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AroBee
Loveless Aromantic writing fantasy | any pronouns
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To add some more to it for the people who want to know more about a book before they read it (long post incoming. I kept it as short as I humanly can):
The books are about Ren who’s fooling an entire city-state with her masquerade playing a noble-woman from another state to get into a rich family, take their money, and leave.
Plot, obviously, gets in the way of her plan, and she gets sucked up in the gigantic shit-show that are the politics of this city, as well as ancient magic that corrupts everyone and everything it touches.
Vargo is a drug-dealer and gang leader and just in general quite an asshole (especially in the beginning), and also rich enough to support Ren’s alter-ego Renata with his money. He has his hands everywhere. Magical drugs are very important to the plot, too.
Grey starts out as basically a police-man (boo), but he gets better, don’t worry.
And the Rook is a masked, centuries-old vigilante whose whole existance is based of annoying nobles (making them pay for their crimes) and protecting the vulnerable and poor.
The books are so fucking weird and a lot of shit happens that wouldn’t make sense outside of the plot. A dead man appears on his brother's wedding because of a dance, hugs his wife and kids, tells his murderer (who attended the wedding) he forgives him, and leaves again. A spider is legally someone’s father. There's a secret cult that centers around magic and they regularly have fucking orgies (just the usual rich people stuff, yknow.)
If you're into politics, this book is for you. Ren cosplays a noble most of the time, getting heavily involved in the politics of the city - and in other types of politics with her other alter-egos. There's a lot of interpersonal drama that she outright abuses for her own gain.
And to clear up what I mean with "it's a slow book"; I mean that very literal. A lot of the first book focusses on the beginnings of Ren's con, how she gets into high society, tricks the nobels and gains their trust before the plot can really start. I really like that, because it allowed me to get to know the main characters first, get used to all the new fantasy-terms and ranks and their political system, as well as the large cast of side-characters. So I had an understanding off what exactly was actually going on with whom when it all went to shit, as opposed to most modern fantasy books where everything has to move by chapter two at latest and I don't even know who the main character really is and why I should care for them or the people they care for.
The Mask of Mirrors did that very well. Plot-relevant stuff was spread out thinly in the beginning, between the characters and their individual relationships, to be then pulled together tightly by the end, with enough time afterwards to get through what changed because of it and what that means for the characters, and build up the plot of the second book a little afterwards.
There's a lot of queer representation. The society is very queer-normative in general; people are just who they are and there's no homophobia or transphobia and that's very refreshing to read in a historical fantasy based on medieval Europe. Like, the city is a shit-hole, don't get me wrong, but at least they're not queer-phobic (fair warning tho, they're hella racist/xenophobic (Vraszenians do have darker skin, but they're based of eastern european cultures). Part of the books is about a racial uprising and a fight for equality, two of the main characters are part of the racial minority.)
The queer-normative society might be part of the reason why alloros don't get that Vargo is aromantic (unless they've seen the post by one of the authors). It's not outright stated, just like it's not outright stated that, say, Guina is a lesbian, she simply only shows interest in other woman, or that Vargo is bisexual, he simply flirts and has sex with both men and women, etc. Just a few examples, there's more; trans people, gay people, bi people, everything.
He read quite clearly as aromantic to me, tho. Like, at every contact he has with romance he has to mention how much he doesn't understand why other people want relationships, and how he doesn't want that kind of stuff in his life.
And his disinterest in romantic relationships is not taken apart by other characters. They just accept it and go on. As in, the only time someone (a person he's in a sexual relationship with), gives him the tiniest amount of shit about it, he immediately knows that he is under the influence of a magic curse - because Iascat would never.
The only ways people wouldn't get he's aromantic is: a) they don't know aromanticism exists, b) they're aphobic and believe a character's relationship are only meaningful if they're romantic (as opposed to, in Vargo's case, platonic/familial and sexual), or c) they have zero media literacy.
To conclude. Read the books. I tried to keep this as spoiler-free as possible for me (which is why the post is probably very messy), but if anyone is like me and wants some spoilers to get into the book, feel free to ask me. I will tell you any detail you wanna know about the plot, the characters, everything. I desperately want to talk about these books, haha.
