Hi all! Sorry for the long absence. Today I don’t want to post threads on manga, but to talk. Talk about depression, particularly depressive episodes. This period is always very difficult for me, because it falls at the height of the school year, when I have a lot of assignments and exams to take. I and many people with mental problems are faced with stereotypes about us and stupid statements. Depression is a disease, the same as cancer, flu, gastritis. This is not a bad mood, not even apathy. A bad mood is when you are sad, but you went to TikTok, watched a video with kittens and calmed down. Apathy is when you went on vacation, started meditating and everything became fine. Depression is when you can’t get out of bed in the morning, it’s hard for you to brush your teeth, when you can’t get up and take a shower or eat. This is a state in which there is emptiness inside you, terrible and dark. This cannot be cured by work, walks, meditation and others, only by therapy. And a depressive episode is not just a period. This is an exacerbation of the disorder, a deterioration of the condition. This is a state in which you do not understand at all why you live, how to live and act. You realize that you simply don’t want to live, but you don’t have the strength to die. Mental problems are not a myth. These are diseases that poison life. This cannot be cured so easily, it will take years before people like me can live, and not exist. Pay attention to the condition of loved ones with such problems, do not devalue their condition.

Okay, csm characters in the Halloween 👻🍬

🔸 Dendji has matching costume with Power. They dress up like that:

🔸Aki doesn't like holidays at all, but he dresses up like a vampire or crazy scientist:

🔸Himeno dresses up like a witch:

🔸I think all of us will agree with me that Makima dresses up like a devil:

Day 6. Never.

No one treated Denji like a human being. Never. He hasn't tasted normal food. Never. The boy had no friends except Pochita. Never.

....... .........

Aki cooked him breakfast, Power hugged him tightly and shared chips. Denji has never been happier. Never. He likes Mrs. Makima, Denji has not fallen in love yet. Never.

....... ......

Aki died. Denji won't forget how he grumbled, but cared like an elder brother. Never. Power has gone. Denji will not forget her loud laughter and jokes. Never. Makima is also dead. But Denji will not give offense to the little girl who remained after her. Never.

Day 5. In the crowd.

-Aki, why the hell did you drag us out here?

-I already explained to you, we are going to the festival. If you don't act like assholes, I'll buy some sweets.

Aki decided to take Denji and Power to the festival. Deep down in his heart he was sorry that they did not see these holiday colors. ....... ..........

The trio was surrounded by a crowd. Couples, families and groups of friends. Everyone is wearing yukata, with fans, and dango sticks. The crowd laughed and celebrated. Suddenly Denji stopped.

- Hey, don’t slow down!

-Power, shut your mouth!

The young man still stood. It was as if he had been nailed to the ground. Denji suddenly realized. The crowd is something strange. Everyone drinks, eats, laughs and congratulates each other. They will call you for a drink or shout out wishes, not paying attention to whether you are a human or a demon, whether you are like them. The crowd seemed to him like one big creature, consisting of noise, laughter and shouts.

...... .........

Denji also wanted to scream, laugh, eat sweets. He seemed drunk. A tear rolled down my cheek. Denji understood what it meant to feel human. It means becoming part of the crowd.

Day 4: Locked and forgotten.

Miss Jacobs bought this house just a week ago. Having waited until Saturday, the woman finally arrived with her things at the new house. Having crossed the threshold, Anna Jacobs placed the boxes of things near the closet and went to inspect the house.

....... .............

After living in a new place for a week, Miss Jacobs decided to look around the house again in search of something special. She really dreamed of being in the role of a detective heroine. Taking a mop and a flashlight, the woman went up to the attic. It was small, neat and bright. It was clear that the previous owners had cleaned it regularly. Anna looked around the attic, but found nothing; however, already going down, she noticed a chest. Having difficulty pulling it out of the attic, the woman tried to open it. The old castle quickly gave way. There was only one toy in the chest: a teddy bear, dusty and without an eye. Next to him lay a piece of paper, yellowed from time to time, with the inscription: “this toy belongs to your great-grandfather.” Apparently, previous farms forgot the poor bear.

...... ..........

Mr. First arrived a day after Anna called him and told him about the find.

