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chamileonidae · 2 years

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𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐇𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

'WE COULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD TOGETHER'

- camilo madrigal x gn!reader

- camilo is slightly aged up (18)

- inspired by Never Had a Chance [Katherine Li]

- warnings! mental breakdown towards the end, angst no comfort. swearing like a few times, severely not proofread so be warned.

The music soared the joy of the town folks dancing in the plaza. Smiling and laughing, some were perfectly coordinated dancing with their partners whilst some went off the chart and did their own thing.

You sat on a chair, underneath the shade of the vendor tent of your stall. It was windy, not enough to blow everyone away but enough to keep everyone cool whilst they're dancing. Not you though, you were lost in the clouds; your eyes only focusing on a certain canary coloured ruana. His curly hair frolicked while his ruana fluttered around as he danced to his heart's content.

You sighed from a far, a frown on your face as you watched him having the time of his life. Then, you thought of yourself, helplessly watching him, you felt like a loser. You are a loser.

Why am I still here and waiting for us to happen

‘Cause you’d never want it

The way his hair bounced made you thought about how soft it'd be to run your hand through it. The way he smiled and the way he played with the children, you'd definitely get along with him. His hands (although you have to squint) looked warm, soft and gentle, judging from the way how delicate he was when he held something. You expected it to be maybe a bit rough due to his chores. You've seen his freckles and you thought he'd loved to have them kissed, his muddy eyes seemed dreamy to stare into up close. You loved everything about him, you loved how helpful, careful and confident he was.

But you wouldn't know if that's what it's like to be with him, would you?

Everything I loved ‘bout you I probably imagined

‘Cause we never had it

"Hello, what are you doing alone?"

You didn't realise you zoned off, you didn't know how he appeared right in front of you with his bright smile. You froze, your heart beating the hell out of your ear drums.

He was..... prettier up close. Admiration from a far seemed pathetic now that he's fully in your view, looking at you.

"You alright? You looked upset so i thought i could cheer you up," he outstretched a hand towards you.

You took note of his enthusiasm, just another trait for you to associate with him. After collecting yourself, you accepted his hand and hoped he didn't notice how your cheeks were heating up.

"Camilo Madrigal, nice to meet you," he introduced himself as you stood from your seat.

'Who wouldn't know you?'

You gave him a small grin, "yn, nice to meet you too,"

He brought you towards the bunch of dancing folks, soon you started joining his laughter and wow was it more musical than you expected.

Camilo Madrigal had brought you joy. Although he was known to never stop until he makes you smile but you like to think he was doing it because he had given you the same looks you had given to him. You never thought he would ever talk to you because you for sure would never had the courage to talk to someone out of your league. But right now, this moment, laughing and dancing with him, he was just some guy, a friend if you dared.

A friend.

Maybe you have a shot with him?

"Camilo!" you called out to him. Excited to maybe spend the day and actually get to know him.

It's been a few days since the miracle of Camilo approaching you occurred. You had that memory on chokehold, giggling everytime you thought of it. You assumed he would technically be your friend now.

"Oh hi, youre um," he furrowed his eyebrows, trying to recall why you seemed familiar.

"Yn! Yes, hello yn," his smile lit up, making yours widened as well.

"How was-"

"Wait, yn. Im reallyyyyy sorry but I have to go do my chores. Maybe we could hang out next time, you seem fun. Don't want abuela to like scream right now y'know so.... gotta go!" he dashed towards a mother who was holding her child, it seemed she was waiting for Camilo since she was relieved to see him.

A foolish grin twitched into the corner of your lips. Fun, you're fun. You turned around and went on with your day, his words bouncing in your head as your chores were being attended.

'WE COULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD TOGETHER'

You winced at the music blasting throughout casita. It was Pepa and Félix's anniversary and you were invited, everyone was.

You covered the both of your ears and went to escape to the kitchen, passing by drunk adults as they swayed under the night sky. You weren't fond of alcohol, it tasted too bitter and you despised it.

Reaching the kitchen, you grabbed a cup and went to get some water. You pulled the tab of the metal water dispenser and out comes the cold water. You sipped a tiny bit of the liquid, spitting it out the moment it burnt your tongue. It was vodka, you scrunched your face in disgust.

As you were about to pour it down the drain, Camilo entered the room. He was sober thankfully, only coming down for a cup of water. Your eyes widened seeing him, you still couldn't get used to how close he was with you. He has took off his ruana, probably heated from the dancing sweaty adults all over the place.