I also want to draw some fanart, but my apple pencil broke so now I have to wait until it gets repaired and sent back to me :(
I read the most wonderful trilogy I’ve ever touched; best book in the world, perfect to my taste like it’s written just for me
Took a look at fandom for the books, maybe trying to find some good stuff about it. Yknow. Fandom stuff.
There’s like five people talking about the series. (Understandably, I’ve only found it by chance too. It’s not very known.)
But every single person ignores that one of the main characters is canonically aro and ships him with the other two main characters. Even though it’s very much in text stated that he’s not interested in relationships. Like, that was made very clear from multiple perspectives and everyone involved respects that.
…I’ll just never go into fandom spaces ever again. Poor Vargo. Fandom is destroying this man more than his childhood did tbh.
Anyway if you’re into fantasy with morally gray characters, some found family and a slow-starting but extremely escalating plot, with a non-partnering AroAllo main character (only one of three, the other two aren’t aspec but honestly as an aro person the romance was written so good too), consider reading the Rook and Rose Series by M.A. Carrick. I wanna talk about it so bad but my sister won’t read them and no one knows this book.
I love this trilogy. Favourite books rn fighting with Iron Widow in my head, though Iron Widow still has a chance to win with the sequel lol. (But Vargo will forever and always be my favourite character of all time.)
The covers are also fucking beautiful. (Alt text is not the best I’m very tired but I tried.)
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I read the most wonderful trilogy I’ve ever touched; best book in the world, perfect to my taste like it’s written just for me
Took a look at fandom for the books, maybe trying to find some good stuff about it. Yknow. Fandom stuff.
There’s like five people talking about the series. (Understandably, I’ve only found it by chance too. It’s not very known.)
But every single person ignores that one of the main characters is canonically aro and ships him with the other two main characters. Even though it’s very much in text stated that he’s not interested in relationships. Like, that was made very clear from multiple perspectives and everyone involved respects that.
…I’ll just never go into fandom spaces ever again. Poor Vargo. Fandom is destroying this man more than his childhood did tbh.
Anyway if you’re into fantasy with morally gray characters, some found family and a slow-starting but extremely escalating plot, with a non-partnering AroAllo main character (only one of three, the other two aren’t aspec but honestly as an aro person the romance was written so good too), consider reading the Rook and Rose Series by M.A. Carrick. I wanna talk about it so bad but my sister won’t read them and no one knows this book.
I love this trilogy. Favourite books rn fighting with Iron Widow in my head, though Iron Widow still has a chance to win with the sequel lol. (But Vargo will forever and always be my favourite character of all time.)
The covers are also fucking beautiful. (Alt text is not the best I’m very tired but I tried.)
#aromantic#aro#AroAllo#aroallo rep#aromantic rep#rook and rose#Disclaimer: if you don’t like slower paced books this might not be for you because it’s starting like extremely slow#but that’s part of what I love about it!
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Just heard someone on TikTok state that "platonic love is the purest form of love" and I just want to vomit now.
Fuck off with that bullshit. Don’t say crap like this.
Grah. Can’t even word. What the fuck makes people say shit like this and believe they’re actually right??? And that they’re somehow helping aros with it???
(It was a TikTok talking about (queer-)platonic relationships, and started off already weird with bullshit about how if you don’t love your friends you’ve "done something wrong in life", but it just got worse and worse from there………)
Just a fucking reminder that loveless people exist. Aplatonic people exist. And that no form of love is """purer""" than another. Just… how do people think this is an even remotely okay thing to say?
Fuck amatonormativity. Fuck platonormativity. And above all, fuck love.
#aromantic#AroAllo#loveless#queer#aro#amatonormativity#platonormativity#loveless aro#gonna put that anger towards working on my book now!#love loses#honestly fuck love! all kinds of it!
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Allistics (or neurotypicals in general) may experience both, yes! The threshold is just usually much higher (or different), but it’s not just that for Meisin, haha. If it were just one thing, I'd say that, too. But he’s also ~socially awkward~ (e.g.: does not know how to interact with a friend, loves hard rules to know how to act in specific situations but also hates those rules at the same time, freaks out when other people break the social script he learnt) and has ~sensory issues~ (e.g.: he has... some very strong opinions on cutlery and foods), and he has selective mutism (can’t talk verbally when overly stressed, reverts to basic sign-language or just doesn’t communicate at all.) He also used to elope a lot as a child. Not because of overstimulation or stress or anything. Just because it did not occur to him that he should probably stay where he is. And that walking off into the forest without telling anyone could cause other people to worry about him.
