It's okay to be scraping by. Even if you would rather be doing better, even if you technically could be doing better. Sometimes the weight of things just pushes us down. Keep moving forward, even if is slow. In time you will be back where you want to be.

Your trauma is valid if it came from having to act like the adult in the family when you were a child.

plural culture is *hysterical terrified sobbing* wait what i don't cry like this why am i scared *sudden calm but still VERY aware of the terror despite not feeling it*

.

i can do a social situation but I'm going to feel like I'm dying the entire time and then not remember 90% of what happened anyway

Whenever a Millennial starts acting like their generation was better than younger generations, a correct response is "HAWTT SMEXXY YAOI BISHIEEEEEEZZZZ!!!!!!!! lolz im so randomzzz hehehehe"

Lidia Yuknavitch, from Letter to My Rage: An Evolution

i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot i forgot

painting of running naked through field of cacti

Oasis 2 - For Sale

I'm a mess lately. I'm not just putting up a good front during normal hours i feel like I'm actually doing okay during that time but then I'm shutting down real bad in the evening after social interaction.

T says I'm not giving myself enough time to rest but all I'm doing is resting, usually sleeping even during my free time. other parts of myself are being absent or cranky and I know that means T is right. I know everyone needs and deserves time but I wish it was easier to explain to other people.

I'm worried that I'm going to lose it in a big way soon and start a new mess that takes months to fix again.

negative

struggling with feeling I was not meant to exist. I cannot handle life. I need to spend the majority of my time recuperating in order to be able to exist this way. the thing draining me isn't even serious it's just I don't know I don't know how to explain. I don't know what I need. I just know it doesn't feel okay.

I feel like I wasn't meant to exist. I should have died.

At some point in your life, you were taught that being slightly annoying is an unforgivable sin. Maybe it was by your parents or a teacher or a friend or a bully or an older sibling. But someone taught you that being slightly annoying is a crime punishable by death.

You must unlearn this.

You must accept that all people will be annoying at some point or another in their lives, maybe all of their lives, and that this is okay. It is okay for strangers on the bus, it is okay for children in the grocery store, it is okay for people on social media, and it is okay for you.

If you ever want to truly love your fellow humans, if you ever want to truly love yourself, you must have forgiveness for being annoying.

I don't want to scare the animal it's been scared enough.

I want to show the animal that I see it I hear it and I love it. I want to learn its fears its hopes and dreams so I can soothe it and let it live a real life alongside the one that I have built for myself so we can both learn and grow and heal together.

If people were too mean to you when you were growing up, a newborn animal will materialize inside your brain and it’s so so scared and shivering and it will stay there for years. Decades, even. And whenever you say something kind of weird but true to your heart the animal will tell you “Noo! You can’t say that! If you say that, everyone will hate you!”. The animal means well. It’s so so small and everything is so scary for them and it’s just trying to protect you. But listen to me. Listen to me. Whenever this happens, you can’t do what the animal says. You can’t. If you do, you’ll become as scared as the animal. You have to keep saying weird shit. You have to keep doing things the animal wouldn’t approve of. If you do enough things that scare the animal, maybe one day it’ll go to sleep.

you're not stuck. it's not over. you can claw yourself out again and again. find strength in yourself. find strength in others whom you can trust. the fight isn't over until you're dead.

I’m not okay

(from ask polly)

and I am out with lanterns looking for myself.

Emily Dickinson in a letter to Elizabeth Holland wr. c. 20 January 1856

you ever just sit and realise u can’t remember 80% of your childhood? like … what happened? who am i ..?

You know that idealized version of yourself that haunts you with guilt about what you haven't yet become?

They didn't show up.

They don't deserve your praise.

The you who is reading this made it here, despite everything.

This you is the garden worthy of your love and effort.