(OUTER WILDS BASE GAME SPOILERS)

Regarding Solanum, if this weren't a game and I had better control of my actions in the story... I feel like I'd definitely go to the Quantum Moon bringing dozens of different objects in each cycle and keep pointing at them until Solanum says it in her language, taking advantage of the infinite loops to properly learn the language and hold a conversation with her because SHE MUST BE FEELING SO LONELYYYYY

Heck, maybe even bring a memory statue to her? It's debatable if she is so quantum entangled that she would remember our visits even if not inside the loop herself

I made this other post about the Emperor and Ansur once, but I had more things I wanted to say and couldn't quite fit in without muddying my point.

This is perhaps a bit of a reach, but this is not the first time I've found a portrayal of turning into a monster that I relate to as a chronically ill / disabled person who became ill later in life. It has nothing to do with feeling monstrous (I don't feel monstrous) or even body horror, and everything to do with how disabled people are treated by society and even those closest to us.

Obviously disabled people don't go around eating brains. We are not dangerous any more than abled people are. But becoming a mindflayer (or whatever monster) is comparable in the sense that, it can happen suddenly, and then your whole life is different, your body is not what it used to be (maybe visually, maybe the way it works or doesn't work now), and you need certain accommodations in order to thrive or even just survive. But people treat you differently now, you're not really given any help, and truthfully a lot of people would rather you just be dead. You're abandoned by society to figure out your new life and all its difficulties on your own. If you're lucky, you have some people who care enough to help you. If you're not lucky, you do the best you can in your desperation.

And that's why it feels so messed up to me that Ansur just gave up on Balduran/Emperor once he couldn't cure him. He clearly believes this is still Balduran, as shown by how he speaks to him when you meet him. So in his mind, he wasn't even trying to kill some creature that just had Balduran's memories. He was trying to kill Balduran. Who forcibly underwent a change to his body and accepted it and decided he still wanted a chance at living.

Edit to add: I'm pretty sure the Emperor even says it wasn't easy at first, so he didn't immediately embrace being a mindflayer. He came to accept it with some time, and that feels even more significant to me.

Like I said, I know becoming a mindflayer is not exactly the same as becoming disabled because mindflayers are dangerous. But also like I said, in my other post, the game shows us there are options to living ethically as a mindflayer. It's just that no one even helped the Emperor try to find them. And even so, he did his best on his own by eating criminals (which there is proof of, in a transcript).

I don't even blame him for disguising himself to the player at first. Look at how society treats freed mindflayers. Look at how the Emperor's own best friend and lover treated him. It makes perfect sense to assume we would hurt him or refuse to help him too.

Some people are so quick to forgive the companions for all the messed up things they've done because they have trauma. The Emperor has been through shit too though. He wouldn't admit to having trauma, but he was kidnapped, had his body forcibly changed, had his mind enslaved, had his lover try to kill him, had to kill his lover in self-defense, and was enslaved a second time. Sounds pretty traumatic to me.

Anyway. It's probably random to end this by talking about books, but that's what I do (literally, I also have a book blog), so. The other stories I also related to in this way were Dead Collections by Isaac Fellman (vampires) and Bored Gay Werewolf by Tony Santorella (werewolves). Maybe look 'em up, if you like that sorta thing.

((BIG SPOILERS FOR THE OUTER WILDS BASE GAME))

I finished the base game this Sunday Amazing experience, slightly soured due to how many phobias of mine it was attacking at once

HOWEVER!!! Outer Wilds community, please accept this humble meme I just made while on my lunchtime

Outer Wilds is frustrating me

Outer Wilds has been a fun experience so far but the gameplay/control works against the game itself and Dark Bramble is peak frustration to me

Also my deep fear of void and deep oceans and such is making it an increasingly stressful experience... I'm *sincerely* considering installing the mod Light Bramble even if it's "cheating" just so I can properly enjoy the game and the few remaining areas I have left to explore

I MISS FORBIDDEN SIREN AND I WANNA DRAW IT

Ngl after watching tangomushi's video on Siren and seeing all the fanart by the Japanese fans, I thought... Why the heck have I never made any fanart of it??? I wonder if I can - with my limited free time - plan 3 poster-style pictures based on the 3 days the game takes place???