So either he has like 5 separate conditions, or it’s just autism 😅
It's incredibly funny that I just can't write an at least almost neurotypical main-character. I did not plan for Meisin to turn out autistic. But he just got a shutdown because of fireworks & general overstimulation. And I just...
Yeah. Okay. He's autistic now. I get it. Okay.
Why do I even try to write from a neurotypical perspective?
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It's incredibly funny that I just can't write an at least almost neurotypical main-character. I did not plan for Meisin to turn out autistic. But he just got a shutdown because of fireworks & general overstimulation. And I just...
Yeah. Okay. He's autistic now. I get it. Okay.
Why do I even try to write from a neurotypical perspective?
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Thank you! I really hope I can do her justice. I’m not schizophrenic either, but I know and listen to a lot of people with schizophrenia and other schizo-spec disorders online, and have put a lot of research into her.
Time to talk about my favourite character in my books! Rhima Isiris! And her husband.
This post contains some spoilers, as Rhima makes her entrance in the second half of the first book.
Cut because this is a long post and not everyone cares, lol. I just adore her and can’t stop talking about her.
Rhima is an AroAce woman with schizophrenia, and she is a dragon rider. She is married to Vhesznir Isiris, a high ranking man from one of the clans. They are in a kind of queer-platonic relationship, I guess? Can be read that way, definitely.
Rhima is bonded to the dragon Tiliok, who is also her soulmate (and I might make a separate post explaining the concept of soulmates in ADB/ASW), both of whom have the same ability to travel through shadows.
Due to her schizophrenia, Tiliok tends to stay with her at almost all times to help her, usually hiding in her shadow or otherwise nearby. Since he can enter her mind and control her body if she allows it, he can talk for her or help her sort out her thoughts.
She is under contract with the Isiris family that she also married into, mainly to cover for Vhesznir so his family doesn't find out he is gay, and for the extra protection of living with him (since he knows of her illness and the extend of it, so he can help her if she needs it without other people finding out).
For them, she works basically as a spy. There is not much she doesn't know about anyone important enough to send her after, and it's basically impossible to hide something from her and Tiliok.
Which is also the other reason Tiliok is with her at all times. You can imagine those powers make a lot of people quite unhappy with her, lol. But you can't kill someone when you don't even know where the counterattack will come from. And Tiliok can't be seen in the shadows unless he want's to be.
She's sadly not a very big character in the first book, since I'm writing from Meisin's perspective and she doesn't really talk to anyone outside the Isiris family, but her husband is a lot more important. And she'll get a bigger role in the second book.
Most of the things about her in the first book come through Vhesznir or Tiliok, who interact a bit more with Meisin, for wildly different reasons. (Tiliok is bored, and Vhesznir is, well, gay. Yes, I mean he wants to fuck Meisin.) And, of course, others from people around talking about her.
That gives a quite distorted view of her, since the opinions vary a lot. (As in, people not from the family will tell him that her own dragon burned of her face and that she can't be trusted under any circumstance, while for Vhesznir, she is basically the most important person in the world and she can't do any wrong, and he would also kill for her.)
Not a hyperbole btw. He actually kills someone for her.
I adore her, and Vhesznir, but I'm a bit afraid some people might dislike her. Because most people don't really like mentally ill people when they can't romanticise or sexualise their illness, or if it affects them to much in a too negative way. Or who use drugs to cope with their illness. But Rhima is schizophrenic, which means yes, she struggles with anhedonia, avolition, flat affect, disorganised thoughts and speech, etc; and also does in fact take drugs to navigate her negative symptoms (and the chronic pain that comes with her burn scar.)
There’s so much more I want to say about her, or Vhesznir or Tiliok… But I'll stop rambling about them now!
Here she is:
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Time to talk about my favourite character in my books! Rhima Isiris! And her husband.
This post contains some spoilers, as Rhima makes her entrance in the second half of the first book.
Cut because this is a long post and not everyone cares, lol. I just adore her and can’t stop talking about her.
Rhima is an AroAce woman with schizophrenia, and she is a dragon rider. She is married to Vhesznir Isiris, a high ranking man from one of the clans. They are in a kind of queer-platonic relationship, I guess? Can be read that way, definitely.
