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missyasf · 1 year

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Game Of Hearts

| 5 |

↳ Summary: Your life is in monotonous tones of grey, day in, day out. Nothing matters besides your sister, the only thing you remember is seeing fireworks before waking up to Tokyo abandoned . Soon enough you are properly introduced to the deadly Borderlands where you must fight for your life in Games to survive. When things can’t possibly get worse soon division arises and rivalries are made. No matter what though, you are constantly plagued by a blonde who, no matter how hard you try, just can’t seem to go too far without.

↳ Pairing: Chishiya/Reader

↳ Genre: Angst, smut, thriller

Word Count: 9k

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Trigger Warning: ⚠️ much like the manga/Netflix adaptation this will be a dark fic which includes mentions of prostitution, attempted murder, child ab*se, sexual harassment, heavy grief and attempted suic*de among other things. Additional warnings will be added for chapters when triggers are brought up. Please read with caution if these are triggers for you or just skip all together!

Note: guess who's back bitches??? it only took a year and season 2 coming out for me to come back but here I am with chapter 5! please leave some comments and tell me how yall feel about the chapter! Shits about to go down in chapter 6

……

You couldn’t quite remember everything that happened, one moment you were facing the sky’s bright hue and for a moment you wondered if your soul was ascending. What you noticed however was a lack thereof, when it came to ascension at least. Then you became aware that you very much were not going up, but falling down.

And falling and falling. The only thing you could think about however was Nanami, your dad, your mother....The empty bottle of pills, the write up of OD even though everyone knew it was suicide. Was this what everyone meant by life flashing before your eyes.

You couldn’t think as your stomach did waves as your body bounced harshly, your gaze now upside down and feeling admittedly nausea at the sight of the unruly ocean beneath you. Oh...oh god…you were alive. Your body hung as you heaving a breath, closing your eyes before they ripped open. Oh god the game! The game! They probably didn’t have much time. You frantically tried to pull yourself up, but again, you hadn’t exactly been fit.

Suddenly you heard the sound of metal clashing and you could hardly realize you were not falling once more until your body crashed into the water, salt burning your eyes and water entering your lungs as you fought to reach the surface for air, the water was fairly calm given but it was difficult to keep your head up as you pushed yourself to the ground at the front of the bridge. Your limbs ached and you could still feel the scorch of the flames licking at your skin as frustration filtered your body, why couldn’t you swim faster!?

Every muscle in your body ached and the adrenaline you felt had left you, leaving your body feeling heavier and heavier until you reached the prickly green grass that you on any other day would have complained about.

Laying against the ground you collapsed as you closed your eyes, god being alive sucked. But you weren’t going to die in this godforsaken place. Your fingers curled against the ground as you forced yourself to crawl up the hill, slowly pushing yourself to stand up, as you groaned, rubbing your hand against your head before fumbling a little with your footing. The hill was admittedly steep and your sneakers weren’ exactly built for walking.

After a certain amount of struggle you had made it to the top, your legs aching and trembling and your body felt sluggish. They better disarm that last car…You took a seat on top of the table that had the screen set put on, looking at the gate that had closed the bridge down.

You could only imagine the chaos of arguing between the other three right now as you dimly squeezed the water from your shirt, spitting out what saliva you had at the sharp taste of salt. Everything hurt and you really just wanted to lay down. You jumped at the sound of a sirening setting before you leaned back on the table enough to see the table once more.

Game Cleared

You didn’t have any doubts but still...it was good to know they didn’t lose their shit after hearing an explosion, you expected nothing less. The gates slowly slid back open and you could see two distinct figures.

“Well shit, she actually survived!” Kuina whistled out a snarky grin on her face as she jogged over to your battered figure, looking extremely tired and also in pain for that matter, “Damn, you look busted though.”

You looked between them both, Chishiya looked nonpulse but there was something about his demeanor, you weren’t sure what, and you weren’t sure if you’d go out of your way to say he looked relieved but...Maybe that was it?

“I’m staying with Chishiya next time.” You sighed and much to your distaste Chishiya had that snide, smug smile curl on is face as if he totally enjoyed watching you admit that, “Stop looking like that, it’s annoying.” Your lips were pouty and you glared down at him before you heard something pop.

Jumping a little your eyes flashed to the disc holder of the laptop which had popped open, scoffing you leaned down, grabbing the playing card. They had anticipated someone doing that drop, obviously, “Can we go? I think I have whiplash in my neck.” You whined as you rubbed the back of your neck which dully ached.

Chishiya rolled his eyes, “Then stop being useless and sitting around.” He swung the keys on his finger as he walked back to the car, Kuina’s gaze had flashed between you both, taken aback at the car being started as you offered a lucrative smile.

“You should really check out the Beach sometime. I think you’d be a really good fit. See you around Kuina.” You waved her off who probably had plenty of questions as you got into the car.

Collapsing as you closed your eyes, “I think…” You paused, making Chishiya look at you briefly, “I’m gonna relax on games. I don’t need to play anyways.” You had never not once in your life, thought bungee jumping, would in any way, shape or form, be cool. And honestly, you felt like every ounce of energy had been sucked out of your body.

“You’ll need too,” Chishiya snorted making you frown as you looked at him, his eyebrow lifting a little before he rolled his eyes, “You look like shit.”

“Thanks.” You laid back in your seat, closing your eyes. You were alive...somehow…

Staring in the mirror you winced, damn he wasn’t kidding, the whole side of your neck had been burned, it wasn’t too severe but it was going to be a pain in the ass to try and sleep against.

Your nose wrinkled as you winced once more, biting down on your lip harshly at the attempt to put the cool cloth against the burn, there was a few burns scattered across your body as well, one of your forearm from where you had presumably protected your face from the blast and one against your shin which was the most painful.

“They already have three other five of spades. Another card gone to waste.” You rolled your eyes at the sing-song tone of Chishiya who made no effort in announcing his entrance into the bathroom, his hands stuffed into his pockets as he leaned the wall.

“Yeah well, I’m not exactly surprised. It’s been crossed out on the wall since before we even got here.” You winced again, your nose crinkling a little at the initial pain that throbbed as you pressed the wet rag back against your neck, the heat temporarily being absorbed, “What are they even missing besides heart cards?”

Chishiya didn’t reply, making you turn to look at him, his eyes were narrowed on your neck- your hand to be precise as you frowned, “What…?” Feeling only a tad under the microscope by him as he still didn’t speak.

Finally he sighed as if he was both exasperated and annoyed, “You’re going to irritate the burn even more using cloth, once all the liquid is dried from the rag it’ll just stick to your skin,” He scoffed suddenly pulling the rag off your neck making you whine, the immediate burn returning as you let out a squeak in pain, “They’re only missing high value cards and a few offshoot of low cards.” Chishiya spoke as his eyes narrowed around the room, “Makes you wonder what they do with all the spare decks though hm?” Your eyes followed his figure, why was he letting his words linger like that...it made it sound like he was plotting something and the last thing you wanted was a bullet in your head for conspiracy, “Not really…?” You tilted your head a little, “I mean, Hiroko mentioned they’re collecting other decks for the next in line and so forth, so once Hatter goes everything just gets easier.”

“You actually believe that bullshit?” Chishiya scoffed, looking almost offended at you as you lifted your chin, a snarky smile on your face as you shook your head.

“Do I look like I believe it?” It was quiet as Chishiya snatched something off one of the shelves you hadn’t bothered to look in though it admittedly looked like it held a first aid of sorts, huffing you sighed looking back in the mirror as you tilted your head a little to look at the large burn, “I mean, what choice do we have Chi? Seriously, you know just as well as I do it’s all bullshit here just under the guise of hope to keep everyone going for Hatter’s gain. Anyone with a functioning brain knows that, we all know that.”

That was right, anyone who didn’t know that was either truly naive or simply chose to be ignorant, the only problem was any discussion of the truth would be labeled as conspiracy and possibly killed. Nobody wanted that in the end.

Your eyes lingered on the door that was closed, but well aware there wasn’t a lock, anyone could walk in at any time. But surely everyone thought the same as you, right? “But that’s how things work here, and I mean, it’s a trade off.”

