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yes & no // natalie vee, wondersmithinc // part two
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yes & no // natalie vee, wondersmithinc // part one
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“Please don’t tell my kids they can do things they know they can’t.” “Your kids?”
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there's something so raw and soul crushing about spending your late childhood+teen years suicidal then growing up and actually wanting to live, after an ungodly effort, only to see your health deteriorate because of chronic illness.
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sorry my family didn’t teach me that i have a place among others so now i’m weird . sorry
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carl and fiona + season 7
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anyone else uhh..... anyone else ummmm. anyone else. anyone else, anyone.. anyone, anyone. oh god anyone
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We have chemistry that I’ve never had with any actress, the kind you can’t create, you can’t buy. It’s just… we have something that’s indescribable with words. It’s really special, and I am so grateful for it. I don’t even know what it is. I don’t even like to talk about it — I just appreciate it what we have.
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Shameless (2011 - 2021)
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THE WAY HE'S LOOKING AT HER. HES SO REAL FOR THIS
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everytime i watch shameless I get hit with a jolt of sickness and remember how frank and monica stole fionas life from her and she'll never get it back because it never existed because she was a sister first her whole life (from the age of 4) and everything else second and its always just so casual in the show and normal and rarely touched upon but it's not normal at all and it's tragic
#another post made at 2am that i found in the drafts#but my god its messed up how frank and monica got to live their own lives and how the kids got to have aspirations kinda but fiona was just#always stuck with the feeling of being stuck#cause she was forced to devote a largeee chunk of her life to servitude#its so unbelievably telling of frank and monicas innate selfishness above anything else imo :#their willingness to fulfil their mutual desire to extend the feeling of things such as youth and excitement and fun#to the point that they stripped their own daughter of the ability to experience childhood#education#etc#my memory is hazy but frank definitely was in college and i think monica was too? either way they both got to finish HS / experience it#but not fiona!!! its the opposite of parents sacrificing so their children can have more#they had more than fiona did and didnt give a shit about the fact that they just took from her#(obviously im not saying they had rosy perfect lives as kids teens and young adults— far from it actually)#(but its shockingly clear that they had a great deal more than fiona...or at least less on their plates...)#like when frank speaks of being a boy in college#its like.. these opportunities he threw away while fiona would've loved to have them but instead she had to drop out of HS#against her will#like yes its complicated but bottom line is its just sad how frank and monica were both afforded with control over their lives to a degree#while all of fionas life decisions carried the weight of her whole family and she didnt get to have independent control over her life#like for example she didnt drop out of HS cause she actually wanted to#she just didn't have any other choice#<- previous tags#oh cherry i'm fucking devastated#i feel like i'm gonna throw up i'm so sad#because you're RIGHT#like yes it's complicated but the fact that she didn't have a CHOICE is what's at the core of this. like it's one thing that she#made sacrifices in her life for her family#but the fact that she didn't even have the CHOICE to pursue a happy and successful future#FUCK#fuck frank and monica my homies hate frank and monica
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running yourself into the ground because it "feels good" but actually because it actually feels bad like a cheese grater against all the soft bits of your mind and running yourself into the ground specifically because it feels very bad and right now the roadrash will give some kind of visual effect to the rest of the experience of your suffering and running yourself into the ground because you were raised religious and/or with strict parents and now you feel like you need an excuse any time you burn out or else it's not burnout it's laziness and running yourself into the ground so you can be really sure it's actually depression and not just because you ate something suspicious
and running yourself into the ground because the back of your throat tastes like rotted fish and yet everybody wants you to get up and make a pretty dance about it and running yourself into the ground like a matchstick because if you're going to have to be here you want to blaze about it and running yourself into the ground like a darkened landing strip so the plane wheels spark up and your hometown finally disappears in the distance good fucking riddance
and running yourself into the ground because of some fucked up great-great-grandparent's hard work aesthetic and because you somehow owe it to your parents, who owed it to their own parents, because owing things is normal in your family, like love is a cost-value analysis and running yourself into the ground and getting up and pretending that, like, this isn't burning the candle at both ends. two days is plenty to get back into it.
you're not spiraling, you're just manifesting wealth and happiness. you're not spiraling, the radio in your chest just has low batteries. what do you mean that's the sound of distress. when they went out looking, they never found your pilot. you haven't been in this body for years now. you found yourself and put her into a box and then put her up on a shelf. she's still safe up there and she's still a kid.
running yourself into the ground and the constant knowledge: you don't even know where you're going and you don't like the experience. but where ever it is: you're not there yet.
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yes all my favorite characters are desperate to be loved. no i don’t think that says anything about me
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hope is a skill
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