evilsystemm - Tumblr blog

evilsystemm · 2 hours

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and i fucking love having to avoid someone for however long until i stop viewing them as the living devil. totally.

-🤍🖤

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evilsystemm · 2 hours

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i hate having npd and getting ignored in social situations like hello hi everyone please pay attention to me or else i'll explode

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evilsystemm · 2 hours

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Snap | PPD coining

A "Snap" is when you're triggered into thinking someone/something/society as a whole as totally untrustworthy and dangerous.

Snapping can cause a sense of euphoria in "confirming" your previous thoughts about someone being untrustworthy. It can also cause you to look for "evidence" that the one you snapped on was *always* untrustworthy/dangerous.

I make this term as a shorthand for something I experience because of my ppd, this can be used by anyone with PPD to describe their experiences as well! No limits/dni.

Let me know what you guys think of this term/if it's useful/etc!

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evilsystemm · 17 hours

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npd + stpd culture is isolating yourself from others because youre convinced if people arent basically worshipping you then theyre obviously plotting to burn you at the stake for being annoying

Sent in: April 21, 2024

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evilsystemm · 20 hours

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!!!!!!

Bpd culture is hating the people you love

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evilsystemm · 20 hours

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This is so so real

Bpd culture is categorizing your conversations w your fp as either successful or unsuccessful based on whether or not you wanted to kill yourself after

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evilsystemm · 20 hours

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bpd culture is wondering why you feel like shit when you have feelslikeshit disorder

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evilsystemm · 20 hours

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me in 2018-2023

Suspected BPD is befriending those who have simular issues as you and trying to fix them in an attempt to fix yourself

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evilsystemm · 21 hours

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Welcome to my Ted Talk about AsPD, or Antisocial Personality Disorder, which the internet likes to coin as sociopath 👌🏻 if you don’t like long infodumps about stigmatized mental disorders from someone who is diagnosed, move on.

Quick toxic rundown: People with AsPD are generally characterized as emotionless, violent, manipulative abusers who kill animals and like to make other people their bitches. The biggest pet peeve we have is the emotionless, sadistic and abusive generalization.

Personally, we are highly neurotic, with highs and lows of: depression, frantic drive, self abuse tactics, chronic fear, lapses of rejection, overwhelming over-analyzation, grey area thinking, false goods and false bads, ultimatums, obsessive compulsive behavior, harsh self demands, and irritability.

AsPD is a disorder that is caused primarily (according to current research) by trauma and abuse in childhood; most notably being emotional neglect and absent caregivers that cause a child to have emotional shutdowns and repression episodes in an attempt to self soothe. Primary caregivers who do not bond with their children are also a factor. Children learn how to behave from those around them. If a primary caregiver is emotionally distant and unavailable, children will learn that is normal behavior and that’s how people are. If a primary caregiver does not provide empathy and sympathy during moments of distress and fear, children will learn that aloofness and disregard of others feelings is normal behavior. If a primary caregiver does not keep a child safe, children will learn that they should not prioritize their own safety or the safety of others. You can find my follow up post regarding this here.

Neglected and abused children often act out trying to get attention and help, often acting out in bad ways because they lack the ability to articulate what they’re feeling and what is happening to them. The pipeline for AsPD typically is: Oppositional Defiance Disorder as a child, Conduct Disorder as a teen, AsPD as an adult. There are a lot of warning signs cueing that AsPD is becoming a risk for development, but often kids do not have a support system to help negate it as it’s their support system that is usually a factor in its creation.

Being AsPD is like being an emotional La Croix 70% of the time. If you’re depressed, then it’s like someone in the other room has depression and is telling you about it. The other 30% of the time, if you’re depressed, your brain doesn’t understand how to handle it so it’s an ultimatum between doing something drastic to remove the Trigger or ignoring and dissociating for days on end.

