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midastouchonthechevydoor13 · 3 years

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coney island

break my soul in two...looking for you, but you're right here

James Buchanan Barnes made promises, and he toyed with his beautiful, deliberate words. He didn't want me to worry, but that made things all the worse.

"Why don't you go to sleep, sweet girl? Ain't no time for nightmares. I think I'm gonna take you out tomorrow. What'dya say? You and me, coney island, and a hot dog to share?"

He fell asleep so easily that night. I tossed and turned, and he held me until I felt alright. With Bucky, I was always alright. The world coulda been crumbling to my feet, and I'd be alright as long as James Buchanan Barnes was by my side.

"You oughta get something on it, doll. It's not gonna be all that good if you don't." He flashed a smile at me.

"Ain't you gonna propose to me anytime soon, James?"

"Hey, now. Be careful. I was talking about hot dogs. What's that got to do with anything?" He faltered.

"Well, I need to know if I should get something on my coney dog. Wedding dresses ain't a buzz to put on." I smirked.

"I think you're gonna be fine either way, darlin'," He said with a stupid smile.

"I wanted to tell you something, James," I said, walking over to a wooden bench.

"Oh, yea? What's going on in that genius brain of yours?" He asked with a kind look in his eyes.

"I've been thinking- what I mean to say is- I think that- no, that's not right- I know-" James chuckled, and I blushed a deep red. He rested his hands on mine.

"Rosey cheeks, and you ain't even said anything yet. Take it from the top sweat pea." He said, placing his arm around my waist.

"James, I think...I think I'm really in love with you." I said.

"Dollface, was that what you were sweating about? You know I love you more than the world itself, dontcha?" He kissed my lips gently and lovingly.

I remember everything about that night. We watched the sunset sink into the water. The blue became yellow, which became pink, which became purple, which became white from the moon. We stayed for the whole thing.

"Why are you acting like that? What's wrong? Are you nervous?" I smirked at him. "Don't be smug; it's hot outside." He deflected.

"I make you nervous, don't I?" I asked sweetly.

"S'cause you're my best girl." He gave me a quick peck on the lips.

"Where are you taking me?" He put his hand over my eyes, "Careful there's makeup over my eyelids, baby."

He pulled his hands away. We were at the bench where I told him I loved him, and he engraved our initials in the wood. I ran over to it to see how it felt on my fingertips. It was smooth and young and beautiful like him.

"Oh, Bucky I-" I turned around, and he was on his knee with a box in his hand. My world stopped.

"The last few years have been the best of my life. You have given me more than I deserve. More than I imagined I would ever get. You're too good for me. Even so. I want you to do me the honor of becoming my wife."

"I would like that very much, Bucky." I nodded, only being able to form short sentences.

But then we didn't get the chance to get married.

"You can't make promises in war doll, but for you, I'd count the stars. Don't you worry your pretty mind about a thing. I ain't gonna get drafted darlin'. I wouldn't do that to you."

The first lie he ever told. I hear it like my father's favorite record playing from the kitchen, under the war bond advertisements playing from the radio. I hear the fear in his voice through my mind. He was fit to fight for America. Young, clean, and strong. He was my James, and they took him away from me.

"Please say something," No response, "Please. I don't wanna be fighting in this war, but they need me. Try to understand; they're running out of men. Hitler- he's gonna- baby, he's hurtin' a lot of people right now, and we gotta stop him. Please. Just. One word, even if it's 'I hate you.'" The sound of the sink running.

"That's three words, James," I said, and I left him standing there.

That was the last time I saw Bucky. That was the last time I felt anything.

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