Hello! Usually I write to process things going on my life but this one is going to be different, this one is about not processing but perhaps appreciating and praising the best thing that has ever happen in my life, and I thought since I was done talking with her for the night, that I’ll write a little bit about her and why I say “I love you” to her in every moment I see fit~~(you’ll probably run into some stereotypical things to say bout a love one but oh well)

Now let’s starts with a couple things of her appearances and then we’ll dive right into what made me fall in love with her~~ I love it when she laughes cuz then she can’t stop laughing like a Hyena from the Lion King. I get honestly lost in her eyes like a treasure hunter getting lost in a maze. Her smile instantly brightens my day like good news on a Sunday morning. Her hand gestures when she talks are so cute Cuz she gets so expressive. She’s so pretty and beautiful that there aren’t enough pages in the world that I need to describe how beautiful I think she is~~~

Now we got appearances out of the way(even tho I can go on for hours and hours) let’s dive into her, into what makes her... her! Now where to start. Oh yes I know! She has a heart that is as pure as gold, a soul so clean and pure that you can see your reflection on it. She’s very open minded in a country with a growing close mindlessness population. Her humor is so cute and funny. She’s so smart that she’ll leave you in the dust of intelligence. She’s so talented at the arts that I always love to see her work. She cares so much about people that she’ll never leave a person behind. She’s the coolest, and raddest human being I have ever met in my life!

I know the quality isn’t the best since I’m tired but I just felt the urge to do this and if you’re reading this my love~ I love you and I can’t wait to see you the next chance we get :)

I hope you enjoyed my little thing bout us~~12/14/17 00:11

-A Boy That’s Taken

🤟🏻

Hey y’all, it’s definitely been a while since I last wrote and idk if I should say sorry but I only really right when I’m filled of passion and I see it as the only chance of thinking through something. There’s nothing to think through right now, only things to figure out. It’s my school spirit week this week and all week I been feeling kinda off, kinda awkward 24/7. I feel like socially I been strange to friends and I want to say sorry for that, I’m not good at the communicating us humans do, I’m a very shy and keeping to myself type of guy and I only truly know video games and movies. Another thing that has been like a steel ball attach to not only to my foot but every single limb on my body slowing me down and restricting my will. I have adhd some of you know and i see it as “I’m not adhd but adhd is definitely a part of me” but I have days where it’s not too big and periods of time where I just can’t. It just puts a black hood over my head where I can barely see but have no idea where I’m going and what I’m doing. I’m having a whole week of that so far and it’s terrible time to do it, I have so much AP work to catch up on, so much theater work, a project to do and a AP Test to study for. Whenever adhd pulls the hood on my head my motivation droppers faster then and anchor being released from a vessel. I don’t think I’m dumb I just don’t have the motivation to succeed cuz when I have that motivation I only have it for a split second like those little sparklers you light up and hold in your hand on Fourth of July. This may offend some or sound dumb to say but I wish I had more anxiety in my life, i have little to no anxiety cuz of my care free nature and I think I can also blame my adhd. My adhd kills my motivation cuz adhd is like a drug addict, if it has access to a quick fix, why would they go out and search for more drugs that require work. I wish I had anxiety because I need something to contemplate my short lasting motivation. I need that fear to boost me into doing more work and being on top of my things, I don’t need to be the best of the best, I just want to be a hard worker. I wish I can get rid of my adhd or add a little bit of more anxiety or motivation in my life. But hey, atleast I’m not those people that stay in there room all day and play video games (which I am) but I’m not an asshole to my friends or humanity. I also want to take this moment before I end off this post to say I appreciate my friends for the sole fact that they see me as a companion in general and I only wish the best for you guys and I hope you guys are doing great :) I’m going to be honest and idk how to feel bout this post cuz I feel like it didn’t come out acceptable but that’s not the purpose of today’s writing, but if you excuse me I’m going to watch a bit of YouTube and hopefully wake up with glee in the morning and get pass this storm already, until next time, Ba Bi!

