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C.D.C. Confirms Covid-19 Can Only Be Spread Via Feces
Stephen Gunderson, a long-time spokesperson for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, took the stage at a small press conference to present their latest finding regarding the Covid 19 pandemic. The C.D.C. has determined that, contrary to previous reports and previous guidelines regarding mask usage, the Coronavirus(SARS-CoV-2) can only spread via human fecal material from an infected individual coming into contact with an orifice of an uninfected individual.
While this marks a significant departure from how we have previously thought about Covid-19 transmission, Stephen was quick to point out that these findings are the result of extensive study and collaboration with the World Health Organization. Given the quantity of data collected in the studies leading up to the announcement, these findings are considered unlikely to be contested. During the Q&A portion of the press conference, he went on to that while aerosolized fecal particles could theoretically transmit the virus, this scenario is considered highly statistically improbable. As the Covid-19 virus has been found to die upon contact with the open air.
Our reporter caught up with Stephen Gunderson hoping to speak to him further in a more informal setting.
Daniel Stevens, Senior Reporter at The DWYT:
Given that we are rapidly nearing 1 million domestic deaths attributed to the Conoravirus, could today's revelations help to finally put an end to the epidemic?
Stephen Gunderson, Center for Disease Control and Prevention:
Honestly, probably not.
Stephen Gunderson elected to cut our informal interval short as he was running late to a funeral.
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Austin Walker Announced As New Head Of Overwatch Team At Activision-Blizzard
Earlier today, long time video game journalist Austin Walker announced on the podcast Waypoint.vice Radio that he will be stepping down from his position as a contributing writer and podcaster at Waypoint.vice.com. At the time that the podcast was published, he was unable to reveal his new position although he did indicate it would be part of a "pivot to game development."
But mere hours after the podcast was published to the RSS feed, Austin appeared along side an Activision-Blizzard PR representative to announce that he had signed on to head up the newly reorganized Overwatch team at Blizzard. He is replacing temporary game director Steven Gunderson who was appointed after his mentor, Jeff Kaplan's sudden departure in April.
The full transcript of the announcement can be seen below.*
I am excited to reveal to the world my new position as Senior Game Director at Activision-Blizzard. I only express my utmost gratitude to management for entrusting me with this position. And I will be working closely with the existing Overwatch team as we move forward. But I am excited to see what I can do to grow the brand and diversify our existing game modes.Austin Walker, Senior Game Director at Activation-Blizzard
*This announcement was delivered whilst an Activation-Blizzard PR person was holding an Overwatch t-shirt in front of Austin Walker's chest.
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We Talked To A Concert-Level Flutist About That American Pie Scene
Everyone knows the scene with Alyson Hannigan in the first American Pie film. We can hear the conversation in our heads and see Jason Bigg's shocked but also some-what intrigued reaction to her famous line. And we can almost smell the rich, visual portrait put forward by Alyson Hannigan.
Well, in order to properly put this scene in context, we spoke to Stephanie Gunderson, a concert level flutist currently with the New York Philharmonic.
DANIEL STEPHENS, Editor:
Why don't you start by providing our readers with your background?
STEPHANIE GUNDERSON, Concert Flutish:
Yes, my name is Stephanie Gunderson and I am the current Principal Flute in the Lila Acheson Wallace Choir of the New York Philharmonic. Before that, I was an adjunct professor of Music at the University of New York and was a Second Chair Flute with the Boston Symphony Orchestra.
DANIEL STEPHENS, Editor:
So you are a Flute?
STEPHANIE GUNDERSON, Concert Flutish:
Yes, I suppose so. Haha. That's just how we refer to ourselves. A little bit of inside baseball.
*Editor's note: Stephanie is one of those people who say "haha" out loud instead of audibly laughing.
DANIEL STEPHENS, Editor:
And have you seen the movie American Pie?
STEPHANIE GUNDERSON, Concert Flutish:
Is that what this interview is about? Jesus. Listen, it was a fine movie and I don't begrudge it but I can't really add anything. And I've got other things I'd rather be doing right now.
DANIEL STEPHENS, Editor:
No, no, don't leave.
