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are-you-still-writing-that · 6 days

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Then I Was Inspired, Now I´m Sad And Tired

Event: Whump- The Musical

Fandom: Supernatural

Characters: Sam Winchester, Lucifer, Dean Winchester, Castiel

Warnings: Character Death

Prompt Used: Day 3 - "Then I Was Inspired, Now I´m Sad And Tired" + Betrayal

Have fun! Story under the cut <3

Then I Was Inspired, Now I´m Sad And Tired

With a heavy heart Sam looked out of the car window. Castiel was snoring in the backseat, and he could hear how Dean was grinding his teeth beside him, as he determinedly kept staring forward. The silence in the Impala, his only home since he could think, the only one he could remember, was so thick that he could have cut it with the knife, he hid in his left boot.

The radio was playing one of Deans favourite cassettes. Some rock music from twenty to thirty years ago. His brother was obsessed with that kind of music, claiming that it calmed him down. And while Sam, didn´t outright dislike it, he also wasn´t a fan of it. Usually either teasing Dean to change the music or complaining, if he was annoyed enough.

Today though, Sam stayed quiet.

He knew, that Dean needed to take his comfort from somewhere, as he was the one, that was driving them down to Detroit. The roads long and winding. Sam knew, that Dean hated the plan, but there was nothing else, that they could do any more at this point.

Sam was the vessel of Lucifer.

This was a fact, that couldn´t ever be changed. No matter what they tried. Even if Dean had been able to avoid his fate to become the walking talking husk puppeteered by Michael, Sam knew he wouldn´t be that lucky himself.

The last few years, no, his whole life had showed him that. Azazel, had been after him his whole life, because of this. His father had destroyed all their chances at a normal life, in his endless drive to get his revenge on the yellow-eyed demon. Sams life had been over before it ever even really began. And even when he thought, that he had gotten away, the demon was still watching over him.

It was a hard pill to swallow, but Sam slowly began to realize, that he was always meant to die like this.

No matter what he did. No matter with whom he pleaded. No one would be able to save him from this fate. His fate. Even the angel on their backseat was powerless when it came to his situation. And if even an angel couldn´t save him, then who could?

He sighed quietly, ignoring the quick glance Dean sent his way, as he settled himself down for the rest of the drive. Maybe Castiel had the right idea, when he dozed away.

Not having to deal with what would inevitably happen to him soon, was a nice thought. Even when he knew, that he couldn´t escape from it all for forever. Even if he knew, that he was just hiding for a moment longer from what would inevitably happen. Just a moment longer.

It didn´t come as a surprise to him, that he started to drift, still watching the world pass him by on the outside.

Dean was the one, that shook him back to awareness with a cautious „Sammy!“, and after making sure, that Sam was awake, turning to wake Castiel up as well.

Slowly, he peeled himself out of the car. Stretching to get rid of the ache, that had settled into his bones. He could hear them crack, when he moved again. But if he was honest, he would take being cooped up in the Impala for countless hours, over what he had to do now.

Popping open the trunk he looked at the gallons of demon blood, that Dean had collected for him. It made him sick to look at it for too long, and he had to suppress the urge to heave.

Though in the end, it didn´t matter how he felt about what would happen soon. He would need to consume it, for the plan to work. No matter how much his insides felt like they were twisting, if he so much as thought about it. It sickened him, as he remembered how addicted he had been to it, just a few months ago.

Still, he twisted the lid off of the first container, shooing both Dean and Castiel away, who had started to hover around him, and took the first gulp.

He immediately felt like retching. It felt like he was drinking poison. It burned as it made its way through his body, and he hated it all. Especially, because while it burned, it didn´t taste bad. No, with every gulp, he felt like he needed the next one more and more.

At once he could understand, how even though the thought had sickened him only moments before, he had been addicted to this.

It felt good.

It was something familiar. Something comforting. And it made him feel powerful. Something he could only so rarely indulge in. He could feel how the blood was slowly kickstarting his powers again. It made him feel protected. Something, he desperately needed, with the whole situation that was coming down around him.

Before he knew it, he had emptied the cannisters. Only small puddles running together at the bottom, that he couldn´t get to.

