iheartthephantom - Tumblr blog

iheartthephantom · 4 months

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Tears wont come

Her tearducts have long since dried up

A constant mantra of "tears are for the weak" ensured their death.

Shes not sure if that mantra was true...

Cant quit figure out if the pain that came with tears hurt more than this dry pain.

Maybe its the same.

#poetry #self destruction #poem #why am i here #i hate this #why am i like this

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iheartthephantom · 5 months

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i want to feel wanted, like im not a burden. I'm not enough. She doesn't smile or laugh when I'm around. Im ment to sit pretty and not say anything. Relearn being scilent. Wrong turn rerouting..... im drunk i cant reroute. I fucked up I cant make it right. Smile even though you're falling apart. Youre never fully dressed with out a smile. Don't make it worse. Pretent you wont remember tonight. Pretend you won't remember the hurt and dejected feeling. Dont touch pretend to be aware enough to respect boundaries but not enough to care. Lie lie lie to yourself until you believe it.

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iheartthephantom · 5 months

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Im an outsider looking in.

Im treading a landmine

Make sure my GPS is on

I'm started to flow with the trafic left right left... a false sence of security

GPS signal lost

WRONG TURN

Rerouting...

Make a U turn in 200ft.

Its too late.

There are always consequences for doing the wrong thing.

I'm learning to be scilent in this foren land.

They like it better when I dont speak.

I can't make a wrong choice if I've faided into the background.

WRONG TURN

Guess I was wrong.

I wish I could go back to being an empty doll, pupiteeired to do as I'm told.

I'd prefer the pain of my true self being stuffed into an abandoned gutter.

It's a familiar kind of pain. One that seeps into you.

It doesn't compare to this pain. This pain brings with it a truth I've long wanted to avoid.

My true self should have stayed rotting in those gutters.

Noone wants the true you.

They hate your true self

Rejection was only natural

I, they hate me.

WRONG TURN

#poetry #poem #writing #i wrote this #what is wrong with me #why am i here #worthless #wrong #wrong turn #fucked up #i want to kms #kmn pls #depresion #depressing thoughts #self destruction

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iheartthephantom · 11 months

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In my world, everyone loves me, and no one makes me feel stupid, and I'm no longer a burden on others.

I guess that's why they call it a fantasy, because no matter how hard you will it to be so..... it won't magicly be so.

#poetry #poem #why am i like this #why am i here #why do i do this to myself #depresion #darkness #despair #self destruction #dead dreams #drepressed #depressing thoughts

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iheartthephantom · 2 years

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Slowly but surely they are picking away at the best parts of my soul.

I'm slowly drowning in all of the things I can't say.

I'm a doll that they move around as they please.

Even when I am given free will, I panic...

All I know is pleasing those around me.

I am not safe if THEY are not.

I am not happy if THEY don't smile.

#poetry #poem #its been so long #its been a while #insanity #im dead inside #despair #darkness #dark #self destruction #depressive #depressing thoughts #depresion #deactivate safe mode

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iheartthephantom · 3 years

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A Sickening Truth

Sometimes I wanna scream and shout till you see me. Im right here I'm begging, craving, in desperation for your attention. Sometimes I feel like a child throwing a temper tantrum. I don't thing you fully understand how willing, how pliable I am if you would only grace me with your interest.

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iheartthephantom · 3 years

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It keeps the pain away

Hurting yourself on the outside feels so good when you’re hurting on the inside.

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iheartthephantom · 3 years

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How fast would my car need run into a stationary wall for me to d*e. Cuz i wanna d*e. I wanna die i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die i want this feeling to go away. I wanna die

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iheartthephantom · 4 years

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I almost tried to k*ll myself again last night it was gonna be my second attempt. I didnt plan this one out like the first time though. I was just gonna take a bunch of pills and then slit my wrists. I think this time i would have succeeded. I was jusy so desperate for an exit. I think what truely scares me is that the idea hasn't truly left my mind.

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iheartthephantom · 4 years

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Who am I supposed to turn to when I feel like my world is breaking apart . I feel like I'm being dragged under by the venomous snakes that surround me. I feel like kutting my Wrist. Till they look like ground meat. And i know this isn't poetic or profound or even unique but this is my reality right now. My world is falling apart. I dont feel safe anymore and i dont know what to do. I have no one to turn to. And im not reaching out to this virtual world im simply stating what i am right now.i am bleeding aand raw. I feel so powerless to protect myself and the ones I love. I want to cill them both but that isnt a rational solution to my problems. And i dont feel stable. I feel like im teetering on the edge of my favorite knife. And im not sure if falling to one side or the other will save me or keep me sane. Maybe i should just press down and watch it slice my arms open over and over agin till I cant think at all or till i fall asleep. This is what i am righg now and i hate it

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iheartthephantom · 4 years

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Wish Upon a Star

I hope you burn in hell.

#six word story #poetry #poem #six word poem #i hate you #angry #can't do this anymore

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iheartthephantom · 4 years

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Im so sick of never being enough

Im so sick of always falling short

I'm so sick of feeling so much hate for myself