Chishiya appeared in the mirror, his eyes lifeless as ever as he spoke, “...Don’t call me that again,” You snorted at the way his nose wrinkled, “And not necessarily.” His words made you twist around, looking up at him in confusion, what did he mean, not necessarily…? He puffed a breath, for a brief second almost looking amused at your bewilderment as he spoke, “Things are changing, we’re gaining a higher rank with each game,” He shrugged cryptically a certain smug look on his face, “I have plans to make use of this place.”

Your expression twisted a little warily as you turned back to face the mirror, “Well I’m sure you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be here and you wouldn’t have come with us if you didn’t see some sort of benefit.”

If you had learned anything about Chishiya in your time together, it would be that he didn’t put any effort into anything he thought wouldn’t be beneficial to him. You had never pointed this out to him mainly because you thought it was best he assumed you didn’t know this. Or maybe he did? There wasn't any reason to overthink things now, especially if Chishiya wasn’t your enemy.

You often found yourself walking a delicate line when it came to Chishiya, because he was very unsuspecting to many people, and in some ways, you assumed he did this on purpose, he was a master at disguising his intentions with people.

You didn’t want to be a piece just in the grand scheme of things...You looked in the mirror as you watched him carefully pour a gel onto a cotton round. Why…? Perhaps because, if this was a game, you were too prideful to be a loser.

And Chishiya using you would be a game over.

“If not for gain then everything else would be a waste of resources and energy.” Chishiya finally spoke, that look on his face which meant he was definitely planning something and you knew it would only be a matter of time before he set things into motion, whatever it was he had in mind.

You said no more, allowing him to carefully tend to the large burn on your neck as you thought about his words, it was true, not many people volunteered to do games nightly, or even weekly unless it was needed for them to keep staying in the Borderlands.

It was few and far in between such as yourself that did them as often you did, Chishiya carefully placed a gauze barrier on your neck as he tutted, “Now don’t go ripping this off otherwise it’ll tear at the layer of protection your skin will make to keep any bacteria out. Oh...by the way, Mira was asking for you.”

You blinked several times rapidly before twisting around at such a drastic change in topic, “...Mira…? Like Kano Mira? Number 9?” You tilted your head a little, you had seen all of the council members yes but you hadn’t met let alone talked to any of them.

Mira, was by rumor, a hearts player despite having little to no hearts still on the wall, a few had appeared here and there but a lot had yet to be gained, or those who went out and never came back, experienced games as such, but didn’t win.

Chishiya raised a brow but said nothing, as if in silent ask, just as clueless as you were, “She passed by in the hall and asked me to mention she wanted to see you.” You could tell he was waiting for an explanation you didn’t have.

“I’ve never even talked to her before.” You frowned a little as you shrugged, “If you’re looking for an answer, then I don’t know. Where would she be? Up in the meeting room or wherever the top ten go to brood?” You expression twisted as you quirked a brow.

Chishia hummed, “She said she’d be getting tea.” Why did this woman sound so weird? You couldn’t shake the vague feeling you had as you shrugged, your interest now piqued to see what one of the top ten wanted with you.

After Chishiya had tended to the rest of your burns he didn’t linger for long and you had settled to find Mira wherever she was at now curious as to why she wanted to speak to you. The top ten kept to themselves at the Beach or brooded together on occasion whenever something called for it. It was rare to see them actually mingling with the masses aside from Hatter who was almost always seen prowling around with women and Aguni who was always brooding with the militant sect.

Wandering through the halls your thoughts buzzed as you looked around, getting tea...the only place you could assume was the kitchen but you weren’t surprised that not only was she not there but you were kicked out due to a restock in alcohol and some assuming you were a user looking to get first dibs. Which you were not but understood well enough, not giving them any grief over finding Mira you left without a fight.

Walking through the dining room you paid no mind to the few people who were quietly eating, this was by far one of the calmest rooms in the Beach and that was during the day, during the night however nearly everything was used for a party room, “Y/n! I’m so happy you made it!” You jumped at the fairy-like voice that called out to you, whirling around you turned only to be met with the very woman you had been looking for.

Kano Mira.

You had seen her around few and far in between but she always seemed ethereal with layers of long black hair and delicate lace dresses, sometimes even carrying a parasol on warm days when she took strolls. Come to think of it, that was where you had seen her, you had been going on a run when you had seen her stray from the walking path to water what looked to be flowers. You had never talked to her before but you had made eye contact a few times, and maybe that was what had piqued her interest in the first place. Deciding to not jump to conclusions you offered a weak smile as you walked closer to the table she sat at, a teacup and saucer in hand, “I was told you were asking for me?”

Mira’s smile widened only a little as she softly waved a hand for you to sit across from her, a teacup placed on the opposite side of the table as if she had anticipated you finding her, taking a seat you shuffled a little feeling mildly uncomfortable being put under the gaze of her wide eyes.

You couldn’t read Mira, now this wasn’t a super power persay, but you breezed through life being able to read the majority of people, they’d never have to say a word but their thoughts easily came alive through the pitch of their voice, the short pause in a sentence or their posture stiffening. You could simply just tell how someone felt. There was always an exception to this, Chishiya was one of them, and it seemed Mira was as well.

She looked perfectly calm and the only thing you could see in her expression was pure curiosity. It sparkled across her eyes and she seemed so enamored with you despite having not said a word, as if you were a book and she’d love nothing more than to read you on a sunny warm afternoon.

It was in some ways warm and welcoming, and in others odd and alienating, “I’ve heard you’re relatively new to the Beach and yet you’re already playing many games?” She quirked an eyebrow before offering a soft laugh, “It’s fascinating to me! Especially hearing all this chatter about you possibly being a hearts player! Would you agree…? That you could be a hearts player?”

You looked away from the table briefly before offering a weak smile, deciding that while Mira had an odd energy, she was clearly harmless, “Well…” You sat for a moment gathering your thoughts at her loaded question before you carefully spoke, “I’d rather keep myself busy, then sit and waste away here. Even if it means possible death. I don’t have a specialty yet, so I don’t feel I’m qualified to really answer your question regarding that.”

Mira sipped on her tea, a thin smile tugging on her lips as she ever so slightly tilted her head in curiosity, blinking as she gracefully set her cup and saucer down, “Even if it meant possible death…?” She recited your words once more before asking, “That’s odd.” It was a simple statement that made you raise your brows a little at making her giggle, “It’s odd because most are quite terrified when they first come here. But you aren’t, in fact, I heard you haven't been scared not once since coming here. Even amongst the face of death. Most typically fear death, it’s thought because nobody knows what’s beyond the point of life, thus the irrational fear of the unknown.”

You were now mirroring her once expression of curiosity as she spoke delicately, “But recent studies show that the stimulation of adrenaline when put in life threatening situations can become addictive. For how can we truly appreciate life if we have never been put in a position where it could be taken from us? Do you agree with that sentiment Y/n? I think it’s quite poetic.” Staring down into the deep warm liquid in your teacup, it was lukewarm at best meaning Mira must have been here for a long while now, wordlessly you took a sip as your eyes stayed on the glass. Life threatening situations could become addictive huh…? You thought back to your feelings about the games, how for a brief period of time you didn’t have any thoughts or qualms with going night after night just...just because. Just for the thrill. Because why not? Perhaps her

words did ring some truth.

“I think...people don’t know what they’re capable of until they’re pushed beyond their limits. And when they find that part of themselves, they don’t want to let it go. They can’t,” You spoke thoughtfully, thinking back to a paper you had written in your freshman year of university about the theory of behavioral development, “Because if they only found it- via a life threatening situation, they don’t know how to gain that part of themselves back in a safe and controlled environment. So instead, they seek those uncontrollable situations again to regain that part of themselves.”

Mira’s smile slowly widened as if she was thoroughly fascinated and impressed by your words as she leaned in a little, picking up her teacup once more, a ruby red lip stain printed on the side of the cup as she spoke, “So you believe it’s a loss of identity, and a sense of need for it, that keep them going?”

“It’s not that simple,” You replied as you curved a brow, to say you knew what propelled people- even yourself into why the seek of games was addictive would be presumptuous, “Placing a wide variety of people, with various personalities, flaws, coping mechanisms, home lives, education into one singular lense, would be naive if not arrogant to assume that's what keeps them seeking a thrill. That may be one of many motives for someone to do it, but for some, it’s a sense of power and control, for some it’s the primitive nature of finding themselves, proving their worth, every motive and every person is different.”

