koko-from-the-future - Tumblr blog

koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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The way many LSN/level 1 autistic people talk about autism is really gross and weird actually

I think many of you forget that autism is an actual disorder and not a personality trait

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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Inviting me to places, changing the plans to make shit harder (as if plans changing isn't already shit for my autistic brain) then basically saying "then don't come" because I PHYSICALLY can't do the plan anymore because I'm A CRIPPLE???? is so wild - but hey, atleast I can

"always talk to you if things get bad with (my) body or anything"

#disabled #disability #chronically ill #cripplepunk #elhers danlos syndrome #fnd #functional neurological disorder #actually autistic #developmental disabilities #autism

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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What is happening in Sudan ⬇️

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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that’s on everything

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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it's midnight, I just dyed my hair with sharpie juice and I'm overstimulated- schizo vibez

#actually stpd #stpd #Diagnosed psychotic #actually schizotypal #actually schizospec

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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Why I'd be fake claimed - Autistic edition

. I'm not a white man

#actually autistic #developmental disabilities #autism #audhd #actually autism #actually adhd #disabled #disability

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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I'm not scary, I promise

#stpd #actually stpd #actually psychotic #schizospec #actually schizotypal #actually schizospec

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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remembering that time I was alone with my uncles best friend who was around 3x/4x my age (I was 17/18) and he came up behind me with his front pressed against my back and i thought he was going to rape me on the counter and then when I told person Y she said I was being dramatic and that just because he was pressed against me, alone in a room, to the point I could smell his cologne doesn't mean he had any strange intent

But sure, I'M the crazy one for thinking people are out to get me

#s.a #tw sa #rapeculture #actually stpd #stpd #actually psychotic #psychotic disorders #schizospec #schizo spectrum

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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I still remember when I met a fellow autistic gender bender who used a wheelchair and when tried to make friends (because I had none and they were 2 years above) they were fucking VILE to me.

I remember sitting at the back of the room wiping away hot tears and feeling as blood went into my eyes because I couldn't help but tear my skin apart.

I remember looking, staring across the room and thinking that I will never look for "comrades" again because in a war against "the man" potential friends are potential enemies

#disabled #disability #chronically ill #elhers danlos syndrome #fnd #functional neurological disorder #actually autistic #developmental disabilities #autism #queer

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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Can I?

can I still love you ?

All I hear are your screams these day, they beg me to glare at the context but I'm afraid. What would I say and what could I do if your fears were really so great that it took you pulling out my hair and teeth with hands around my throat to conquer

What sort of hero would I be

What sort of lover

What sort of child

?

#vent post #prose poetry #tw abuse

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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⚠️ RESTRICTIVE ED VENT ⚠️

(TW: RACISM ABELISM SEXISM (KINDA COVERT IDK) GENERAL ED TOXIC SHIT)

My ED is back ✌🏽

I don't know what happened, I've been fine...kind of. Like yeah I haven't been eating but not in an EDNOS way more in a "I'm a university student and I love saving money to spend it on cute clothes" way.

But now, I'm back.

I guess over Halloween I've overeaten, that's probably it. I know I shouldn't but I already have a plan to "get back on track" AKA "be able to see my ribs again and have a waist so small that everytime I meet a new person they comment on it".

It's so strange because I don't hate myself anymore, I'm a Forest Finn, a proud Savonian and so fat on the body is always good for living in harsh conditions but, I don't know.

I just want something for my own.

Nothing has ever been just MINE, for some parts of my life that included my body.

But overall it's the best thing I have in terms of something that I can control:

(Like how I'm a virgin for religious reasons but also/mainly because I'm ace -and probably because the thought of a woman tracing my body and having her hand linger on the same thighs that boys said would make thunder come every time I walked would tear my afucking part- )

When I was younger I was bullied (like most intersex + disabled people) I was "short" and "fat" and "a girlboy" (whilst those things are all neutral, the way they were saying them and abusing me for obviously weren't) it didn't help that i'm a very mixed poc so people have no idea where I'm from but they know somewhere in the mix is "something African" and therefore "something savage" but after my ED progressed I never got called those names I was "pretty" and "cute" and "doll like" - I became something that people glanced at, not stared at.

Even racists and abelists stopped staring at me trying to pick apart how "ethnic I am" or how "autistic I act" - Instead I was a blank slate, a girl with an eating disorder but nothing else exciting to see.

It's weird because I've reached a point where I'm proud to be a poc, to be disabled and queer - maybe it was never about that maybe it really was just me needing control.

I know it's toxic but I'm not even afraid, ashamed? yes, but not afraid - I'm excited to have something to call my own, to have a new personal project ro work on and that's why i know this time it's probably going to get really bad.

I just hope I can get what I want and what I need - I'm praying the two can co-exist for once in my fucking life.

#tw restriction #tw restrictive ed #EDNOS #tw ana shit #tw ed diet #bullima #ana and mia #vent post #ed relapse #not recommended #not promoting #EDS AREN'T COOL KIDS #TRUST #Tw relapse

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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I find it so funny that after my early teen "glow up" I get called "pretty" and "cute" almost daily knowing FULL well these same people would have seen me as a boy/girl monstrosity when I was younger

Really makes your think (that murder may be justifiable sometimes)

#actually intersex #intersex #lgbtq community #girlboy #Boygirl #multigender #queer #glow up

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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Anytime I get depressed my first instinct isn't suicide anymore, it's to check what's going on in the world of astrology - idk what that says about me but I'm guessing it's improvement

#actually autistic #developmental disabilities #autism #actually stpd #stpd #depressing shit #suicide squad #But like literally #actually psychotic #schizospec #Anxiety #mood swings

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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I'm so tired, everything hurts and I wish I was a girl

#disabled #disability #chronically ill #cripplepunk #elhers danlos syndrome #fnd #functional neurological disorder #intersex #actually intersex #gayboy #lgbtqia #queer

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koko-from-the-future · 6 months

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Happy Halloween fellow cripples 🎃 👻 🎃

#cripplepunk #disabled #disability #chronically ill #elhers danlos syndrome #functional neurological disorder #fnd

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