headedstraightforfrankcastle
Bee - on their knees for Marvel
22yo | she/they | blessed by Steven Grant and Wanda Maximoff | I wrote a fantasy book you might like (it has gay pirates and morally grey hot characters)!
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Carmy Berzatto stans say yes chef
girls r like "but he's my comfort character" and then it's literally the most emotionally traumatized man you have ever seen ever
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TW: self harm
as a person who went though it, the kitchen is the amusement park for sh: you have cutlery, fire, hot pans, and if you're in a bad mental state you don't care about danger. I remember having thoughts like "if i touch this hot pan and burn my hand i can just tell it was an incident". or even simply being careless, like coming too close to the fire or cutting too quickly. the kitchen is the best place to hide sh, where you can practice it without actually doing it and make people believe it was and accident.
yeah the theory stands perfectly-
It's not that he never learns. It's the opposite, actually. He knows the trap is there and he chooses to step in it.
This post will be exploring the possible relationship that Carmy has with self-harm/self-harming behaviors. If this is a difficult topic, please take care of yourself and skip this post.
Let’s begin with Carmy’s negative self-image. It’s confirmed and stated pretty clearly in “Braciole” during Carmy’s monologue at Al-Anon:
I'm not built like that, man. I, um… I didn't have a lot of friends growing up. I had a- a stutter when I was a kid. I was scared to speak half the time. And, uh, I got shitty grades 'cause I couldn't pay attention in school. I didn't get into college. I didn't have any girlfriends. I don't think I'm funny.
This is basically the opposite of how he describes Mikey:
He was loud. And he was hilarious. And he had this amazing ability. He could just, he could walk into a room, and he could take the temperature of it instantly. You know, he could just, he could dial it.
Where Mikey was loud, Carmy was quiet; Mikey was funny, Carmy thinks he isn’t. Clearly, Carmy doesn’t have a high opinion of himself. The only thing he feels is a redeeming quality is his skill as a chef. This can be seen in his monologue:
[…] for the first time in my life I-I started to find this, uh, this station for myself. And I was fast. I wasn't afraid. And it was clear, and I-I felt… I felt okay, you know. […] I felt like I could speak through the food, like I could communicate through creativity. And that kind of confidence, you know, like I was finally… I wa… I was good at something, that was so new, and that was so exciting.
The wording gives away a lot. Carmy specifically says that he's finally good at something and that it's so new to him. It shows that he felt like he wasn’t good at anything before he developed his skill as a chef. Being a world-class chef is perhaps the only solid part of his self-identity. It’s the one thing that allows him to feel validation. It's the only part of him that he feels is valuable.
People with a highly negative self-image are found to be willing or able to endure pain for longer amounts of time than people with a positive self-image. A study published in 2015 found that the participants that endured pain longer were also the ones who more often "spontaneously described themselves as being 'bad', 'defective' or 'deserving of punishment'". It seems pretty clear that Carmy would fall under that category as well.
I believe that Carmy stayed in the NYC job with the abusive chef because it felt so similar to when he lived at home and was around his mother. I think that Carmy purposefully puts himself in those situations as a form of self-injury, which is his subconscious coping mechanism.
Now, in my headcanon, Mrs. Berzatto is verbally abusive to Carmy. I don’t have a lot to go off of her being specifically abusive, but there are multiple times throughout the show that lead me to that end. The most obvious being in “Sheridan” when he’s talking to Tina and asks if his mother went “full psycho”, to which she responds “She wasn’t calm, but the food was great.” Throughout the show, Carmy also occasionally compares Sugar’s behavior to their mother in a negative context. It’s all pulled together by the moment in “System” when Sugar asks if Carmy has spoken to their mother and he says he hasn’t. It seems like he wants to say something else and that Sugar is waiting for his justification, but the topic drops off quickly. Altogether it gives me the impression that Mrs. Berzatto is a highly emotional person who might experience mood swings or otherwise very volatile states.
I see Carmy as someone with undiagnosed ADHD. The symptoms seen in the show include emotional dysregulation, attention deficit, and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). RSD causes people to be more sensitive to perceived rejection and criticism. Mrs. Berzatto likely criticized Carmy a lot when he was younger or at the very least compared him to Mikey and Sugar a lot, resulting in Carmy’s view of himself as inferior and opposite to Mikey. One factor that is theorized to worsen a child’s stutter, or verbal fluency disorder, is a parent’s negative reaction to the stutter. It’s not considered a cause or major factor, but is considered to have some effect on the child’s fluency. Carmy would then become afraid to speak because he was afraid of making his mother angry. There's also Mikey's decision to not let Carmy work or even enter the restaurant, which I believe affected Carmy far more than Mikey had intended due to RSD.
