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lionthenovel · 3 years
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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i‘ve started talking to myself through tiktoks when i‘m heartbroken and it really helps.
I get my heartbroken often bc i have a lot of hope, wonder and i let everyone in. i never learned to close the door and i just let everyone flood in and take as much as they need even if it‘s just „something to do“.
this time, i was actually respected and treated well. it still hurts when people i care about leave that space i made for them.
i‘m not gonna be ashamed for having hope and love for people who don‘t feel the same about me. i don‘t want to stop being this way bc one day someone will stay and someone will keep me.
and that someone will be worth keeping.
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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tw: suicide
i saw my death -
too many times to count.
my whole self exits me
and spits out how cowardly i’m being.
i don’t think people understand
how brave you have to be
to say “this ends now.” 
all i know is
i’m far too petrified
and comfortable in this fucking infected pit
to try to let the earth and rocks and leaves and mud pummel me down
and to never feel pain again. 
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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this one hurt to write. i met someone who i thought was gonna stay, they didn‘t. to this day it still pains me to think about them, because how could i have misjudged a situation so badly? i thought we connected so deeply, but it was only on my end. and i wanted to be with them so badly. i need to let them go in my head, too. that’s why i wrote this.
it was inspired by molly-margaret. she wrote a poem about not slamming the door on someone and it got to me.
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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the lights brought me back
i didn‘t know how to thank them.
they said:
„don‘t dream, child.
because nightmares have learned to dress pretty
and lure you into
the sinkhole.
tear the muzzle off,
they will want the words you‘re too afraid to speak.“
since then,
when my brain screams
my mouth obeys.
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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did you see it?
- what
my light, it just ate its last, soft ember. 
- no, i must’ve missed it. 
too bad. 
- why? 
because now nothing’s stopping me from ripping you apart. 
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lionthenovel · 3 years
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honey
i‘ve killed you before.
you entered while i slept
uninvited;
i hated that you couldn’t even allow peace
in my dreams.
so i ended you,
as violently as i could.
a nightly ritual,
many ways
many tools
elegantly
or viciously,
it varied every time.
you invaded
and i picked my weapon.
i‘ve had practice,
you have no idea.
don‘t fuck with me.
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