i too would like to sleep 20 hours a day right now please thank u

koalas are so funny what do you mean the leaves they eat are poisonous so they use every bit of energy to break them down and that's why they literally don't move or do anything else ever

so real for that one can i be a koala

it should be an unspoken rule that as someone visiting a koala sanctuary i should be allowed to take one home i think

i have named him buster and he will be mine and he will be my koala

koalas are so funny what do you mean the leaves they eat are poisonous so they use every bit of energy to break them down and that's why they literally don't move or do anything else ever

so real for that one can i be a koala

me if i was a fish

i'm sorry wtf is a butter pie and why is my girlfriend obsessed with them

i was so real for this one omg (bringing back an old post on my other account because it just genuinely slayed)

also wtf happened these tags were peak humour and i can never reach this level of genius again

Carmen Saeculare

my gf would find this one so difficult (she told me about her childhood crush and i haven't let her forget it)

help she now downloaded the tumbles turns out my actions have consequences

my gf doesn't have tumblr so i made a joke about her not being able to see all the posts i made about her and now she wants screenshots help

how do i tell her i made this account just so i could ramble about her this is a predicament

i miss the time when my biggest dilemma was which sad reflective disney song i should listen to next:

my gf doesn't have tumblr so i made a joke about her not being able to see all the posts i made about her and now she wants screenshots help

how do i tell her i made this account just so i could ramble about her this is a predicament

i haven't seen my wife (girlfriend) in 20 years (2 weeks). i went to war (home for christmas) and got held hostage on an island for 7 years (flew 22 hours to australia) and i don't know if i'll ever see her again (i'll see her in 3 weeks). to be reunited with my true love i have to endure the wrath of the gods (avoid the deadly snakes and spiders) and prove my heroism (find her a little gift), and only then will i be able to complete my nostos and prove that i did not die at sea (i'll be back in normal timezones and can have normal conversations at regular times).

i downed the wine my mum offered me and it now feels like simping season

can't believe my gf looked at me insulting her lego building ability and decided i was the one she wanted to be with. really lucked out with that one (except when i want leaves on a sunflower to actually look like something vaguely sunflower-like, then i must do it myself)

augustus caesar of roman empire fame may actually be my roman empire, but in a 🏺🏳️‍🌈🏛👭💅🏻 way rather than a ⚖️🙄👤💥💬 way, so i get a free pass?

anyway have this banner i made:

augustus is love augustus is life

me when women: 🙃✨️💐🥰💝☺️👭

me when men: 😨👤🙈😑🏃‍♀️💨🙄