At once what he had just downed hit him. Disgusted with himself, he stowed both containers back into the trunk of the Impala, before slamming it shut. Discreetly, he wiped at his mouth, but the taste still lingered.

For some reason, he wondered what his father would think of him, if he could see him right now.

Knowing John, a bullet would have found its way right between his eyes quicker than he could have screamed „Wait!“. His father was intransigent like that. He would have seen it as a mercy to kill Sam, and maybe it would have been. Maybe an early death would have been better, than what he was experiencing at the moment.

He slowly walked back to Dean and Castiel, who had inclined their heads to each other, fervently whispering, but growing suddenly quiet as Sam came closer. As he came to a stop between them, as they had both slightly moved aside, he couldn´t help but rethink the way he grew up.

The memory of him and Dean being locked up in the Impala for hours, as Dean desperately tried to keep Sam entertained, so that he wouldn´t start bawling again, as their father was gone. Again

Or the countless motel rooms, they had been cooped up in.

And then one day, it had just been Sam.

Dean being old enough to be taken along to the hunt, which had left Sam with hours upon hours being unsupervised. Most of the time, he had spent staring at the wall, as there was nothing better he could have done.

He had dreamed himself a future up, where he could get away from the whole hunting business, but seeing as how that turned out, maybe there had never been a chance for him at all. He had tried so hard to get away with leaving for Stanford, but all it did, was cost Jessica her life.

And now he is back to walking down the path, that had always been laid out for him.

Sam just hoped, that he wouldn´t end up like his fate had promised him. He didn´t want to be responsible for the end of the world. He didn´t want to become the puppet of Lucifer either. And he hoped with the precautions, that they took, that he would be able to rise above his fate.

He hoped, that he would be able to change the path he was stuck on. That in the end, he might be stronger, than anyone expected. That he might actually be able to lure the devil into a trap, he couldn´t say no to. And that in the end, he would be strong enough to end this disaster before it could continue any longer.

It was Dean, that pulled him from his thoughts again. Slightly shaking his shoulder with a „You good, man?“, but not really expecting an answer. At least not an honest one.

Sam looked at his surroundings for the first time, since getting out of the car.

Dean had parked the Impala in some sort of ghost town. The buildings looked only moments away from falling apart, and no matter in which direction he turned, Sam couldn´t spy a single sign of life. The shops looked abandoned. Flickering lights at the ceiling, and broken glass on the floor.

The house in front of them looked even worse than the others, and Sam didn´t need Castiel to tell him, who was hiding inside.

He could feel it himself.

The facade had crumbled down. Most windows were missing, and for some reason frost was climbing over every inch of the building. It would have almost looked beautiful, no matter how strange it was, but Sam was far too aware of what caused this strange play of nature.

Pulling his jacket a bit closer, he followed after Dean and Castiel, as they made their way to the front door. It had been broken off the hinges, only lightly hanging in the doorway, and immediately fell over, when Castiel touched it.

To their right was a staircase. Not really looking like it would be able to hold the weight of a fully grown man, never mind three, but still the only way upwards. And they needed to get upwards, as the frost became only a more prominent sight. It very likely being stronger, the closer it was, to its source in the first place.

It felt like an eternity, as they climbed step after step. Both Castiel and Dean were quiet. Their bodies tensed with the anticipation of getting attacked at any moment. They were on the lookout for any kind of threat. Not trusting, the almost peaceful feeling, that was trying to lull them in.

Sam was also tense, but for another reason. He knew, that Lucifer wouldn´t let anything happen to him at this point any more. The devil was far too prideful, too stubborn, to loose his chance because a rouge demon attacked his perfect vessel, so close to the end.

Lucifer would keep him safe. In the strangest definition of the word, Sam was safe at the moment.

No, what made him tense, was not the implicit threat of getting attacked. It was the feeling, that he just couldn´t shake, that made him compare this walk up the stairs with marching to his own gallows to get hanged.

And it felt like it took an eternity.

He was almost glad, when they finally reached the floor Lucifer was hiding on. No, not hiding. Simply waiting for them.

Dean made a movement, as if he planned to push himself through the door first, but before he could go through with it Sam gently pulled him back. Having already decided to walk into the room first to meet his end.