Rhima is bonded to the dragon Tiliok, who is also her soulmate (and I might make a separate post explaining the concept of soulmates in ADB/ASW), both of whom have the same ability to travel through shadows.
Due to her schizophrenia, Tiliok tends to stay with her at almost all times to help her, usually hiding in her shadow or otherwise nearby. Since he can enter her mind and control her body if she allows it, he can talk for her or help her sort out her thoughts.
She is under contract with the Isiris family that she also married into, mainly to cover for Vhesznir so his family doesn't find out he is gay, and for the extra protection of living with him (since he knows of her illness and the extend of it, so he can help her if she needs it without other people finding out).
For them, she works basically as a spy. There is not much she doesn't know about anyone important enough to send her after, and it's basically impossible to hide something from her and Tiliok.
Which is also the other reason Tiliok is with her at all times. You can imagine those powers make a lot of people quite unhappy with her, lol. But you can't kill someone when you don't even know where the counterattack will come from. And Tiliok can't be seen in the shadows unless he want's to be.
She's sadly not a very big character in the first book, since I'm writing from Meisin's perspective and she doesn't really talk to anyone outside the Isiris family, but her husband is a lot more important. And she'll get a bigger role in the second book.
Most of the things about her in the first book come through Vhesznir or Tiliok, who interact a bit more with Meisin, for wildly different reasons. (Tiliok is bored, and Vhesznir is, well, gay. Yes, I mean he wants to fuck Meisin.) And, of course, others from people around talking about her.
That gives a quite distorted view of her, since the opinions vary a lot. (As in, people not from the family will tell him that her own dragon burned of her face and that she can't be trusted under any circumstance, while for Vhesznir, she is basically the most important person in the world and she can't do any wrong, and he would also kill for her.)
Not a hyperbole btw. He actually kills someone for her.
I adore her, and Vhesznir, but I'm a bit afraid some people might dislike her. Because most people don't really like mentally ill people when they can't romanticise or sexualise their illness, or if it affects them to much in a too negative way. Or who use drugs to cope with their illness. But Rhima is schizophrenic, which means yes, she struggles with anhedonia, avolition, flat affect, disorganised thoughts and speech, etc; and also does in fact take drugs to navigate her negative symptoms (and the chronic pain that comes with her burn scar.)
There’s so much more I want to say about her, or Vhesznir or Tiliok… But I'll stop rambling about them now!
Here she is:
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Seen a post asking for art of a realistic heart in the colours of the AroAllo flag. I can’t find it again, so I can’t tag whoever asked for it, but that couldn’t leave my mind.
Maybe other people are interested in it too. I kind of like how it turned out :)
Not the most realistic piece, but I had a ~vision~ (this is a joke that’s only funny when you know I have aphantasia), and had to fulfill it (meaning I had to painstakingly draw and redraw it until it looked ok. And stare at a lot of pictures and models of human hearts.)
But I think it turned out fine.
Anyone who wants to, feel free to use it. Just let my signature on it, please. And maybe credit me.
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The Aromantic-representation in my book! (in the form of the two main characters, and one side character)
I mentioned a bit in the specific posts about Meisin and Aivil, but I wanted to go more into detail, as well as mention another aromantic character I have.
As I've mentioned before, Meisin is romance-averse/repulsed, and he is completely non-partnering. His experience is loosely based on my own.
While Meisin does not have words to describe his feelings/orientation in the beginning, he still was very openly not interested in relationships since he knew what that words means, and is repulsed to the very idea of being in one. The only word he has at that point is in sign-language, made up by his Deaf father, and doesn't translate well to spoken language.
He later learns the word aromantic from Aivil, who is, as a transmasc nonbinary person, a bit deeper in the queer community and knows such things (Meisin comes from a very small village of around 300 people, there are basically no queer people there, and the few that are there can't really be described as a community). And while he is like "huh, neat, there's a word for that", he isn't really one for labels.
Aivil, on the other hand, takes a bit longer to figure out that they are aromantic, even though they know the word. He is romance-indifferent, and also indifferent to favourable to the thought of having a relationship of whatever kind. She has trouble telling the difference between platonic/sexual attraction and romantic attraction. Through talking about how he actually feels, he figures out that his "wanting a (romantic) relationship" is more wanting intimacy, trust, and closeness, and that he doesn't actually care how this relationship is labelled, and all his negative feelings about that come more from societal standards and pressure.
