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mushroom-cartel · 1 year
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Genuinely 2022 has been an amazing year for tumblr memes
I mean we had so many good ones:
#girl ban
Lennon Asscrack
Horse Plinko
Blorbo from my shows
The variations upon blorbo(glup shitto, skrungly, poor little meow meow)
Eeby Deeby
It's me boy, the PS5 inside your brain
Live Slug reaction
Crabs
Eurovision Pussy
Tumblr Blaze Launch ft. Catholic evangelism and My immortal
Twitterpocalypse
Dracula Daily
Thank goodness he's straight actually
Pikaman
July(Shinso Abe's death, British gov collapse)
Gougar
September 8th(Queen dead, sansweep)
They unbanned tits- wait no they didn't
The Lettuce is Pm now
Twitterpocalyspe 2 he actually bought it this time
Tits are legal for real this time
2nd Anniversary of Nov 5th ft. Ryan Reynolds
And Now
Goncharov
In general something has definitely been in the water this year when we look back at the memes.
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mushroom-cartel · 1 year
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goncharov
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mushroom-cartel · 1 year
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unnamed, a recourse
You call him dear and he agrees to it without hesitation.
It takes a few seconds for him to realise what he’s done. But it’s too late—his mouth is already running off—he’s asking you for nicknames. 
A sly grin breaks out onto your face. You’ve caught him off-guard and you’ll take as much as you can get.
You suggest things like darling, honey, sweetie, beloved and all those affectionate pet names lovers share (which the two of you are most definitely not… Yet. Argh! Focus!), and he says yes to every single one of them because he’s a fool digging his own grave; but the most damning one of them all, the one that nearly sends him reeling, fevers his face profusely to the point of dizziness, and makes him want to choke you just to get you to shut up and stop teasing him (because that’s all this is to you, isn’t it? Some game to toy with him!), the last of your exhaustive list is: my heart.
All the thoughts in his head stop like waves crashing against rock.
Your grin, which he previously thought malicious, over the course of the conversation, has become a small, fond smile.
“Is that alright?” you ask. You lean in close and whisper into his ear, “My dear heart.”
Of course, he silently agrees, anything for you. Anything for you. And then he shoves you off him and stalks away. He half-remembered the presence of Paimon and Lesser Lord Kusanali but he can feel their eyes boring into his back all the more now. You were too close for comfort just then. If he had let you linger in his space any longer, he might have… might have… 
How embarrassing.
You’re foolish to ignore the signs—or perhaps you’re pretending not to notice for his sake? What with his newfound freedom and autonomy—of what magnitude a scale his feelings for you are.
(Wouldn’t that be nice. A pair of fools. A wanderer and a traveller. How perfect.)
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mushroom-cartel · 2 years
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attempting some small tweaks to our toothpaste king and queen 😞✌
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mushroom-cartel · 2 years
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Official full body art for Alear!
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mushroom-cartel · 2 years
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gonna probably wake up from my depressive slump to write engage stuff. probably untagged angst again. wish me luck.
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mushroom-cartel · 2 years
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hijacking this to say local ghost-adjacent man became chaotic because his friends were (gone).
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mushroom-cartel · 2 years
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what where's the big shoes and baggy pants we were always given???
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mushroom-cartel · 3 years
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me: *reads chapter 307*
also me: i really need to sit down and write this AU one day
My head’s telling me Shindou You is Izuku’s time-travelling son from a doomed future trying to make things right but the first thing he does wrong is arriving a year too early for him to stop All Might from giving his father One For All because he doesn’t have a map on hand and the Musutafu of the future was totalled before he left.
Following this, the second thing he does wrong is failing to get into UA.
Life’s not so great, but it’s not that bad.
He just needs to do things here and there and maybe things will be fine.
(Things do not go fine because there’s All For One trying to chase You down thanks to a game of I spy gone wrong.)
Chill Aunt Mei and a self-proclaimed-chaotic-neutral Uncle Hitoshi are holding down the fort in the future, so there’s also that.
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mushroom-cartel · 3 years
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I wanna write an AU where Fushiguro Touji adopts every ‘kid character’ (how old is this guy again?) he meets but definitely not Gojou Satoru.
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mushroom-cartel · 3 years
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Okay, so I’ve gone and done just that, but for now, there’ll only be part one of yesterday’s overwhelmed us, a drabble collection/series featuring Itadori Yuuji and Sukuna because... reasons. Honestly, it’s not much.
