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Should I quit my application to Germany?
I am so hard on myself these days.
I am enjoying my work but juggling it between classes and chores takes a toll on my application overseas.
I have been studying german language in preparation for a work I got to bag in the said country. I sure have an employer but I have to learn the language and pass the exam.
I inquired about quitting the program and damn that's a big amount of money to settle.
At the first 3-4 months, I got to enjoy learning the basics and participating at class.
I was seeing it as easy. Like I can pass this sht up I just have to attend and learn and study. I've been doing that.. days, weeks, months.. Mornings and evenings.. Before and after my 8-5 work.
Umm yea, I can sustain it.. But That's what I thought. I can't keep up now. I was so hesitant to quit. It's such a great opportunity. But I feel like the more I stay the more I lose. I keep overlapping the lessons I dont understand and until it piles up. I can't do this anymore. I'm convinced. I am gonna quit. The thing here is the money I have to pay. actually one of the major factors. I can loan and have it settled. But the expectations from me and the self confidence I gained from being selected in this process is shattering me.
Have you had any of these situations, where you have to face the consequences of your decision making? How did you handle it?
I have realized points in my life in this situation:
1. Quitting
2. Decision making
3. Next step.
How did you process it? When and how does quitting become beneficial? If you havent been in this kind of situation, how will you respond if you were in this position?
#selfaware#selfblog#journal#life lessons#the subtle art of not giving a f*ck#self help#selfdevelopment
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Online class started may 19
I need to review honestly. It felt like I can nail it but as I'm also working I need to make more time. I felt like a complete idiot for not being to participate well. Anyway, I bought a coffee machine that I can play with. It's relieves my anxiety. Thank you for reading. I hope you find something that will help you cope with what you're going thru as well. :)
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Di na ako tambay!
Yahoo! 1st month of tambay over! Lol
I will be starting my nurse vaccinator journey with the good government of Antipolo! I am sooooo humbled by Dra. Lat. She was so simple, so relaxed but you can tell she's not here to just be kind. At first, she was discussing what the program is and we're having the orientation at the hallway lol.
I didn't know who she is, what her position is and then she was introduced by a HR personnel. The City's Health Office Director. Whoa. OKAY!?
I'm just so happy with Antipolo's LGU. How can they operate this well, knowing the size, the number of citizens. Crazy. I'm so impressed. I hope some of the municipality in Rizal can catch up. Hey Cainta!
So, magstart na ako bukas. I hope I can keep the schedule na hanggang 5PM lang because... German Language Training! Goodluck to me talaga. We need em coins thooooo!
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Job offers sa tambay
Hello world.
I already have 2 job offers within this month. Another one which I consider as good news but hopefully, soon a great work opportunity.
My month of supposedly my vacation month. Lol. Turned out to be a month of languishing. But back to the offers. 1st, covid facility in Pasig. Got the offer 2 days after my interview but turned it down due to that good news I received the same day as my interview in Pasig. I have to make time management a priority. If I accept the Pasig offer, that simply means working nightshift, overtime and quarantine 2 weeks. Then came the 2nd offer, as a project-based vaccinator. Dayshift and so so pay. And will only run for 6 months. I think It will do since it's very near where I live plus the schedule is very enticing. I was interviewed around 1st week of April.
So, here comes the decision making. I declined the nurse staff position in the covid facility which comes with a great pay. Like double my previous job salary. I have to decline it because I have to make time for online class. So I prepared myself to start with the vaccinator job post. Upon the interview, I was told that the program might start the briefing around last week of April. Then the HR emailed me the requirements so that simply means I already landed this post. And the Medical Director will give me a call for a final interview. While waiting for the call, I did have prepared my requirements for submission. So the director called me and asked some hypothetical questions. I thought the interview was short but substantial.
And then after emailing the HR that I'm ready to visit the office to hand my requirements as per her instructions. She replied like 3-4 days after. I thought they will never call me back. She said that the project will have to be moved from 4th week of April to June (No exact date) and the site will also be 2 venues which were also a little further than the original site that was mentioned.
She's asking me if I'm ok with this. Hmm.. Ok with this? I have to wait a month for a job. That's right, I have to be really careful of my budget? But I have so many upcoming plans like moving to a new apartment. I cant afford to not have an income for long. So i became a little confuse if I should wait. I havent replied to the HR yet. Gimme til monday Lord. After my preorientation! This sucks..
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Tambay thoughts
I was just chatting with my boyfriend a while ago. I just had this sudden thought... I'm turning 3_ this June. I'm kinda bothered by my age. Ok this is random. But, whatever.
When will I have a child? Will I have a safe pregnancy? Will I have a normal baby? Will he/ she like me as a mom? Will I be a good mom?
