This was the last episode of the first season of The Twilight Zone and they never dared to do anything as fucking funny as this again.

I'm on cold meds because I am a sickly waif and pain meds for my wrist sprain and for like a solid ten minutes I sat staring at a half-written fic chapter before realizing I wrote the sentence, "Imbibing unfortunate syrups give us qualms." Like what does that mean. What does any of that mean.

boss texted me "i appreciate you staying out of the drama in the office"

i literally have no idea what she's talking about

Build-A-Bear except it's Guillermo Del Toro making you a Monster Boyfriend.

Unwilling wunk

Alone in the world, together

TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN!!!

Broke: Leon has to choose between Claire and Ada.

Woke: Leon has to prove himself to Claire and/or Ada.

Elevated: Claire is stuck between choosing Leon or Ada because the second she meets them she realizes they're both extremely hot, extremely competent agents with a goofy sense of humor and terrible one liners.

we're like two degrees away from "being happy about your transition is transphobic"

i hate this site so much its unreal

jennifer’s body (2009).

a Futuristic!YouTube video circulates the galaxy, it's titled "Jedi catching things people have dropped" and it's just every Jedi in the entire temple at some point or another pulling those 'dad with toddler' tricks and snatching stuff out of the air after someone else fucks up. obi-wan is shown catching a full glass of wine and saving every drop before handing it back to some senator. mace windu catches a full toddler who fell out of their parent's arms while walking down the street. Yoda levitates six feet in the air and snatches a thrown Star Wars!football before it can hit someone in the head. Anakin is in a grainy comm vid catching and defusing a pulse grenade one of his troopers dropped in the middle of the battlefield.

wheres the gif of the guy on fire but then he eats a watermelon and hes fine

can't get a post-ragnarok semi-crack fic idea outta my head like--

The serious bit: Atreus leaves to fulfill/make his destiny, find the giants and explore new worlds...but he keeps coming back for visits, of course! And every time he does, there's something changed. Kratos, Freya and Mimir have beaten the berserkers and cleaned up the remains of Asgard. they've beaten Gna. Kratos is as calm as ever, but his father has a new sense of purpose Atreus can't quite reconcile or put his finger on.

Kratos has begun to be renowned in the Norse world. the true all-father, the man who lead the united forces of ragnarok to defeat the scheming odin. the god who spared when he could have smote. the god who looks after sons and daughters and wives and husbands, who stays the hand that would harm the wounded for the sake of harming them. people begin to build alters to the god of war, who knows mercy as well as he knows violence. they leave offerings. they pray in his name. they look for his guidance before they look for his wrath.

Atreus is so, so proud of his father. Kratos tells him there are ways to live on after death, even--or especially--for a god. To make memories and impart lessons that those who outlive you look back on fondly is to be immortal in the one way that truly matters.

the funny bit: Atreus also realizes that his father is a god-magnet. no matter how far he travels, word of the ghost of Sparta precedes him. now, though, there's talk of the new god of war in the Norse lands, who is making a big splash. the remains of Greece have been rebuilding and, hearing the tales of this new god, have surprisingly set out to treat with the norsemen who follow a god so strangely familiar to their own. even gods from lands to the far east and west know of Kratos. now, though, there is a mix of old fear and new awe when Atreus reveals their relation to other gods. they...kinda want to meet this god.

cue Atreus leaving different lands to visit home only to find more and more gods taking tea with Freya in his father's newly grown garden, speaking with Mimir about philosophy in his father's warm, fire lit kitchen, watching on the sidelines as Kratos wields his ax to...just chop firewood. these gods are invading their home, taking up space and his father's precious time! they vie for his attention like lovesick puppies, trying to gain the wisdom--and perhaps...favor?--of Kratos. This, of course, is unacceptable. Nobody but Atreus seems to think so, though...

TLDR: Kratos is a god-magnet post-ragnarok, visiting gods are smitten, and Atreus must protect his father's honor!