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A Test of Will

Day 13- Muktinath

There is so much to note about the last few days of our trek, but I was too cold and too tired from fighting for my life to write in my journal.

After we left Throng Pedi we had to ascend up to High Camp for the night before we attempted Thorung La Pass. At 15,091 feet, High Camp is already higher than any point in the continental United States. Thorung La Pass itself is 17,769 feet: only two mountains in Alaska are higher than this.

As we were climbing up to High Camp it was very steep but not too snowy, but once we reached over the high slope we were in a winter wonderland. It was FREEZING at High Camp. Inside the cabin, we met up with four other Chinese Trekkers and their porter (essentially a trekking guide in training) along with a second group of three other Chinese trekkers we met the day before. Before getting some rest, we all decided to do the pass together the next morning because it would be safer in a larger group.

The next day, and after a slow start due to snow falling steadily, negotiating for more guides, etc etc we didn't start until almost 8:30 a.m.

Three of the Chinese trekkers decided not to attempt the pass because of the snow and a French Lady we met previously said the condition was too dangerous. But did Jeremy listen to any of them? Well the answer is no. He just wanted to get off this mountain as soon as possible. Which is sort of fair because he was coming down with increasingly bad altitude sickness. He was only able to get 3 hours of sleep due to severe headaches. I also secretly wanted to get off this mountain as fast as I could, and I knew turning back or staying at High Camp would only prolong the misery so going forward in a large group with several guides seemed like the only real option.

Before we started, I copied our guide Tilak, by putting plastic bags over my feet to help prevent wet socks and the deadly potential of frostbite. And finally, with three professional guides, another guide in training, and a group of Chinese trekkers we were off, and the expedition began.

(Tilak, our guide, never lost faith that we would all make it safely -- an hour into the trek.)

The estimated ascend time from High Camp to Thorong La Pass is three hours but we didn't actually reach the top until six hours later. The journey up was not fun. Even though Tilak was kind enough to carry my backpack (along with his own), I was still the last in line among ten people. To be fair, there was another woman that didn't have a backpack and actually had a rope tied to one of the guides to keep her going. Even so, I was the one trailing over twenty feet behind the rest of the group. A good 30 minutes into the ascent, the French Lady from High Camp decided to follow us for a bit and check on the condition. After observing my pace, she passed me and highly suggested to Jeremy and Tilak that I was probably not going to make the pass and that they should just take me back to High Camp. She was kind enough to never have said that in my presence. Jeremy and Tilak also kept it to themselves until the aftermath. They all feared that I would lose confidence if I knew the truth. Even two of the other professional guides that were in the front yelled back in Nepali to Tilak that he should take me back.

The distance between the rest of the group and myself began to widen. Fortunately, Tilak was always by my side, but the rest of the group would have to wait at various locations to see if I could catch up. :( At one of those places, Jeremy lost feeling in one of his feet because of the cold. Tilak helped him put plastic between the two pairs of socks he was wearing on each foot and then we was good to go.

At another resting location, one of the professional guides secretly asked Jeremy whether I was a heavy smoker or not. Fail.

To be honest, one of the reasons why I was so slow is that my throat felt clogged up with half a granola bar that I had earlier. I tried spitting to clear my throat but it wasn't helping. Another reason was because Tilak was trying to be so helpful by going at a very slow pace for me, but because he was in front of me I couldn't have gone past him. Of course, none of these are excuses. :P The truth is, I am very slow, and I have a mindset of "slow and steady may not win the race, but it gets the job done."

When we were getting closer to the top, the snow and wind began to increase and that's when we heard the first avalanche. It sounded like a monster roaring in the distance but because the snow and wind were so strong, we had no way of seeing where it actually was. Definitely not a good feeling to have!

Nonetheless, after six hours of trekking I actually made it to the top without being last.

How did that happen? How did I get so lucky?

Well, one of the Chinese men fell behind and couldn't find the path from the other trekkers. The wind was blowing so strongly and snow beginning to fall so heavily that the trekkers footprints ahead of us were soon completely erased with snow.

Thus, he ended up having to wait for Tilak and I, and thus, we surpassed him.

At a few points during the ascent Jeremy asked me how I was feeling and whether I felt like I could do this or not. The last time he asked me this question was near the top, and I distinctly recalled having enough energy to reply that "Yes, but if we survived today I will kill you." Little did I know that reaching the top would only be half the story.

(The Top)

The top of Thorong La Pass was deadly. Jeremy thought that the avalanche we had heard earlier was scary enough but the icy wind that was blowing at the top was immediately more life threatening. Everyone was trying to hide on the non windy side of a small shelter located at the top. There was no place for me to hide since I was one of the last to get there. The guide in training broke down and began to cry because he was convinced that we were all going to die. He highly considered tossing the Chinese backpack and heading back to High Camp with two of the professional guides.

After minutes at the top we started to descend in waist deep snow. At the start of the descent I fell behind again because of exhaustion (the air at the top was so thin it was hard to breathe), but soon there was a change in my motto: Slow and steady will not safe my life. Thus, I started running, slipping, sliding, and falling as fast as I could and then I eventually surpassed even Jeremy and was right behind Tilak and the guide in training. It was impossible to see: not only was the snow blinding but my sunglasses began to become covered in ice. Even after multiple attempts of wiping it down the glasses would ice up again quickly. The wind and snow was just too strong. Eventually the guide in training and I kept passing each other at different points to reach Tilak. There was no way of finding a trail but there were tall metal poles sticking out of the snow that indicated which direction to go. It was extremely common to fall into pit holes or accidentally step on rocks that tripped you up.