Here’s a link to that sideblog I was talking about.
I’m thinking of cross-posting my short JJK reader-inserts from AO3 on here, like, not here here, but on a sideblog or something. Not that anyone will see this message probably or want to read them on this platform… *laughs*
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mushroom-cartel · 3 years
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I’m thinking of cross-posting my short JJK reader-inserts from AO3 on here, like, not here here, but on a sideblog or something. Not that anyone will see this message probably or want to read them on this platform... *laughs*
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mushroom-cartel · 4 years
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me, pre-chapter 187: but what if kiriya was actually yoriichi reincarnated?
me, post-chapter 187: BUT WHAT IF KIRIYA WAS ACTUALLY SUMIRE REINCARNATED?!!
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mushroom-cartel · 5 years
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time travel au where during the late 70s to early 90s, a two-man army, consisting of your sassy goddess of a mother back from the dead after you saw her entire being defiled and a soulless, dispassionate child drenched in blood, is completely obliterating you and the enemy in the war you started in sothis’s name. and there’s some clueless cavalryman being dragged (by the aforementioned child!) along the side, kicking and screaming. the very same cavalryman you healed not too long ago with your own blood.
in conclusion, only the human participants in this war are ageing. your impromptu ally is getting help from somewhere to stay in his prime and you don’t have the time to question it.
great.
then the terrible trio disappear for a millennium only to show up one day at the doorstep of your academy, apparently all grown-up without your ‘mother’ in sight, and clueless of their previous machinations. 
a bedtime story sothis once told you almost comes to mind before offering them the chance to teach the students a thing or two about brutal warfare.
[ or: befuddled seiros/rhea and nemesis VS sothis and byleth high on magic and swords throughout the ages. nobody can stop them but jeralt who just wants to go fishing. “leave me out of things this time, all right?” he says as he makes a beeline for the pond, abandoning byleth to the whims of rhea while sothis loses a lung in their ear. ]
[ the agarthans/twsitd serves as the reluctant peanut gallery, but is neutral, providing aid to all factions when the time arises. ]
[ ONLY PRO: the three houses team up to solve an ancient mystery. shenanigans ensure and the kids get to be kids. ]
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mushroom-cartel · 5 years
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random student's response to failing a certification exam: surely the goddess must be testing me!
ng+ byleth who's done this a thousand times now: yeah i sure am.
student: what was that, professor?
byleth: i said how does one fail with an expected 99% pass rate, you imbecile?
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mushroom-cartel · 5 years
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Imagine being a student of the Officers Academy, just some commoner with nothing to your name, and returning to your home, after Garreg Mach falls, somewhere along the borders of the Adrestian Empire only to be told that your mother’s suddenly gone into labour. You’re surprised to hear this, of course, because she didn’t mention being pregnant in the letter you last received from her, but you compose yourself and ask to be taken her immediately. You drop everything. Luggage, books, weapons, clothes, everything. Bypassing all the usual formalities that it takes to enter your village, familiar faces to rush you to your house.
You just make it time to witness the babe being pushed out, registering the wriggly pink thing drenched in blood to be the cause of your current internal panic. The local doctor and healers rush about, tools and magic strewn about in the air, going on about your mother’s ailing health over the past few years, the delivery being too much for her body to handle. In her already weakened state, childbirth is the final nail in the coffin.   
They’re losing her. You’re losing her.
You want to scream. Scream at the Goddess in that ‘kingdom above’ for damning her, scream at the people arguing which would be the correct method to proceed, scream while you watch your mother slowly fade away. Your prior fears of Emperor Edelgard temporarily forgotten.
The old man from next door who gave you candy for your fifth birthday pushes past you and shoves aside the doctor and healers, clasping your mother’s hand as he whispers under his breath. 
It does something. Her tired gaze, half-lidded, flickers from the newborn to you, mouth opening and closing. The old man assesses her sharply before beckoning you over, the rest of the people in the room going quiet. “What is it?” you ask, unsure of what either of them want.
He shakes his head, forcing you to take his spot by her side and tells you to listen very carefully. Half of you has the mind to snap at him and say he has no hand in what you do and don’t do, but the pleading expression you see on his face stops you. 
You turn to your mother for answers.
“Mama?” you whisper carefully. You haven’t called her that in a while. Not since your father died years ago. “Mama, I’m here. It’s me. Please, tell me, what is it?”
