hookup, why isn't he waiting? BJ attacks. They fight for three full minutes of screen time, through the house and out into the yard, with Stephen completely nude throughout. Stephen beats BJ into near-unconsciousness, but BJ triumphs. Fans wondered if there were consequences -- an arrest for aggravated assault? But Stephen's story has ended; he is not mentioned again.
BJ goes home, all banged up, and tells Judy: "I hope you like me now." Amber, BJ, and Keefe could all be asking that of their partners as we fade out. The end.
The full review, with nude photos and explicit sexual discussions, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends
#the righteous gemstones#kelvin gemstone#keefe chambers#adam devine#tony cavalero#BJ Barnes#Stephen Schneider#Tim Baltz
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Adam Devine's Bad Ideas: perfect for a quick, easy Devine fix.
After several bad days, I needed an Adam Devine fix. Not (just) because of his hotness, because his stuff is always upbeat, with no hatred, no tragedy, no angst (Kelvin is angsty as he gets). Just whimsical problems, humorous braggadoccio, and homoerotic bonds.
But I've reviewed most of his movies and tv shows, except for animation, those where he appears for only thirty seconds, and those that aren't available on my streaming services. Should I watch Bumper in Berlin again? Or an episode of Workaholics?
Then I saw Bad Ideas with Adam Devine, a reality miniseries. In each episode, Adam. "the world's greatest movie star, the world's greatest lover, the guy who clearly writes his own intros," teams up with one of his comedian buds (Blake, Anders, Brent Morin, Rebel Wilson) to do something dangerous:
1. Compete in the World's Hottest Pepper Eating Contest, in the Bahamas.
2. Compete in a demolition derby, the Night of Destruction at Perris Auto Speedway, near Riverside.
3. Become stunt performers in a Western movie (with seven minutes of training).
4. Drive an ice cream truck up the Death Road, P3-N in Peru, with hairpin turns and 1000 foot drops.
5. Clear hundreds of poisonous snakes from abandoned airplanes.
6. Investigate a haunted house and try to conjure a demon (haven't seen it yet).
7. Become piranha wranglers on the Momon River, near Iquitos in Brazil.
Adam takes his shirt off or shows a bulge once in a while, but you're too busy watching him riffing to care (much) about his penis or physique. Plus there's some beautiful natural scenery.
Each episode runs about 7 minutes, so you could watch the whole series in an hour But don't. Save the individual episodes for when you need an Adam Devine fix.
The series is streaming on Roku.
#Adam Devine#Travel#reality tv#Bad Ideas with Adam Devine#Kelvin Gemstone#Blake Anderson#Rebel Wilson
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Tony Cavalero's Magick
Remember that on The Righteous Gemstones, Keefe was a Satanist before Kelvin brought him to Christ. Actually, it was more of a Goth/ fetish subculture, emphasized in Season 1 , forgotten in Season 2, mentioned briefly in Season 3.
Here Tony finds a copy of Devil's Food: A Satanic Cookbook "in Keefe's storage unit." (Good thinking -- when you move in with a boyfriend, always keep the stuff from your apartment, just in case.)
It's a real book, written by Adam Ostrofsky (aka A Moveable Beast, har har), who runs a Satanism-infused catering company. The recipes are serious, not parodies: smoked salmon chowder, butternut squash farroto, red beet hummus, pommes robochon. hominy veggie burgers with potato buns.
Many people confuse Satanism with paganism, but Satanists revere Satan, usually as a symbol, while pagans revere the old gods of Europe, or the archtypal Goddess. They practice magick with a k, rituals designed to become attuned to the power of the universe, not to turn people into aardvarks. For instance, 20% of Latvians practice Dievturiba, "living in harmony with the gods," and most Estonians draw spiritual practices from Maausk ("Earth Belief").
The Cavaleros don't mention spirituality much on their social media sites, but they are at least pagan-friendly. Here Annie promotes Grimoire Girl, by Hilarie Burton Morgan, "A meditation on finding as much meaning in the small moments as in the big, illuminating the enchantment and wonder and goodness in the everyday."
There are bonus neopagan penises (or at least guys from Estonia) on Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends
#keefe chambers#the righteous gemstones#Tony Cavalero#Annie Cavalero#Satanism#Grimoire#paganism#Estonia#frontal nudity
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Gemstones Episode 3.6: BJ boxes, Keefe learns about hard wood, and Kelvin gets a girlfriend
Title: "For Out of the Heart Come Evil Thoughts." Matthew 15:19: "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies." We don't need to match the Gemstone with the sin: they are all guilty of false witness, lying to others or to themselves.