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After January 6th, Dick's Sporting Goods Prepares For Dire Shortage Of Assistant Managers
On January 7th, an emergency meeting of the board members of Dick's Holdings Inc., the parent company of Dick's Sporting Goods, was held to decide how the company would handle what their internal Human Resources experts predict will become a dire situation for the company. Dick's Sporting Good is America's largest retailer devoted to sporting goods and, whilst all board members had been previously set up with the ability to remote into important meetings, no one was expecting an emergency meeting to be called with only twelve hours notice. This meeting was precipitated by a report that came out of a Human Resources department that worked late into the wee hours on January 6th, 2021 to analyze the ongoing situation. The report indicated that, based upon the quantity and distribution of sick time utilized on January 6th, the company will likely see a dire shortage of active-duty employees at the assistant manager level in the coming weeks and months.
The most important thing to come out of the January 7th meeting was the formation of a taskforce comprised of senior executives from the Human Resources, Legal, Store Operations and Finance departments. This taskforce is to develop a comprehensive strategy to best handle this employee crisis and amend the relevant company guidelines accordingly.
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I know everyone is focused on the election right now, but I just got hit by a car.
Right now, there is one thing on everybody's mind and that is the election. And that's a good thing; this election will affect our lives more than any other election in recent memory. We should care a lot about this presidential election and the many crucial down-ballot races. But what I really want to talk about right now is how I just got hit by a car.
Listen, I know you can read a lot of metaphors into this post but I promise that there is nothing political here. As I laid bleeding on the concrete watching the Hyundai sonata drive away, I made sure to note both the license plate number and the lack of any political bumper stickers. You could maybe make some assumptions about the driver based on the area and the price tag of the vehicle but those would unfair to the driver who just left me to die on this secluded country road.
It feels really weird to think about myself right now when the fate of everyone hangs in the balance but I must ask if some of you could maybe shift your focus towards my situation for a bit. Not a whole lot. Just between two and four medical professionals who can quickly address the red haze currently engulfing my field of vision. But they can keep their phones on in case something goes down with the election.
Update: Shortly after publication, in a preplanned live message to his supporters, President Donald Trump referenced my injury with "This liberal reporter.
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I Detest Trump But My Business Depends On His Presidency
Like many Americans, I followed the 2016 presidential campaign very closely and, like a majority of Americans, I found Donald Trump to be quite lacking as a candidate. The policies and rhetoric that he was putting forward seemed to me to be, simply put, nonsensical lies. Nothing made that more clear than his laughable performances in the debates against Hillary Clinton. His rare moments of clarity of vision in those debates were reserved for when he was being racist. And that is why I was so shocked and appalled to see that he managed to eke out enough votes to win an electoral college victory. I looked at my fellow Americans and wondered what went so wrong with them that they ever saw anything good in this man.
Where things got interesting was in March of 2017. Even as I was personally mourning what I saw as a grave turn towards fascism, the Trump administration contracted my business to provide supplies for a Halloween display attached to one of the migrant camps(which I absolutely denounce). It's hard to believe that just three years ago we were a struggling small business operating a single small Halloween supply warehouse in Northern Arizona. And that is because this Trump administration business turned out very good for us.
I'm told the administration was very satisfied with our services that first go-round and, over the past few years, they have contracted our services for many more events around the country that were in need of Halloween/general spooky decoration.
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The Adventures of Antifa Cat
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Trump Tasks Justice Department With Acquiring NVIDIA 3090 Graphics Card
Reports are coming in that President Donald Trump has tasked the Justice Department with acquiring an Nvidia 3090 graphics card for the president's personal use. The more consumer-focused Nvidia 3080 line of cards have been nearly impossible to find since they first launched on September 17th with entire allotments seemingly disappearing in seconds. And while more expensive enterprise-focused Nvidia 3090 cards only launched on September 24th, the first allotment sold out instantly and shortages going forward are expected to be similar.