Mira’s smile slowly turned into a lopsided smirk as she lowered her teacup down from one last sip as she let it sit clasped in her hands against her lap gently, “By this definition, then what are yours Y/n?”

You frowned a little before you looked down at the table, why did you...in some morbid way enjoy games? “I don’t know.” you softly admitted, your smile was weak as you looked up at Mira once more, “I do them, simply because I can, because it passes the time, because maybe, there’s a grand scheme in the making here, and participating in games leads me one step closer to what it is.”

“And what if there isn’t?” Mira asked, some could take it for a counter, a challenge, but not you, there was nothing but sincerity in Mira’s eyes, as if consciously fascinated in each of your answers, as if she memorized them word for word with each passing second, “What if these games are here simply because they can be? What then?”

You sat quietly for what seemed like a long time, and Mira was in no hurry for your answer, a patient smile on her lips as she returned her teacup to the table to pour in fresh hot water from the porcelain teapot she had set out on the table. You sat and thought about your life before these games, back to when you were a little girl and you sat on your mothers lap when she’d read you a story just at night fall.

Back when you found her body slumped in her bed and an empty bottle of pills on the ground next to her laid out hand that was above it. The cap was still on the sheets next to her pale face and no matter how many times you shook her, hugged her, begged for her to open her eyes, she never woke up. You could narrow it down a little past that event, not her death, but the funeral was when something ached inside you.

Why?

It wasn’t that you had wished for a different outcome at the tender age of five. You simply just wanted to know why? Why did she do it? What was her reason, what was the motive, what did she have to gain? And what did she have to lose? And could have been done to prevent it?

Why?

It seeped into every part of your life, why had your dad gone to shark loans? Why did he choose alcohol instead of a phone call to someone who could help? Why did it have to be you who he took his anger out on? Why did the teacher at your school who saw the bruises you tried to hide simply ignore it? Why did the manager at the only job that would accept a highschooler interview you just to see if you were willing to be filmed on a couch? Why did the people involved not help? Why…?

It’s all you ever wanted to know. Why...?

Your mind drifted to the games, why had the dealers chosen Chishiya, of all people to be your partner? Why did Ryu decide to mention the beach to you? You had so many questions, not to find the reason for the ultimate goal of the borderlands, but the complexities that ran them.

“If this is truly just a game,” You finally spoke, thinking back to earlier when you had been silently letting Chishiya, a man of absolutes who held no regret in anything he did, how your mind had thought in that moment, “With no other high reason to be here, other than to simply be a game. If there is no ‘why’ to that reason other than simply because, then I’d just enjoy myself and win.” You offered a resolved smile.

You hadn’t taken the time to unpack the large umbrella of possibilities as to why you all were in the Borderlands playing games of life or death and fearing for your lives day in and out. Purely because it already took a lot of energy to simply exist here, contemplation on the meaning of it all seemed draining, hence you hadn’t thought too hard about it.

Mira leaned back in her seat as she smiled brightly, the happiest you had seen her the whole conversation as she nodded her head in understanding, “Thank you for that! I think...I understand for now. I’m sure you have things you need to do, don’t let me keep you. Let's talk again though soon, yeah?”

“Of course...um…” You paused, setting down your teacup as Mira tilted her head, as if waiting for you to finish what you were getting ready to ask,”...May I ask what you did before all of this?”

Mira’s smile was bright and bubbly as she let out a little laugh, “Of course, I was a psychiatrist ♡ "

25th Day Sojourn

The past few weeks had remained relatively inactive and you had spent them strictly to your word in not participating in games and letting your burns heal. Which had come a very long way from where they had started- probably thanks to Chishiya who kept you on a very strict regime of maintenance care with them.

You were currently reading sitting on one of the high top tables that was set out on the pool patio, a multitude of people splashing around and Hiroko who was severely mad at Ryu for throwing her into the pool had just stalked up and sat beside you, arms crossed as she huffed, “You okay?” You offered a tiny smile at her disturbed expression as she let out a noise of complaint but said nothing, “...My visa expires in 2 days.” You hummed out, flipping the page of your book, resolving to set it face down on the glass table so you wouldn’t lose your spot.

“So you’re saying you wanna play a game tonight?” Hiroko quirked a brow at your words making you shrug with a lopsided smile, it wasn’t that you were bored but you would preferably like to get back into the groove of playing games again, not that your position on the board mattered but you did get knocked back several positions behind from where you last left off. That and you’d rather at least die in a game than death by laser from the sky.

“Why not? A little birdy told me you weren’t playing tonight though.” You lifted the solo cup up to your lips, the warm trill of tequila and mixer that no amount of ice could make cold. You weren’t really into day drinking but it was difficult to not be at the Beach where it felt like a summer vacation in hell constantly.

Hiroko wrinkled her nose as she shrugged, “I’ve been feeling kind of under the weather, we did get caught up in some cold rain a few days ago. Think it’s a cold. I have more than plenty of time on my visa so it’ll be fine to go a few days without. Why don’t you ask your boyfriend?”

You would’ve asked in more concern for her possibly being sick had she not added that last word making you sputter in confusion, “Boyfriend?”

“Why are you outside? You know that’s just gonna damage the burns even more. You truly are an idiot.” Your lips twisted in annoyance at the exasperated sigh of a new voice that entered the conversation, Chishiya standing before you both, black aviators on and his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket.

“I’m in the shade!” You complained waving your hand at the umbrella stand that had been opened in the middle of the table keeping you from the warm rays of light, most of your burns had healed but Chishiya had told you, in quotes ‘to stay out of the sun since you were probably too dumb to understand it would inflame your burns further’

“Just because there’s shade doesn’t mean ultraviolet rays don’t reach you.” Chishiya spoke in a sing-song tone, “But you don’t care right? Because you’re dumb? A dumbass that doesn’t understand basic meteorology?”

Hiroko stayed silent, in fact, her gaze was an act as if she had proved whatever point she made, sipping on her drink as your lips futilely opened and closed, unsure of how to even respond. Yes, this had been going on for the past few days now, where Chishiya would harshly reprimand you when you wouldn’t listen to him.

“I’m just having a drink, why are you attacking me?” You sounded like a puppy, lips quirking into a pitiful pout at his sharp tongued words, “And just because I call myself dumb doesn’t mean you can!” You hissed out directly afterwards, your eyes cutting into his but he only triumphantly smirked.

“That doesn’t change the truth though, does it?” He egged you on making you roll your eyes as you deflated into your chair, crossing your arms as you both silently stared at each other and with each passing second staring at that cocky expression on his face was becoming more annoying by the second.

“Anyways.” You coughed harshly, your nose wrinkling a little as you sent one last glare at Chishiya before turning back to Hiroko, “It’s fine, I understand, I’ll just find someone else to go with tonight.” Your eyes trailed back to the pool where Nanami was at, her back directly turned to you where she was crowded around her friends, all talking in what looked semi serious, or possibly just gossip.

You hadn’t talked to her...at all these days, she had become more distant from you and in some ways you felt incredibly helpless, as if your relationship with her was fading altogether and no matter what you did, leave her alone, attempt to talk, it only resulted in her anger sparking that much more. You couldn’t do anything right, or so it felt like.

“Well be careful while you’re out…” You were taken away by your thoughts at Hiroko’s careful words, Chishiya had leaned against your chair, observing the conversation though it felt like he was just here to strictly annoy you further now. Unless he wanted to discuss something that he couldn’t in the realms of Hiroko. Which you didn’t understand either as it wasn’t like she was into the front of what the beach stood for regardless, “You really think I’m that bad at games?” You remarked weakly, not used to her care in this way being shown. And it wasn’t that Hiroko didn’t care, she just knew the risks of games just as everyone else did. There was no need for sentimental care here.

“Of course not,” Hiroko rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms, giving you a reprimanding look that made you feel slightly dumb, “It’s just…” She rubbed her neck as she sighed, looking around somewhat apprehensive as she lowered her voice, “...We haven’t told any of the regulars here at the Beach but...there’s another group out playing games.”

Your brows furrowed before you looked to your side where Chishiya stood, one elbow leaned on the back of your chair, he exchanged looks with you but he remained neutral as you frowned, “Like...group as in, like the Beach?”

Hiroko slowly nodded, ‘Something like that, run more like the militant sect though from the sounds of it. They aren’t a big group but they’re pretty violent from what I heard. Hatter apparently had a run in with them during his last game. It sounds like they got word of our operation here and mean business.”