His brother shouldn´t have to carry the burden around any more, to protect him at every step. To throw himself at every danger, so that Sam might be saved. Dean had ruined his life already once because he would always choose to save him, if he wasn´t stopped. And Sam didn´t want it to happen a second time. So he needed to be the one, that freely took the burden on.

And it started here.

But there was also another reason, he had become desperate to meet Lucifer as quickly as possible. There were so many questions running through his mind. Questions he would never be able to answer on his own.

But the devil? He might be able to give him the answers he needed.

There was so much, that he still didn´t know. Especially, about the whole apocalypse, that was breaking the world down where they stood. The end was near, and he was the reason for it. If Sam got the chance to talk with Lucifer, he might as well get the chance to understand why all of this was even happening in the first place.

And maybe he would even get to understand why it was him. Why the burden was placed on him. Him out of all people.

It was strange coming to a stop in front of him. Lucifer wasn´t even looking at them, when they entered the room. Instead, he chose to look out a window. Frost spreading from where his fingers touched the glass. Listlessly, he was scribbling forms into the frost, before they whitened out again.

But not only was his touch enough to cause frost, but the room was also bitterly cold.

It was only slowly, that he turned to look directly at Sam. Not even for a second his eyes needed to search the room. It was almost like he could feel where Sam was, just like Sam had known, that Lucifer would be waiting here for him. They knew each other. Always.

It was undeniable to him, that he was in some strange way connected to the devil.

In this moment, he understood, that there would be no other outcome, but glancing at his brother, who drawn himself up to his full height, clearly terrified, he knew, that he would still need to try. Even if he feared, that he could already see the outcome of this fight in the eyes of Lucifer.

Sam ignored the banter his brother tried to engage Lucifer in, and could only whisper out a „Yes“, into the quiet of the room.

He ignored Deans outraged little „Sammy?“, and how Castiel suddenly tensed up behind him.

His attention was completely captivated by the other, who had cocked his head to the side, watching him with a little frown.

„Are you sure?“, it was the first time, Sam heard Lucifers voice outside of his dreams. He would have never thought, that is was even more sensual, pulling at his very soul, in real life.

He swallowed, biting out, „Take me now, before I change my mind!“

The devil smiled, nodding slowly, before his sight was filled by a blinding light.

Then darkness.

He could feel how Lucifer, the being not the body, settled into his very own. His soul, for a lack of a better word, fitted itself right next to his. And while Sam fought to gain back control of his body, he could also feel, that the fight was useless.

They had made a mistake.

No matter how much demon blood Sam drank, he would never be strong enough to fight against this. To fight against Lucifer.

He started to drift. Only the voice - Or were it many? - of Lucifer keeping him grounded. Sam felt like he could just float away at any second. Lucifers soul a comforting warming presence, that wound itself around his own.

It was only suddenly, when he came back to himself, to look down upon his brothers bloody face. It was only with great strength, that he managed to convince his body to take a step back. To pull the rings out of his pockets, and open up the gate to the cage.

„Everything will be alright, Dean. I promise!“

Those were his last words, before he threw himself down the hole, that had opened up in the ground. Barrelling through the darkness, he could hear the screeching of Lucifer his „No, no, no!“, as his soul was ripped from his own.

Somehow he had managed to outplay the devil in the end after all.

The sacrifice though he needed to take was great, but now he could only hope that it had not been in vain.

He was falling. Sailing through the darkness, with only Lucifers accusations of betrayal accompanying him. Heat tearing at his body, burning his skin away, and smouldering his bones to ash.

Sam had accepted his fate, so that his brother might be able to live. He would be caught down here together with a furious angel, but his brother would be safe. It came as a surprise to him, when Lucifer enclosed his soul with his wings, a blessed coldness enveloping him.

This was their swan song.