The president has his heart set on a Nvidia manufactured Founder's Edition card but, when pressed by Attorney General William Barr, he admitted that he would settle for a partner manufactured 3090 graphics card from "Asus or MSI, but never Zotac." The president has indicated that he needs a 3090 in order to better utilize Blender, Autodesk, Maxon Redshift and other applications that he uses on a daily basis as part of his duties as president. However, sources close to the president have also indicated that he is also rather unhappy with the framerates his old Nvidia 2080 TI offers when playing Microsoft Flight Simulator 2020 in his triple monitor cockpit setup.
The justice department hopes to acquire one of these cards by applying pressure to manufacturers based upon their use of certain Chinese assembly lines.
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Stay F Homekins Podcast Signs Four Year Deal With Earwolf
Comedian Paul F Tomkins has just inked a deal to bring four years of Stay F Homekins, the quarantine podcast he co-created with his wife Janie Haddod Tompkins, exclusively to the podcast network. This order will cover an unannounced number of podcast seasons running between February 2021 and October 2025.
This will likely come as a relief to fans of the podcast who are worried about the comedian's habit of moving from podcast to podcast. Paul F Tompkins is currently engaged in a lawsuit that alleges he prematurely ended his previous podcast Spontaneonation in order to avoid repaying creditors.
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Nvidia Announces Their New Graphics Cards Are Cancelled
Nvidia, the current market leader in graphics cards for the PC gaming market, was rumored to making to be making a big announcement at their September 1st GeForce event. Many were expecting a new 3000 series line of cards. It has been close to two years since the 2000 series was released and their primary rival AMD is also rumored to be announcing a big refresh of their cards to coincide with the release of the new video game consoles. Clearly sensing that these rumors have gotten out of hand, Nvidia released a press release ahead of the event tommorrow, clarifying that they will not be announcing a new line of graphics cards at this time.
Looking to provide some clarity for those who were excited about new graphics cards news, the press release goes on to give a brief update on research and development for new cards and describes the 3000 as being on "indefinite hold." What exactly that means as far as the timeframe for new cards is anyone's guess but we wouldn't expect them anytime soon.
The Nvidia rumor mill is already abuzz about a so-called delay, with many blaming limited manufacturing capabilities due to the Covid-19 outbreak. Other Twitter users, mostly fans of AMD's Radeon line of cards, are saying that Nvidia's planned 3000 cards were underperforming in benchmarks and overly expensive to manufacture. We reached out to one of our contacts at Nvidia and were able to get a comment from a senior member of their public relations team.
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After Election Loss, Trump Steps Down Gracefully
Late last night, shortly after it was determined that former Vice-President Joe Biden had achieved victory in both the popular vote and electoral college, the president admitted defeat and wished Joe Biden the best in his term. Addressing a small socially distanced crowd of only his most loyal supporters he began his remarks with "Well, we gave it an honest effort but the voters have spoken."
Speaking on his personal disappointment in the moment, the president made clear that he still considered even his short term as "the greatest honor anyone can ever hope for." With a gaze fixed upon the horizon, President Trump wondered aloud "You know, maybe there were a few things I should have done differently but I hope I left this nation stronger for it."
President Trump ended his speech by speaking directly to President-Elect Joe Biden, in what will likely be a preview of the customary presidential letter-to-successor.
Joe, we've met on a number of occasions and while, we've had our disagreements on policy, I sincerely wish only the best for you and your administration. The people of America have chosen you to lead them forward into a brighter tomorrow. I only selfishly wish I had just a little more time in the sun. But four years is more than enough to ask for this scrawny kid from Queens with big dreams and, I'll admit it, a simply gorgeous head of hair. But Joe, stop by my home in Palm Springs anytime.
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Trump Seriously Concerned Detained Migrant Children Won't Get A Halloween This Year
Many of those watching Donald Trump's weekly coronavirus briefing yesterday morning have noted that he seemed "a little off." Some commentators online have noted that, at one point, the president seemed to stare off into space for several seconds and appeared visibly shaken afterward. Our insiders within the White House have reported that it was in this moment that the president came to the realization that children he has held at migrant detention facilities will most likely not get a "real Halloween" this year due to the Covid-19 pandemic.