How to Make Things Right: BJ didn't move out, after all, but the two are barely speaking. Judy asks what she can do to make things right. He doesn't know. She is despondent. Remember that in 2000, she worried that she would never find anyone who would love her. It took 18 years, but she finally found someone, and now it's over.
The Montgomery Boys Leave: At Eli's mansion, the Montgomerys thank the family for "straightening them out." Kelvin suggests that it happened "when we dressed them up." That sounds like a gay reference.
Jesse says "They're ready to f*k": their next steps should be girlfriends, intercourse, wives and kids, the whole heterosexual trajectory. To start them out, he gives them his monster truck, the Redeemer.
As they drive away, Kelvin takes off his "wedding ring." If he leaves it off, the relationship will really be over. He'll be single again. He puts it back on. But maybe he is thinking of a heterosexual trajectory of his own.
Taryn is Back: We cut to Kelvin introducing Taryn, who we last saw at Keefe's "wieners and ice cream" party, as his new assistant youth pastor. A kid asks about Keefe, and he gets all bitchy: "He is leaving to pursue other opportunities. Not even sure why you keep bringing that up!" -- while fiddling with his wedding ring again. He continues to fiddle -- and look despondent -- as Taryn leads the kids in a dance.
Paying off the Scandal: The siblings meet with Stephen, his wife, and their lawyer. They want $500,000 for "damages and emotional distress," or the affair goes viral. Martin suggests paying the money, along with an apology. Kelvin must be wondering: if it's worth $500,000 to keep an extramarital affair under wraps, how much damage would he cause the church by coming out -- or being outed. He doesn't like Taryn in that way -- he doesn't like women in that way -- but what choice does he have?
After scenes where Baby Billy and Jesse discuss the hologram Aimee-Leigh idea, and BJ stalks Stephen, Kelvin tries to find out if the relationship is really over.
The First Reconciliation Attempt: We find Keefe working at Woodpecker's Carpentry. Wood-pecker, har har, the first of many phallic references in this scene. His earring, necklaces, and rings are gone -- for safety, or to keep closeted?
Suddenly Kelvin appears. Looking around nervously, Keefe asks "Brother Kelvin, what are you doing here?" Note that he uses formal titles to reaffirm that they have broken up: they are just pastor and parishioner. No doubt he's worried that Kelvin will out him by referencing their relationship or just being flamboyant. Kelvin does try his usual titty-tweak, but Keefe doesn't respond. You're broken up! You're not allowed to take liberties anymore!
Gay joke: "Master Bishop has taught me a lot in the ways of hard wood." Tell me more about your...um...hard wood. The odd title "Master," not used for master carpeters, led some fans to speculate that he and Keefer were involved in a BDSM relationship.
Wait -- how long has he worked there? Surely it's only been a few days since the breakup.
Kelvin asks "Have you found happiness?" An odd question. Why not just ask if he likes his new job.? Keefe says that he has, but of course he's lying. He's busy working on a reconciliation rocking chair. He uses the punching gesture that straight guys sometimes use to ward off physical contact: a bro-hug would be too painful.
Apparently Kelvin expected Keefe to be crying and miserable, lost without him, like in the Season 1 breakup. Seeing that his ex is doing ok, he becomes bitchy, denigrating the carpentry job and declaring that he's having lots of fun with Taryn: "everybody loves her...no one misses you at all." The happiness facade fails: Keefe frowns and orders him to leave.
We cut to Judy asking Eli for the bribe money. He exclaims "Can't you children figure out your lives?" and refuses.
Then the Montgomery Boys zoom the Redeemer into Peter's new militia compound, claiming that they stole it. But in Episode 2, he sent goons to kill them. When did they start working for him again?
BJ bursts into tears while working at his Church Welcome Center job. Jesse and his crew sympathize: Stephen has cuckolded him, taken away his power. He needs to fight the guy, "knock his dick in the dirt, show him who is the man."
They take him down to the basement for punching-bag training.
Meanwhile, Amber invites Judy to her support group for wives whose husbands have cheated. She's actually a wife who has cheated on her husband, but still, the advice may be relevant. The other wives relate how their partners worked hard for months to regain their trust.
Judy balks: so the cheater has to show remorse forever until their partner decides, on a whim, to forgive them? There's no schedule, no list of things to accomplish, no way to know how close they are to forgiveness? Nope.