I believe that Mrs. Berzatto's negative influence on Carmy would contribute to him being “scared to speak half the time” and possibly kickstarted his negative self-image. I think that Carmy didn’t come home directly after Mikey’s death and hasn’t spoken to his mother because he’s afraid to face her.
So, why would he want to recreate that environment? Part of it is because he believes he deserves it. It’s a form of punishment or even discipline. Now, why would Carmy seek out punishment? I think Carmy has engaged in self-harm (known clinically as non-suicidal self-injury or NSSI) for most of his life, though most of it is indirect. Through conditioning, self-injury can become a form of pain relief for people with very low self-esteem. This is known as "pain offset relief conditioning". From the same study I cited before:
People who self-injure may unwittingly be tapping into this mechanism...The first time they hurt themselves, they experience unpleasant pain. But when they keep doing it and experience pain relief, they begin to associate...other forms of self-injury with relief, and they return for more. [...] 'The natural and adaptive response is to say, ‘I'm done with this.' But people who engage in self-injury don't necessarily see pain as something to escape from,' Hooley explains. Instead, experiencing pain validates their sense of being a bad or damaged person.
This, to me, explains why Carmy continuously puts himself in environments that actively harm his mental health. This includes NYC and The Beef. For both places, outside perspectives have described the conditions as something negative (Sugar in regards to NYC and Cicero in regards to The Beef) and both times, Carmy admits that he still "enjoyed" it, in a way. Vomiting from stress and anxiety every day before work was a form of self-injury to him, but Carmy felt that he deserved it, and whenever it happened he would get a rush of relief due to offset relief conditioning.
Another side to this coping mechanism is that Carmy subconsciously wants to put himself in that situation so that he can prove to (the proxy of) his mother that he isn’t worthless, that he can pay attention, that he’s capable of speaking clearly, and that he can and will be successful. At the same time, the dynamic is simply too familiar to him—Carmy learned how to avoid his mother’s wrath and fitting himself into a similar situation brings a form of comfort. He knows how to stay out of trouble, so to speak. To quote his monologue yet again, he "wasn't afraid...and it was clear". He knows how to handle people like NYChef (people like his mother) and it's comforting to have that knowledge instead of being uncertain. It's a form of safety for him.
That's also why Carmy is very good at taking a verbal lashing with little to no complaint. He learned that just letting it happen was the way to get through the bad stuff at home. In the opening scene of “Hands”, he’s being intensely berated by NYChef and takes it in stride. Even when the chef says “you should be dead”, his face doesn’t change and he continues working just as before. Similarly, in “Dogs” when Richie and Uncle Jimmy are screaming at each other, he’s completely zoned out. His eyes are distant and he’s seemingly removing himself from the situation. I think he learned that at home.
This is the headcanon that I'm working with to explain Carmy's awful self-worth issues, strained relationship with his mother, and paradoxical enjoyment of harmful environments such as NYC. It acknowledges Carmy's possible ADHD as well as his childhood stutter.
I hope this was coherent! It was somewhat difficult to untangle the connections that I didn't fully realize I had made and lay it all out in a way that isn't just word vomit. Please feel free to ask to tag relevant triggers.
Here's the 2015 study on NSSI: "A New Look At Self-Injury"
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I cannot stop thinking about him and his hands (this is a call for help) (you know what? no it's not, i'm crazy but i'm happy)
his hands are just so pretty🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 (follow me on tiktok @ carmyscigs)
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TW: spoiler for Nick & Charlie by Alice Oseman
Reading Nick and Charlie break up during a Sunday morning after Sanremo with rain pouring and basically a storm out of my window is simply a different kind of experience, it feels like something TS would write, it feels like I am the one breaking up with them
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<3
cw: self harm scars (positive depiction comment)
Charlie's self harm scars being showed in the comics as something that is just part of him it's just ... healing. His experiences with sh are acknowledged in the story, but that isn't everything about him. I think it is important to see that self harm scars are going to be there, and they are going to show sometimes, but we are more than our struggles, and more than the physical reminder of them.
It's just so special for me.
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Hey this is a quote from my book!! <3<3
"Maybe love was just their way of tearing each other apart."