There's another aromantic character who enters much later. Her name is Rhima, another dragon rider, but since most people don't like spoilers as much as I do, I won't talk too much about her. Rhima is aroace and married, so does not have any romantic or sexual feelings for her husband, and neither does he for her (he is gay). The marriage is mostly for convenience, and, well – other reasons. Uh. Spoilers.
(Honest questions tho: What do people have against spoilers? I like to know stuff that happens later in books, movies, or shows, and even how they end. And I really don’t understand why most people don’t like to hear spoilers.)
#aromantic#aroallo#aroace#aromantic representation#queer#writing#A Dragon's Blood / A Serpent's Wish#ADB/ASW
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Not rude, just uniformed :) but that’s why you asked! I’ll try my best to answer, but I personally just use the loveless label. If you want to know more about heartless aros and aplatonics, checking out the tags might help!
From a loveless perspective, no, it doesn’t. I still have emotional bonds to my family, especially my sister whom I live together with, and my pets. I wouldn’t say I love my sister, tho (there’s phrases in German that much better describe our relationship), and neither would I say I love my friends. I, personally, don’t have a lot of friends, but that’s on my introversion, not my aromanticism, but those I do have I care about deeply.
By the coined definition of heartless, it sound very similar to loveless, but with a more direct focus on romance (excerpt from from the definition directly: A heartless aromantic is an aro that feels separated from romance and any or all forms of love.) So basically to answer that, you can read my answer above to loveless ppl.
And aplatonic simply means no platonic attraction. From what I’ve read about it, that just means aplatonic people don’t really make friends on their own, but some might just be friends if other people start calling them that (though there are, like there’s romance-repulsed aros, also platonic-repulsed aplatonics.)
People don’t need to feel love, or describe their feelings as love, to be emotionally close to people.
(And it’s also not a bad thing if they aren’t emotionally close to anyone. If they’re more happy alone, then they shouldn’t feel forced to make connections :))
It's always "aros can still date!" "aros can still be in (any type of non-romantic or romantic) relationships!" "aros aren't heartless!" "aros can still love in different ways!"
Well, sure, you do you.
But not all of us. A lot of us are *completely* non-partnering. There's loveless aros. Aplatonic aros. Hell, even heartless is a label some aros use!
We don’t need to do anything to "replace" the romantic relationships we don’t have. People can be completely happy alone! Without a partner! (Shocking, I know!)
I'm just a bit tired of all the amatonormativity I still see under some of the trending aro-positivity posts...
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Thank you! It’s not nearly done yet, but I’ll be making it freely available when I’m finished with writing and revising (don’t know where yet, I’ll figure that out when time comes). I’ve only written around 25k of the first book yet, so that’ll take a while ^^‘
But I’ll post more stuff about it here in the meantime, if you’re interested!
And now, the other main character: Aivil Illaire.
Aivil was formerly part of one of the highest clans of Teyruné, but they and their parents were disowned because they are trans (back then identified as a trans man, now figured they are non-binary and use any pronouns). They are, like Meisin, aromantic, though they take a little longer to figure that out.
They are also on their way to become a dragon rider, and face similar struggles to Meisin's, minus the ableism, but instead adding the fact that a lot of people will not be working with him in the future due to him having been kicked out of a clan. And most people do not want the Illaire-clan on their bad site.
Aivil's dragon-partner is the dragon Duralin, who is the oldest dragon currently alive.
He is the type of aromantic who doesn't really understand the difference between romantic and platonic relationships. He basically thinks romance is friendship but you also kiss. And he learns through Meisin that this is not true, and that they can, in fact, do this type of stuff with their friends without being in a relationship with them. (And yes, for a person with a high-class upbringing such as Aivil, this is a very shocking revelation.)
His upbringing is obvious in multiple instances, even though he does his best to learn from the people around him (and that is in the school mainly Meisin, who is very, very poor.) But even with all her effort, they can't change the fact that they grew up upper-classed, and were never lower than middle-class even after being disowned. It’s a learning process.
I also did some drawings of him, under the cut.