Left: Boxer Hugo Hernan aray
After the Rain: At the youth group, Taryn is bouncing on the trampoline, while Kelvin looks on, despondent. Shouldn't the kids get a chance to play on it?
Kelvin's turn: he bounces toward the ceiling, still looking despondent, while Nelson's "After the Rain" plays:
He never really loved you from the start.
The only thng he ever gave you was a broken heart.
Don't be afraid to lose what was never meant to be.
Only after the rain can you find true love again.
So Kelvin has to get over Keefe to find true love? But there are no other gay guys around..just Taryn...uh-oh....
Later, after the kids are gone, they are putting gym mats away. Kelvin says that he was "working some stuff out" while somsersaulting. The staging suggests that he has worked out a way to stay in the closet by adopting a heterosexual facade. The first step will be asking Taryn for a date.
He's smiling, complimenting her, setting the scene. They discuss how to get kids into physical fitness by making it fun, sort of like putting cheese on their broccoli so they'll eat it. In a parallel, is he trying to use physical fitness to make a heterosexual relationship palatable?
But be careful, Kelv Baby. In this universe, cheating on your true love is the worst sin imaginable. It doesn't matter that Keefe broke up with you. It doesn't matter that Taryn would save you from being outed. If you stray, you will be punished.
This is definitely the nadir of the Kelvin/Keefe relationship. Even after seeing the entire season, knowing what is going to happen, I'm starting to get anxious.
But on the bright side, does anyone still doubt that they were a romantic couple?
Ok, ok, I'll post another boxer.
The full review, with nude photos and explicit sexual discussions, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends
#the righteous gemstones#keefe chambers#kelvin x keefe#adam devine#tony cavalero#BJ Barnes#Tim Baltz#Taryn#heterosexism
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It was the 1970s, everyone was bi
How would you feel if it took you 30 years to realize that you were gay, and another 3 years to get the courage to come out to your family, and the very next day your uncle casually mentioned that he was bi?
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Paulo Costa and Michael O'Hearn work out in Venice, California
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Gemstones Episode 3.5: A pukka shell necklace, a stolen ring, castration anxiety, and Y2K
Episode 3.4 concludes with the family in disarray. Both BJ and Keefe have broken up with their partners in the aftermath of a betrayal, Jesse and Pontius are sparring, and the Montgomery Boys are secretly planning a violent retribution.
Judy's Back Story: Rogers High School, 2000. High school-aged Judy tries to flirt with her crush, art student Trent (Braxton Alexander), by throwing her hair over his desk. He asks her to stop several times, but she says "You know you like it, Stud," embarrassing him in front of the class. Finally he gets even by cutting her hair. Wait -- why isn't the super-rich Judy in private school?
She doesn't notice until the girls in the restroom laugh at her. Then she storms into band practice and smashes his saxophone, yelling "I liked you, asshole! I loved you!"
Some fans wonder whether Trent is gay. Of course, lots of straight guys would reject Judy's vulgar come-ons, but Trent wears a pukka shell necklace: according to my research, around 2000, that was a queer code, a way to identify other gay people while leaving the straights oblivious. Plus he's an artist and a musician. "Artistic" and "musical" are often code for "gay."
Y2K is Real: Remember the Y2K panic that Eli and his wife Aimee-Leigh profited from? A reporter from Time Magazine shows Eli the commercial, telling folks that God wanted them to buy Gemstone Brand survival buckets, first aid kits, commode liners, and so on. "So...do you think it's ethical to scare people and then benefit from that fear-mongering?"
Kelvin's Little Tiny Doll Pecker: College-age Jesse brings his girlfriend Amber home to meet the family. Is she pregnant? Gideon is going to be born in a year or less.
At dinner, Judy criticizes her for coming from a poor family. Jesse says "Suck my dick!", and she responds "I want a meal, not a snack."
Kelvin laughs: "That was good. She means you have a tiny little titi" (pronouncced tih-tee). Jesse then criticizes Kelvin's "tiny little doll pecker." It is probably perfectly normal for a prepubescent boy, but Kelvin doesn't know that.
The Snake Handler. After a scene where Judy bullies Amber and steals her ring, setting up their squabbles in the present, we cut to a service at Peter Montgomery's Pentecostal-like snake-handling church. Actually, he's the only one playing with a snake, while his sons play the guitar and violin, and his wife May-May goes into a filled-with-the-Spirit ecstasy.
