Who will I- you be?

What if no one told me who I should be, who will I be?

What if no one told me what I could be, what will I be?

What if no one told me where I can go, where will I be?

What if no one told when to move, when to think, where to stay, what the meaning of innocence or danger is, how I should act, what will I be?

If no instruction was ever given. No schools, no parents, no priest, no government to follow.

What will I be?

Will I stop questioning everything and trust my inner self all the way? Or

Will I just follow a Being beside me once again?

Have you ever taken time to breathe? You know, to pause and evaluate life. Have you ever done that or if you doing it, when was the last time you did it? Questions after questions floods my brain. When can I answer them? How do I answer them? How do I take responsibility for this life? What do I need to do to remind myself that I am beyond what I know myself to be? That God can trust me with that 5 bags of silver and come back with ten? Where do I invest my time? What skill to produce and hone? What kind of life to live. Lately I’m confining myself in books. Books that carries all sorts of knowledge. But as grateful as I am for being able to know and store in my brain some data, I don’t know which of it I can really use in this life. To be able to understand is such a great blessing. To be able to look at life and see blessings and beauty in the midst of chaos is such peace-giving. But when was the last time I breathe and took time to appreciate it? Life moves fast--- faster than I can catch it. But who knows what can happen if I decide to put it all down in paper? Will my work be one day appreciated by someone other than me? I don’t understand. I don’t know the answer.

The flower is dead

From a plant, it bloom a flower of joy its scent so sweet, the envy of the city one day, it meet the wind "Oh what a handsome he is!" it said a relationship began; marriage it went first days were gold, but a mighty work came, wind is deeply engaged flower became a second option. Days bygone Wind went home, carrying a good news his work is finished, "thanks to the inspiration of my beloved." what welcomed him is not of victory but of cries, and wails, and sad songs in confusion, he called to his wife but the answer came not from his beloved, but of the city, "Why sir, the flower is dead."

I feel more human now than I am three years ago

A thought

(Source: https://www.shutterstock.com/video/clip-19032376-silhouette-man-carry-knife-follows-young-woman)

Tell me, when you are facing a man with a knife in his hand and you are alone, what is the first thing you will do? Call for help? Trigger him into thinking that jeopardizing whatever he is doing meant all the reason to have you, me erased in this world? Is that it? Or do you try to think straight and try to grab any opportunity you can to disarm him using, say a long mental, to weaken him? Because we know in this situation there is only one question, "Me or him?". Is asking for his intention, say with him which is robbery, going to help me in any way? Do you think in my situation wherein I witness his full face and act, and he finding out, will do me any good? No. He'll probably say, "I don't want to go to jail so I'm sorry but I have to kill you." Is that what you want? Is that what you are hoping in any robbery? To fight for myself meant weakening him. For my salvation, I have to erased him. But if you're going to charge me with first degree murder just because I defended myself and didn't permit the real criminal to take away my parents hard work, well then I claim innocence. Try twisting your evidence so you can fit it in your theories, but I am not going to deny my innocence. If being put to jail because I chose to protect myself and my family's harvest, than I am very much proud to be in it. Even if that means worst years to come.

Stuff I thought of while zoning out out of the blue. 

Can’t put date. 5th draft

When I feel like my energy level and "will-to-live" is going down, (i'm yelling timber~ Lol.) I put myself in a place where I would feel the Sun's warm. Nope, the idea didn't came from Superman. But like him, the sun is my reminder that i am still alive. The heat it generates (which burns my skin a little) blesses my soul like a genuine hug does. Sometimes I think its rays are God's hands extending to touch my inner heart.

P.S: I am not the girl in the picture but how I wish to be that photogenic. :(

(Source: https://www.24h.com.vn/ban-tre-cuoc-song/thu-tinh-xin-loi-vi-em-da-buoc-vao-cuoc-doi-anh-c64a767189.html)

1.4.18 4th draft

Hmmm

I am thinking of a story about a Happy Man and a Sad Man, who both found Happiness and Sadness at the same time. But one lost and the other one won. Can you guess what happened?