Since he first stepped into office and started indefinitely detaining children at migrant detention camps, President Donald Trump has made the haunted house he puts on for the detained children a special priority. In 2017, Donald Trump spent over four hundred work hours personally overseeing the design and installation of the haunted house's "spooktacular scares." Requests for information on subsequent years have been denied due to security concerns however it would be safe to assume the president's involvement on the project has only grown.
Our inside source has indicated that, immediately after the press conference where the president came to this realization, he called together a task force to address how best to approach the haunted house this year. The task force is comprised of several doctors working for the CDC, high-level members at I.C.E. and Steven Gunderson, the president's primary supplier of fake cobwebs.
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Only Four People At Microsoft Know How Much The Xbox Series X Costs
With both Microsoft and Sony releasing video game consoles this fall, a sort of standoff has developed between the two rivals. With both seemingly holding back key details about their console until later than would be considered normal in previous console generations. These unknown details include exact hardware specifications, online play costs(Xbox Live Gold and PS Plus), additional SKUs and most noticeably price points for the consoles.
That is why, according to recent reporting at Vice's gaming vertical Waypoint, Microsoft has employed security protocols that have become standard for the tech industry to protect their most closely guarded secrets in order to safeguard the price point of the Xbox Series X. Their sources over at Microsoft have indicated that only four people at the company truly know the correct price of the Xbox Series X and any other unconfirmed SKUs. The exact identities of the four are unknown at this time although Phil Spencer, the Microsoft vice-president in charge of the Xbox brand, would be a safe bet.
While Waypoint's source was unable to confirm or deny this, an internal rumor within Microsoft states that Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella was originally going to be one of the four but he opted not to know; having the person sent to inform him physically removed from his office. Why exactly Nadella would opt out is unknown although it may have to do with the restrictions that come along with knowing.
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No One Has Told Bon Appetit's Claire About The Coronavirus
For the most part, Bon Appetit, a culinary magazine with a large YouTube presence, is handling the coronavirus crisis like many media companies. Their contributors and editors are all working from home and their video production team has been put on leave. The sole exception to that is senior editor Claire Saffitz. Claire Saffitz is a professional pastry chef who has recently come to prominence as host of the wildly popular youtube series Gourmet Makes.
Earlier in March, when it first became clear to producers that COVID-19 was likely to impact day-to-day operations, they made sure to notify all personnel. But Claire had just started on a new episode of Gourmet Makes and was under a standard reality/cooking show control. Which stipulates that, in the event of national emergency, the talent is only to be notified if an immediate family member is impacted.
So, as Bon Appetit staff members slowly began to start working from home and video crew members were sent home, Claire has remained blissfully unaware. She is now completely alone in the office with the exception of one single member of the production team. We spoke to Steven Gunderson, who was left behind to film the rest of the episode, to see where Claire's head is at as of Friday, March 20th.
Honestly, Claire is pretty absorbed in her work. On this episode of GP*, we're doing Coco Puffs and she had a lot of difficulty getting the milk to become chocolate milk. So mostly she's been talking about coco powder and how best to adhere a powder mixture to the puffs so that enough falls off to create the chocolate milk but enough is reattained on the puffs to give it's exterior a chocolate flavor. But occasionally she looks around and notices no one else is here and she looks confused and sad.But I don't think she has quite figured out what is going on. Yesterday, she got out a tray to bring her finished product down to the offices. But there was no one there. So we just wandered around an empty office with a tray full of breakfast cereal for an hour.Steven Gunderson, 1st Assistant Camera
*Gourmet Makes was originally pitched as Gourmet Produces so many crew members still refer to it as GP.
We spoke to several Gourmet Maker producers and they all confirmed that Claire seems to be nearing completion of the project and they fully intend to tell her about the coronavirus situation once the episode has wrapped. There is some debate as to whether or not they should film it.
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Spotify Does Not Believe You Like Halsey
We here at Spotify see what you're doing. Some time ago you noticed that none of your algorithmically generated daily mixes had any Halsey in it. So you've been furiously listening to and liking Halsey tracks in some sort of effort to get one of her songs into your daily mix. And I just want to let you that this is not going to work. When you press Spotify's trademark heart shaped button to like one of Halsey's songs, we do not believe you.