Hiroko was talking in a veiled tone that left you mildly confused but you could at least read between the lines, “Like...raid business…?” Your nose wrinkled further as she frowned with a nod, saying nothing else as she looked away briefly, concern filling her features as her eyes washed over the scene of everyone happily enjoying themselves.

“We already have to deal with the militant sect pushing boundaries constantly for more control of the Beach...the last thing we need is outsiders finding our home base and ruining everything. People are horrible.” She sighed wistfully as she rested her chin on her hand.

“Things are getting interesting,” Chishiya’s lips twisted into a smirk with that annoying sing-song tone of his, “It’s about time entertainment found this place. Just when I thought it was getting boring.”

“Do you even have a heart?” Hiroko sneered as she glared at him, his expression didn’t change though, in fact he looked even more amused at getting under not only your skin but Hiroko’s as well.

“A heart isn’t needed in the Borderlands, so I’d say no, I guess?” Chishiya shrugged illusively as you rolled your eyes, finally leaning on the other side of your chair so you could get a proper look at the smug bastard, he seemed in a relatively good mood today all things considered.

“Let’s do a game with Kuina tonight! I haven’t gotten to play a game with her since she got here, I think it’d be pretty fun.” You smiled enthusiastically, Kuina had immediately become a part of the group the moment she had discovered the Beach and you were thrilled for her company as you got along great together.

Not only thing but much to your surprise it seemed Chishiya also enjoyed her company- though he would never willingly admit to that, you could still sense it though, Chishiya’s expression didn’t change drastically but it was distinct, his nose wrinkling ever so slightly and his lips twisting just by a hair, “Don’t look like that!” You whined, kicking your legs in your chair, “It can’t just always be us playing games. Besides, you enjoy Kuina’s company.”

“I’m not interested in doing a game tonight.” Chishiya replied curtly, his gaze looked near feline as you snorted with a raised eyebrow, Chishiya, not in the mood for a game? In what world?

“What plans do you have- besides brooding in your room the whole day or being a menace to society? You should consider lying out in the sun a little, your ultraviolet rays aren’t making it to your ghost legs.” You waved at him and you could hear Hiroko snort.

Chishiya’s pupils narrowed as he spoke, “Ultraviolet rays are a form of electromagnetic radiation- meaning they’re most prominent during cloudy days, it doesn’t visibly tan skin but can still leave you with sunburn.” You nearly yelped at cold slim fingers suddenly grabbing your chin, forcefully making you crane your head to stare at those cold eyes as you squirmed, “But I’m sure your little brain can’t understand that concept, can it? Hm? Because you’re an idiot?” He spat out though it really didn’t hold a bite to it.

That’s kinda hot.

Your face felt like it was burning and it was absolutely not the ultraviolet rays doing that as you shoved Chishiya’s hand away from you face, thoroughly embarrassed at the intrusive thought that had entered the back of your head, “You’re such a fucking nerd! Jesus, I’m- I’m gonna go find Kuina!” You fumbled out of your chair creating as much distance from Chishiya as possible as you rubbed your neck, “Asshole.” You hurriedly called out for good measure as you began walking into the hotel. Your face felt like it had been lit on fire the whole walk back and you didn’t even want to start unpacking what you had thought because…! It was just an intrusive thought! It happens all the time, no reason to make a big deal out of it…! It happens…! All of the time! “Are you good?” You hadn’t even realized you had found Kuina until she spoke to you, her eyebrow cocked as she snorted, “You seem flustered.”

“I’m fine!” You spoke sharply, crossing your arms, well aware of the broody pout you sported and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t make it go away, “...My-...” You sighed, taking a breath to regather yourself, “My visa ends in two days so I was wondering if you wanted to help me with a game tonight?”

Kuina’s lips suddenly twisted into a grin as she puffed her chest a little, “Hell yeah! We’ll be the power duo of the night!” She wrapped an arm around your neck pulling you way too close to her- “Meanwhile let’s enjoy ourselves, I was just playing poker if you wanna join in?” You frowned, unfamiliar with the rules but you figured why not?

Midday turned into the afternoon and the afternoon soon turned into nightfall where you and Kuina began to prep to go out. Stepping outside the gates of the Beach though you wanted to snort at the sight ahead of you, “Shouldn’t you be in your room brooding?”

“Oh? Shouldn’t you be groveling at my feet in thanks for helping your stupidity?” Chishiya replied, his hood was pulled up and one earbud was dangling against his jacket, he had actually gotten dressed out beach attire today much to your surprise.

At least you weren’t the only one who didn’t care for the beach attire rule. Everyone else just kept making fun of you for it until now, Kuina was still in her beach top but had a cropped jean jacket to go with it and hey, it’s not like her style had changed much up until this point.

You sighed exasperatedly and decided the battle just wasn’t worth it at the moment with him, but granted was it ever? Chishiya was someone who, in his own mind, never lost an argument. But maybe, it wasn’t so much you were looking to win the argument as you were just more times then less, enjoyed dicking around with him and watching him get increasingly annoyed at whatever bullshit flew out of your mouth.

The drive to a venue was unshockingly filled with bickering that never ceased between you both except now- somehow even worse with the addition of Kuina who was more then happy to shove her input into the conversation, which almost always made the chaos even worse.

It was good short trip though altogether, “Uh, is this even a venue?” You frowned at the starlight hotel that was dazzling, obviously it was but…”I dunno about this guys.” You didn’t have a good feeling about this venue. It just seemed way too big.

Chishiya curved a brow as he snorted, “The worst that could happen is your death- which at this point you beg for every other second of the day. Doesn’t seem like a bad trade off to me.”

“Where’s the trade off in that?” Kuina chimed in, walking beside you both as you approached the large building, cars were piled up making the street hard to even get across leaving you all on the side walk with the car a little ways back and you spotted someone already entering the venue. It was probably packed with people given it was such a big venue.

Stuff like this always attracts newcomers too.

“The trade off is Y/n finally dies and I’m rid of her insufferable presence.” Chishiya answered with that stupid thin smile of his making you huff as you crossed your arms, pausing as you watched them both walk ahead before stopping to look at you, who was dramatically puffing your cheeks, “Insufferable yet you only do games with me? Okay. You know, is this some new found kink you have or something? Where you have to remind me every two seconds of how dumb I am or that you don’t like me when you do?” A smile curled on your lips as you leaned forward a little, admittedly feeling a little cocky on calling him out on his bullshit.

Kuina’s eyebrows raised as she turned to look at Chishiya, looking mildly conflicted between suddenly being a third wheel but also too invested to not see how Chishiya would reply. He only puffed an amused breath, as if whatever you said sounded stupid to him, probably did, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” He let out a sing-song tone that nearly had steam coming out of your ears as you stomped your foot….This…! This absolute-

You weren't able to retaliate, cut off by a strangled yelp that escaped you at being ripped into the alleyway by your hair, it was dark compared the well light walkway from the venue, hands were all over you trying to get a good grip on you as you squirmed and yelped once more as being slammed into the wall, “We got one! Let's go!” You could distinctly make out the sound of Kuina’s voice but everything sounded muffled and you were acutely aware of a cloth bag being out over your head and being jostled around. It was only another minute before you were shoved somewhere hard and small- presumably a trunk and then, nothing.

The light was bright in stark contrast to the black tote bag- yes black tote bag- because apparently just using a plastic bag and ending your miserable fucking existence was too much to ask at this point- they had used to cover your head, your lips curled a little and your eyes squinted at the gritty space that looked a lot like a car parking building. What you didn’t like about this, were your hands being tied behind your back and the fact that you were surrounded by men.

Oh, you really didn’t like this. It was clear the whole place had been turned into a raunchy hang out place for all kinds of bad and you could only assume this was the group Hiroko had warned you about.

“There’s our Cinderella!” Your lips twitched and slowly turned into a frown as you heard multiple hollars at the sound of the voice that approached you, the man who was clearly in charge around here couldn’t have been any older than you by the looks of it. In fact...why did he look so familiar…?

He stood in front of you, a smirk plastered on his lips that made your frown further before he grabbed your chin, “Just look at that pretty face, if it weren’t for that little wristband of yours we’d let you stay for free, yeah?” He turned over his shoulder to what you could only assume was his friend and then it hit you.