Here is he alone:
And here’s he, his dragon Duralin, and Duralin's child Yrleif:
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A lot of people who say that mean it like that tho. That’s what this post is about. The type of posts that act like all aromantic people still love "in different ways".
I’ve seen that a lot. This isn’t about people talking about their own experience with non-romantic love. It’s about people generalising that experience and acting like people like me don’t exist, or that we don’t know what we’re talking about when we say we don’t experience love at all, that every person loves in some way; and if I say I don’t, I must not be able to tell my own emotions. Which I’ve experienced multiple times. Yes, even by other aros. So please don’t come at me with that.
People do mean it that way, a lot of the time. And that is what pisses me off.
It's always "aros can still date!" "aros can still be in (any type of non-romantic or romantic) relationships!" "aros aren't heartless!" "aros can still love in different ways!"
Well, sure, you do you.
But not all of us. A lot of us are *completely* non-partnering. There's loveless aros. Aplatonic aros. Hell, even heartless is a label some aros use!
We don’t need to do anything to "replace" the romantic relationships we don’t have. People can be completely happy alone! Without a partner! (Shocking, I know!)
I'm just a bit tired of all the amatonormativity I still see under some of the trending aro-positivity posts...
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And now, the other main character: Aivil Illaire.
Aivil was formerly part of one of the highest clans of Teyruné, but they and their parents were disowned because they are trans (back then identified as a trans man, now figured they are non-binary and use any pronouns). They are, like Meisin, aromantic, though they take a little longer to figure that out.
They are also on their way to become a dragon rider, and face similar struggles to Meisin's, minus the ableism, but instead adding the fact that a lot of people will not be working with him in the future due to him having been kicked out of a clan. And most people do not want the Illaire-clan on their bad site.
Aivil's dragon-partner is the dragon Duralin, who is the oldest dragon currently alive.
He is the type of aromantic who doesn't really understand the difference between romantic and platonic relationships. He basically thinks romance is friendship but you also kiss. And he learns through Meisin that this is not true, and that they can, in fact, do this type of stuff with their friends without being in a relationship with them. (And yes, for a person with a high-class upbringing such as Aivil, this is a very shocking revelation.)
His upbringing is obvious in multiple instances, even though he does his best to learn from the people around him (and that is in the school mainly Meisin, who is very, very poor.) But even with all her effort, they can't change the fact that they grew up upper-classed, and were never lower than middle-class even after being disowned. It’s a learning process.
I also did some drawings of him, under the cut.
Here is he alone:
And here’s he, his dragon Duralin, and Duralin's child Yrleif:
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More stuff about my book!
The protagonist is Meisin Ljoria, a disabled aromantic man.
Meisin starts out as a poor man in crushing medical debt from all the treatments he had to get as a child for his leg to not kill him, and his leg braces - the one he is using now and the braces he had before that when he was younger.
Due to nerve damage, his right leg is paralyzed below the knee, and his knee is weakened, so he can't walk without a leg brace to stabilize his leg. On worse days, he will also use a cane for more stability and to take more weight of his leg.
As the child of a deaf man, his first language is Thrivas Sign Language, or Thrivasin (the sign-language spoken in the village group he comes from), and his main language outside his home is spoken Teyrunal.
He is very romance-averse, to the point where his father jokingly made up a word in Thrivasin to describe his opinion on relationships, and that word basically translates to "anti-love", but Meisin does explain that this word only really works for him in sign language (even though it was originally a joke) and that he doesn't have a spoken word that would describe him.
He wants to become a dragon rider to be able to pay of his and his father's debts to just live his life freely, for which he goes to the riders' school after bonding with a dragon (and a heron). This is much easier said than done, since as a poor, disabled person, people are at best ignoring his entire existence, and at worst outspoken against people "like him" becoming dragon riders, and work to actively stop them from doing so.
Some drawings I made of him under the cut.
This is him:
He and his dragon Siandagh:
#writing#disability#disability rep#aromantic#aromantic representation#loveless#digital drawing#art#A Dragon's Blood / A Serpent's Wish#ADB/ASW
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I will definitely make more posts about it in the future! I'll probably tag with smth like #ADragon'sBlood / #ASerpent'sWish or #ADB/ASW (A Dragon's Blood/A Serpent's Wish), for those who are interested, which are the working titles of the two books.