He went near the water dispenser you had used and reached his hand out to the one beside it. The barrel was that actual one that contained water in it.

Watching him from a distance was the most you could muster but this was etheral. The dimmed kitchen light highlighted his hair, his freckles faintly appearing as his eyes were half-lidded and blankly staring at whatever is in front of him (a wall basically). He haven't noticed you despite being only a a meter or two away; he was clearly sleepy and tired yet he had to attend his parents' anniversary, why wouldn't he.

You took a deep breath and spoke, "Hi Camilo,"

His eyes flickered towards you, his face lit up; happy to see someone he's familiar with, "Yn! Hello, dios mio, im so glad i found someone i actually recognise,"

You chuckled, "Why? Its impossible for someone like you to not recognise at least one person here,"

He shrugged, "Well yeah but not a lot of people my age came. They were busy i think, i don't mind but glad you're here," he brought up the cup to his lips, downing the water, it was actually water this time.

You hummed, running out of things to say.

"You're not going to drink that?" he pointed at the cup you were holding, you still havent discarded it; too mesmerized by his casual state in front of you.

"Huh, oh," you looked at the cup in your hold, "Uh yeah i was," out of sheer panic and embarrassment, you drank half of the vodka in the cup. The alcohol burning in your throat, making your cough a little after you placed down the cup.

"Shit, are you okay?" he stroked your back as you stopped the coughing.

"Yeah- I'm fine,"

You weren't fine. The alcohol was still burning and the whole world was spinning. Everything was blurry, but him.

He was worried for you, his eyes were furrowed, trying to see if he could find a bruise or a sign that shows you were sick. You notcied his lips were moving but the ringing in your ear was like a siren screeching. Just how lightweighted were you?

"yn? Yn, do you want to lay down for a bit? Your face is like super red right now. Not too much of a drinker i suppose?" he grabbed the cup and poured the liquid into the drain before throwing away the cup.

His voice actually reached you this time, too sweet for your own good; your heart was running too much than needed.

'i like you,' you screamed in your head.

"I like you," you said, as low as the wind. It could be mistaken as a whistle but he heard you. Camilo heard you clearly. He pulled away the hand that was soothing your back.

When you realised what you had just blurted out, the ringing intensifies. The world seemed to had stopped.

His face morphing into shock. He chuckled nervously, "Heh, um you're pretty tipsy aren't you? Why don't i bring you up to Mirabel 's room? Im sure she won't mind you resting there for a while,"

Crap, he thinks its the alcohol. You want to take it back, you really do but seeing his reaction, you don't think that's possible without embarrassing yourself.

He moved away from you, about to search for Mirabel to get her to help you. You grabbed his arm and shook your head.

So you decided to at least stand with the confession.

"No, i like you," it wasnt the alcohol saying this time, your head was still ringing but you knew you had to tell him.

Camilo pursed his lips into a thin line, he grabbed the hand that was holding onto him dearly- "I'm sorry,"

-and pulled it away from his arm.

"I don't like you the same way,"

Stupid of me to think that you could ever be mine

You watched as he sprinted out of the kitchen, leaving you regretting your words. Your knees buckled, making you sat down onto the cold floor, tears falling down your face as you sobbed as quietly as you can. It was too painful for you to shout in agony. Quietly, the party went by with bright music while you sat on the chilly floor alone, hiccuping and coughing on your own tears.

I could blame it on the drinks but I’m so sick and tired of lying

Camilo Madrigal had rightfully rejected you and you had never been more embarrassed. He was nice enough to not spread the horrid memory. Although the confession didn't lead to the conclusion you had wanted, it might get easier for you to get over him.

Your body tossed and turned underneath the blanket. Your bed might just break if you kept going. You groaned in frustration, laying on your back and hitting your hands on the sides of the mattresses.

Yellow

Brown hair

Green eyes

Stars on his skin

Shit.

You sat upright immediately, messing up your hair with your hands. There were strands sticking up or outright when you stopped, dropping you hands down on your lap.

You can't sleep, are you seriously thinking of him?

Are you seriously thinking of Camilo?

Your heart fluttered at his name, his pretty face smiling brightly as it appears in your mind.

The immense amount of euphoria made you weak, you pressed the back of your palm to your cheek, you could feel warmth from it.