Kamei Rin, that’s who this was, it nearly made you want to laugh. He was a psychology major just like you and you often shared lectures together- except you were positive he didn’t recognize you the way you did him and his friend was Ichikawa Hikaru, was a major in law. They went to your campus and were pretty heavily known due to being popular and in one of the best fraternities there.

The mention of a wristband made you frown however, he was talking about your room number key, the one everyone wore which had their board number on it. If you moved up on the board you changed out rooms, it was a simple concept but this just confirmed that they indeed, caught on to everyone at the Beach wearing one. Which meant this was why they captured you, you expected no less but still the idea made your stomach churn ever so slightly.

You said nothing, unsure of what to say or how to present yourself in this situation to these two men and all of their cronies that stared down at you, Rin’s hand squeezed your chin harshly as you looked up at him wordlessly, “Obedient are we?” He teased lightly and the words made you want to roll your eyes but you refrained, “Since you’re so slow, allow me to explain everything.”

Your lips twitched a little, now fully resisting a snarky reply as Rin released your chin from his grip, “We’re the Alpha Makeup, our group is small and based around the best of the best, we have our spade team,” he nodded over to one group which seemed to be rough housing with one another, “The diamonds.” He nodded the other way to a more reclusive group and you could’ve deduced that much without his introduction, “The clubs here.” He waved around himself towards the others the piled around you, “And of course us, Hearts players. If you couldn’t tell.” He sent you a charming smile, yes, this was absolutely Rin, you’d remember those pearly white teeth from anywhere, “I’m Kamei Rin, the leader around here.”

“Oh? But you never explained why I’m here…?” Your lips tugged into a helpless pout, your eyes immediately dropping a little and your shoulders curling as best they could. Yes…within those seconds you decided what you’d do, easily.

You could hear a warm chuckle sound throughout the room before Rin kneeled down to make eye contact with you, an amused expression in his face- presumably at your timid reaction, “Well sweetheart allow me to explain- you see you have a wristband which lets us know you’re from another group. A bigger group yeah? The Beach, was it?” Your lips quivered a little as you frowned, at his words, “That’s your group isn’t it? Don’t lie. Even a pretty face doesn’t suit a liar.”

Matsuda Rin was an excellent psych student, he tutored in his spare time, took extra credit, volunteered hours to help programs, but he was also a notorious heartbreaker and was well known for some considerably toxic habits which came to you as ironic, after all, why go into the world of psychology if one doesn’t even want to start with the first change- themselves?

This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence of course, you had run into many people who were in the same major as you and yet they were the ones that genuinely needed someone to tell them the truth about major red flags they exuded.

You wouldn’t dub Rin one of these people back before the Borderlands, he wasn’t the greatest guy, but you had always felt- from what you heard down the line- that he knew what he was doing was wrong and was attempting to make a change. Failing yeah, but it was the thought and attempt that count, but given the state he was in now you could only assume currently that much like many others, he had crumbled to the Borderlands.

“Well...yeah I guess,” You mumbled, your bottom lip jutting slightly as your eyes downcasted, shifted a little uncomfortable due to the restraints that were tight on your wrists, “It’s not an actual beach though…” This made all the men around you laugh, not just laugh, but directly at what you said, as if you had said something insanely stupid.

If it wasn’t for this being an act, you would’ve actually felt self conscious but the more they assumed you a ditz the better of a position you were in when it came to the long run of this situation, you were well aware this situation wasn’t to your advantage, lying wasn’t an option- at least out right and resisting would only end you in murky water- possibly death. They couldn’t begrudge you too much if you simply just couldn’t be blamed for not knowing anything.

Or in your care, pretending you were too much of a ditz to properly answer a question.

“We know that sweetheart,” Rin’s smile was charming but his voice dripped with condescension as he pouted his lips somewhat mockingly, “All you have to tell us is where the location is at hm? Then we’ll take you right back.”

You forced your lips to tremble a little and your eyes darting away from his, making your eyes blur a little with watery eyes as you mumbled, “...Well...I know it’s beyond water...um...I don’t...I don’t drive when we go out for games…” The only reason you felt so warm was probably because of how much of an idiot you felt like at the moment suddenly hearing them all begin to snicker at your obvious daftness.

“I told you we should’ve went for the taller one,” Hikaru tutted, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he looked down at you suspectedly, “ You can never rely on women like this to know anything.”

Rin sighed exasperatedly as he closed his eyes, “All in good time Hikaru, just because she doesn’t know exactly doesn’t mean she can’t give us details in good time, right sweetheart?” His fingers trailed down your jawline making your lips come close to twitching but you managed to keep a doe like expression on your face.

“I...I guess I don’t have much of a choice…” You mumbled once more, frowning as you gently tugged out of his grip though your resistance was weak against the force of his hand. Rin’s smile was thin as he looked down at you, “Don’t act all put out, I know just how you’ll fit in around here until that ditzy little memory of yours is working again princess.”

“...We should get back to the Beach and get help, I don’t think this is a good idea...I mean, there’s two of us, and a lot of them…” Kuina walked up to the large building, a car lot building to be precise, in fact, it was so large, she was surprised it wasn’t a game venue as it looked like the definition of a perfect place for one.

Chishiya had been silent the majority of the time, hands stuffed in his pockets and his hoodie covering the upper part of his face, shadowing out the deep set glare he had on the building, “Oh? What’s the most they’ll do to two willing captives hm?” Finally a sinister smirk crawled on his lips, “Just when I thought things were getting a little boring.”

Kuina twisted a little to look down at the feline eyes that bore into the building before he strode up to it, shaking her head she sighed, deciding to not argue with him after all, what was the use? For two people who weren’t into each other at all, Kuina had a difficult time believing the fact that Chishiya had instantly tracked down their headquarters within an hour and was now ready to face whatever they wanted- was strictly platonic.

But whatever.

She strode a little behind him as they entered the first lot which was unsurprisingly empty and there their journey up the staircase began. It wasn’t until the seventh level that they began to hear distant laughter from above alerting them that they were getting closer to their destination.

Kuina was nearly wiped, her hand gripping the handrail for dear life as she wheezed to get her breath back, “So what’s the plan to get your girlfriend back? We just waltz in and demand they give her back?”

Chishiya scoffed a little, side eyeing her briefly as he leisurely stepped up the stairs, “Precisely what I’ll do, I don’t make exceptions for idiots that don’t even try to cover their tracks.” It was truly a pathetic attempt in kidnap, not only did they burn rubber tracks into the ground halfway through the ride but they had made a pitiful mess on the sidewalk they used to get past all the traffic of cars, and of course the trash they blew past might as well have left a trail, even a child could have found this poor attempt at a hideout.

It didn’t take long for them to be spotted by a few of the guards, granted Chishiya made no attempt at any point to try and hide, after all there was no point in drawing this out any longer then purely necessary, your visa only had two days left on it and wasting tonight was not on the to do list.

“Well look here, two more members of the Beach.” One guard stated with a smug look, peering at both of their bracelets, “Arms up where we can see them.”

“Chishiya…” Kuina glanced at him pointedly but he said nothing, a haughty look on his face as he held up his hands.

“Two more? Then that means you already have one of us here, I guess?"

Kuina glanced not at Chishiya but at the guards in concern, his expression was wickedly sinister, a haughty smirk coiled on his face but his glare looked like it could kill instantly.

Both of the guards however didn’t seem to realize what kind of danger they were in, “Oh yeah we got one of your members already,” The guard snorted as they dragged them both along, “The only thing she’s proven good at is having a nice pair of tits to look at though.”

Kuina’s glare sharpened at the blatant sexualization but before she could respectfully kick both of their asses they entered the top of the stairwell into the main floor of the parking garage, presumably where everyone resided as people crowded up here.

“Well, it must be our lucky day,” A man called out, sitting in a chair, a leg propped over it’s arm rest, “You know these two doll?” He glanced down.

And you were certainly a sight to see, having been forced to change into a pair of cut off high waisted shorts and stripped of your shirt, wearing only the bikini top you had on beneath it. That wasn’t what Chishiya’s eyes had focused on though. No it was the dog collar around your neck, a chain leash attached to it as the man yanked it, make forcing you closer to him where you had been kneeled on the ground. And even more shockingly you didn’t resist, rather the opposite.

You laid your arms over his lap as you looked up at him with mistakenly innocent eyes, “They seem a little familiar, what are you gonna do Rin?”