Background note: Snake-handling, based upon the injunction to "take up serpents" in Mark 16:17, was introduced by the Church of God with Signs Following during the Great Depression, and spread throughout Appalachia. Today the practice is illegal in most Southern states, including South Carolina, and there are no more than 100 snake-handling churches left.
In Them That Follow (2019), Walton Goggins (Baby Billy) plays the pastor of a snake-handling church.
Gemstone-Montgomery Tensions: At the Gemstone Compound, May-May complains about having to identify herself at the security station, just to put flowers on her father's grave. "You can visit the grave whenever you want," Aimee-Leigh assures her. "We'll have security flag you right on through." But she's not satisfied. Geez, he's been dead since 1995. Haven't you figured out the visitation schedule by now?
Later she bosses Peter around and rejects every effort of Aimee-Leigh to be friendly, suggesting a long-standing feud. We can see parallels in Amber and Judy in the present.
The Gay Pride Shirt: Continuing her harassment, May-May criticizes any idiot who believed that Y2K was real. Peter looks nervous. Uh-oh, did he sink his money into Gemstone Brand survival supplies?
Yep -- later, he tells Eli that he spent the family's life savings on a warehouse full of Y2K buckets to sell after the world ended, but the world didn't end, and now no one will by them. So you criticize Eli for profiting from the Y2K panic, but you were planning the same thing.
Eli offers to buy his stock back.
Meanwhile, the Gemstone and Montgomery kids ride four-wheelers, then watch Jesse smash stuff with his Redeemer. Wait -- the swingset -- this is the site of the Season 3 finale, coming up in a few episodes!
Kelvin is wearing a t-shirt with a row of multicolored hibiscus flowers, a flowered shirt, and a pukka-shell necklace similar to Trent's. Some fans suggest that his shirt features a pride rainbow, but in-universe, his mother or a professional buyer is picking out his clothes at this point, and they would hardly be thinking of LGBTQ Pride. Costumer designer Christina Flannery wanted to subtly suggest that Kelvin is gay, not imply that he is self-aware.
Castration Anxiety: There are dozens of protesters at the Salvation Center, claiming that Eli and Aimee-Leigh grifted them, and demanding their money back. Geez, what's the problem? That stuff could be used as general survival supplies or even camping gear. Aimee-Leigh offers a lackluster non-apology.
Meanwhile, Kelvin cheers as Jesse drives the Redeemer: "That is the coolest thing ever!" Jesse calls it "the moist maker," referencing lady parts, but Kelvin doesn't understand. Well, he's only eleven. I didn't know about lady parts getting moist until I started watching this show.
Uh-oh, Amber's ring is missing. Kelvin thinks that Judy stole it: she steals a lot of things, dragging him to the mall to distract the salesclerk while she shoplifts. She threatens to cut "his private off" if he tells their parents. It's not enough to make fun of his dick size, you have to introduce castration anxiety, too?
I made a mistake: At their after-church lunch, Peter owns up to the money he lost investing in Y2K gear. May-May rushes to confront Eli: "You tricked him! You did this on purpose to punish me!" Yep, just like Judy, it's all about you. "But Eli is going to buy it back!" "Nope, we're not taking his money. It's evil!"
Remember in Episode 3.1, May-May attacks Aimee-Leigh for "what you done to my family"? I can't see here that Aimee-Leigh did anything; she's been perfectly nice. It's all on May-May for bullying Peter and refusing to let Eli help.
All sensitivity: Jesse rushes into Judy's room to yell at her for stealing Amber's ring, but she is so distraught over her parents' ridicule that he ends up consoling her. He explains that they both get angry easily, because they take after their father, whereas Kelvin "is more like Mama that way. He handles things more like a girl does. Just sensitivitively and stuff." Sounds like he is identifying Kelvin as feminine/gay at an early age.
To get revenge on Trent for the hair-cutting, Jesse breaks into the school dressed as Slenderman and bashes his face with a cymbal. Surprisingly, that doesn't knock him out or kill him.
Next Jesse shaves his head and pantses him. The other students all point and laugh. He turns around, but now everyone is laughing at his penis! Ulp -- like Kelvin, the adult Trent will face fears of sexual inadequacy.
Left: not Trent's dick.
Peter's Fall: In a very effective staging decision, we are looking through the window of a coffee shop as Peter enters the bank across the street. We hear screams and gunshots. People rush out, followed by Peter and the security guard. Our view is obscured by cars driving past and the condiments on the table, but it looks like they exchange gunfire and collapse. Peter has been shot in the face and the leg. The security guard is dead. The end.
The full review is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends
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