ch3rnovyl
romantic punk poet
☭ ⚢ ✪ tirf
i love artists, dikes and the sun
ig: _chernovyl_
124 posts
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Life, People & Passion
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Yesterday I went to bed at 3 after working for 6 hours on finishing my art project. I didn't like the ending results, some scenes were too static and at the same time others moved too much but I told myself that I didn't have much to do to fix it so I went to bed.
Today, when I showed the video to my teacher, she gave me a perfect score upon the first watch. I said to myself it was because she didn't inspect it closely, if she had taken the time to dissect the montage carefully she would have seen the paper wrinkles and the bad cropping in the last frame. Anyways my teacher said she loved it, and asked me if I'm applying to any art schools next year.
And then the most great wave of sorrow hit me when I realized that no, I hadn't. Out of my three choices not one of them was an art school, eventhough i wanted to do it more than anything. The fear of not being good enough blocked my path. Although I'm only 15 and art isn't very compatible with sociology (one of the studies I want to major in), I regret it immensely. All of this just because of being scared.
If you're reading this and you're afraid of not being enough, or if you're scared of how will it all turn out to be... its normal. never let anyone tell you you're not good enough, not even fear.
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im a feminist until i get the urge to be held, be kissed on the forehead, hold hands like a little girl, be dressed like a doll, have my hair brushed, my face touched gently, be treated like a princess, like a delicate porcelain doll by a biblically gorgeous man .
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I'm a mosaic of everyone I've ever loved, even if it was for a heartbeat
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"that's my girl" is one of the sweetest and cutest thing that i really want to hear, like yes i am. you're right say it again
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i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".
it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.
do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.
but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.
do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).
you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.
walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.
no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.
do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."
you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.
there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.
i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.
he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."
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Sorry about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine.
@dog-teeth/nobody - mitski/@ lilrainpoety on instagram/little weirds - jenny slate/@blossomfully/@chaandajaan/strawberry blond - mitski/wishbone - richard siken/salt - salma deera/unable to find a source/mia hollow/the unabridged journals of sylvia plath/nobody - mitski/crush - richard siken
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look up. do you remember what the stars are? at the very least- imagine
#poetry#humanism#quotes#hopecore#hopepunk#web weave#web weaving#words words words#writeblr#art#rocco frattasio
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-on love
@fatimamononoke/ minari (2021)/ true blue- boygenius/ gossip girl/ graceland too- phoebe bridgers/ @mazzystarjpg/ @2aminhouston/ new year’s day- taylor swift, orestes- anne carson/ mocha via gentleearth.com
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a girl of fear, a woman of anger— look how we've grown
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‘I wish for death’ - Twelve-year-old Alma says. She fled bombing and shelling twice before the third place they sheltered was bombed, She was rescued from the rubble only to find out both her parents and all four of her siblings had been killed. She found her 18-month-old brother in an unimaginable state. Her little brother was beheaded from the rubble after the IOF massacred them.
Source: BBC
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intimacy's got such a weird feeling on me. like yeah most of my friends have seen me naked, but I won't stop getting nervous whenever we talk
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love and childhood nostalgia
#girlhood#childhood#nostalgia#girl blog#nostalgic#humanism#life is so beautiful#soup#sun#web weaving#web weave#photo dump
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girls will tell you they were the most horrible ugly fat kid ever and how they were bullied all their childhood and then show you a picture of the most beautiful angelical being you have ever seen
#feminist#girlhood#girl blog#poetry#humanism#girl interrupted#riot girl#riot grrrl#this is a girlblog#words#trans inclusive radfem#radfem
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“You learned to laugh before you learned to talk.”
— Unknown
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Do girls know that they can never have sex? Do girls know that they can have sex with women? Do girls know their first time isn’t supposed to hurt? Do girls know that they’re not supposed to bleed? Do girls know that vaginas becoming ‘loose’ with more sex is a myth? Do girls know that you can stop halfway through? Do girls know that if they have a mediocre first time, it doesn’t mean it’ll feel like that forever? Do girls know that they don’t have to prove they’re not boring or prudish? Do girls know it’s okay to demand a condom? Do girls know they don’t have to ever ‘give in’ to demands, even a little? Until teenage girls and women know every way they can say ‘yes’ or ‘no’, sexual liberation isn’t complete.
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