-a boy that needs fuel for his rocket ship (23:10)

Self-Esteem

I’m fucking useless

I’m fucking useless

I’m fucking useless

It’s like a record stuck on repeat

A fucking useless piece of shit

Why are you doing this to yourself? Idk

Why can’t you keep up with responsibilities? Idk

Why can’t you see you’re hurting yourself? Idk

You can talk to your friends but it all depend on what you do

Why don’t you get off your ass? Idk

Am I depress or am I overreacting? I think depressed

Why am I feeling this? Cuz school isn’t doing great due to you being a piece of shit and not being responsible

Why can’t you keep up while everyone else excels in school and you are screawing yourself over? I can keep up but I decide not to and idk why

Why do I treat myself like this? Maybe I deserve it to a certain degree

Why are you so tired? Cuz I’m drained from hiding behind a smile

Why are you so quiet when society awards loud and outgoing folks? Cuz I prefer the silent and prefer not the drama

Why are you writing this? It’s endorphin to me, it stops the pain

Has talking to friends work? Idk

Why can’t you be inspire and be fucking uselsful? Idk

Do you wonder how people are able to stay on top of their life? Definitely

Why are you like this? .... idk

-My Mind for the past two weeks

ok universe, i’m ready to feel good things. make me feel good things.

A little message

We can all agree that seeing a friend get kinda ugly in a social situation really sucks and I usually give them the benefit of the doubt and think “must be a good reason for this response”. But this generation of Political correctness is something else, I have my own personal little opinions on present day controversy but this is where I think gets unjust and kinda assault like. It’s totally your right to voice your opinion and how you feel but the way you do so is the most important part and it can range from the person hearing the others opinion feel calm and respected but there is this line where this modern day political correctness feels like an attack. Not saying your opinion is wrong or evil and intent to do harm to the one hearing it but they always leave this out of their mind when expressing their opinion, “how much does the other person know about the subject?” This is where things get a bit assault like. It doesn’t always happen but it sucks being the audience to that, you feel dumb and so much at a disadvantage because the speaker has a better sense of the topic and they just lay it all on you and they expect you know about the topic as good as them. Personally I don’t look into controversial topics just because I don’t want to have those arguments because what’s the point if you voice a different opinion you’ll get slammed for not knowing as much they do. Ofcourse I have my own little opinions about the topics but it’s the fear of being out smarted just cause you don’t look into it. So if you’re like that, if you like to voice your opinion (which I support you expressing your voice) on controversial subjects, make sure the others are educated in the subject( “so this is the gist of it....”) hide what side you are leaning on at first and reveal it when you are confident that the other has some sort of up to date info about it and why the subject is controversial. Then be open to other opinions because you get so caught up in your opinion that you just don’t see any other logical reasoning unless it aligns it self on your opinion. You don’t have to follow this obviously because this is America and that is what America is about, but for respect and not to scare people and make them feel attacked, try to make sure you guys are on the same page and don’t flood them with one sidedness and just be open. Also little side note, remember that every human being have a different perspective on all subjects so some things that may offend you may not offend others so remember that. Just make sure everyone is educated for the important things (literally why I don’t look into most controversial things, key word *most*, some things deserves some attention but just think about how it impacts others and yourself) also i honestly see this act of SJWs is what bringing down America (it sucks that some sjw’s don’t know how to have a conversation when some do it really well so not all sjw’s are the same but this is a message to everyone, but I’m looking at you Snowflakes, there is more important things in the world then some of the things you are arguing, but as a final note I’m just going to say this country is great but y’all are just too sensitive about certain things but I have to agree there has been some eye brow raising reactions for the past year so you guys have some points but think about it)