(Carefully tagging @myello-there because I saw your tags too.)
Funny how I just wanted to write a book with aro mcs because all of the little tiny amount of aro rep is at most ~implied~ or popular interpretation. And if it's actually confirmed, it's usually never said in the source (and basically always aroace, as if aro can't exist seperately from aces...). Or worse they use asexual to mean aromantic, or aroace.
And now it'll be like, at least two books of critizing ableism, classism, homophobia, transphobia, amatonormativity, war and basically society as a whole. Becuase I just can't write a fluffy fantasy book, I have to see society burn.
Top all that with dragons and magic and the two mcs who are unapologetically aromantic queers and they would burn the world for each other and they are so close and vulnerable and intimate with each other and they are friends and so, so wunderful together.
And now I only have to write all this shit actually, because most of it only exists in my head. I've only written the first 20k of the first book. Fml.
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I noticed the same thing coming from people who identify with relationship anarchy, or talk about it. It feels like a lot of people don't really understand what anarchy means.
I kinda relate to that term in they way that I don't believe there are any real lines between different kinds of relationships, and that any type of relationship hierarchy is absolute bullshit. But that doesn't seem to be the popular understanding of RA.
But since I have a total of 1 friend, that doesn't really matter all that much in my daily life, lol.
On Queerplatonic Relationships and Amatonormativity
Or: some thoughts on QPRs and why I think that word should be taken away from some of you. Or: Why I can't with some parts of the online aromantic community. (Only some! Most of you are great.)
Disclaimer: If you use QPR to describe any of your relationships, this is not an attack on you, personally. I don't have anything against the concept of QPRs, nor against anyone who has this kind of relationship. If you are in a QPR or want one, all power to you!
These are also mostly just my rambly thoughts and not an insult or attack to anyone personally. It is, however, totally an attack on amatonormativity. But mostly just ranting. Have fun.
Great wall of text incoming. I have a lot of thoughts currently.
First, let's get our definition down: The "queer" in queerplatonic, or queer-platonic does not mean the same as "queer" for people in the LGBT+ community. It has the same root, the word for weird or outside of social norms, but it does not refer to the LGBT+ community. Another word for it is quasi-platonic, but queer-platonic is more widely known. As the root of the name implies, there is no real definition! Anything that is "weird for a platonic relationship", so to say, might be queerplatonic! Anything that falls outside the social norms for a friendship; which means what it means also changes based on the society around you! Yes, that can be a lot.
This means anyone can have a QPR; gay, straight, lesbian, bi, aro, allo, or ace. Anyone. An allo lesbian could be in a QPR with an allo gay man. Two straight guys could be in a QPR. A FWB-arrangement/sexual friendship could be called QPR. Hell, even a straight woman and a straight man can call their relationship a QPR.
Now that we know what a QPR is, I also want to make clear what QPRs are not!
QPRs are not deeper than "just" friendship. They are not somewhere between romantic relationships and friendship ( as in, "in the hierarchy of relationships", I'll get to that.) They are not "relationships, but for aros".
Now, the definition of amatonormativity for anyone who is new here: Amatonormativity is the assumption that all human beings pursue love or romance, especially by means of a monogamous long-term relationship; this is the shortest possible explanation, but it’ll be enough for now.
I want to start with the societal hierarchy of relationships. And that always starts with my hatred of the phrase "just friends"!
I absolutely hate this phrase. I despise it. In both directions: There is "People who are just friends wouldn't do that" (kiss or cuddle for example), or the opposite "They are just friends" (presumably because they don't do "that"). Or "they are more than friends".
Society has put relationships in a hierarchy: simplified, friends are at the bottom, family above them, and at the very top is the monogamous, romantic partner for whom you're supposed to put the first two behind. That is mostly known by people who started to look into amatonormativity.
Now, there are some people who think it is "dismanteling amatonormativity" to simply put another box into the pyramid, squish it in between friends and romantic partner, and label it "queerplatonic relationships", and that's it. They still say this type of relationship is "more than friendship".
But friends are not less than romantic or queerplatonic partners (or family, for that matter); and honestly whenever I hear the phrase "just friends", I assume the person who used it is just a horrible friend who does not at all care for their friends, and always puts them behind their romantic partner(s). Because this phrase does insinuate that friendship is worth less than other types of relationships.
