@elizzybeth: i love taylor swift so much

@elizzybeth: honestly i watch videos of her swiftmas stuff and cry shes so amazing

Holly couldn't do much to argue with Sam, because she knew that if she did she would fall apart at the seams and collapse into him again. She had already been a burden, already unloaded so much. There was so much more that she would have to say for him to truly know what she was thinking, or why it made her feel so awful that he had come after her. Truth be told, she knew that he would come. He always did. Sam was her beacon of light, one of the few people that she knew she could turn to in any situation. 

Holly didn't protest when he pulled her through the people who had been walking up and down the sidewalk, rather weaving her fingers through his and letting out a sigh. She knew that she had messed up, and she also knew that if she let Sam do anything else for her, it would be wrong. Of course, as her best friend, he was going to try his damnedest to make her happy. How could he possibly know that he was part of the reason she felt so awful? She wasn't the jealous type, especially not when her best friends were concerned. Maybe it was the fact that she was used to the boy being focused on her, spending their time together, the fact that it was a given one day and then suddenly there was a possibility that it wasn't going to be one anymore. As soon as she had admitted to herself, Holly had wished she could take it back.

In all honesty, the walk to the darkened restaurant that they were headed to was short, and everything seemed like a blur to the girl. Whether it was because she was drunk or because it seemed like the only thing that she could actually focus on was the was that Sams thumb had begun instinctively stroking her own, she couldn't really determine, but something in her gut told her it was the latter, and if anything, it made her feel even worse. The only way she would be able to ease the jealousy and secrets that had begun gnawing at her conscience would be to tell him exactly what was going on, but how was she supposed to work it into the conversation? 'oh, and by the way, i'm not really sure but I think that I might be in love with you. I mean, it could just be these years of friendship or something, but i'm pretty sure.' Didn't seem like something that would really slip off the tongue. Instead, she decided to stay silent as they went into the restaurant, sitting at a booth in the back and then pulling her hand free from his so that she could cradle her head and avoid the confrontation that she had been dreading since the moment she made the realization for as long as possible.

[ holly&sam ] ➢ second star to the right

The break in her voice was emphatically palpable— almost reminiscent of a crack in the Earth, splintering where it came close to him, and turning into a divide he wasn’t exactly sure how to cross. Sam held her as she cried into his shirt, not thinking as his hand went up to cradle the back of her head. There was a delicate grace that came with holding Holly Aberley— one that demanded him to reciprocate that same kind of lightness she exhibited in her smile when he touched her, because he knew should he linger too long, she might just come crashing down with him. It came almost as second nature for him to shush her— to tell her that it was going to be alright. How many times had he done this before? Too often for him to even count. The words came spinning out of his mouth, a silver thread he’d drawn to line the gloomy clouds that haunted her. “Don’t be sorry,” was something he’d said before and coming from him again— it now sounded rehearsed. But how many times had he faced his own demons in the mirror, echoing the same things he was now telling the girl in his arms? “You don’t have to apologize to anyone. I’m the one that should be sorry.” 

He was painfully aware of Holly’s deficiencies— the ones that dictated that she shouldn’t love herself the way others did (or the way he loved her, but really, that was another matter in itself). Sam pulled himself away and held her at a comfortable length— here at this angle, he could see the mascara tracks running down her ruddy cheeks and there was an uncomfortable thrum of his heart as he considered the distance between them. Ignoring this unwarranted thought, as he usually did, he heaved a sigh— mentally preparing himself for the speech he always gave Holly when she felt this way. “Yeah, it’s wet and it’s dangerous,” he carefully agreed with her, wiping away the makeup from under her eyes, “And yeah, I could’ve gotten hurt. But look, hey, listen to me—” he tilted her chin up so her downcast gaze was level with his, “—I could get hit with a bus a million times and it’d still hurt less than just having the thought of you get hurt.” The corners of his lips tugged into a stupid smile because even he knew how incredibly cheesy that sounded. 

"You’re not going to be perfect and nobody’s expecting you to be. But what we do expect from you is to be safe— to not go running off campus piss drunk and lie around on empty bus benches,” he scolded her, the firm knit of his brows and his squared jaw only emphasizing the solemnity of the situation, “Have you considered what would happen if you got yourself killed? Seriously, have you even thought for a second how it’d affect everyone?” his voice was rising in his frustration but he caught himself in time. Sam knew that Holly must have felt awful. There was no doubt in the red-rimmed eyes of hers or in the quiver of her lips. And he wasn’t going to let his selfish emotions, the ones that still gnawed away at the mask he’d thrown over his heart to conceal his fear of loss, get in the way of that. He sighed, hugging her again, and muttered, “You fuckin’ scared me. I don’t want you doing this again. I mean it.” There was a touch of finality to his tone. After all, there was truly nothing left to discuss. He could willingly spend the rest of his life catering to Holly— jumping from city to city just to make her laugh, defying the odds just to prove her wrong, and God— it was incredible to find that there were more things he’d do for her than thing’s he wouldn’t.

