Almost prom season 😍😍

http://iglovequotes.net/

“There’s a difference between missing someone and missing having someone.”

— you don’t miss me, you’re just lonely // a.s.m

“In my dreams you’re touching my face

And asking me if I want to try again with you.”

-22.17pm

Thank you, next ❤️

http://iglovequotes.net/

All I want is you, and your lips pressed against mine... ❤️

I think one of the saddest things is when two people really get to know each other: their secrets, their fears, their favorite things, what they love, what they hate, literally everything, and they go back to being strangers. It’s like you have to walk past them and pretend like you never knew them, never even talked to them before, when really, you know everything about them.

…maybe next year will be our year. Here’s to 2018. 

“The shame of it was they both loved each other, but they were both too young to know how to love.”

— Antoine de Saint Exupéry, The Little Prince

Baby?

Wow. Last night I had another dream about you. We were in Florida, my favorite setting the one with the elevator that goes all the way up to the 12rh floor and takes you to this ball that shows you all of Florida. Anyways, we were talking (me and my family) when Kristian sees you as he walks ahead of us, you ask him how I’m doing and he tells you I’m good and that I’m right behind him. I kept on walking ignoring you, like you’ve ignored me. Anyways, later we end up on the same elevator with my family, the elevator gets messed up and we end up having to go to the store to get food and all this stuff. We end up having a moment in the car where I tell you sorry, and you accept it, giving me a plate with a Dora logo on it, later I’m in the kitchen of our hotel room and you call me asking me what floor we are on, and I accidentally call you babe, you then say, “you still can’t get out of that huh” and I said nope, just a habit I haven’t gotten out of (it just feels so right calling you that). Anyways on my way to take a shower, you pass me and I see your cute little butt lol. Apparently, we have a baby and you take her, telling me it’s safer this way, and you’ll bring her back. So I tell you, “ look I never wanted this, all I wanted was you, and I messed up. It was never about if you loved me more or if you were right for me or not, it was about the fact that I loved you and I messed up. So I’m sorry, so take care of our child, because we made a beautiful baby together.” You looked at me and smiled and said I will, and we had another moment and you kissed me and everything just felt right in the world. Of course I then woke up and feel like poop now, but that’s okay I guess. Sometimes dreaming of you makes me feel like a piece of you is still there, a piece of you still misses me and I’m okay with that. 🤦🏾‍♀️

Last night I had a dream about you. We were together, our kiss burned our mouth like fire from the waiting, the waiting to be together again finally, our hands knowing just where to go because they’ve discovered this skin before. We belong together. That’s what you told me. You got mad at me at some point because you said I never got jealous when you did certain things, but then we went to a soccer open field and you started flirting with this girl and I instantly got upset, is that what you wanted? Is my conscience giving me the answer I never seemed to understand? Did I hide my feeling too well, made you feel like I didn’t appreciate you enough? 😪 That was my fault I’m sorry. You also got upset when I still had a jacket that in my dream was yours, but apparently also in my dream it was from an ex. I don’t understand that part. Anyways. One of your guy friends, not even sure he is your true friend likes me and I knew it all along... even in our relationship, his attention to our relationship was kind of weird. I don’t like him though, it’s weird because even though I don’t feel attached to you anymore, my feelings for you still remain. I still want you in my life in some way, and I can’t, especially since you have a girlfriend and more and more you guys seem like a long term wife and husband relationship. The stereotypical wwwm relationship & that’s whatever, but I still think about our relationship... how everyone thought we were the perfect bwwm relationship goals. I miss that, I miss you, I miss kissing you, and loving you, and holding your hand while you lead me through crowds of people. The way you pushed me against the wall when you first came back from Ohio to come back to Central, and we could finally go to school together again. We had it rough, but we pushed through, so why couldn’t we have pushed through at the end 😪

I thought about you... (3 years)

I had a dream. White dress, flower cut out, form fitting mermaid, with the bottom flared out. Wedding dress and you, you were the groom. Now tell me, why after 3 years, you are still the person that gets stuck in my dreams, the person I think about randomly in the day and randomly at night. The person I want to call and talk to about things that are happening in my life, but can’t because you have seemed to move on and I am stuck in a rotation of happiness and sadness.

3 years since our break up and I still picture you and me in the end, now tell me, why is that?

March. 4. 2015- the day you actually asked me out. One of the happiest days of my life, apart from when you surprised me with a promise ring bending down on one knee and asking me to prom with a pizza and a question. A night at prom that turned into a sleepover at your house and a love I never felt from anyone before except maybe my parents.

Now I lay here technically March. 5. 2018, but even March. 4. 2018, thinking about how you are embracing everything I saw in you with another girl. Doing things with her that we used to do together. Taking her to DC, and taking her to the mall and treating her special. It’s all a game to you huh? Make a girl feel special and then leave...

Well I don’t think it’s fair, that my heart still yearns for you, and you left me stranded while you... you... move on with her...

Two Years, & No You

The words passed between us have fallen to excuses that I make, to hope that you respond positively. In these two years, no other guy has made me feel like they deserve my efforts, and it makes me feel like losing you might of been the one thing that I really wish I didn’t. You moved on, got yourself a girlfriend, but it’s not real.

You told me that you and I were forever and always and then move on to the next. I don’t want to think about another girl touching you where I used to touch you, please you the way my hands and mouth did and get the pleasure of talking to you throughout the day, where I am even lucky to even talk to you once in a blue moon.

I tried moving on, being single, going out, focusing on school, but my heart and mind still wander back to you. It aches knowing it’s not yours anymore. Your best friend even knows I’m still your girl, but you can’t come to the realization that I am what you need. I am all you need and want and I can make you feel good.

The other girl, is just temporary love… I know you felt real love with me. I know you loved…love me, because I felt it too. Don’t let me go… come back to me, before I lose myself forever.

I miss you

It's almost been a year, and I still miss you. In many ways I still feel connected to you, I don't know, maybe I'm crazy, but all I know is that I still love you... and if there's anyway you could love me too... again... I'm here 😔

Baby Names

I always have good ideas for baby names and can’t remember them, so why not put it on my online journal and hopefully I can find it when it’s needed…

Girl Names: 1. Gabriella 2. Kristina 3. Chloe 4. Lilly 5. Maria Athena 6. Luna 7. Madeline 8. Lyla 9. Eloise 10. Faith 11. Kayleigh 12. Aubrey 13. Sophia

14. Maria

Boy Names: 1. Kristos 2. Carter 3. Grayson 4. Tristan 5. George 6. Nolan 7. Alan 8. Nathan 9. Timotheo 10. Chandler 11. Shawn 12. Jordan 13. Austin

14. Ross

Together At The End... My Ex

Is it weird to still be in love with an ex, after 1 year.. We were together for almost two years and I still want him back. Maybe it’s the memories still trapped inside my mind like a favorite movie or a song you can’t get out of your head because it’s so… catchy. Or maybe maybe I still love him, more than myself, more than anyone in the world. I just want to be with him… I miss him, I miss his friendship, his love, his words. The way that he sounded in the morning, to the way we talked at night, to how grouchy he was when he didn’t get enough sleep, I miss the anger, the fights, the love, the kisses, the way he made me feel everything all at once. I think I was in love, but do you truly only feel that way with only one person? Or is your ability to love the next just decrease every time you get broken by another soul and if that’s true, all I want is to be hurt by you… and it sounds crazy, but at least when you hurt me, I knew you cared to try to hurt me in a way where you would think I would hate you… but in my mind, I still hope it’s me and you at the end…