The man, Rin only grinned, grabbing your chin with a squeeze, “Don’t worry sweetheart, it just means you get to stay with us that much longer.”

Chishiya hadn’t even realized how hard his hand had coiled until a warm sticky liquid slowly dripped into his palm from where his nails dug too deep into his skin.

If there was one thing he was certain of, it was that he would make sure this man had an excruciatingly painful death. He would make sure of it.

#alice in borderland x reader #alice in borderland #aib #aib x reader #chishiya x reader #chishiya shuntaro #alice in borderland chishiya #aib imagine

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missyasf · 3 years

Text

compass • 1

if I don’t have you with me I’m alone, you know I never know which way to go, I think I need you with me for all-time, when I need a new direction for my mind

Summary • Running into your ex-boyfriend is your worst nightmare come true and no matter how far you run, he’s right behind you and soon old habits that were better left in the past begin to return between you both.

Pairing • eren/fem!reader

Genre • angst, smut, modern!AU, dark content

Word count: 5.2k

tw ⚠️This is a toxic ex lovers story so strap in kids because the angst is strong, there’s a lot of themes of manipulation, mentions of self h*rm and attempted suic*de, eren has sad boy syndrome but don’t let it fool you, he’s still a toxic mess

“Do you think this is meant to last…” the air in the room was silent, it was late afternoon and the sun had just set, blue light filtering in as dusk was coming to an end, no lights had been turned on yet leaving the room engulfed in a suffocating darkness, “You know...between us?”

Your eyes stung from the tears you had cried earlier and your voice was nearly a whisper, but throaty and hurt from all the screaming you had participated in earlier today.

Your relationship with Eren, was something you always loved, the way he’d pull you along at absurd hours of the night, the playful wrestling you’d engage in knowing he’d beat you every time, the words that weren’t spoken between you both, but rather the way you’d just look at each other for hours on end, a smile tugging on your lips making a smile pull onto his.

The highs were high.

But the lows went beyond the dirt in the ground. And today was one of those days. It was stupid, you had just been complaining about your group project and Eren, out of protective anger, ended up misdirecting it at you, humiliating you in front of all your friends before you ended up in a long, emotionally draining argument that only ended when you threatened to leave.

The tears that poured down your face, the plead of Eren, telling you that you couldn’t leave him, that in no world, would you two never not be together. Was that really true though?

Eren hadn’t spoke yet, even after all your internal monologue. His silence made you nervous causing you to shift a little on the bed you both had been laying in, silent up until the words you previously spoke.

You couldn’t see all his features properly in the dimly lit room that was slowly becoming darker minute by minute, he only stared up at the ceiling, his expression dim, perhaps as exhausted as you were through all the intense emotional highs and lows your relationship was always put under.

That’s when you noticed his hand squeezed into a fist and his eyes squinted a little at the ceiling, “I told you didn’t I? How I felt?” He turned to face you, that familiar simmering anger in his eyes, not directed at you, not intentionally, but it was always there.

Eren finally turned to face you, grabbing your cheeks delicately contrast to his expression, as if he was holding delicate glass that even the slightest disturbance could break, “There couldn’t be a lifetime where we aren’t together…” He pressed his forehead against yours as your eyes closed, the familiar hot substance of tears rolling down your cheeks as his thumb gently wiped them away, “And if there is, then I’d rather die than live in a world without us.”-

Staring at your ceiling you glared harshly, that was only the one of the dozens of red flags he had told you time and time again back then. You were only sixteen and he was just a year older, you were young and inexperienced in love and Eren was the only person who had ever given you even a semblance of love, or at least what you had thought was love back then.

And he gave it to you so willingly, so passionately, looking back you couldn’t blame your younger self from getting swept away in the whirlwind that was him. Even after all these years, it’s still hard to not think about him sometimes, replay older memories of your past where his smile filled many happy days. And even after relationships, which were considered much healthier, you still found yourself some days missing what used to be.

And that was all in the grand scheme of you genuinely hating the fact that you missed him, logically, you understood that, it wasn’t healthy, your love, the relationship, the vicious whiplash of highs and lows. Eren, wasn’t, and given the path you both had been on- would never be healthy for you. But still, your days spent with him, where some of the last you ever felt genuine joy.

But even your unstable love never stood a chance, the pure euphoric feeling you had together and foolish naïve vows to never leave one another. Something built so recklessly, was bound to crash. And eventually your relationship went into flames with Eren and it was a hellish end too.

Drama from both of your friend groups ensued, it was a he said she said, Mikasa claimed Eren had ended up cheating on you with Mina at a party, Connie who had been a mutual friend introduced to you ended up cutting ties with Armin and Jean when he found out they had been covering for Sasha who had been using him just for better grades, Eren ended up nearly beating Reiner to unconscious when you had gotten into a massive fight with him and decided to try and be with someone else.

It had been a mess and nothing was left over from that storm. You moved away as soon as you graduated highschool, no college, no work, no money. Nothing, you didn’t tell anyone, you just left.

Those were dark days by yourself, alone with no one around, especially when you had built such a toxic codependency on Eren, who you relied so much on at the time, you’d become anxious at just ordering your own food to the point of becoming physically sick without him.

And to shred yourself away from him like that, even now, you weren’t really sure how you were alive at this point. But somehow, in the darkness of it all, you found yourself stumbling along the way. She wasn’t pretty, she wasn’t much at all, an empty hollow person. But she was better than what you once were, even if she wasn’t much better.

Then again.

The reason you were laying in your bed, much like that once dark evening, was because you were no longer in that dark place. No...you thought it was time you came home. Start college fresh and focus on an actual career rather than the way you had bounced from side job to side job when you were in California living in the dumps.

You didn’t think much of it anymore, sure some old anxiety would resurface occasionally about possibly running into old friends. It was inevitable, some were happier than others. You had gotten to reconnect with Connie again and shared a few laughs, some wounds that had reopened but were now bound and healed even better.

Everything was okay, you had only made two friends. Historia, bright and sweet, yet could be demanding when she wanted too and her girlfriend Ymir who was always one hundred percent real, she never hid behind a façade or lead anyone astray, and you appreciated that.

In fact, things were good...until you saw him.

Parties, were never your thing, honestly. Even when you were more extroverted back in highschool, they just weren’t what you considered fun on a friday night though you made a lot of exceptions when you were younger, and you didn’t regret it. You did have genuine fun a lot of the time. But if someone were to ask if you wanted to get takeout and drive with no destination, you’d be happy in a heartbeat.

Ymir had been the one to convince you to come to this frat party, she really was what one would consider a ‘bruh’ girl, always hanging with the boys in genuine fun as she wrestled around and had no problems keeping up with them while you and Historia would be off on your own.

“Oh come on! Stop being so prissy and just plug your nose if it smells that bad!” You winced at the harsh slap on your back came from Ymir and truth be told you halfway thought about putting use to her shitty advice.

Weed was thick in the air and you didn’t realize how many smokers had been at the party otherwise you would’ve dipped, not that you didn’t mind a good high every now and then, you just really couldn’t stand the smell. Your face scrunched in mild disgust probably gave it away that it was the smell that was the problem but honestly you had always been sensitive to smell.

“You know what? Why don’t you 1v1 in beerpong without me, it fucking reeks in here Ymir!” You whined as you rubbed your nose making her groan, “I’m gonna go on the deck to get some air, I’ll be back in by next round! Swear!”

Ymir huffed as she blew a piece of her bangs from her face, “You fuckin’ better bitch! You’re the only beerpong player I have and you know Ria is a lightweight.” You snorted as you laughed a little, rolling your eyes despite knowing she was right.

Historia enjoyed a good party every now and then but she didn’t ever drink here. Too concerned about what they put in drinks and the possibility of a douchebag slipping something in her drink to want to risk it. Granted Historia was more of a trashed on white claws in the privacy of your apartment and hey, it was a good time!

You waved her off as you wiggled through people crowded around, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be back! Bet!” The double doors to the deck was open and you weren’t surprised they had a pool here but it was still impressive, if it weren’t for the fact that you could spot red solo cups littering the pool and you could only imagine what was going on in there, people in the pool some in clothes, some stripping out of clothes and some way to close together to be friendly.

You nearly shivered, god that was like a UTI just waiting to happen. Guess you weren’t so jealous after all, you’d just stick to the community pool on campus.