From the novel Kill the Sun - The Justice of the Fools by Beatrice Barel
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When Hozier said
Honey, I laugh when it sinks in
A pillar I am of pride
Scarcely can speak for my thinking
What you'd do to me tonight
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and don't foget society in general (got a whole theory going on lol)
media that uses cannibalism and vampirism as an allegorical expression of desire, love, and hunger >>>>
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Wow, if I had a nickel for every time I got a crush on a ©annibal, I'd have two nickels.
Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, right?
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Hope Kill the Sun will be available on Amazon and other online stores soon, I really can't wait for people to notice it and decide to give a chance to this dream came true 🥰
#kill the sun the justice of the fools#fantasy writing#writing community#writing struggles#writing commentary#disability representation#lgbt fantasy#debut novel
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My debut novel Kill the Sun - The Justice of the Fools is officially out!
August 18 will be their official birthday - in honour of our good friend Percy Jackson who seriously got me into books as a kid 🌊
I'm so excited🤍
Come to my instagram @beatricebarelauthor to discover:
- where you can get your copy
- when you can get your copy
- why you should get your copy
Also, this is the direct link to the store (if you get it there I'll get a higher % so yeah pls consider it ahah) (also, still come to my insta, I share cool stuff there)
Sending you love (and signals to get your copy!) <3
#kill the sun the justice of the fools#not your usual fantasy book#indie author#indie writer#indie fantasy rp#fantasy writing#writing community#disability representation#lgbt fantasy#enemies to lovers#found family#redemption arc#prophecy#pirates#piratecore#support your friendly neighborhood italian indie writer#debut novel#new fantasy book#fantasy reader#fantasy world#morally grey characters#character introspection
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Okay, wanna hear a funny story?
First thing first, I'd like to tell you all that I'm sorry I'm not present here lately, but I'm chanelling all my writing demon's energy into my novel (of which I talk a bit more here and here). I planning some content that I'll hopefully have time to bring here soon. Meanwhile, I hope you're all doing okay! And I want to thank you for your supporti through liking, sharing and following - I really appreciate it and as an inspiring writer it means a lot that you people like my stuff <3
About the story, if you're interested...
So, my nover is currently into ARC readings okay? Okay.
The other day I hear from this person - that I had already understood, didn't like the book, but that's okay I mean, we all have tastes and stuff.
So I hear from them and the literal first thing they tell me is that my book is boring and basically shit. And I'm like "????okay????why????"
And they stard telling me these like 20 different reasons why - and you would be like, okay and??
This is where the fun begins: one half of the comments was useless (and a tiny bit disrespectful) criticism with actually no cue for improvement; the other half was about stuff that literally doesn't stand up - I'm currently re-reading the book I'm literally finding the proof that the things they told me aren't true (something "you have not described this and this" while i actually had).
Other comments were strictly personal, too personal to be an objective criticism, and other were just... there to be there you know what I mean?
The whole thing was completely useless to me as a writer and just harmful and confusing as a person - and I'm sure they didn't even read the book.
The point is, cristicism as always welcome as long as they are heatlhy: if they are good advice, if they're a little rough but helpful, drink them like water! But please learn to recognise those that
don't help nor bring anything good to the thing,
are harmful and disrespectful,
are strictly personal (again, we have different tastes and just because one person says your art it shit it doesn't mean it is),
aren't 100% reliable/you aren't 100% sure are honest.
And don't let bad thoughts get you down!
Thank y'all for reading the whole thing and sorry for typos/mistakes (if you notice, pls tell me so I can correct them!)
Hope this experience will be helpful to someone: remember that you're great as you are, but your not meant for everyone <3
Have a nice day and stay safe!
#writing struggles#writing community#writing commentary#creative writing#fantasy writing#aspiring writer
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thank you so much for mentioning <3<3
MCU REC
PT.4
......
♡ - smut
Most of them are fluff
......