But one thing he couldn’t do, and one that he verbally expressed, was accept losing her. No matter what circumstance or time, he was adamant in this. “Come on,” he finally said, pulling her with him as they wove through the people on the sidewalk, “I don’t want you to catch a cold. Let’s get something to drink… and it’s not going to be alcoholic.” He said sternly as they wove through the people on the sidewalk.

send a symbol for an "open when" letter from my muse ;

♔: Open when you need to know how much I love you

♠: Open when you’re mad at me

☏: Open when you miss me

☻: Open when you’re lonely

♣: Open when you’re happy

✘: Open when you’ve had a long day

♦: Open when you’ve had a bad day

√: Open when you’re sick

♥: Open when you’ve left me after visiting

♪: Open when you can’t sleep

☼: Open when you’re horny

☂: Open when you’re imagining our future

☯: Open when we can’t communicate with each other

▲: Open when you need a reminder of all the things I love about you

➳: Open when you need motivation/encouragement

✈: Open when you need to laugh

✌: Open when you’re bored

★: Open when we’re fighting (and it’s your fault)

✿: Open when we’re fighting (and it’s my fault)

☺: Open when you need a kiss

@elizzybeth: so my mom got @MTV to hold a post-17th birthday party for me??

@elizzybeth: its my job to like promo the fact that two fans can win invites so !!! you'll get a VIP experience n hang w/ me and my pals it'll be a fun time

@elizzybeth: but 2 my pals !!! ur gonna get more info soon

@elizzybeth: also the only person who said happy birthday to me was sam you all suck

Text - Lana Banana

Lana: YOU HAVE MY HEART "ELIZABETH GOLDEN" FUKK THE GRANULE YOU'RE MINE ALWAYS

Lizze: tHAT MEANS SO MUCH??? PLEASE I FEEL SO LUCKY TO BE LOVED BY U... PLS DOTN CALL ME ELIZABETH U KNO I HATE THAT :-(((( THE GRANULE?? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

Text - Lana Banana

Lana: i love my boobs though i don't ever want to wear a shirt i just want to walk around in a bra and whatever kind of pants like my boobs are my favorite part of me

Lizzie: they may be ur fave part of you but i love the whole entire u u r a treasure

Text - Sam in shining armor

Sam: ok i absolutely forbid u to talk to me about asses or anything related to anything i wouldn't want my own child 2 hear about

Sam: we r going to keep this convo pg 13 u sinner therefore i want u to go find violet and cleanse yrself in holy water rn

Sam: u better not send pics to me about it bc i'll kms if u do i swear to god i will

Lizzie: you're not the boss of me

Lizzie: You don't want your child to go into the world prepared for anything s/he might see??? that seems irresponsible.

Lizzie: I would rather burn in hell than spend time with violet and i mean that in the best way possible i love her i adore her but currently her and gwen are the two people im just not sure i want to be around

Lizzie: maybe if u find a bottle of holy water ill chug it but until then i'll stick with cotton candy vodka and sadness

Lizzie: dont tempt me

Text - Lana Banana

Lana: [https://31.media.tumblr.com/e899516b2cdc61b576e1fc19e1031d03/tumblr_inline_niihuyAGsX1t802ni.png]

Lana: That is honestly the closest thing I have to a recent nude rn and I hate the way my lower half looks in it

Lana: oH my god that works too. I need the chocolate. All of it. ONE LOVE. ONE LIFE. ONE HEART. Some more lyrics I don't remember.. Justin Bieber circa 2000 something

Lizzie: uR HOT WTF ?? LEMME BE U

Lizzie: mE AS HELL

Text - Sam in shining armor

Sam: uh

Sam: i'm not mad at u i'm just not sure of how to proceed with our day to day convo when i basically just saw u naked but i'll try

Sam: did u see the packers game on sunday?? i don't watch football but i'm p sure it was nice

Lizzie: im really like so sorry i didnt mean to send it to you i feel so bad?? im?? so sorry

Lizzie: bUT at least my ass wasnt showing look at the bright side cabot

Lizzie: no i did not !!! but i heard smthn abt the seahawks like idk they won or something thats cool

Text - Sam in shining armor

Sam: oh

Sam: um

Sam: who the hell was it for then

Lizzie: i'm so sorry oh god don't be mad at me

Lizzie: no one important

Text - Lana Banana

Lana: if i could wolf whistle through text message i would. you should send that one for sure you're going to kill him.

Lana: Happy early valentines day to you! You're getting me one of those ten pound chocolate hearts, right? Because I'm your one and only? Your honey sugar bear? The love of your life?

Lizzie: goD BLESS ur so good to me i love you... but.. ur suppoSED TO SEND ME ON E BACK im feeling sexually frustrated give me ur nudes

Lizzie: thank you!! actually i was thinking more along the lines of like an endless supply of See's candy one pound boxes to last you throughout the year?? but its true you are my one and only love youre my light my savior honestly

Text - Sam in shining armor

Lizzie: [https://41.media.tumblr.com/5e70e249bfa9a48d298c842f5e8e1127/tumblr_ni3oba9rZC1u0e2h2o2_400.jpg]

Lizzie: SHIT

Lizzie: doNT OPEN THAT

Lizzie: sORRY IM SO SORRY THAT WASNT MEANT FOR U

Text - Lana Banana

Lizzie: [https://41.media.tumblr.com/5e70e249bfa9a48d298c842f5e8e1127/tumblr_ni3oba9rZC1u0e2h2o2_400.jpg]

Lizzie: what if i send this to sam is it good i have another one

Lizzie: also happy early valentines day

@elizzybeth: when u check ur fanmail and find death threats and wishes for you to commit suicide

@elizzybeth: goodnight

@elizzybeth: sam got into USC and i've never been more proud

@elizzybeth: on another completely unrelated note i need to go go sob myself to sleep

@elizzybeth: i guess now it's my turn to start filling out applications now

@elizzybeth: if you could feel my heartbeat now it would hit you like a sledgehammer