-You see, Miss Jacobs, this toy really belongs to my great-grandfather. She saved him during the shelling of London in '41. Only over time, for some reason, we forgot about it. Thank you for finding this bear. Great-grandfather would be upset if our family lost him. No longer will it be locked away and forgotten, just like our memories of our ancestors.

Day 3. All that's left.

All that's left to do is yearn.

Longing for happy moments.

Longing for memories.

Longing for her red hair and green eyes.

To miss her ringing voice.

To miss her roaring laughter.

Longing for how you hoped to marry her because she was the only one who understood you.

........ .......

All you can do is hate.

Hate the same eyes on the boy.

Hate the boy's character like his father.

Hate a boy with James's face, his arrogance and eccentricity.

But in his eyes you see Her. And it’s impossible to hate the boy.

All that remains to be done is to protect the boy at the cost of his life.

Day 2. Caramel.

-James! Get the bowls off the shelf,- Lily shouted to her husband. She had already taken out a jar of caramel.

It had been noisy in the Potter house since morning. Lily decided to teach her boys how to make Muggle desserts. Lily took out the rice and took the bowls from her husband's hands. -Harry, get the milk,-James asked his son. He hadn't been this excited for a long time.

-So, boys, you need to put the rice on a plate and bake it. Then we will add caramel and vanilla syrup. All clear? -Yes, ma'am! - James and Harry exclaimed laughing.

............... ......... .

4 hours later Lily pulled the rice out of the oven. -Boys, you can add caram... Oh, my God! James Potter! What did you and your son do with our caramel?!

-Muuum, don’t swear,- the boy said, Dad and I were just having fun.

-Harry, dear, there is nothing wrong with having fun, but your father will sleep on the sofa for a week, and you, young man, will wash the cabinets with him.

Day 1. Creating worlds.

Avila stood with her back to the traveler. He could only see the outline of the woman's dark shirt and long skirt. Avila was creating. With the waves of her hands, the woman created worlds. So she waved her right hand rather sharply, and mountains grew. When the goddess drew a line in the air with her palm, the rivers began to rustle. It was as if Avila was conducting, and the world obeyed the waves of her baton and obediently took the desired shape.

Trying not to make noise, the traveler got closer to the goddess. The woman was either too enthusiastic about her work, or it didn’t matter to her, but she didn’t hear the man’s steps. But a minute later she suddenly turned in his direction and said: “Hello, Ronan.” It was as if she were greeting an old friend, and her voice oozed with maternal tenderness. Ronan peered at the goddess's features. She looked like an earthly woman: long dark hair braided, gray eyes and gold earrings. Only Avila's eyes were unearthly. They reflected wisdom, the power of the creator and maternal tenderness. You cannot see such eyes on a simple woman, only on the creator of worlds.

-So, Ronan, ask about your wife,- the goddess spoke again.

-You already know that she is dying. You can help her, I believe.

-Come here, I'll show you something. Ronan walked up to the huge model of the sphere. Rivers rustled and flowed, mountains hummed, birds sang. The new world was wonderful.

-You see,-Avila said quietly, -this is a new world. Now look there. The traveler turned around and saw scorched earth, dried up rivers and withered groves.

-See? Now listen. The worlds are my children. I am not omnipotent, my children are dying. Every time my child dies, I want to rip my chest out of anguish. But I don't let grief take over. I create all new worlds, one more beautiful than the other. So are you. Let go of the longing for your dying wife and create a new world within yourself.

As Ronan left, he turned to look at the goddess. The creator of worlds suddenly reminded him of his mother.

Okay, csm characters as your partner

🔸Denji is shocked 🤯 How could you choose him, exactly him? The boy is in seventh heaven. He's still not that great with other people, but he's learning how to communicate with you correctly

🔸Power, well, Power 🤷‍♀️ She'll never stop being an asshole. But she will always be on your side. Power will be delighted if Meow likes you

🔸Aki is the perfect boyfriend. Yes, he is constantly busy, but he will always find time to date you. Aki will shower you with cute gifts and will constantly hold your hand

🔸Makima🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Kamon, guys, what is a normal relationship with her? She is a typical abuser who deprives you of your independence under the guise of caring.