By the way, you should watch their Siren video! Siren is one of my favorite horror games of all time, even though today I'd not have the same patience I had as a teen, where I finished both games without a guide even though my copy of the 2nd one was in Japanese AND I DON'T SPEAK JAPANESE

✨Commissions are now open!✨ ✨10 Slots Total! Will work/charge one at a time, the first one to get a slot being first!✨

Please, DM me here or at http://furaffinity.net/user/bludermaus/ ! We'll talk about your comm idea, and if we both agree you'll get a slot!~

ToS: https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vTI-3sWCMykcoTek9TFl80YVT_fK2ZZGEU2onwcc104F0DvoZxHhv4O_noo3VRq8nmpNZoH9Jc1aWpP/pub

I'd actually find it really funny if The Emperor were this warm and had no interjection from the Narrator because he's being honest about liking and going to miss YOU IN SPECIFIC, Tav/Durge! But he is NOT gonna miss the rest (especially Lae'zel) because they're not as cool as you are

Emperor Solo Ending <3

This is so cool! If you defeat the brain with your party, one of your companions will tell The Emperor that they will miss him, and this is what follows:

The Emperor “I will miss you too.” Narrator: Now that you no longer live in each other’s minds, it’s hard to tell if the mind flayer is being sincere. Though perhaps no harder than it ever was.

If you have a solo ending in which it's just you and The Emperor on the docks, this is what he says to you and there's no interjection from the Narrator! I chose the "I trusted you" dialogue.

The Emperor: “Strange, isn’t it? To have traveled this far, inseparable from one another, only to cut the cord at the final step. I’ll miss you, you know. You have become… important to me. And should our paths ever cross again, I will be glad to see you.”

The voice acting is also quite different in the solo ending. To me, Emps sounds very sincere and a little vulnerable, almost like he's unsure of how to express himself. Scott Joseph really nailed the voice acting for The Emperor. And judging by the expression in his eyes in the final close up, I'm convinced he's smiling when he says he'll be glad to see you.

About The Emperor telling you to use the tadpoles...

When I first played the game I thought it was just game magic logic that killing the Netherbrain at the end also killed the tadpoles in our heads. I thought for sure our fates were sealed, I was gonna be a squid. That's the whole reason (besides squids being cool) that I became a Tavflayer at the end: If I am to become a squid anyway, I might as well go out on my own terms and for the greater good!

Considering all of this and how much more sense it makes that the tadpoles won't just suddenly die due to the Netherbrain's death... do you think The Emperor prodding you into using the tadpoles and later becoming a half-illithid was just his way of getting you to slowly get used to your future powers and feelings?

Like, he wants you to do all of this so, when the time comes after the Brain's death, you'll be so used to the new feelings and powers that it won't be a shock for you as much as it must've been for him? It also makes his dialogue about "Well, you'd make a better illithid? Illithids are better anyway!" make sense and sound less judgemental: You're gonna become a squid anyway, might as well try to start seeing it as a good thing so you don't feel any self-loathing when that happens

For https://twitter.com/SushiTheShork and https://twitter.com/recthe2

A fancy dinner date with a huge, handsome wolf? Sushi couldn't resist… and Wolfo's shirt buttons also seem to not be resisting any longer~!

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Commission for https://twitter.com/Koishi09 When you thought the blob streamer you've recently found couldn't get any bigger, a fan with a lot of money to spare decides to take them out to a restaurant to get even blobbier~!

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Not to be a perv on main but the Emperor's tiny waist literally drives me insane. Hug shaped.

(CENSORED FOR TUMBLR)

This week I was watching a Youtuber I like playing Rayman Raving Rabbids because someone in chat paid him to. As he was playing I saw Serguei the big bunny jailer and… I knew what my mission was, my divine duty

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💎 To see the HD version, get your hands on the Photoshop file or just support me: https://www.patreon.com/bludermaus 💎

finally!! finished his ref <3

On Easter weekend I re-watch Monty Python.

Happy Birthday to meeeeee!~ I'm 28 years old now, I'm ancient, crumbling into dust with creaking knees and an achy back \o/

May I keep up with this energy into this new year of my life and that I may continue being blessed with inspiration for art~

the sickness at the core of america, according to brennan

For https://twitter.com/transentic Probably one of the fluffiest characters I've had to draw~ 💜