Even though I was falling and slipping all over the place, most of the times that I fell I would quickly bounce back up. There were a few times where I just sat in frustration but my will to live did not waiver, my fear was that if I sat down for too long I might change my mind.

I seriously thought we might die because we didn't start descending until 2:30 p.m. and the estimated time of descent was four hours and we knew how "accurate" these estimations were during snow storms. I knew for sure that we would not make it to the next village before nightfall.

Despite that, I couldn't help thinking to myself that I was not even 24 years old and that I was too young to die. At another point, I just wanted to inform my grandmother that I loved her. These thoughts usually came when the wind was blowing extremely hard. I did start pleading with the higher being to stop the wind. I also thought that I understand that I have been extremely lucky in life so far, but, doesn't the higher being think that it's a bit cruel for me to die like this?

Soon enough, the sky was getting dark and Jeremy and the other Chinese trekkers took out their head lamps. At this point, Tilak and the porter were way ahead of us and when I thought there was no hope left as the sky turned completely black we finally spotted a few empty cabins in the distance. For a split second I had to wonder if this was the final scene of The Giver. When I finally realized that these cabins were not in our imagination, my first instinct was to break down the lock and stay there for the night. But Tilak said that real civilization (Muktinath) was only an hour away from there. My better judgement was to just stay at the cabin, but the temptation of being in a warm room with actual food and water pushed us onward.

Sadly, because of the darkness we couldn't find the bridge that would have led us to the village so eventually we had to stop and decide whether we should move forward or go back to the cabins. During this deliberation the wind started up even more fiercely, one of the gusts knocked Jeremy clear off his feet. I had to squat down to get out of the wind's way. No one's phone was working at the moment to call for help and eventually we decided that we needed to go back to the abandoned cabins for shelter.

Going back was extremely difficult mostly because we had descended so much since we passed the cabins, not to mention that we had been trekking for more than twelve hours with little water and food. Every time I looked up, I saw Tilak's headlight in the distance and I also thought I saw the rim of the cabins. That kept me going. Unfortunately, most of the "rims" that I saw were only the edges of the snowy slope reflecting off the light.

At this point, Jeremy refused to go ahead of me because he knew that if he was behind me, he could keep encouraging me to climb at a steady pace. How he was trekking for twelve plus hours with that huge backpack on... I did not know. The Chinese trekkers were pretty far behind us while Tilak and the guide in training were pretty far ahead.

Jeremy heard one of the Chinese yell for help, but after pausing for a minute to listen we realized that we were in no condition to help anyone.

The hike back up to the cabin was one of the toughest things I have done in my life. The experience was indescribable, every time we climbed over a slope I thought we were there, but it would just reveal yet another slope ahead of us. At one point, I did hear the guide in training trying to encourage us onward by yelling "go! go! go!." I was going for sure. There were times when I was crawling on my hands and knees just to keep moving.

But the best sound of the night was hearing Tilak and the guide in training breaking down the lock on the cabin's door. It was the sound of hope and our chance of survival.

Slowly, with Jeremy edging me onward we made it to the cabin right after the door was opened. It was the best sigh of relief ever. There was some wood in the corner of the cabin and fortunately, Jeremy insisted on buying a lighter before our trek just in case. That probably saved us all from frostbite. After Tilak started the fire one of the Chinese finally entered the cabin, and the rest slowly followed. It was amazing how everyone made it safely with all limbs attached.

The night in the cabin was a whole other story. I took off my wet shoes and socks to warm my feet and hands by the fire. Jeremy set the water bottles near the fire to unfreeze the water that had froze in the bottles. After getting a few sips of water from the melted ice, Jeremy packed the bottles with snow from outside to melt into water. This was not an easy process especially with everyone so dehydrated.

The Chinese did not bother to share any food with us despite having more than enough. They ate in a different room and gave some preserved chicken to their porter which in turn, gave some to Tilak in which he shared more than half with Jeremy and I. Thus, I'm still grateful that they were around. After all, they presences had encouraged me to continue forward throughout the day.

Afterward, Jeremy and I decided to sleep in one of the small rooms. Once settling everything down, we heard our second avalanche of the day. This one was MUCH louder, roaring in the near distance. I had to calm my nerves by reminding myself that these cabins were probably placed in positions that were fairly safe from avalanches. After the roaring of the avalanche stopped, the wind began to howl fiercely and the next thing we knew the room was completely covered in a fine layer of snow. This was because the roof of the cabin was not fully intact. We had to move to another room that was closer to the fire. The Chinese, Tilak, and the guide in training all decided to disregard sleep and stay in the room with the fire that night. Tilak was kind enough to keep the fire going while drying our shoes in the process. I amazingly fell asleep from exhaustion right away.

In the morning, we woke up at around 7 a.m. I could not wear my old pair of socks because they had become solid ice. When I was changing, I noticed bruises had formed all over my legs, especially around my ankle and Achilles's heel.

We started again toward Mukinath village at 7:30 and this time the porter found the bridge and we made it to safety within a couple of hours. My will to live has never been tested to this extent. I am extremely grateful that everyone made it with all their fingers and toes attached.

#mukinath #high camp #thorung la pass #thorong la pass #annapurna circuit #trekking #hiking #snow #blizzard #wind storm #life and death #survival #avalanche #test of will

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