1.3.18. 3rd draft.

One liner story

"Whatever negative thing you are thinking right now about that person, let's not do it, shall we?"

1.2.18. 2nd draft

I heard a girl crying

(Source: https://www.malavida.com/en/soft/emily-wants-to-play/android/#gref)

i hear it more clearly now that i am awake. I thought  i was just dreaming. I slowly opened my eyes and found myself engulfed in darkness. Where am I? I moved my body a little and felt the sheets on top of me. Oh yeah, I'm in my bedroom. I forgot about that huh? I laughed at the thought. But wait- didn't I slept with my lights on? frowning to myself and confuse. Then, I heard it. Ehi, ehi. Sniffs. Omayghad. the crying. I almost forgot about that. Who could that be? I slowly sat up, pulling my sheets near me. Oh gosh, oh gosh, this is it. I never believed in all those scary movie stuff but ghadd, isn't this like that paranormal and conjuring thing where you'll wake up in the middle of the night and hear those innocent voices and then the next thing you know, you're dead. Omayghad. Ehi, ehi. M-mommy. Mommy? WTH. I'm just sixteen. Don't me. My thoughts started racing, my heartbeat going fast, is this what they call adrenaline? or is this just plain ol'pal, fear? Ehi, ehi. Oh shookt. I really need to gather my thoughts and focus. I don't want to be possessed by some screwed up ghost, I have dreams! And I heard it is really hot in hell, I can't be there. I love the AC! Ehi, ei, ehiiiiiiiiiiiii. Dadddyyyyyyyy! My mind and body started to feel alert... and scared. Come on self, you pride yourself of being brave, try that now. I slowly let go of the sheet which got all crackled up because I am such a brave person, and felt my bedside. Urgh, great! Now what do I punch that little girl with? there is nothing in here. But hmmm, isn't my pillow one of the hardest pillow in the whole wide world? For only 99 cents, people. I took my pillow, and slowly stood up, my feet touching the cold floor and silently made my way to where the sound is coming from. Ehi, ehi, ehi, ehiiiiiii, ehi. Now it's sobbing. Steps nearer. Now it's coughing. Steps nearer and nearer. Mommy? Daddy? Now its freaking whispering. Steps nearer and nearer and nearer than ever. Clutching hard at the 99 cent pillow. Now its almost inaudible. That could just be a cat, right? In your closet? Oh wow. What a good logic. I stopped in front of the closet door. WTH. I just realized-  what was I planning when I went near here when I could just run dowstairs or to the other room where my dog is? Urgh, you know what? Screw it. Its now or never. Its do or die. I reached for the right handle, my hand shaking. I am a Left-dude so I'm confident with my choice. I positioned the 99 cent pillow and opened the closet door as fast as I could, ready to pounce anytime brother and slammed my 99 cent pillow on the... my... I'm not thinking anymore... I just continued pouncing until I realized what it was. In the shape of a rectangle, a smaller rectangle was illuminating and in it, is a picture of a freaking alarm clock. 3 freaking AM and the freaking crying sound. I took it in my right hand, cussing underneath my breath, and faced it. Dumb phone. Angry at it for all reasons.  Slowly the left door of the cabinet opened. It got my attention. And a pale girl in a black dress, cropped hair and full bangs (basically like the girl from Emily wants to play a game), was sitting on top of my clothes which I ironed like 3 hours ago, was looking at me, grinning. My eyes widened in disbelief. Dumb human. She said, grinning even more. Shejumped towards me and ate me. The end. I don't know how I was able to tell you this story but yeah, she ate me. And uhm, in case youre wondering where I am right now, I am beside wherever my testimony is being read. So hi, let's be friends. and please tell my phone, im sorry for calling "it" dumb.

END

1.1.18 1st draft