And she smiles at you, weakly raising an arm to point a finger at the frozen midwife cradling a swaddle of blankets, trembling the whole time.
She doesn’t need to do anything more. You understand, nodding frantically. The baby. She’s telling you take care of the baby, your new sibling. Take care of them and allow nothing to harm a hair on their head. Yes, you will... but... Everything’s happening so suddenly, and you know there wasn’t much that could be done to help the situation, but you wish you had more time to process this and—
“A name.” Your head whips back and forth between mother and child. A name. “Mother,” you say, tone cracking, fingers loosening from her hands up to her shoulders and finding their way round. “Mother, their name—I need a name. Anything!”
You don’t even realise you’re shaking her (or crying, for that matter) as your emotions burst out and scream bloody murder for such a simple thing. 
If you don’t have a name, what are you supposed to call them by?
If you don’t have a name, what are you supposed to do when they ask?
If you don’t have a name, what are you supposed to tell them? Lie and tell them that your mother didn’t love them enough to bestow a second gift next to life? That your mother simply hadn’t thought of one? That your mother didn’t live long enough because of them?
Your throat begins to hurt. The screaming stops, as does the shaking, but you still grip on to her tightly by the shoulders, crushing her between the pair.
“Mother, please... I beg of you. What is this child’s name?”
The woman’s glassy eyes betray nothing. They often say dead men tell no tales.
She’s so very stiff in your hands, becoming cold like a porcelain doll.
You let yourself be pulled away from her by the old man whose condolences fall on deaf ears, he’s just someone from an old childhood memory. Why does he care? At your request, the newborn from the midwife’s arms is given to you and you are left alone. (The body will be taken care of, promises the old man with a push, just go. You’re forced to retreat to the kitchen and sit at the table where it’s quieter.) 
They haven’t stirred at all. Clean and sleeping peacefully, oblivious to recent losses. 
What a time to be born, you joke to yourself.
A war is coming. A war which you knew was a long time coming; a war which you were settled on throwing yourself into; a war which could find its way right to your doorstep.
A war is coming and you won’t be able to a thing with a child chaining you down. But you can’t abandon them. That would be cruel. You’d be no better than the kind of noble scum that makes bastards in the sheets and leaves Crestless on the streets. 
You can’t become like that.
You will never let that happen.
A hesitant poke to the cheek awakens the child, making them squirm around in their blankets. They whimper and light laughter leaves your lips, maybe things won’t be so bad. You entertain the foolish nation that this will blow over in time, looking out the window to see the dawn of a new day, and for a moment, all is fine. 
And you make the mistake of looking down again when they move once more, for what greets you are a familiar pair of eyes.
Eyes that you last saw wide in fear as the owner of them tumbled over the cliffside of Garreg Mach, not to be heard of again after corpses were left to rot and the monastery abandoned. Villagers and students forced to evacuate, the knights and faculty tired to the bone in their retreat. One bright spot, among the black uniforms and white armour, gone.
You know these eyes.
Impossibly twinkling in the light, a tad bit off from picotte blue, lovely eyes you’d admired from afar for their dull sheen—these eyes which you didn’t think you would see again after that day at the end of the Guardian Moon, unblessed by the Goddess’s touch.
A name slips from you and they respond in turn by staring back intensely.
That’s all you need to confirm, the little sliver of hope dying inside with the realisation now pounding a headache.
Byleth is quiet, thankfully, observing you without so much a gurgle—a plan of escape already on your mind.
Imagine being a former student of a mercenary-turned-teacher reincarnated as your little sibling, just some commoner with nothing to your name, your mother dead, a war on the horizon and five long years until it all comes crashing down. Word will spread quickly of their unusual appearance and, not before long, twisted rumours will reach the ears of higher powers throughout the continent. Where your home is along the borders of the Adrestian Empire can no longer be considered safe to raise a child, and you might be no Captain Jeralt Reus Einser, yet in spite of this fact you’ll try your damned hardest evading pursuit while on the run. 
Nothing will be the same, but you made a promise.
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mushroom-cartel · 5 years
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byleth: due to unforeseen circumstances, your mother has married and decreed all of you are now my children.
seteth, flayn and rhea: EXCUSE ME—
macuil: *almost has a heart attack at the idea of sothis marrying and to a human of all things when he receives the news*
indech: oh okay. congratulations...?
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