You had been so focused on the pool you hadn’t even looked in front of you causing you to smash into someone. Your shoulder throbbed as you instinctively grabbed it, jesus who was built like a bull anyways? “Ow! Watch where you’re going dude.” You whined a complaint as you turned to look back at the guy.

It was like time had slowed down in that moment, his face too familiar despite being taller than you remembered and though his hair was longer than ever, tied up into a low bun with strands framing his face, you’d never forget those eyes that haunted you on long nights alone in an alleyway.

And it seemed, Eren Jaeger also remembered you as well.

Looking back, he was just as stunned as you and you both probably stood there in silent shock for a good ten seconds before you could grasp the situation immediately backing away before Eren had began reaching out for you, speaking your name as fast as lightning but you didn’t give him much chance for anything else.

You had begun running as fast as your legs could take you. You had imagined a lot of days where you’d run into Eren again much like you did two days ago, but in those scenarios, you always imagined yourself calm and...mature? Perhaps flirty but only enough to remind him of what he had destructively lost. Maybe it was just the more toxic side of your being wanting to selfishly cling to the idea of him still liking you, of a relationship still being salvageable.

But upon actually seeing him, the only thing you remembered, was the tears he brought to your eyes, the screams of arguments between you both, baggage that was both your trauma and addiction.

“Y/n? Come on, you’re making me worried...You’ve skipped two days worth of classes. I know he’s an ex but…” You sighed as you heard Historia’s concerned voice through the door, she had your best intentions at heart, but that didn’t make it any easier to talk about.

You hadn’t mentioned Eren outside of referring to him as a past ex before to both Historia and Ymir who didn’t think much of it, other than that he was a total dick, which he was. But he was a dick you had loved, your first love, if you will.

They always say, the first love sticks in a way others won’t. You were beginning to believe that despite a part of you still wanting to viciously deny it.

Sighing you knew you’d need to appease Historia even if she knew it was fake, just to get her off your back because hey, some effort was better than none. You stood up dragging yourself to the door before you opened it, her lips faltering a little in their angry pout when she saw your face. You thought your expression was fine, but it wasn’t until you watched her brows pinch to concern that you obviously were wrong.

She looked even more worried, “That bad of an ex huh?” She frowned before offering the soup she had made and demanded to bring to you over the groupchat. Ymir was behind her on her phone before she scoffed, “Took you long enough, can’t believe you let some dick make you miss class.”

Historia smacked her arm making her complain as she rubbed the patch of skin as you rolled your eyes tiredly, opening the door as you allowed them both in before shutting it. Why the hell not? And so with warm soup in your hands and curled in blankets, you told them both the past you held with Eren.

You told them about the good moments, the giggles you shared together, the happy memories of being at the cafe together sharing milkshakes and the way Eren would always chase you around at the park. And you told them about the psychotic breakdowns, the yelling matches, the way Eren would belittle and humiliate you in front of all your friends.

You slurped on your soup and Historia and Ymir sat there, staring at you blankly, obviously not sure of what to even say at this point as you closed your eyes, busy enjoying the chicken pot pie soup Historia man, god she always made the best comfort food.

“Eren Jaeger…” You glanced up in surprise at the way Ymir almost gagged, making you frown, “You used to date Eren Jaeger!? God how low were your standards- Ow! It’s true and you know it Ria don’t bullshit yourself.” Ymir complained as she glared at her girlfriend.

How low were your standards? You didn’t even want to answer the question because, well they were pretty low...Obviously…

“Back in highschool, we were sweethearts for almost three years. But after graduation everything just went to shit,” You sighed as you shook your head, “So I ended up leaving and didn’t look back...until four months ago when I enrolled here. I thought I was ready to come back and face everything but…”

Just the memory of those turquoise eyes, bright beautiful sea blue that melded with emerald green staring down at you, strands of hair framing smooth warm skin and those soft lips, “I kind of wanna ghost again.” You admitted, your lips twisting a little as you frowned.

“You can’t just run away when you don’t like something Y/n!” Historia cried out, a frown on her face and a look of concern, “I understand, it sounded like it was an extremely toxic relationship but…” She looked at her fingers as she fumbled with them, “But you can’t just leave college because of him besides…” She still didn’t meet your gaze as she mumbled, “Eren isn’t exactly the type of guy to chase girls anyways…”

You said nothing in return, not sure of what she meant because the Eren you knew and the one who had created a persona here were not the same person, Ymir scoffed, “He’s apart of Kappa Tau, the frat, jeez, if I knew he was your ex I wouldn’t have offered you to come to the party,” She sighed as she rubbed her neck, “He’s also known to be one of the sleaziest fuckers there, sleeps with girls, ghosts them and breaks a lot of hearts along the way. He’s pretty cold. You sure we’re even talking about the same guy.”

You frowned as you didn’t look at either of them...Eren...sleeping with girls? The notion honestly made you wanna laugh when you remembered his red cheeks and the way his hands were squeezed into fists in embarrassment when Jean outed his crush on you back when you were only a sophomore and he was a junior.

He sucked at talking to girls and hell, even you at the time granted after finding out he liked you it made sense. Luckily for him you also liked him back and the rest was history, for better or worse.

You thought back to two days ago, you had only looked at him briefly but you’d never forget that face, “No, it was him. Looks like some things don’t change.” You sighed, not wanting to linger on the past anymore then you had the past two days you sulked in bed, “Hey…” You spoke up drawing both girls' attention, “I think, I’m gonna go study. I missed class but Professor Ackerman was actually nice enough to send me the study material via email, so I can still catch up.”

“Bullshit! Ackerman never does that! What did you do? Blow him?” Ymir glared at you suspiciously as you snorted.

“No, he just makes an exception for students that actually make an effort in his class, can’t relate much?” You curved a brow only to have a pillow thrown at your face.

You didn’t think you’d come to this, but you were admittedly frightened, frightened by the idea of Eren and what could possibly come now that it was confirmed he went to college here and that he knew you were alive and well, and on the same campus.

So here you were, sitting in the small cozy cafe in front of one of your longest time friends that you had been actively avoiding, “Mikasa….” You mumbled, your eyes on your hands as she sat patiently. She knew you had been avoiding here because well...you had been honest with her when you first bumped into her, of course she was happy to see you, but she understood that you weren’t ready yet.

Four months ago you weren’t ready for the conversation you knew you’d both have before resuming your friendship. Closing your eyes you sighed silently, “...What happened...after I left…?”

Yes, the conversation that would take place before you could go on with your friendship, was simply the daunting answer of, what imploded when you left and never said a word. Mikasa sat for a moment, her matcha latte in hand as she looked out the window, it was cold and grey outside, showing signs that winter would be here soon.

Mikasa had grown as well over these years you had missed, her hair shorter now and framing her face, making her look almost like a delicate fairy yet her expression remained calm and neutral as it always did, she looked pretty.

“Well....it’s a complicated answer, if you mean in terms of everyone.” Mikasa hummed, a semi humored smile on her face before she continued, “In terms of the friend group as a whole? To put it short, things never recovered. Sasha and Connie act like they don’t even know each other anymore despite frequenting most classes together and social activities outwardly, Jean ended up making up with Connie again so he’s been in an awkward position between the two as of,”

She tapped her chin a little, “Armin felt so guilty for keeping it from Connie that he dipped in general, I’m the only one who still has social connection to him, he keeps to himself a lot now. As for me,” She puffed a breath as if somewhere between amused and bitter, “Me and Eren don’t talk anymore. And anytime we do, he still likes to use the words, ‘traitor’ and ‘liar’, oh, and a bitch too.” She rolled her eyes, nonpulsed at her brother’s reaction.

You still felt bad though, grabbing your drink you held the warm cup close to keep heat against your cold hands, “...And...what did he do, when he realized I left?” You looked up at her, your eyes had a semblance of fear in them, your stomach churning in an upset that you just wanted to be gone.

Mikasa sighed, leaning back in her seat as she thought it over before answering carefully, “Well, when Eren realized you left he…” She pressed her lips together, something bitter lingering on her face as she scoffed, “He lost it,” The pit in your stomach only curled worst at her confirmation to what you had already expected, “I mean, he went off the deep end,” She laughed a little despite having no humor in her tone, “Eren went around desperately searching in every possible place for where you might be staying, we ended up having an even worst argument after all of your socials disappeared and after the second day of you being gone he left.”

