I was a kid and you treated me like an adult

Now I’m an adult I feel like a kid completely unable to function in the adult world

My biggest flaw is that i write poetry about the people I like. I immortalize them deep into the pages of my diary and then fall in love with the fictional version of them I have written. I breathe life into a person that never existed and begin to resent myself when they don't match the person i created. That is one of the things i hate about being a poet. I will fashion a new person from your best parts and forget that darkness exists in you.

My biggest flaw is that i write poetry about the people I like. I immortalize them deep into the pages of my diary and then fall in love with the fictional version of them I have written. I breathe life into a person that never existed and begin to resent myself when they don't match the person i created. That is one of the things i hate about being a poet. I will fashion a new person from your best parts and forget that darkness exists in you.

jesus didn’t die for your sins

you die for your own.

you paid all of your debts

but you cannot go home.

the father cursed the skirt for being short.

the mother cursed him for staring.

then cursed you, the competition.

the teacher kept your seat close to the board.

in hindsight, kept you closer to his desk.

the pastor brushed his hands against your back.

this is life in reparation.

"I dare you to speak her name and mine in the same breathe and tell me they taste the same I dare you to tell me that she loves you more than I ever could I would walk the deserts seven times over for you Find an oasis, let you have the last drop of water because beautiful things do not deserve to die in arid land. I belong to you I would sacrifice this body until there is nothing left but butterflies in my hollow chest and even those belong to you When I die I want to be buried next to you, holding hands like the skeletons in Egypt who were still holding hands centuries after their death I smiled when I thought that would be us Wonder who would discover our ashen bones, fingers still intertwined even in the afterlife A sentiment of I love you that transcends realms So don't you dare say I did not love you. I would have set myself alight if you were cold smiled as your shivering went away and the flames engulfed me I would be content if the last thing I saw was your smile as the warmth reached your toes So I dare you to speak her name and mine in the same breath and tell me they taste the same"

-A poem about loving someone who chose someone else over you.

"I want to love you on purpose. I will choose you everyday, especially on the days when the darkness clings to your being and refuses to let go. Loving you is the best decision I have ever made. I hope one day when we are grey and old, when the creaks and groans of our bones harmonise and your eyes sparkle like the north star that guides the ship of me home, I hope then, our fingers will be intertwined with our hands on my lap. My eyes will find yours and I will remind you that I choose you. "

-A series of love poems i wrote for her that she'll never know about.

"I want to love you on purpose. I will choose you everyday, especially on the days when the darkness clings to your being and refuses to let go. Loving you is the best decision I have ever made. I hope one day when we are grey and old, when the creaks and groans of our bones harmonise and your eyes sparkle like the north star that guides the ship of me home, I hope then, our fingers will be intertwined with our hands on my lap. My eyes will find yours and I will remind you that I choose you. "

-A series of love poems i wrote for her that she'll never know about.

you make me want to believe in marriage… i’ve always thought it’s stupid and that it’s just a piece of paper and some rings so what’s the point because love means so much more than that… but i had never loved this deep before… marriage isn’t made to bring meaning to love it’s made to appreciate and show love… it’s like “i love you so much i want to commit and i want to show you that you’re the only one until death”… sure it involves a piece of paper and some rings but it’s so much more than that… and darling i’ve never wanted to marry someone more than you, in fact i had never wanted to marry someone before you came along… you make me want to believe in marriage and have a stupid wedding and commit and live a life together… because i truly don’t think i will love or ever have loved anyone more than you

I want her back. I'm in a better enough place to say that, but I am afraid she's moved on and found someone who would love her better.

I want someone to love me the same way I love iced coffee. A love that will find me alone, scared and unsure and fill the void. Someone who will step into the relationship with surety, no matter how scary it may seem. Someone who will look at me and see the entire universe in my eyes. I want a novel kinda love. I want it hopeful even when there's darkness. Someone who will love me despite my dumb questions. Who will roll their eyes and tell me for the millionth time that they would love even if I was a worm. Someone whose hand finds mine every time we are together, who will indulge my interests. Watch me in awe as I explain plants with excitement laden in my face. Someone who knows my favourite foods and loves my insistent need to read, who'll close their eyes and smile as I read my favourite novel to them. Who'll watch The Notebook for the 4858483th time with me and hand me tissues when I cry about Noah and Ally like it's the first time all over again. Someone who will love my bad days, see the storm brewing in my eyes and promise me they'll stay by my side and mean it. Who will see me spiral and offer a rope. Maybe some day that love will exist for me, maybe I am never meant to experience it, but dear God do I hope it is written in the stars of my life. To find someone who will see the mess I am and call me a masterpiece.

I want someone to love me the same way I love iced coffee. A love that will find me alone, scared and unsure and fill the void. Someone who will step into the relationship with surety, no matter how scary it may seem. Someone who will look at me and see the entire universe in my eyes. I want a novel kinda love. I want it hopeful even when there's darkness. Someone who will love me despite my dumb questions. Who will roll their eyes and tell me for the millionth time that they would love even if I was a worm. Someone whose hand finds mine every time we are together, who will indulge my interests. Watch me in awe as I explain plants with excitement laden in my face. Someone who knows my favourite foods and loves my insistent need to read, who'll close their eyes and smile as I read my favourite novel to them. Who'll watch The Notebook for the 4858483th time with me and hand me tissues when I cry about Noah and Ally like it's the first time all over again. Someone who will love my bad days, see the storm brewing in my eyes and promise me they'll stay by my side and mean it. Who will see me spiral and offer a rope. Maybe some day that love will exist for me, maybe I am never meant to experience it, but dear God do I hope it is written in the stars of my life. To find someone who will see the mess I am and call me a masterpiece.

“What good is a long life? The river smells / of where it comes from // not where it is going.”

— Caitlin Scarano, from “Oxbow”, The Necessity of Wildfire

Roses have thorns because even the purest of beauty needs protection from the cruel