People with AsPD are very good at ignoring things. Honestly it’s problematic as fuck but it’s not hard to ignore major issues when you just, don’t care. It’s not in the terms of being cruel or making ourselves not care, but the fact that finding the emotional willpower is so far out of our feasible reach we don’t do it. This causes us to piss people off because we don’t have the capacity to care as much as they want us to, even if we can and do to an extent.

Think of it this way: empathy/sympathy is a deep tub of water that everyone has. They can easily fill their measuring cup for the needed amount of empathy without any issues and it’s easy for them. People with AsPD don’t have a tub of water. We have shallow skillet. When we try to dip our cup to fill it, we can’t, it always comes up short and it is difficult to get any water in it as there is no room for the cup to dive. Our ability to care is limited because we do not have the same emotional resources everyone else does.

❌ False Positives & False Negatives ❌

I operate on what I’ve learned are called false positives and false negatives. These are things that are trained into the brain from an early age based off of childhood trauma and other factors. False positives are a distorted version of why we do something to help ourself and for our own good, meanwhile a false negative is something we do because it’s a threat, or based out of fear.

❌ Some of my false positives:

- It is good to be afraid of nothing

- It is good to adapt to someone’s personality if they are stronger than you

- It is good to isolate yourself

- It is good to be a silver tongue because you can get into any place you want

- It is good to become a social chameleon and shape yourself to whatever those around you need/want most, because then you have no chance of being abandoned

❌ Some of my false negatives, which can explain the false positives as well as core beliefs:

- it is bad to be afraid, if I am afraid then I am vulnerable and it can be used against me

- It is bad to be emotional or show concern for others emotions because they do not care for mine

- It is bad to be able to be exploited, because I believe it is everywhere

- It is bad to allow myself to be bored, because boredom begets bad thoughts and no one can or wants to help me when I spiral

- It is bad to not shape yourself to the social circle, because people quickly grow tired of those who do not match them perfectly and being discarded means I failed

My core beliefs can be viewed as the root for the false positives and negatives, because they are based on the core of trauma, abuse and neglect. They come from patterns and instances that make someone with AsPD become the opposite of what they experienced:

- eat or be eaten

- If I don’t show that my bite is worse than my bark, I will be taken advantage of and I must remain on top because the ones on top are safe

- I must look out for myself because nobody will do it for me

- It doesn’t matter what happens to me, therefore it doesn’t matter what people think of me

- If I cannot do something well, then I should not do it at all

- If you are dependent on others for emotional and mental well being, you are weak, therefore I must isolate myself to avoid becoming codependent and a burden and useless

- If I can handle the stress of a situation better than everyone else, therefore I will keep the problem (financial, emotional, mental, etc) to myself to reduce chances of being abandoned due to failure of perfection

People with AsPD are hard to get along with. We often:

- are always anticipating a fight

- lack respect for authority

- ignore social structures to an extent

- tendency to lie if it’ll lessen punishment or if we feel the lie is more acceptable than our actions

- limit social support because it’s wrong to be dependent on others

- have an inflated view of our own importance — which turns into a self ridicule for believing someome like me could be found important to others —

- can be rude and inconsiderate of others feelings somewhat unintentionally

- are unable to read the correct social cues in relation to empathy towards people and animals

- am constantly confused by others dependence upon empathy and inability to make desicions from logic based standpoints

We can’t speak for everyone who has AsPD, nor are we saying that no one with AsPD is capable of being a murderer/abuser etc. but we are saying that y’all need to stop automatically classifying someone as a certain “type” as soon as you know about their disorder.

One last thing I do want to point out is that it is not uncommon for people with AsPD to derive some sort of enjoyment in causing harm, doing something illegal, hurting someone or animals, etc. This entirely stems from lack of environmental control as a child. Being able to control what happens to others or being able to control the things you say or do that hurts someone else is a hefty high to get addicted to; it soothes the underlying itch of not being able to control your own trauma and abuse, so in turn you push these behaviors onto others and enjoy it because it gives you a sense of power and control. Some people with AsPD do genuinely love hurting others, and some enjoy hurting others when they believe it’s deserved or their ire has been stoked. Some enjoy causing pain to those they think deserve it, and others don’t care who they hurt as long as they feel like they’re in control of the situation.