To dismantle amatonormativity, we have to dismantle the idea that friends are "lesser than". And we have to dethrone romantic relationships. Not just add another layer to it.
But now, exept for the people who do what I stated above, what elso do queerplatonic relationships have to do with amatonormativity? Glad you asked!
I see a lot of aros taking the word "queerplatonic" and never deconstructing their own, internalized amatonormativity further. They'll say exactly the same things alloros say, just swaping (romantic) relationship/partner/lover for queerplatonic relationship/partner. I know people are in different stages of finding themselves and understanding amatonormativity, but it tires me out listening to them doing the exact same things that also harm them.
An example of this is aromantic people crying about how much they want a QPR, where to find a QPP, that they are so lonely and need a partner. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but do you not have any friends?
I know they do this because they want the closeness and love society has promised they'd find in a romantic relationship. But now that they've noticed they don't actually want this, they took the "next best thing" and ran with it.
But that is just amatonormativity. It should be questioned further. Why do you want a QPR so badly? Why is "just friends" not enough for you? What can you get out of a relationship that you couldn't also get from friends? What kind of assumptions are you making here?
Relationships, both queerplatonic and romantic, are not the be-all end-all of life. If you cannot be happy single, you will not be happy in a commited relationship of any kind. Sorry to say it so bluntly, but you really can't put your only source of happiness on one person. That is the whole essence of amatonormativity.
You know what the solution is? Find friends! Online or in real life, any maybe you'll find a QPR in there, too. You're not alone, and no matter what amatonormativity tells you, you don't need to be in a commited relationship of any kind to be deserving of whatever it is you want from a QPP! Be that love, intimacy, sex, commitment, a roommate, someone who'll raise a child with you or whatever. Because whatever you can get out of a romantic relationship or a queerplatonic relationship, you also can get out of friendship! Surprise! There are no borders between any of those. It's all just human connection, and whatever word you put on it, only the people inside the relationship can decide what their relationship entails, and what it doesn't!
Yes, that means two friends can totally raise a child together. They can even make that child together! There are no rules. Friends can marry, fuck, buy a house together, be committed to each other and share important life decisions. Romantic/queerplatonic partners could do any of those things, or nothing of it. All this is part of dismantling amatonormativity. Getting rid of all those borders and societal norms, stopping to police what people can or can’t do in what kind of relationships.
That was already a lot, but I'm not done yet.
Another thing I noticed in a-spec spaces is, well, the almost-forcing the QPR on other a-spec people. Not everyone wants a QPR, not every aromantic person is even partnering. I, for example, am completely non-partnering. This includes both romantic relationships and QPRs, and whatever other type of commited relationship you can think of. I only do friendship (and not even that really, but that's my extreme introversion, and has nothing to do with this text.)
There are more people like me out there. Acting like every aromantic person wants a QPR is actively erasing us from the aro-community, and in the end no different than alloros acting like every person should want a romantic relationship, and that aromantics are mentally ill for not wanting that. Y'all are doing the same thing just with different words.
It just feels very alienating, especially coming from my own community. Even more so when it’s happening in the same posts that also point out how bad amatonormativity is for everyone.
Idk, I just wish that would stop and people would just listen to more perspectives outside of their own.
Anyways, have a nice day. I’m done for now.
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Funny how I just wanted to write a book with aro mcs because all of the little tiny amount of aro rep is at most ~implied~ or popular interpretation. And if it's actually confirmed, it's usually never said in the source (and basically always aroace, as if aro can't exist seperately from aces...). Or worse they use asexual to mean aromantic, or aroace.
And now it'll be like, at least two books of critizing ableism, classism, homophobia, transphobia, amatonormativity, war and basically society as a whole. Becuase I just can't write a fluffy fantasy book, I have to see society burn.
Top all that with dragons and magic and the two mcs who are unapologetically aromantic queers and they would burn the world for each other and they are so close and vulnerable and intimate with each other and they are friends and so, so wunderful together.
And now I only have to write all this shit actually, because most of it only exists in my head. I've only written the first 20k of the first book. Fml.
#writeblr#aromantic#aro#aroallo#queer#amatonormativity#loveless#aro representation#if you want me talk more about my book please ask about it i so desperately want to talk about it and need an excuse to do that lol
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