Have you ever been in a point in your life na mapapaWTF ka na lang sa nangyayari. ‘Yung one day you are so sure of what you want to be the other day hindi mo na alam kung tama pa ba yung direction na tinatahak mo. Tipong minsan you are questioning Lord (wag kayong ano?! Totoo naman) kung yung mga nangyayari ba sayo eh obstacle lang o turning point na ito ng buhay mo. Hindi mo alam kung challenge lang sya or dapat ka nang umalis sa path na ‘yun. You have all of those going on then to top it all , people around you will bat an eye. Huhusgahan ka nila at ippressure what ‘s worse eh sila yung mga taong inaasahan mong makakaintindi sayo. Ang hirap lang pala pero I will try to smile. 

I now know how it feels to die inside but still be alive.

We were over. He left me without an explanation. He left me with a single apology. He left me with nothing to close the door with. He just left me hanging. I think it is far worse to be left like this. Questions flooded my mind the more my tears flooded my eyes. I was in shock when I just asked him “’Di mo na ako mahal, noh?” and with his sleepy-uninterested voice he answered “Hindi na”. I felt like I needed explanation as to why he fell out of love. How was I replaced that quick? He only met a guy for a week and now he loves him. Now the 6 months we shared....was all gone. I just wanted to know. My friends say it is about sex because I was not able to provide. If that is the reason why....I am sorry. I was so busy with my studies and work at that time and I was checking on him from time to time.Having dates with him every week not realizing he is slowly slipping away and he never told me. Is this my karma? For what? Wala naman akong niloko o sinaktan. Is this a test? Di ako prepared......I was not able to put my defenses up before we start. I felt like life has cheated on me somehow. I hated him that day. I never heard the words “Ayoko na.” “Maghiwalay na tayo” “Sawa na ako” “Pagod na ako” . If I were to hear those words coming from him, I would’ve done something about it. I would’ve held him tighter. I might have given him the sex he wants. I never had sex before but if that is the only way to make him stay I would do it. It is not a matter of my bragging rights for being a virgin. It is a matter of my lover slipping away...away from me. But he is already gone....he left me with my heart crushed and with nothing to close the wounds with. Paano na ako?Am I destined to be left alone? Kapalit palit ba ako? Very cliche lines but they are real. Real questions I have asked. I hope moving on will be alot faster.Faster than how he replaced me. Faster than how he left me and threw me away. I hope........

Sorry Tumblr if I forgot about you the way he forgot about us.

*bumps my bag while walking* 

outside: *smiles* okay lang 

 inside: takte donate mo mata mo walang silbi ampota

reblog/like this if i can talk to you

me to myself rn

Message me guyths.

wala kasi akong magawa jusko nakakaiyak yung boredom dito sa bahay. Kahit anong topic pramis. kahit ano lang

Woke up a little bit early than usual. My eyes are still adjusting and my body is a little bit sore. “Oh God! I never should have taken the stairs in the office going home. “ I let out a sigh and then went over to grab some breakfast. I saw a bread and sardines on my table. I mean I am too lazy to cook so that should work. I then opened a can of sardines and stuffed it with the bread that I have. I paired it with the stale coffee I have in my refrigerator that I forgot to drink because I was running late yesterday for work. Still decent for me but it is a little bit cold and my tummy gets upset with cold stuffs in the morning. I then placed my mug in the microwave fro 4 minutes with a medium heat setting. then started to gobble on my “sardines sandwich” while waiting. Microwaved and a little bit hot. I got my coffee with me. Atleast, I got my coffee with me when I woke up even if I never had you.

I used to see you as my sun. I have my attention and focus just for you and only you. I gave up my dreams and aspirations for yours because you are my dream. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the one who keeps my heart pumping. You are a dream come true. You were incomparable because for me you are just simply the best one that is out there. I never acknowledged how I felt everytime we fought because I would rather hurt than see you hurt. I would rather catch the blame and just keep silent just so you will not get mad at me. I hated myself every time you cursed me. I hated myself for not being the best for you. I hated myself because I cannot provide you the best thing. I hated myself because I cannot reciprocate the things you do best...and that is making me fall in love each and every day.........Then, one day, you just left me.You left a note that I barely was able to read because tears went down like a seasonal rain. Hard and almost endless. I started looking for you but I cannot even call your phone. I tried to reach you but I was blocked. I cannot see where you are and what you are doing. If you are doing okay or you are not. I fell sleepless at night thinking how great would it be if you were there by my side. So I kept on looking for you in the middle of the night. I visited the places we used to visit together. I sat there for a moment. The place where we first met. I remembered everything. From the way I said hello to you that night and the way we celebrated special moments there. That place witnessed our love and for a brief moment I kinda had a companion that knew me. That knew us. I was there for a good hour and they were asking me to leave because they are about to close down. As I headed outside, I saw you under the lamp post. You were with a guy. He is not your brother or a relative because I have met them all before, I know. You were smiling brighter than the moon that night with a coffee on your left hand and his hands on the right. He was making funny faces and you were there to laugh for it. I remembered when I used to do that when you are sad. I.....slowly backed away and turned around. I felt numb but also happy. Atleast, you are happy. I finally saw for the last time, the smile of my love. I am happy just as long as you are happy. ‘Till we see each other again. Goodbye.

