Hufflepuff / True Neutral / Infp / Libra

Aesthetic for @kindnessinpain2000

I‘m at the point where I hope something bad happends to me just so I dont have to go to work anymore.

I never understood ppl hating their work and co-workers so much but now I do.

There is not one sane person in this building

The moment I will stop thinking so little of my self is the moment I become untouchable.

This is probably just an coincidence but the moment my CD-Wall started to fall down my life became the biggest mess.

It’s really fucking hard to find out who you are, when you’re afraid to lose the people you love within the process... I’ve came out to 2 people as bi. One incredibly supportive and one who decided to tell others without my permission. I know, most of my family will support me but the thing is, I’m in a straight relationship, which will cause confusion. I know this because I’m confused myself. I haven’t even told my Boyfriend because I’m sacred. He won’t hurt me but I know he’s easily jealous and I don’t want to ruin my relationship. On top of that, he’s hospitalized at the moment and I am afraid, I will worsen his condition if I tell him now. But I have to tell him... I feel like I’m making everything worse if I keep it any longer. And what is the worst of my situation... I am not proud enough. I’m not the proud queer women I wish to be. I am not even the proud woman I wish to be. I am not proud of myself. I hate myself. 

I feel like my Boyfriend sees this caring, loving woman in me. The proud feminist and supporter of queer people and it feels like I’m wearing a mask. Hiding my true ugly self, inside and outside. If he ever finds out how ugly I truly am, he wont be able to love me anymore. He’ll hate me just as much as I do. How can I find myself and keep him in my life? How can I stop hating myself? How can I start to respect every inch of myself? How can I start to be proud of being Bi? And how can I start to be proud of being Bi while being in a straight relationship?

I successfully managed to push these feeling away from me for months now. But since Hayley Kiyoko is coming to my Country and I watched a Video of Troy Sivan talking about his whole coming out and how he feels now, I just got those feelings all up again and I can’t help but feel lost.

Update: he knows now and I feel relieved nothing changed besides that. Also I‘m working on myself to stop being such a bitch to myself

The Day we became weak, we started to get strong together.

This beach on California have the most beautiful flowers. USA is always a good option

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jj_coffeetime

blossom burst!

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“We are all born so beautiful. The greatest tragedy is being convinced we are not.”

— Rupi Kaur

You’re not over it when you stop thinking about it, you’re over it when you think about it and don’t feel anything.