I'm not pregnant, not expecting, not planning - yet. As I think of more questions I am unconsciously sending my bf.. in between, he replied, "Why are you full of self-doubts?" I kinda agree. But knowing me, a special kind of sour grape, replied "No, I think it's because of how I see us as unprepared couple" Of course, he will not back down. "Wag mo akong kwestyunin jan, ako handa ako." He said.
Ok to be honest I dont know, maybe I'm still unsure of what the future holds for me. And I think my bf is not still ready, he talks about proposing marriage to me and I'm not 100% he means it. Of course, I want us to get married and start our family. What holds me back? My self, my confusing career, my family, finances... etc.
I enjoy alone time. I swear, this quarantine never bored me. I was happy to be up late, reading, writing, painting, singing, praying and cooking. There are times I enjoy going to the cinemas alone. Dining out alone. I loved the idea of being alone but, but being watched.
I was used to being alone. Doing it alone. I never liked the backer system at work applications. I never liked the idea of having branded items handed to you by relatives. I feel like I didn't deserve it since I didn't work for it.
Most of my childhood to growing up, I'm alone but I'm being watched by mom. Does it make me too relaxed and relying most of my concerns to my parents? I think it's a contributing factor.
Up until this age, I admit and I'm ashamed to say it that I'm still living with my sister. My idea back then was to get my own place and rent. Of course my parents wont let me when they knew about my plan.. which sucks but that was just a mere thought. I never got to do it when the pandemic came. Or maybe, I was just in lvoe with the idea of living alone. But can't maintain the place.
So, see, I believe you have a glimpse of what it's like to be inside my mind. How I process things. Can you tell if I'm a candidate to being a good parent? Or just be a lazy parasite stuck at home and type few more entries in this blog?
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Pakiramdam ng tambay habang pandemic
Nag try ako mag jumping rope! Di na kasi ako makatakbo sa umaga. Kaso lintek nakakapagod rin pala. Mas nakakapagod pa kesa mag jogging. Try ko makatagal ng 5mins. Yung legs ko kasi lumalawlaw na!
Ngayon 4:29PM kakatapos ko lang maligo. Nagbibihis pa lang ako habang tinatype ko to. Gising ako until 1AM neto, tulog at bangon ng mga 730AM. Browse, movie, apply at isipin pano ako magddrawing uli. Nkakabagot feeling ko 1 month na ako nakatambay. 1 week pa lang pala.
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Tambay again.
Hi.
I lost track of this account at nabalikan ko na lang sya dahil nag-resign na ako sa work ko. At ang goal ko after resignation:
1. Mag bakasyon (Engk! Lock down NCR Bubble)
2. Get in touch with my artsy side (Tinititigan na ako ng mga artmats ko mehehe)
3. Mag relax, mag muni muni. Namnamin ang sandali.
So, yan. Buhay tambay muna ako. Ikaw? Nag wowork ka ba ngayon? Swerte. Or tambay ka rin? Dahil nagsara ba company mo? Well, kung curious ka lang rin naman bakit pinili kong maging tambay ngayon yun ay dahil sa sobrang toxic kong workplace. Ikaw ba? Ok ka sana sa mga kasama mo at work mo :)
Oo, napaka unpractical na magresign ka ngayong panahon ng pandemic. Pero gravity! Di ko na kaya binabaliw na ako ng trabaho ko di na to tama. Di na sya healthy. Hindi na sila nakakatuwa. Araw araw bagong issue, bagong stress, bagong problema na dapat di na ginagawang problema.
Namimiss ko rin yung mga bagong kong kasama. Ewan ko ba kung namimiss nila ako kasi senior nila iniwanan sila kulang kulang ang training ko sakanila. Given na ako lang magisa ang pwede magtrain sa kanila pero I know, they are great team members and soon they will emerge as leaders too.
Kwentuhan naman tayo nabuburyong na ako e. Ikaw ba kamusta ka? Sana maganda ang araw mo. Kahit boring, kahit na mainit, kahit na madami nangyayari sa paligid. Andito pa rin tayo. Swerte. Himala at Biyaya!
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I remember sundays where my neighborhood wakes up to old songs. The scent of newspapers, sampaguita from our front yard and sound of brooms sweeping, kettles whistling. That warm feeling you get from the 7am sun. Good morning. X
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For future reference
6 Questions to ask when you’re making a tough decision
1. What option would I choose if I knew I would definitely succeed?
2. What would I do if I didn’t feel scared?
3. Who can I talk to who’s been in my shoes?
4. What are the likely outcomes of each choice and decision?
5. What is the worst thing that could happen; what is the best thing that could happen?
6. Am I making this decision for myself, or am I choosing to please other people?
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Ever have a really old tumblr acct but tumblr wont let u access it unless you can log in to your email (which is already locked) so you end up creating a new account? Please tell me im not alone
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