Lets give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you think that you like Halsey. Well, buddy, we know you don't like Halsey. Maybe you listened to some K.Flay and you thought it was Halsey. It happens. Lets both forgive and forget.
But I don't think that's very likely. What do you think? Because you know what I think? I think this is all part of some sort of clever ruse. You want to trick us into thinking you like Halsey. And you'll have a nice laugh at our expense. Well, I don't think you realize who you're fucking dealing with. We're Spotify. We're a legitimate quality music streaming service. We have a package deal with Hulu. We're not the Pandora-ass motherfuckers you may be used to dealing with. And we here at Spotify should not be trifled with. You've been warned.
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Here Is What The Trump Administration Is Doing To Prevent The Coronavirus From Hitting Their Immigrant Detention Centers
They're not doing shit.
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How To Build A Gaming PC And Two Cheese Sandwiches In 2020
Even with new consoles on the horizon, a gaming PC will likely remain the best possible way to play video games for the foreseeable future. And building your own desktop can often be cheaper than buying a prebuilt system and it is also just a fun project. I know it can appear daunting from the outside perspective but I will be running down all the steps that should allow you to easily build a quality gaming PC and two quality cheese based sandwiches.
STEP ONE: ASSEMBLE YOUR COMPUTER PARTS
Assembling and choosing computer is an artform of it's own and I'm really not going to get into it in this article. Suffice to say this this a mid-range Ryzen build and I'm reusing my old AMD 480 graphics card for the time being. But the build steps discussed in this article should be mostly the same for any 2020 build, unless you're dealing with high-end custom stuff. I'll also try to call out where things commonly vary across builds.
You can find my part list at https://pcpartpicker.com/list/hyr7sk. You're also need a phillips-head screwdriver, maybe a small phillips-head screwdriver(not pictured) and a Windows USB installer(not pictured).
STEP TWO: ASSEMBLE YOUR SANDWICH PARTS
For these two recipes you will need your white bread of choice, your sourdough bread of choice, raw milk cheddar cheese, jack cheese, parmesan cheese(shredded is preferred but I made due with grated), butter, lawry's garlic salt, lite caesar dressing(optional) and tomato sauce(not pictured).
I will try to call out where ingredients can be substituted. There is a lot of room for personal preference in the cheese department.
STEP THREE: REMOVE SIDES OF CASE AND INSERT IO SHIELD
You're going to want to remove both side panels of your PC case. Most side panels these days are still secured by simple thumb screws on the back. After those are removed, the sides should slide right off with a quick pull.
Next, pop your motherboard's IO shield(aka the slots for everything to plug into) into the back of your computer case. You can use the backside of your screwdriver to put a little force on it if the corners aren't quite sticking. Double check you're not putting it in upside down.
STEP FOUR: SEAT CPU
The CPU and CPU fan is often where computer builds will differ the most, especially if you're going with a different CPU manufacturer or a non-stock fan. These instructions pertain to a mid-range 2020 AMD build with the stock fan. If you're using Intel or reading this in the distant future then your setup might be fairly different. But I'll try to call out some very universal concepts.
Get out your motherboard. It goes without saying that you may want familiarize yourself with your particular board. The motherboard manual is usually pretty thorough.
Lift the retention arm on your CPU socket. An Intel socket will have a cover protecting some pins. Lifting the arm on an Intel socket will also lift the cover and expose the pins.
Next, you're going to want to take the CPU out of the box. For either AMD or Intel, you never want to touch the front or the back of your CPU. Instead, delicately hold the CPU by the sides.
Locate the corner of the CPU that has a small triangle.
Triangle is the bottom left.
Then locate the triangle on your socket.
The triangle is in the top right.
To seat your CPU in the correct orientation, set it down in the socket so that the triangle on your CPU lines up with the triangle on the socket.
It should just fall right in. But you can give it a quick jiggle if it doesn't seem quite right.
And close the retention arm.
STEP FIVE: BUTTER TWO PIECES OF BREAD
Butter two pieces of the white bread of choice. I'm using some Hawaiian white bread from Ralph's but you can use whatever white bread you desire.