#whump: the musical #supernatural #sam winchester #lucifer #character death

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are-you-still-writing-that · 13 days

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Yandere!Kanae Kocho x Demon!Reader Scenario

Request: Hi, do you think you could maybe please write the yandere alphabet for Kanae Kocho from demon slayer with a female demon reader?.. I'm really interested in what lengths she would go to protect her beloved one. Like, would she try to suppress her s/o's demonic nature or would she even support it? Would she be ready to kill other demon slayer corps members to keep her loved one safe? I'm often daydreaming about this and would love to hear your opinion. ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

Hey there! This is not an Alphabet, but I wrote down a few headcanons. I just thought that this format would fit better, than the rather rigid form of the alphabet. Especially, because you asked some questions as well, and I really wanted to focus on these.

So let´s go!

I think the most important thing is making one thing clear: Were you a demon before she met you or did you get turned into one at a later point?

This can make or break the relationship between the two of you! So it´s important to know that before!

Let´s go down the route first, where you already are a demon before meeting her

To make things short: You die!

It doesn´t matter if you can hide your demonic nature from her and then the two of you get together or if she knows from the very first moment upon meeting you, because you told her or she figured it out herself. It doesn´t matter.

You will die!

If she knows from the beginning, she will see it as a mercy to you. No matter how kind you are, maybe especially because of your otherwise gentle nature. She hopes, that if you get reborn, you will have the chance for a better life. Without all this pain, these demon instincts brought you.

She ignores the spark, she felt in her chest. She ignores the grief, that suddenly presses down upon her without any discernable reason. It´s better this way. She knows that. There is no doubt in her heart, that this could have gone any other way.

But for a moment she wonders, who you would have been to each other in a different life. Your body turns to ash, and she stops wondering. She doesn´t have the time for this. No matter what this strange feeling in her chest is. She needs to move on.

Still, your face, your smile, your eyes, never leave her mind. She takes comfort in it.

If you manage to hide your status as a Demon from her, things will go a bit different...

She will rage. Her calm mask will crack, as she looks at you with tears in her eyes. „How could you?!“ You don´t think you have ever seen her this emotional. It´s scary.

She wastes no second in her vicious attempt to separate your head from your body. She is full of rage, full of grief. She will fight far more viciously, than you thought her capable.

Can you kill her? No? Well, then. That was it for you. She feels betrayed, and this betrayal is your death sentence.

She watches, as your body crumbled to dust at her feet.

And then: Regret!

She could have done things differently, no? Ah, it doesn´t matter now. She will go on to fight more viciously against every demon she meets. No matter their rang or power or if she is even suited for a fight like this. It seems almost like she wants to follow you...

Even though you betrayed her trust like this, she can´t help but still love you with all her heart.

So! That was that! Pretty depressive, no? But there still is another possibility.

You get turned into a demon, after you already had been together.

This time, it doesn´t matter, if she had known you for a few years, months, days or even hours. She reacts different than before.

Now there are two options again: She sees it happen or you tell her (or don´t, but she´ll know regardless)

Let´s start with the second one, mkay!

When you meet her again, you are unsure if you even should do that. No matter, what you had decided, if you had gathered the conviction to be brave enough to tell her, the words get stuck in your throat when she looks at you.

You can see how sad, she suddenly became, and you flinch back, when she storms towards you. She stops again. Her nose nearly touching yours, as she studies your face. From the corner of your eye, you see her arm rise, and close your eyes in return. Already tensing up in the anticipation of the following pain.

Nothing happens.

She simply touches your cheek. Gently caressing it. „We will figure something out. Don´t worry about it. You came to the right person for help!“ You open your eyes again, shocked at the burning admiration in her own. She pulls you close, and you can´t help but cry at this.

Cute, huh?

Kanae will try her best to help you. Shinobu, her master, was a genius when it came to poison and healing. Kanae will figure something out for you. Because of Tanjiro and Nezuko, she knows that you don´t need to eat any human meat. Yes, you will sleep a lot, but she will watch over you. For as long as you need her to. And even then she will continue.

When she brings you back to the butterfly mansion, she knows that she will face some resistance from Shinobu, but she is sure, that she will able to convince her teacher to let you stay.

A whimpered „Please...“ paired with desire. Her eyes truly alive for once. It´s enough for Shinobu to give in. You will survive, and she will defend you for as long as you live. She won´t kill anyone over you, but she knows where to get the support she needs to keep you alive.

And no matter the cost, she is willing to pay the price.

