Be privvy to spies

Must keep trying.. Can't live like this! Help me god/spirits

Worst is the feeling that life is pain. Nothing to gain an ultimatum that's staring you in the face. You didn't choose to be here in the first place. And you don't like what you see. The product of misery. Feel so alone in a world that manipulates me Regardless of what I think. And what I feel. And depression that is engrained in what for me is real. Taking narcotics just to seal the deal. All hail this new world order of slavery. These dark times have sunk venom into me. And now I've lost my spiritual ability. And now all I crave is death to come and set me free. Smoking weed like its the death of me.

the space between you and your goals is temporary

birdyally (via deadliftprince)

OHHOH SHIT Y’ALL LIKE THIS

(via birdyally)

Reese’s Puffs cereal: approved by Reese’s Puffs cereal.

Why I'm about to get out of bed

Happy National Cereal Day.

Out of weed, getting high af off resin :)

Not everyone can be empathetic. So it must be a gift. It is what allows you to think in higher levels

Weird dream

In a darklit alley I made my first kill. Die Rene! Why I dunno… Later on the killer (me) strikes again. I go to school and find out I’m only 1-2. Rene survived. He tries to have some crazy guy kill me but I escape. I’m also escaping legal responsibility. Melissa was mad at me… Then she gave me candy to say its all cool. Then I smash a beer bottle on campus. Then I’m barefoot so I steal sandals. But they’re girly sandals. But they have an mp3 speaker .I keep going. Eating candy. An enigma to the world around me. Too rare to live too strange to die… Madness in its prime ;)

Step one drink cafe...

Yesterday I wanted to die... But today I was relatively more productive and I did feel better. Felt very let down and hard to even speak with a certain member of my family who I think contributes largely to my condition... I think what kept me sane was listening to the audio book 2001: a space odyysey. I think my new plan is to stay productive and listen to more audio books I am almost addicted. I also spent like four hours playing video games in the afternoon but I was mostly listening to the audio book haha. Ya I'm feeling ashamed at how suicidal I am... Tbh I just wanna be successful- in fact that is all I need! I just need to get my head straight and do it. Easier said than done but who cares... One day at a time I will beat this because I know if I could just get more control of my life I could be happy. As hopeless as my future seems, I do have plans. Ive beaten this rock bottom before I'm gonna have to do it again... But fuckit read my audio books and be smart and get back in the game, can't wait for things to get better!

Lol

does anyone else remember how fucking racist and specifically antiblack the scene kid community was?

How am I? Try spent 2 hours watching caught on tape suicide and death videos. Thats how. How will I get past this??

my edit

lonely-suicides.tumblr.com

Today ..someone I know.. Almost fucked up ..his.. life again. He left his house and got a rare ride down to his homecity which he is very used too but moved away from recently. He is trying to make the best of his new situation. He knew he was going to get a ride and decided to run away from his problems. He got dropped off and was gonna get picked up later by mom, with hours of time to kill and nothing to do. He had brought a back pack filled with some basic shit and thought he was never coming home again. He imagined it was the start of his new happier freegan bum life that would involve many adventures. He was riding his skateboard with him everywhere and had zero money for food. He saw some free broccoli outside a chinese restarant and had some nibbles but decided it was too gross. He got a water cup full of sprite. It was very hott so he decided to go enjoy a nice swim at the beach… He was almost there when he stopped to check out a new water fountain that was off to the side and there was a nice beach cruiser made to look locked up, but clearly not once your close up. This bike was screaming to get stolen so he did. This wasnt the first bike hed stolen, he had stole quite many in his underage delinquent years, but he thought those days were gone. But this impulse had just swept over him in this gnarly day of anxiety and weakness. It was a decent cruiser so he tried to sell it on CL but his stupid android camera was giving him shit and he just ended up saying fuck it as it was hot and his phone began to die. He rode up to a liquor store on the bike and stole a beer. Mickeys. The asian family man yelled but i kept peddling, a little sloppy as the chain fell of. He pulled into an apt complex and had it running in five minutes though. He kept riding down 19th, which the street ended into a huge nature place with a shit ton of privacy- a suitable hideout. As he is coming down the hill- pretty much already there… The fucking asian clerk honked from behind him. The asian had actually gotten in his car and tracked him down… But it was too late because he was already at the nature place. He DITCHED the bike on the street and tumbled down the steep hill into the nature place. The bike was a loss but also a piece of shit for breaking earliet and besides it was a ninja move that was a worthy escape. I kept walking through the nature towards another exit that went into HB- on the other side to another city- he was drinking his stolen 25oz can and two park rangers pulled up on him as he was searching his bag. He got very paranoid as two rangers came down the narrow trail. It really wasn’t everyday you saw park rangers in jeeps- plus there had been alot of police activity in the area that he had noticed. He was paranoid but they kept driving. The park ranger was some Mexican dude who actually did saw “hey put that away” or something but other than that kept driving. I kept walking and was underneath the bridge by the river..I was alone and had almost finished the beer. He started tagging a bunch of stupid shit on the walls. In broad daylight. After a couple minutes he was still going and then some lady comes up behind me. I immediately start walking but she had clearly probably seen me then seen what I wrote as I’m walking ahead still. Since it was a one way path and I didn’t like walking ahead of someone who could report I stopped and pulled out my phone. As she walked by he said happy st paddy’s (BC of the beer in his hand- swear to god he had no idea it was the next day,lol) and she smiled and said it back so that old lady was chill. As I’m on the phone wondering who to call (he has no friends) and he’s like fuck it call his dad who lives nearby and is home on disability… And it really is still in the right direction of a clean getaway so I went. He gets to his dads house and they talk… Its all good but kinda of awkward. His dad gives him some weed and he smokes it even though his dad doesn’t. His tolerance wasn’t what it was a couple weeks ago. Then his mom calls with some lame bull shit story about how all of a sudden she ccant pick him up- tryna pawn him off at dads for the night. So fucked up. It was like an i guess, bitch type of thing. Then after an hour she calls back to say shes on her way. He is like me, suffering from a severe case of depression. He is unemployed, moved back in with mom and things are going from bad to worse. After quitting weed due to running out of money (soooo broke) a couple weeks ago he is now severely suicidal. Chances are high for mental illness ( I’m talk in in about me now), but I’m not getting any help nor have I ever been treated. My life is in the midst of another fucking downward spiral but this one seems the most helpless…. There’s more to this story but I thinks this all for now. I hate my life

"May Your #Revolutionary Flame Never Burn Out" free #anarchist #zines for Grub a twice per month #freegan community dinner. Tonight we are at 274 Quincy St Apt 1 by Nostrand in #BedStuy #Brooklyn