Not much better...

Not really feeling any better. In fact probably worse.

I am pretty over weight due to some medication I started taking 3 years ago and because my diet and exercise suck. It has been piling on since the end of 2019 and the covid hit and lockdowns came and I just ballooned. I have not managed to shift any since then despite trying and failing multiple times.

I actually can't but clothes because nothing feels right. I simply walk around in jeggings and massive t shirts and mens hoodies because it makes me feel smaller. I hate looking in the mirror and I rarely do unless I have to put make up on for something. It's gotten so bad and I just don't know what to do.

I simply want to crawl under a rock right now and pretend I don't exist. I should not be this miserable at 31. I should be enjoying my life and actually getting somewhere.

Failing at life...

I just feel like I am failing at life. I have nothing to show for my 31 years as a person. Not as a mum. As a mum I have three beautiful children aged 13, 11 and 6 and they are wonderful. As a person I left school with basically nothing. Did some small college courses and have had one waitressing job 8 years ago. I have 0 up to date qualifications and I have no references I can give and no work experience to show. Why would anyone want to employ me???

On top of that I have crippling social anxiety and I have no idea how to get out of the vicious cycle that I am currently in.

My partner wants me to get a job and I don't even know where to begin.... Not to mention it has to fit in with me picking the kids up at 3pm.

I honestly feel like giving up.

Love this :)

““It’s been a long time since I’ve been me.” - Fernando Pessoa”

—

Repetition...

The one word that definitely sums up parenting at the moment. Repetition! I seriously swear if I have to repeat myself any more I am going to go insane. It's not the big things either it's all the small simple things. Putting papers in the bin once you've finished your snack, putting clothes in the washing basket when you've taken them off, making your bed in the morning. The really tiny things but when you are repeating yourself all day bloody long each and every day it soon begins to boil your blood!

Just had to get that out my system before I loose it! :L

Shucks <3

Thank you to everyone who got me to 50 likes!