Characters of csm in the supermarket:

🔸 Aki shops for the week at once and pulls Denji and Power away from the racks with sweets and soda

🔸 Denji and Power pick up a bunch of strange sweets, cheese noodles and soda

🔸Makima doesn’t go to the supermarket, only coffee shops and restaurants

🔸Kishibe buys a lot of packs of coffee, about 20 of them, enough for three days

🔸Himeno buys cheap cigarettes and bread with milk

🔸Guanxi buys herself cigarettes and spicy noodles, and for her girls a bunch of yogurts , sweets and sweet tea

Okay, what about the new heads? What cocktails would the characters drink

❗❗I don't urge you to drink alcohol or alcoholic cocktails❗❗

🔸 Denji: what a cocktail, guys😅 He would drink the cheapest possible beer, he doesn’t have money for decent alcohol. As soon as got into the agency, he started drinking something more or less decent, but light, because doesn’t like hangovers. He would drink “Radler” (consists of beer and lemonade)

🔸 Power: before living with Aki, didn’t eat normally at all, let alone alcohol. Once at an evening at the agency she tried Bellini and got hooked on the sweet taste of the drink (the cocktail consists of prosecco, sugar syrup, lemon juice and peach)

🔸 Aki: he doesn’t like alcohol. It's not that he's a prude. He just doesn’t like the taste of alcohol and doesn’t want to suffer from a hangover. But Himeno got him hooked on the Aperol Spritz (consists of prosecco, Aperol, soda and oranges). Aki drinks only this, because this cocktail is not strong

🔸 Himeno: loves bars and has chosen a “favorite” among cocktails: “Margarita” (consists of tequila, triple sec, sugar syrup, salt and citrus)

🔸 Guanxi: strong drinks for strong women. Fuck cocktails, she drinks whiskey on the rocks. She orders her girls a mojito

🔸 Kishibe: “B-52” (consists of coffee liqueur, Irish cream and triple sec). Relatively weak, but rich. The best thing to relax after a hard day

🔸 Makima: “Bloody Mary” (consists of vodka, tomato juice, lemon juice, salt and ground pepper). Like the cocktail, Makima is either loved or hated. The color red is associated with her

Hehe me why the fuck I'm still alive

Thanks to everyone who supported my first heads, so catch a couple more

What kind of students would the characters of csm be?

🔸Denji is a walking headache for all teachers. He neglects his school uniform, doesn’t do his homework, skips classes and pesters his classmates with stupid “cool boobs, beauty” style attacks

🔸 Power is, well, Power. She fights with classmates during recess, never wears spare shoes, and steals food from the school cafeteria. And her handwriting causes teachers to have a panic attack

🔸 Aki is the pride of teachers. Quiet, handsome, always dressed to the nines. He was asked to help Denji and Power with his homework, but in the end they taught him to swear

🔸Himeno is a young literature teacher who shoots cigarettes from high school students

Ok, here's some csm headcanons 💛

🔸 Dendji 100% would love "Spider-Man across the Spider-Verse"

🔸 Power saw a video on TikTok with a cat in a dinosaur costume and bought the same one for Meow

🔸 Makima would have a collection of perfumes with red bottles.

🔸 Dendji and Power would take funny tests like: “What type of sneaker are you?”

🔸 Aki wrote Dendji and Power down in his phone as “idiot” and “stinker”, but next to the contacts there are hearts.

🔸 Aki's favorite type of drinks is green tea without sugar.

In honor of suicide prevention month....

I want to tell my story. I don't do this for pity. I just want to show that there are hundreds of thousands of stories about trying to die, and this problem is significant. To understand the situation, I would like to say that I always dress well, joke a lot and participate in conferences. I don't come across as someone with a lot of problems. It all started in elementary school. I was a victim of bullying. I was alone against 20 people. I began to consider myself ugly and weak, and from that time on I almost never take pictures of myself. When I entered 7th grade, my friend started cutting herself. She said it distracted her from her worries. In the winter of 2020, after a quarrel with my parents, I took scissors in my hands for the first time and cut the skin on my wrist 3 times. In the fall of 2021, I fell into a depressed state and cut all my hands, I mutilated myself with everything: a knife, scissors, a sharpener, lids... Since then I have been cutting myself almost every day. Moreover, I had suicide attempts, not 2 or 3. With my story, I want to say that a person who always jokes and receives certificates and cups every year may be on the verge of despair. Don't judge a book by its cover and be considerate of others.