Fuck, he's really affecting you this bad.

The happy Madrigal's face faded into the one you saw from a few nights ago. The one where he freaked out when you confessed.

"I don't like you the same way,"

Your heart plumented, the ever growing grin you had turned upside down.

And I wish I could think of you and not have to still feel

Everything you probably don’t but I still think it’s real

No, you don't want to give up. You'll keep trying instead of pushing. But first you need to bury yourself, the embarrassment seemed too much to bare.

You woke up feeling extraordinary, the birds even chimed in to your happy mood. You got ready and actually felt decent looking the mirror, turning left and right to check the clothing on you. Satisfied, you left the house; skipping towards your stall happily.

You happy steps comes to a stop when you saw Camilo leaning on the wood that held up your stall. He was looking down at his shoes then at the kids having fun, the corner of his lips twitching upwards.

To say you were absolutely flabbergasted was an understatement, everything seemed to had repeated for you again. Your stomach bursting with butterflies, a threatening grin almost showing up and even your cheeks hurt from trying holding back the said grin.

You shook your head, lightly slapping your cheeks to collect yourself. You walked towards the stall, "What are you doing here?" your tone came out to be a mixture of excitement and irritation. You can't tell if you'd want to bail or not but like you have a choice right?

"Uh, Oh! Sorry um, i was just checking on you," he pushed himself off from the wood and you made your way behind the stall; taking out stuff to prepare for your daily routine.

"I'm fine, thank you," you calmly replied, holding back how happy you were to see he's looking out for you. Sure he's probably just making sure you're alright because he's Camilo and he's nice but you're not complaining.

"Um.." he rubbed the back of his neck, his gaze rapidly looking left and right, away from you to try and think of something to say.

"Do you happened to remember a few nights ago? During my parents' anniversary?" He finally asked as you placed down the tools and trays a top the table.

You froze for a moment, staring at the table in front of you. This is your chance to befriend him, you could just lie and said you didn't and that you didn't actually like him that way.

You shook your head and shrugged, "I just remembered passing out on my bed,"

Maybe he'd feel better when you said that.

You were right.

His eyes widened, relief clearly showing, "Really? Oh my god, did you get home safely tho?"

Okay, maybe his voice is a little too high after finding out the fact that you "didn't" remembered confessing.

You let out a nervous chuckle, "I did, there wasnt any bruises at least,"

He hummed, nodding at your response. There was silent between the two of you; Camilo watches you do your own thing at the stall.

You raised an eyebrow at him, nearly nervous at the amount of watching he's committing, "Camilo? Do you need anything else?"

"No, I'm just bored. Remember when i said you seemed fun?"

"yeah..." you mouth twitched into a grin.

"Let's hang out!"

You agreed, of course you did. Although, you're glad that he was the one who asked and not you.

When the day nearly reached the golden hue hours, Camilo Madrigal has taken you to a vast land called you and him. It wasn't exactly a date, you knew; all you did was get to know eachother by chatting and that made you more than happy.

Getting to know him had just broken the record of how many things you knew about him and so far, you can't tell. There were many facts you've found out but none of them confirms certain things but those can only be assured if you.... actually dated him.

The hang outs lasted a few days and you were never getting tired of any of them. Camilo is actually your friend now and that is still surprising to you.

Why am I still here and waiting for us to happen

As days past by, you started to grew restless. You're sick of just sitting beside him as a friend and limiting your feelings around him. You thought of to actually confessed this time.

Your favourite time of the day finally arrived, have you ever mentioned how honey coated his hair was under the golden light?

Today's hang out was by the fountain, you brought a book with you to read as you listened to Camilo's rambles. You gave him occasional hums and chuckles, assuring him that you were listening.

"....but Mira just REFUSES to admit I won," he exclaimed, throwing his hand uo slightly in air.

You giggled, "Why not make another bet with her? One you'll surely win?"

"Like what?" he turned to face you, you noticed his sudden movement and shut your book after putting a bookmark in.

You turned around and met his eyes, you softly smiled, "That the first person you asked out will say yes?"

One of his eyebrows raised in confusion, "Now how the hell do I do that? Plus I don't want to hurt them," he swung his legs up and down, careful not to crash on the fountain's cement.

You shrugged, "Ask someone that you like and they like you too,"

"But i don't like anyone,"

Your face fell, you turned to hid your disappointment, "But i do," you whispered.