Hope this have some insight into AsPD 🤙🏻 if y’all have any questions, shoot.

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evilsystemm · 1 day

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NPD + BPD culture is just being so tired of being nice and composed. I cannot express any bit of anger or frustration. I want to blow up but I know it won't end good

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evilsystemm · 1 day

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seeing NPD + ASPD positivity posts on any other platform being met with literal thousands of people flooding the comments to try and justify their ableism and discriminatory behaviour towards us is so fucking gut wrenching

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evilsystemm · 1 day

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BPD culture is splitting on pieces of media that remind you of certain people/situations

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evilsystemm · 2 days

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guy sitting in front of me in class was vandalizing wikipedia and i kept reverting his edits as soon as he made them and he couldn't figure out why it was happening

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evilsystemm · 2 days

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I might be a little biased but I’m honestly starting to believe that there’s no purer form of love than the defensive spite you see from biologists that have devoted their life to the study of a maligned or misunderstood species. For example:

The hyena biologist that arranged for Disney animators to come sketch captive hyenas for The Lion King film (Laurence Frank) was so incensed when the animals were depicted as villains in the movie that he later included boycotting the film on a list of ways the average person could help hyena conservation.

Though it’s commonly known that Charles Darwin’s distaste for parasitic wasps played a role in his development of evolution theory (since he felt no loving God would create animals with such a disturbing life cycle), the biologists who study these wasps find it an unfair characterization. When they were tasked with coming up with a common name for the family of parasitic wasps (Ichneumonidae) that old Charles so disliked, they proposed the name “Darwin Wasps” to spite the famous naturalist who had insulted their beloved family of insects.

Parasitologist Tommy Leung was so frustrated with the way people write about parasites to evoke horror and gore that he started writing a Parasite of the Day blog, that specifically avoids inflammatory or unsettling language to describe them. He also illustrates different species in colorful anime art on Twitter in a series called Parasite Monster Girls—which he calls his “love letter to parasites.”

I guess I’m just saying that if you’re a biologist studying an unpopular species and you have a little bit of a chip on your shoulder about it you can always count on me to be in your corner if you want to get a little petty with the public!

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evilsystemm · 2 days

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people who claim to be allies to aspd and other "problematic" disorders when it's about kinning a serial killer character and babbling about violence... but get all weirded out when one shows symptoms in a real life situation i.e. being calm and neutral when someone dies or admitting to stuff like not actually grasping morality and caring if x celeb is a "bad person"... you are a detached sjw, your allyship is performative and useless, and that's honestly fine, just mind your damn business ok

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evilsystemm · 2 days

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If your response to someone's illness is " that's okay, you just lack [empathy/remorse/etc.] that doesn't make you a bad person " whilst having good intentions, you dismiss the fact that illness *can* make someone a bad person in the eyes of society. You don't have to condone someone who acts in destructive ways just because theyre ill but dismissing it entirely or implying that it's a choice is incredibly harmful to these peoples' recovery. Some people ARE harmful because they're ill and you can't avoid that fact. By offering support conditionally as this sentence implies, it demonstrates a lack of understanding around cluster b disorders and disorder as a concept. Being ill and being a good person are not synonymous, but that shouldn't affect the way you treat those with PDs.

#npd #cluster b #npd safe #actually narcissistic #actually npd #bpd #actually bpd #aspd safe #aspd #hpd safe #actually hpd #hpd #cluster b safe #aspd traits #antisocial personality disorder #antisocial #mental health

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evilsystemm · 2 days

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bpd culture is if i can do it, why can't you? if i can sacrifice everything for you, why can't you do the same? i try so hard for you. why does it feel like you don't try?

-⭐️🕷

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