~A guy that knows what’s wrong with this country

There Is No Manuel

It is such a weird but fascinating thing us human are. We are the most complicated thing in the universe because we are, I don't know how to say it but you are you because of your complexities. And honestly it's the most frustrating beauty in the human experience. Nothing is certain and there is no formula or algorithm to the human mind. You never truly know how someone will feel when expose to a certain something, and I don't even know truly how I'll feel when exposed to a certain scenario. I can have an idea of how I'll react but it's not defiant. It's amazing how we live in our thoughts everyday, how we surf our own little web of ideas, feelings, emotions, and we don't really know ourself that well. My theory of why we have such a difficult time in understanding each other sometimes is because what makes us special ain't our hair, our legs or arms. It's the wrinkly thing between your ears. What sets us apart from other primates and animals is our ability to recognize patterns. So when we come across a social scenario, we may not be the best because you can't use the same answer to similar situations. So many factors take place in interactions between people, like the person you're talking to opinion on the subject, the time of day, the other persons mood at the time, their thought process, your tone of voice or choice of wording, body language, your energy, the persons opinion on you, and I can try to go on forever but there is no end to the list of factors. I'm a lover of the unknown and the known, I love space and traveling, but I have no greater passion then for the science of the human mind, Psychology. And this is why I love and hate peoples complexity at the same time. You just can't calculate anything accurately when a human is involved, you may be able to predict someone's next move kind of but never be able to predict their emotions, because there is no set laws or rules like I said before. Now here is the part where I explain my inspiration and my drive to stay up and write my thoughts on this screen. It's magically or just perfect timing but the second I chill on things and let the wind take me where ever it wants to take me, the things I worried about with much thoughts happen in my favor. I'm not saying don't think about your decisions but I think it hold true to the saying "all things will work itself out" or something like that. So don't stress yourself out too much but keep working hard towards your goal because remember, the thing between your head is literally you so use it wisely and get ahead but have some faith in things and stay confident. Life has its ways to sprinkle some good in your life so there is always hope. So keep working hard and stay passionate for the things you love and have patience with people, and think of their feelings more and how your words affects them and I think if everyone on earth thought a bit more about their words, we'll be in a better place. ~A guy that loves the human mind

Sorry for my poor handwriting style, but I hope you enjoy it and mind the grammatical errors~~

Ahhh love

So I was playing this little indie game call OxenFree (really good game, I recommend it greatly) and it has this character name Alex. Now Alex here gotta be my favorite just because of her personality and how she reacts. And I think to myself “gosh I haven’t loved a character this much in a long time” and I realize that she is my type and my preferences, funny, cute, intelligent, friendly, caring, adventurous, and silly (probably can list some more but you can’t turn all your Likings in one list~~). So as my type I start to think about how nice it would be to date or go after someone like that, with these enjoyable characteristics. I soon realize, as the big romantic I am, I miss being in love with someone. You know that feeling, not loves like “they are kinda cute” like the love that you go to your best friend and be like “ I’m so nuts about them like I can’t stop thinking about the very thought of us being together!!!”. I dearly miss that. But I’m not going to be those people looking for people to crush on constantly and fall in love easily with anyone they can. I’m the type person that when I crush on someone, I crush real hard like Cupid shot one too many arrows into me! So if you ever get crushed on by me, I mean it, I mean my love and affection and my care. The point is, I miss the acceleration of the heart when around your love interest. The anticipation of making a move. The feeling of looking forward to the day just to see them. Oh, how it brings such life to me! How it makes my gears turn! The way it makes me feel is the best thing ever. Honestly, if love just stopped existing, I’ll probably end myself because love is too big of a part of life to miss out on. But I think that’s all I have for today~ thank you for reading and have a nice day!!

~A Guy That Is Some Form Of Love Sick

Can't stop smiling

Today was so cool. Today was so fun. Today was so refreshing. Today was so, healing~ I see Friday as the same as Wednesday, the same as Tuesday, etc. But today was really fun and really made my week. All day, the weight of tension of anxiety, awkwardness, fear, and any other heavy things were just lifted from my shoulder. Groups of friends doing fun things together, past friendships seeing slow recovery from awkward tension, relaxing and cool labs from chemistry (if you don't know, I'm a big nerd). I don't know what I did in a pass life to deserve this luck in this ruthless world that I don't even fully understand how ruthless it truly is. (By the way it's 1 Am and I'm super tired so expect poor quality) but like to confess here, I find it super cute when a friend finds a lover cuz I'm in the background like "YOU GO GIRL!! *They are so cute together :3*" I'm just such a big romantic. Anyways I don't know what else to write like this is a bunch of things to just say because why not. A summary: I'm really happy on how things are going. By the way AP Psych is super cool. Well I should sleep cuz sleep is needed lmao. Goodnight y'all 9/2/17 1:17