Your mouth dropped open as you sat upright in your seat in disbelief...he...left? “Yeah,” Mikasa confirmed your thought, “He left to find you. I don’t know what he thought he’d accomplish by doing so, maybe to convince you to come back? He never said, he just dropped off the same way you did.”

Mikasa sighed as silence took over as she sipped on her drink, seeing your eyes process all of her words she offered a small smile, “Anyways, Eren did come back, it was about six months later. I didn’t try to get ahold of him unlike everyone else because well...I figured he probably needed to be alone, to sort out all of his feelings and what had happened. And no surprise, he did return.”

“But…” You looked up at her, Mikasa’s nose wrinkling a little as she frowned, “He had changed when he did. He enrolled in college but it feels like his life is going nowhere, he joined his fraternity soon after and now all he does is just smoke weed and sleep around. Word travels pretty fast across the campus when it comes to him.”

You ran a hand through your hair as you puffed a breath, reflecting on all her words before Mikasa spoke, her gaze looking mildly weary, “I knew you said you ran into him but…” There it was, that old concerned look on her face, “You aren’t gonna get involved with him again, right…?”

You were quiet for a moment before you shrugged, “I don’t know what to do. Other than to just leave it alone. It’s been four months since I came back and this was the first time I’ve even seen him. And it was only because I was in his fraternity’s house.” It was the truth, you didn’t know what else to do at this point.

Mikasa didn’t look sold and maybe for good reason, she had saw first hand just how toxic your relationship could get at times, and Mikasa, more then anyone had always looked out for you, if she didn’t, she would’ve never let all hell break loose by telling you Eren had cheated, which ultimately lead to the demise of, well everything.

A big part of yourself, had hoped that Eren would forgive her and move on with his life, but Mikasa’s saying they didn’t talk anymore...well...It was concerning, they had always been close growing up and to hear they were distant now seemed wrong.

And furthermore, there really was no reason for Eren to need to forgive her in the first place, he was the one in the wrong...or...at least you assumed so, he never would admit it to you, but given he had gotten so upset, made you assume he was guilty.

“Well…” Mikasa drew a breath, “I’m not your mom, do what you want but…” Her words lingered a little as she spoke, “Please, be careful. I don’t really know how much Eren had changed, if any at all. I don’t wanna see you get hurt again.”

There was a lot that was required to speak to Eren again and a lot you weren’t sure you were ready to face, maybe afraid that a part of yourself, still had never gotten over him, maybe the shame of leaving him without so much as a word. Or maybe it was just the pain of having to face Eren again and have to reject him?

At this point, you didn’t know and you didn’t want to know, sighing you sunk back in your seat as you looked down at the table, “I don’t wanna be hurt again, I think, I’m just gonna try and avoid him, it’s for the best…” You didn’t want to deal with things, even if they were staring you right in the face.

You could face everyone, anyone but Eren.

Mikasa in fact didn’t leave straight away, after the painful conversation she had moved away from the subject and began to talk about her life and what she had decided to study in- forensic science, typical of her, just the notion made you giggle because of how fitting it was for her, she’d be excellent.

As the conversation continued, you slowly began to relax and smile, little by little. You missed Mikasa’s company, and despite the discomfort of Eren returning to your life briefly, at least something good came of it.

----

“Oww! You made me pull a muscle in the hallway.” You whined as you stretched out on the soft bed, your favorite place to be during the weekend. You’d rather be nowhere else then in Eren’s room as he collapsed on top of you with a laugh.

“What? Because I made you run for the first time all week? I saw your ass walking on track during PE by the way.” You jolted with a giggle at his fingers jamming against the sides of your stomach, Eren’s face had been hidden in your neck but you could feel his warm smile before a soft press on your neck.

Eren always put on a tough face but you adored the fact that the moment you were both alone, he was crawling on top of you like a baby begging for attention, hence your fingers in his hair and your head burrowed into the pillow as you closed your eyes with a little yawn, his body nice, snug and warm against you, the best blanket you could ever want.

“My legs were hurting.” You made up the excuse but honestly you just really hated running or any sort of cardio in general, you were always low in stamina and it wasn’t your strong suit.

“You’re legs always hurt.” Eren’s voice was muffled as he replied with a snort, “We should go to the gym later today.”

“No.”

“I’ll spot you on the bench,” Eren tried to coax you but your body felt like cement in this bed, meaning you had no intentions of getting up anytime soon, “We could do squats on the power rack for a fat ass. What about barbell lunges? C’mon…! Why are you so stubborn?” He groaned sliding off of you only to tug you onto your side with him.

Trying to shove him away you laughed as he pulled you back, your vision darkened by his sweatshirt as you whined, “Noo! Can’t we just stay in?”

“We stay in almost every weekend!” Eren complained as you finally popped up from the warm comfort of his arms, a pouty glare on your face as he guiltily smiled up at you, affection brimming in those beautiful eyes of his, “It’s true...you know it is.” He hummed, reaching out to poke your cheek.

Collapsing back against him you huffed, “Maybe…” It was true, but you couldn’t help it...You wanted Eren’s attention solely on you, and you had to share him during the week at school, was it selfish to just want him to yourself for two days straight, weekend after weekend? “I don’t wanna share you, so let’s just stay in...again.” You somewhat shyly admitted, squeezing him tight so you wouldn’t have to look at him, you were too embarrassed too.

“Hm? What was that?” There was a teasing tone in Eren’s voice making you squirm as you rapidly shook your head, a quiet laugh escaping him as he squeezed you tight making you jump with a whine, “Nu-uh, what was that? I couldn’t hear?”

“I don’t wanna share you! You’re an asshole!” You growled with a pout trying to shove him away but he wouldn’t let you escape his arms, his lips pressing over your hair as he cackled in glee, as if your words sent him into a kind of euphoric trance.

“Hmmm? Who said anything about sharing?” Eren laughed as he pressed his lips against your neck, his words playful, “I thought you already knew I was all yours yeah?” He looked down in amusement at you as he let out one last breathy chuckle, “Okay I’m done, we can stay in as long as you want.”

That was how you spent the majority of your weekends during highschool, over at Eren’s house because it was always quiet there, his dad was overworked to near death on twelve hour night shifts at the hospital and his mother...well...You had never known her, she had passed away six months before you and Eren had started dating.

Mikasa was the exact opposite, she chose to stay out as long as possible, one time admitting the house felt too lonely to be in for more than just sleeping and so she was never there. Leaving the both of you in a quiet peaceful environment. It had gotten so bad that you’d become anxious and would end up crying during the latter half of your relationship with Eren if he had the weekend occupied in a way that you couldn’t be with him.

Tapping your pencil on the table as you stared down at your notebook, it was quiet in the library, you had spent the majority of the day there, browsing on your laptop, studying or even just reading random books that seemed interesting. It was how you enjoyed spending your weekends now when you were by yourself.

You used to find it lonely when you were younger, the silence suffocating and after being in a relationship with Eren you had almost grown too used to his smothering love and not only that, but the way he’d so willingly give it as well.

Dropping him, your life, everyone you knew, wasn’t an easy decision, but you weren’t in a good state of mind at the time. You had suffered a lot of anxiety attacks on your own, bouts of tears in hurt and frustration when you’d see something that reminded you of him, but somewhere along the line of being in California, you began to enjoy the silence.

It was a slow process, and step by step you learned to be okay being by yourself, that nothing was wrong with it. And now you even enjoyed your time alone. You still had days where you wished it could be different, but again, you had learned to be okay with it. You were shuffling through some flashcards you had made to help yourself study as you hummed along to the song you had playing in your headphones.

You nearly jumped at the sight of a pile of books smacking against the table in the chair that faced across from you, it was nearly ripped out before someone sat down, immediately leaning forward and against the table as if to get closer to you. You had instinctively curled back in your chair but even more so at the dark hair tied back and strands messily hanging out, turquoise eyes earnestly looking at you.

Eren hadn’t spoken a word to you and yet, it was almost like you could hear everything he wanted to say.

----

Note: yaaay it’s the start of a hot mess!!! lemme know if you guys wanna be tagged in future parts! this series will only be about 5 parts but i’m excited for it! :)

#attack on titan #aot #snk #aot x reader #eren x reader #eren yeager #eren x y/n #eren yeager smut #modern!aot #eren jeager #shengeki no kyojin

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