When stacking the bread for something in the grilled cheese family, I like to use the Butter-Butter alignment. First you set a piece of buttered bread down with butter side up. Then you set another piece of buttered bread on top of that piece with butter side down.
Unfortunately at the time of shoot, we had some technical difficulties and did not manage to snag a shot of the finished bread stack. But we used technology to replicate what the end product should look like.
STEP SIX: INSTALL CPU FAN
Your experience can vary wildly based upon the mounting mechanism for your chosen CPU fan, or liquid cooling solution. So, honestly, you're going to want to look up how your specific fan mounts. I'm using the stock AMD fan for a 3600X.
And, for this fan, you start by unscrewing and removing the plastic pieces that flank the CPU socket.
Those pieces screwed into a back-plate so don't lift you motherboard at this point unless you want the back-plate to fall off.
If you're using a stock fan, the thermal paste should be preapplied to the fan. If you're using a non-stock fan, you will likely need to apply a pea sized drop of thermal paste to the CPU. And, if at any time, you're replacing a CPU fan then you'll need to first remove the old thermal paste with a q-tip and rubbing alcohol.
Never touch the top of the CPU or the bottom of the CPU fan.
And then you'll want to set the CPU fan down on top of the CPU so that you'll be able to screw it into sockets where the plastics pieces had been. Try to do this in one move so you don't have to lift it.
Screw each screw a little bit at a time, moving diagonally, so that one side isn't a whole lot more screwed down than the other. Do this until all the screws are tight but don't overdo it.
And then plug in the CPU fan into the four pronged socket usually labeled CPU_FAN1 and located right next to the fan.
From here on out, you should be able to lift this piece by grasping the CPU fan.
STEP SEVEN: ADD TOPPINGS TO BREAD STACK
Now add cheese to the top of the bread stack. I like to layer my cheese with vertical and horizontal strips to ensure a relatively even distribution with maybe a bit more cheese in the center.
I'm using raw milk cheddar from Trader Joe's but use whatever cheese you prefer. Some people strongly prefer American on a grilled cheese but I do not share this preference.
And this next part is very much optional but sometimes I like to add a couple squirts of a lite Caesar dressing. It gives the sandwich an interesting tang.
STEP EIGHT: INSTALL M2 DRIVE
Small solid state drives that plug directly into your motherboard are the hot new thing and they be very fast. First, locate the M2 slot on your motherboard. Sometimes these slots are covered by a heatsink that you'll need to remove first.
Insert your M2 drive into the slot at a slight diagonal.
And then screw it down with a very tiny screw that should have been included with your motherboard.
And if there was a heat sink cover, you'll likely need to remove a sticker protecting some thermal compound. And then put the heat sink back in place over the drive.
STEP NINE: INSTALL RAM
Installing RAM is one of the easiest things you can do on your computer. Simply locate where the RAM is supposed to go, flip the tabs down and press the RAM down. The RAM will only fit into the slot one way.
The only thing to really consider is that motherboards usually prefer you stick RAM into slots 2 and 4 first. Check your motherboard manual. There may also be a small diagram on the motherboard itself.
STEP TEN: FRY GRILLED CHEESE
Contrary to the name, a grilled cheese is not actually grilled. It is fried in a pan with butter.
First, and this is where the Butter-Butter alignment comes in handy, simply lift the top of the sandwich by the butter-side-down slice and set it down in the hot pan.
And then set the butter-side-up slice on top. Much easier than having to butter the top slice in the pan.
Cook until the bottom is properly browned and then flip with a spatula.
Cook until both sides are browned and cheese is melted. Place on a plate and cut diagonally.
STEP ELEVEN: INSTALL POWER SUPPLY
The power supply is the sturdiest thing in any system. Most cases have the spot for the power supply at the bottom of the case. Just make sure the power supply's fan is pointed down. And screw it into the back of the case.
If your power supply is not fully modular, run the cords through the back to keep them out of the way.
STEP TWELVE: CHECK RISERS AND INSTALL MOTHERBOARD
Motherboards sit on risers that are preinstalled on many cases. Full size ATX motherboards need nine risers that are arranged in a certain pattern, so you can't install it upside down. Make sure your case has all the right risers installed. If they aren't, your case should have come with risers that should screw into the relevant spots on the case.