~A random boy who is happy

You’ll never know what could happen

First day of school and I'm asking myself so much. Anxiety up to my head, thoughts constricting my head like a python choking out their prey. Today was nice a bit, seeing friends is always good for the mind and soul. the eclipse was pretty cool looking but a bit overhype but no one reads my writing to hear about my day. So school this year is extra anxious due to the addition of AP and the increase pressure from my magnets and small things that I'll ultimately or partially or sadly never work out. New goals were formed today, new ideas, new thoughts, and new motivation. I don't have the best track history in school, I'm considered smart but homework has always dragged me down due to my laziness so my grade suffers a bit but some way some how, life just gives me the luck to pass the class. It’s quite amazing how I'm not homeschool but my academic luck is unfair and unneeded from now on. I have the idea that the luck you have only can be passed around so little at a time. Don’t be responsible in school and you're luck will flow into your grades (This isn't the same for everyone but from what I seen in my life) and you cant sprinkle any luck into other things. So this year I plan and intend on performing well on school so I can have the chance of sprinkling my luck in my more personal life, into my friendships, ambitions, passions, day to day struggles, mentality, and maybe relationships. but I don't know if any of these things will be touch my luck, luck isn't needed for any of these things to improve them but it doesn't hurt, some good luck will make anyone's day or even life a bit better. I don't want to reveal what I prefer to have luck sprinkled on it but perhaps mentality. The question now is “Hey, how are you going to be motivated to stick to this plan to have a good academic year???” well this all came from the shower today also known as the thinking room~ The inspiration hit my head as the water was hitting it, as I was deep in thought, as I was thinking about the day and how it was. I thought of a little sentence as I was thinking about the people in my life, “You’ll never truly know what could have happen if you try”. What nice little things can come out of your head when you think. But this tiny quote holds major value, major life value, a good motivation. How can we progress as individuals if we’re scare to try new things or be a bit adventurous and facing fears with confidence? And when I say “Fears” it doesn't always mean life threatening acts like skydiving or mountain climbing, I also mean social fears like making plans with friends, talking to new people, asking out that girl/or guy finally, and anything really, anything that makes your knees shakes in a nervous motion!! Of course as long it isn't too dangerous like fighting a tiger because that's understandable but if you want to do it, do it!! Just be careful~~ So whenever you aren't sure about something, just repeat the phrase to yourself a couple times “You’ll never truly know what could happen if you try”.That is all today and its nice being back in school and seeing friends once more on a daily basis. I wish everyone in school and In life in general, a good one and I hope luck is in your favor. Ba Bi!

~A Random Boy Who Is Glad To Be Back (8/21/2017, 9:29 PM)

One Dose Please

I haven’t been feeling myself lately. I still laugh but doesn’t feel like laughter, just feels ‘programmed’, It’s been feeling like I’m a robot, not in what I do but what I feel. I laugh because the thing they said was funny but I didn’t feel it. I get sad but also don’t at the same time. I think but don’t really feel the process of thinking. I think the word Lost will be best to describe this programming. I hate these times, because I’m pretty sure I know what cause them but there isn’t much I can do, and it’s a really pickyish cure. These things usually happen when the sun is high and schools out. Oh how I have such mix feelings about summer~ summer can be so different and so similar compare to other people’s summer. It takes away a drug for me, a drug I adore and appreciate. Human interaction is the name of the prescription. A dose recommend for all of the human race. This medicine is what makes human human. The human interaction is probably my favorite thing in the world, (fun fact I want to become a psychologist). But I’m a junkie with the stuff, I can be very dependent and not independent, I’m trying to be more independent. But I’m a junkie with specific source of this drug. I have a lovely family but they can’t be the source with my prescription, the reason summer strips away my medication is because school supply’s me with the drug, the human interaction of my friends really make me feel alive. A lot of people don’t appreciate school, it’s a social Hotspot, a brewing pot of friendship but also a boiling pot of evil and drama. But friends are my favorite thing in the world, like think about it. The fact that two beings in the world were able to tolerate each other and enjoy each other’s presences, that’s amazing. Two minds mingle in platonic unison. This world isn’t meant to be a solo run, it’s meant to be worked together. The fact we’re able to work together at all is amazing and it all starts with friends, little pre k friends, a friend from the class room, a pal from camp, your roommate from college, etc. I’m may not be feeling the best but I want to write this for appreciation of friends, you guys are my fuel, my motivation, my will to live. I don’t like to be alone, not all the time at least. Elementary was kinda lonely, middle kinda lonely but improved in friendship, and high school, oh how I appreciate the friendly energy of the people around me. Idk if this is even making sense, but cutting my supply cold aka summer vacation starting isn’t good for my mental state, I’m feeling the after effects now. Increase aggression, hard time falling asleep, not feeling much emotion, etc. but a pharmacy isn’t too far, two weeks for school, two weeks to see friendly faces. If any of my friends from school are reading this (I appreciate you other friends too) but if you’re from my classroom or from the halls, thank you for accompanying me on this journey and making me feel like me, making me feel Alive -a random boy wanting to see his friends