Camilo's ear tickled, a wind swooping by his ear; sending what you've said to him.

"Yn- I'm... I'm sorry," he looked down to fiddle with his fingers.

Instantly you brought yourself back to him, your eyes wide realising he heard you.

You slowly calmed down, with a sigh, you got up.

"I know but I still liked you,"

He looked up to see you watching him down.

"Im really sorry,"

"It's alright, um, i remember that night by the way. When i was drunk, I'm sorry about that,"

He stood as well, nearly with a panicked look, "What, why didn't you tell me? I wanted to apologize about that night, I really do. I sounded rude I-"

You grabbed him by the shoulders to stop him, "You're too nice Camilo. If anything, the more you go on, the more im starting to think you only hung out with me because you felt bad,"

There was a stab in your chest when he avoided your eyes, 'Why didn't you tell me though..."

You let out a grim chuckle, "Easy, ‘Cause you’d never want it,"

You released his shoulders, he looked tensed, clearly guilty of what he'd done. Seeing he had nothing to say left, you spun on your heel and started walking. You weren't even a few steps away before Camilo called you.

"Wait! Let me make up to you, I didn't mean harm I swear! I saw you looked pretty upset after that night and-"

"I get it Camilo, you were just trying to help. Thank you but it's not helping my feelings for you," you said, without sparing a glance at the man behind you. He kept quiet so you continued, "Its alright, Everything I loved ‘bout you I probably imagined anyways. I'll get over it,"

With that you stepped away, a small part of you hoped he would chase after you but you and Camilo don't have that kind of bond and you never will.

‘Cause we never had it

You still see him, everywhere. Its inevitable at this point, sometimes its the actual guy and sometimes it was just something you've associated with him. Many weeks had passed yet your feelings for him was still clear as day. You wished you could bury it down in a whole somewhere but curse your strong emotions, you can't!

Funny it’s been so long and still there’s nothing that’s changed

Aside from your undying love for Camilo, he hasn't talked to you lately. You can't decide if that was a relief or an ever growing yearning to hear him talk again.

You were still upset with him, what he did was sweet but rotten to the core. Maybe rotten is a strong word but it's the only thing stong enough to mask your feelings but not enough to prevent your knees from weakening.

The sight of him mad you feel two things at once, one to just go up to him and embraced warmth and two, the urge to smack him and avoid him at all costs.

You knew the latter won't happened unfortunately;

And it was never your fault, wish there was something to blame

Oh god, you shouldn't have went to the party, you should've said no when he asked for a dance eith you, you should've rejected his offer to hang out, you should've-

The canary coloured wings fluttered at the corner of your vision and there you spot Camilo. Playing tag with the children there and you felt as if you've just fallen in love all over again.

His laugh, his smiles, his curls, his acts.

Dios mio, you're beyond smitten; you still have feelings for him after months and maybe even years.

And I wish I could think of you and know that it was real

Yet you're still in the same spot as you were before, just like when you first noticed him.

Hate that I’m still here and waiting for us to happen

You felt tears brimming in your eyes and you breathing sped up. You tried keeping it down by taking deep breaths and wiped stray tears away.

I don't like you that way.

It’s not like you’d want it

His voice rung in your head, your heart squeezed when you heard it.

'im starting to think you only hung out with me because you felt bad'

'i'm sorry,'

His apolegtic expression made you want to beat him up. He never denied about only feeling pity for you and that made your hand curled into a fist.

Everything I loved ‘bout you I know I imagined

You placed a hand on your chest and bunch up your clothing in a fist, the pain was terrible. Your head was pulsing, your heart wad ripping and your breathing nearly stopped, how could this happend just because of some guy?

This wasn't your first unrequited love but you never failed to move on but Camilo? You're loving traits of him that you're not even sure if it exists.

‘Cause we’d never happen

And you will never know if they were true.

I fr knew about this song once and was like, now this this.

I havent written angst in such a long time but then this song showed up and i thought about how i never confessed to my crushes at all and just watched them from a far. Like some im actually friends with but honestly they were pretty mediocre so like iM OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE.

I feel like the ending sort of ended unsatisfyingly? But honestly, realistically, this is how irl unrequited love like. Its not like you can do anything about and when you still have feelings, the pain was unbearable and would knock the shit out of you.

I was planning to make the reader unhinged but i was like shrug, i would be annoyed while writing. So yes have angst <3.

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