It's hard to see the risers but there are nine of them.
Put your motherboard down in the case, making sure that it fits into the IO shield and the holes line up with the risers.
And then screw down the motherboard to each of the nine risers. Screws should have been included with your case.
STEP THIRTEEN: ASSEMBLE SECOND SANDWICH
The base of this sandwich is sourdough bread. And for a lot of sourdough bread there will be one side that is larger than the other. The side of the bread will look like a trapezoid. For clarity's sake, a bread orientation where the larger side is up will be called a W slice and opposite is called an M slide. Put down a W slice as a base.
Add your cheeses. I'm using grated jack cheese and a bit of pre-grated parmesan. If I'm being honest, I would really prefer a grated mozzarella and maybe a bit of ricotta for this sandwich. But sometimes we have to work with what we got.
And then add some tomato sauce on top. I'm using some homemade sauce I had left over but you can obviously use store bought sauce.
And this is where things seem counter-intuitive, put another W slice on top. It'll look weird but go with me on this.
STEP FOURTEEN: INSTALL GRAPHICS CARD
Most of the time, you're going to want to put the graphics card in the first PCI-e slot. You'll also have to pop out the backside cover for the relevant PCI-e slot. A lot of the time, these can't be reattached so be careful.
Then flip the tab down and push the graphics card into the slot. And screw it down to the backside of the case.
STEP FIFTEEN: INSTALL HARD DRIVE
If you're going to use an M2 drive, you may not need another hard drive. But I'm using one because I need space to store the games I'm not playing.
Most cases these days have a screw-less cage for the hard drive. You slide it out from the front, stick the hard drive in and slide it back in.
And then go around the back of the case and plug in the SATA power cable, which connects to the power supply.
And plug in a SATA data cable and the other end of that will need to be plugged into the motherboard. Usually the SATA ports are on the right side of the motherboard.
STEP SIXTEEN: BUTTER AND SEASON TOP SLICE
Butter the top slice of the sandwich and sprinkle with lawry's garlic salt and parmesan. This is where the top W-slice should hopefully make sense. The top piece of this is basically garlic bread, or at least a white trash garlic bread.
And you're going to want a larger surface area up top for that.
STEP SEVENTEEN: BAKE SANDWICH FOR TEN MINUTES
Put the sandwich in the oven on a high broil for around ten minutes or until the cheese in the center is melted and the top is crispy.
STEP EIGHTEEN: PLUG IN EVERYTHING
Now it is time to plug in all the small things. I'm not going to go into too much detail but you're going to want to try and route the cables through the back side as much as possible. And just generally try to keep the cables out of the way and out of sight.
First, plug in motherboard power. This is the bulkiest plug and it plugs in on the right side of the motherboard.
Then plug in the supplemental power for the CPU. These are actually two four pin plugs that plug into an eight pin slot in the top left of the motherboard.
Plug in all the fans. Where exactly you plug these in will vary based on your motherboard. Most case fans have a three prong cord but they will be plugged into a four prong slot. These will be marked with SYS_FAN1-4. There will be a piece of plastic that guides how you should plug it in.
Plug in the USB front panel connectors. The slots for these connectors are on the bottom right of this motherboard. The one on the right is USB 3.0.
Plug in the front panel HD audio connector. This goes in the bottom left on my board.
The front panel power/LED/reset plugs are four separate plugs that plug in one set of pins, in a specific orientation. In 2020, it is weird and I hate it. The pin in the bottom right should remain untouched. I found a diagram online that should help.
The set of pins in on the bottom of motherboard, next to the USB connectors.
And finally plug in the graphics card. This graphics card takes a single six pin connector.
STEP NINETEEN: INSTALL WINDOWS WHILE EATING REST OF CHEESE SANDWICH
Okay, you're almost all the way done. Hook everything into your computer. Mouse, keyboard, power cord, etc.
Then plug in a USB drive setup as a windows installer, or an installer for linux. Startup your PC and press the DEL key(or whatever key your motherboard wants) while the bios is starting to pull up a boot menu. Select the USB drive and follow the instructions to install windows.
And now you're done.
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