<a/n>i somewhat explain why there's alot in my pin post
Wanda maximoff
Warren Worthington
Moon knight
Wanda maximoff
@steinfellds - little witch (child!reader)
———————————————————————
Warren Worthington
@tomhiddelstonandzaynmalik - Warren being a total simp for you would include
———————————————————————
Moon knight
@bibli0thecary - daylight
@forever-rogue -bad day
- honey baby sugar sweetheart
- two for one
@starryeyedstories - ___
@astraldelights - meet cute
- still moments
@babyboiboyega - these shadows of mine
@stevesbestgirl - excited
@mxxnknights - how you and steven got together
@mikrowrites - fate goes pt 4
@brekkers-desigirl - sunshine
@myfictionaldreams - a long night
- sucking ♡
@ballerinabelova - undone ♡
@stormkobra-5 - egyptian knights
@dandyytrash - little miss sunshine pt.1
@angelltheninth - moon boys reacting to you wearing their clothes
- kissy moon boys
- moon boys reacting to blowjob ♡
- moon boys finding out that the reader has a severe food allergies
@peterman-spideyparker - domestic adonis
@copiasratx - the dress
- writers block
@babyboibucky - first time a charm
@scarab-ofmoonknight - the insomniac
- trip to the bookstore
@spectoris - here with you
@commander-sunshine - slept in
- peace lily and english ivy
@ruby-dragon - cramps
@negasonicteenagemess - loveless god
@moonlit-eddie - In a relationship with the Moon Boys
- loverboys ♡
@bunnysfics - foodies
@amandav09 - feeling of comfort
@marc-spectorr - somewhere we only know
@moon-charmer -___ (avenger!reader)
@sailorkamino - hospital bed confessions
- chaotic
- cities of love (avenger!witch!reader)
- star(gazing)wars
- delivery
@starks-hero - the truly is rarely kind
@mermaid-trash - objection
@slimearchon - seething jealousy
@daredev1ls - happily
@cruella-de-liv - can i be close to you
@headedstraightforfrankcastle - you and stevens relationship with food
@spider-starry - ___ (shy!reader)
@clayworldwanderer - steven nervously grabbing your hand on a date
@jakelcckley - reacting to you having fast reflexes
@vi-sinner - teach me ♡
@flightsoffandom - not the jealous types
@copiasratx - how steven hold you
@that-one-weeb-buts-its-the-main - steven grant dating a waitress
@imaginestuffs - 1,2,3 kisses
@catholicdaredevil - thumb on the belt loop
@marvelsswansong - clumsy
@kissitbttr - so pretty,your such a blessing
@nyx-aira - moonknight characteristics with a sarcastic reader
@multific - my girl
@homiesexual-or-homosexual - avatars
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Spent a nice evening lol thank you
Jaskier ~Spicy~ Alphabet
Jaskier x f!reader
Summary: a good ol’ spicy alphabet for our favourite bard, Jaskier!
Word count: 2.9k~
Warnings: obviously smutty so this is 18+
A/N: also not calling it a N*** alphabet, becuase tumblr’s new tag stuff is weird
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
KING of aftercare. He’s all sweetness and stolen kisses. Will crowd you and wants to be pressed up against you as best as he can. Then he’ll leave a sweet kiss somewhere before getting up to grab a cloth and then clean you up with it. Then he’ll hop right back into bed and cuddle up to you again, whispering praises and waxing poetic to you. The reverse often happens too though, where you’ll take care of him and make him feel spoiled, and he absolutely adores being fretted over by you.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
He loves his hands. They allow him to make a living, and he puts them to good use on his lute, charming crowds effortlessly with his tunes. But they also have a way with you. Making you shiver and squirm when he brushes them up against just the right place. Or when his fingers snake down to where your bodies meet and help push you over the edge. And even just to innocently hold your hand when you’re out and about, letting everyone know you’re his. Loves to have his hands on you whenever he can, resting on your thigh or at the nape of your neck and trailing up and down any bit of exposed skin that might be available to him.
He is obsessed with your mouth. He loves the words and melodies that pour out of it throughout everyday life, and the smirk you wear when you sass him. He also loves the sinful noises that escape it when he’s deep inside you. And he also loves what you can do with your mouth. But to be sappy for a moment, more than anything, he loves your eyes. He’s made up wonderful verses about you, purely about your eyes. Their beautiful hue, the way you look at him with complete adoration (or lust), and how he can get absolutely lost in them. He often catches himself just being completely drawn into the depths of your eyes, and he’s a sucker for the fall every time.
Continua a leggere
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amen (also AI is legit scary? I write, and talk to people who also write, paint, do every form of art and AI is becoming kind of a threat)
kind of wanna reinforce this here. because i’ve seen ai writing become so popular on tik tok.
ai writing is not okay.
it’s literally theft. just like how ai art steals, ai writing steals. it’s using authors’ very real work to generate whatever you type in. and this also needs to be said as well.
writing is a form of art. fanfiction is a form of literature.
seeing this all over my fyp is REALLY discouraging. fanfic itself is already a labor of love and we love it when you interact. but please do not use ai writing for your fanfic needs when this writing literally steals from fanfic authors.
genuinely don’t know if this post will go around because my interactions outside of hcs are shit, but i hope it does.
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