Banner promo. Hahahah I have got nothing to do so....just leave a like and I will make a banner later or maybe tom. Then I will post it by friday :) 

Aggravated souls try to find refuge in other people’s arms and embrace. Little did they know that rest and peace can never be found in somebody else’s. Sometimes they need to realize that the best refuge for their souls can be their own hug and embrace but until they realize it....I will leave my arms and embrace open for those aggravated souls.

Kung pwede lang mag-resign sa buhay matagal ko ng ginawa

Me; 2017 

          We rarely share a photo together. It is either on his phone or we really don’t have a picture together on certain moments. People have been asking why. They alwas wonder because we mutually don’t want to have our picture taken together. Some of them think that we are not proud of our love and our partner and we never wanted anyone to know about the relationship that we have. Some even told me before “Mahal mo ba talaga?Bakit ayaw mo magpapicture kasama sya?” I was offended that time. I don’t know how to react and I was left speechless the whole time. I went home and pondered and asked him “Am I bad partner?” He then replied to me and I imagine him with his bushy eyebrows meeting with a huge question mark on his face when he told me “Why? Anong nangyari? May problema ba?” I am always the jolly one in our relationship so those questions coming from me meant a lot to him. I replied “For not letting you have a picture with me , I just want to clarify. I love you and I am proud of you. Never think that I am not because I really am.” He replied with the most understanding reply I can get from him. “I know and never ko naman nakalimutan iyon. Kung ano man gumugulo sa isip mo. Tigilan mo na ‘yan. Ang mahalaga lang tayong dalawa.” and after I read that reply. I immediately dropped my phone and a smile then flashed on my face. A smile filled with content.

          It may seem confusing to others but I am not an openly gay type of person. I hate attention. I hate judgemental stares pero what I hate the most is letting the people I love down. That moment when someone told me and questioned my feelings for the person I love the most. I automatically went back to the place where people will use every single, even the tiniest, detail to put doubt in whatever I do. People will use anything and everything as a factor in order to equate for something to instill doubt in every words and actions that I make. The reason why I never wanted to take a photo especially when I am with my boyfriend is because I wanted to focus on him and give him all my attention. I wanted to make him feel that I am all with you and this moment is for us and nothing else. He does the same when I am with him. No phones, no cameras and no social media. We wanted to have our eyes to capture the moment, our mouths to talk about our life, and our hearts to communicate with each other rather than getting ourselves distracted with something that will not benefit the relationship. Sometimes I forget about this and I just needed a quick reminder coming from him that we have talked about it and we have made this clear. Haha. This is the man that chose to be with me. I can’t imagine that a simple reply like that coming from him can make me realize how happy I am and how contented I am with him. That is why I am proud of him. That is why I love him

May mga panahon na minsan ko ng natanong sa sarili ko kung kaya ko pa ba o kakayanin ko pa ba kapag may dumating pang mas higit na problema sa buhay ko. Minsan ang sarap na lang sumuko at magpatianod sa mga bagay na nararamdaman mo. Minsan ang sarap na lang itaas ng kamay mo at tuluyan ng magpagupo sa mga bagay na sinubukan mong pigilan. Hindi mo ren naman masisisi kung mas pipiliin kong huwag na lang lumaban. Ngunit sa bawat oras na maiisip ko ang mga bagay na maaapektuhan sa oras na ginawa ko ‘yun. Napapahinto ako. Mga taong mahal ko ang maapektuhan. Mga bagay na lubos kong ipinaglaban. Mga prinsipyong pilit kong ipinagtanggol. Ayokong isuko ang mga iyon. OO NAPAPAGOD NA AKO pero ang mga taong mahal ko ay nakasandig sa akin. Sa akin sila kumukuha ng lakas at saya. Ang mga bagay na ipinaglalaban ko ay unti-unti nang nagkakaroon ng kasagutan at hindi ako susuko para tuluyang mabaon ang mga iyon sa limot. Higit sa lahat , ang mga prinsipyo ko. Unti- unti ng nagkakaroon ng linaw kung bakit ako nagsimula na gawin ang lahat ng mga ito. Nagsimula akong gawin ang mga ito kasi gusto ko ng mga gawaing ito. Ito ang landas na ginawa at tinahak ko. Ako ang humubog at bumuo sa pagkatao na mayroon ako. OO Naisip ko sumuko pero kahit kailan hinding hindi ko hahayaang isuko lahat ng bagay na bumuo sa akin at bubuo sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. Pero higit sa lahat, lahat ng bagay na ginawa at pinanindigan ko. Lahat ng mga iyon ay inilapit ko sa aking puso. Lahat ng iyon ay mahal ko 

Remember when we promised to conquer the stars?

Well , you already did but so will I soon......