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Distractions

From the screen on the phone to the liquid in the glass. We all need a distraction to wash out regrets and guilt filled guts. To wash out the hate and sorrows from the painful lonely nights. But once the battery dies or the glass runs empty, it’s like gasoline catching aflame, it covers the whole place in a blaze in an instant. Distractions are like food, eat too little and you’ll run poorly, eat too much and you’ll run slow. You gotta balance out the distractions, manage the time where you participate in distractions and face the guilt and stress of the world. Everyone got their own way to distract them self from their own problems. I got my video games, my friends got their messaging apps, etc. people also like to go out, watch a film, watch a show, read, gaze into the beautiful blue sky, write, exercise, drink, hang with friends, sleep, go on a date, etc. That is just a small amount of what distractions are available in the human life. The world is too full of opportunities that people should have taken but they only became regrets. The world is too full of sorrow from countries and cities. The world is too full of hate from the people that walk on the soil. The world has too many problems in general. The worlds stomach aches from all problems it’s been swallowing and it’s killing it slowly. Global warming, a war on the brink of happening, animals going extinct, family starving. All these things are truly terrible humanity is trying to fix it, even though we are the one causing all these problems. But let’s get down to a more personal level, let’s get to more relatable things. People swallow big pills and they savor disgusting things, distractions are like an artificial sweetener to hide away the taste of these realities. So let’s get into the Barrel of fun aka realities we hate accepting. Failed relationships, addictions, asshole friends, family issues, mental issues, medical problems, responsibilities like homework or children. We like to drown ourself with distractions but at one point we need to surface. At one point we gotta accept the fact we got responsibilities, we got regrets, we got sorrows, we got hate within us, and we are all lost. But in the meantime, enjoy your favorite film, enjoy that drink, enjoy those funny group chats, enjoy that book, enjoy many naps, enjoy games, enjoy life in general because life is full of too much bullshit but is full of fun. But like I use my writing as a distraction and as a ventilation of my thoughts, I must to wake up and partake in my responsibilities~. Goodnight~ -A random guy trying to forget

A Failed Attempt at love

I have decided. It shall not strain me no more. It shall not take much residency in my thoughts, in my heart. This quest for the damsel have been debated in my council also known as my thoughts for a long period of time. Starting around early May and ending on late July. I know I already used I’s a lot but I have decided to move on. The quest is over. A failed attempt to be honest. My mind taken by night as distractions were scarce in thoughts about what I can do will be no more. My feelings toward Her won’t be immediately clear but instead lowered down. I still seek friendship, I hope when school starts we don’t see each other as strangers but as pals and just good all around, and I hope this situation of caring a bit more haven’t damage our friendship. If you know the person I’m talking about, if you know Her. You may send this piece to Her, if you want of course. Idk if she even knows about this blog, where two pieces before this one either referenced her or greatly included her. But if you are reading this, I’ll like to say thank you for inspiring some things in me, my love for writing and my romantic sappy side. My last relationship has destroyed these attributes of me but this whole crush on you has caused a spark and made me start this blog. Where I express my feelings and destress from life’s troubles, where I share my thoughts and feelings. So thank you. Due to you being my friend, the same service I do to all my friends, I’m a shoulder and a therapist. I’m here for all my friends and for you. I’ll seek for more unique maidens as the years come, but I’ll focus on my academics first no offense to any one. In my personal views, I rather focus on academics. But I have to say that my eyes being caught in a love Net can really motivate me to do better in class, it motivated me this year. Math wasn’t too hard just my memory of algebra one is nearly gone. But I think I’ll leave this post as it is. I just wanted to update my audience of one and to destress and I just wanted to write. Sorry if the quality is bad, I barely even know what Word I’m going to write next, I just go and write. Imma start typing on my laptop so I can have better grammar correction. I hope you guys are enjoying this little adventure you’re tagging along in. But imma just end it with~ At least I tried ~A random boy that tried at least

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