She will help you, because she couldn´t help you before. She will be there for you, because she couldn´t even be there for you, when you needed her the most.

And she knows it. You both do.

But there was something else I proposed, wasn´t there?

It was supposed to be a nice end to a wonderful evening. Her deadpan nature had brought you to laughter far more often than you could keep count. The food was delicious. And the company? Well, the company certainly found each other more than acceptable.

You walked close to each other. Your hands brushing, but never clasping. Conversation flowed between the two of you, though you talked, well rambled, while she answered every once in a while.

Though, with the late hour, there was a comfortable silence between you now. It was peaceful, and you leaned further into her.

Such a beautiful night it was. Almost like a dream you had.

Sadly, it would soon turn into a nightmare.

It all happened so fast.

You were thrown back.

You hear her screaming. So loud. She never was that loud. It worried you. You tried to lift you head to look for her. Your body was numb. There was so much pain.

Something – Water? – was dripped onto your lips. There was desperation in her voice now. You swallowed.

It burned. Your veins, your whole body, even your mind – It burned! Then everything went black. The last thing you heard was Kanae screaming your name.

When you woke the next time, you were laying on the floor.

Someone was patting your cheek. „C´mon! Please wake up!“

When you finally opened your eyes, everything seemed to be blurry at the beginning. Still, you could recognize the figure kneeling over you.

Her pink butterfly clip was broken. The wings seemed to be missing, and her hair was a mess. You don´t know, why you noticed this first. Her wings were gone! That was the only thing you could think of.

She was still prattling on. At this point, it seemed like she had said more, than the entire rest of the night combined.

You tried to sit up with a groan, but were quickly pushed down again. „No! Don´t! Stay down! Don´t know what is wrong yet. Sorry.“ Her hands pushed you back down, insistent, and your head rested on a soft fabric. When you looked her over, it was probably her white coat, that she had bundled up under your head.

You don´t why you noticed the dirt on her clothes, the tear in the fabrics before the rest. Maybe because she was always so put together in front of you? It seemed like she was about to fall apart, with nothing stopping the decline.

Her gentle hands caressed your face, even as you suddenly winced. Your mouth was hurting, your teeth ached! The light suddenly seemed too bright. Everything was just too much! There was a smell in the air. Delicious. Your teeth ache! Her face – You surge forward – was bloody. You bite.

She doesn´t even try to stop you, instead pulling you closer to her chest, as she gently pats your head. When you realize that you´re trying to bite through the shoulder of your date, you start to cry. She simply shushes you. Not letting you explain yourself, when you finally unclamp your teeth.

Your legs are shaky, when you try to stand, but you don´t have to waver for long, before Kanae is already by your side. She still smells delicious, and you hate yourself for even thinking it.

Awkwardly, the two of you shuffle along. Kanae nearly half-carrying you. You know she would try to carry your whole weight, but with her injuries, she can´t.

A slash across her face, one pupil more dilated than the other, her ankle twisted. A piece of flesh missing from her shoulder. She seems to have more bruised skin than not.

In comparison to her, you got away with a few scraps. Still a bit dizzy, and the lights are too bright. Other than that you feel fine. Weak. Fragile. But fine.

You almost feel bad about having her support you, but she glares at you – more emotion in her eyes than you used to – whenever you try to say something about it. You let her do it. It feels nice to have her so close to you. A comfort you desperately need.

She leads the way and you follow. You don´t know where you are going but you don´t mind. You had seen the sword at her side. Recognized her uniform. But you didn´t mind. She had always been so good to you. It wouldn´t hurt, if she did it. And she would. The blood in your mouth told you what happened, what you became. You wouldn´t mind if it was her, that brought an end to you.

So you followed her.

You follow the dirt trodden path, till you are stopped. A young man, plain but bright-eyed, sword at his side, and the same black uniform, that Kanae wears under her cloth, comes the other way, stopping in your path. He opens his mouth to say something, pointing at you, and in that moment you know, that he knows it too.

Then you are sitting on the ground.

You don´t quite understand what happened, but Kanae isn´t next to you any more. You search for her, looking around, as you try to get up from the ground. Your legs still feel weak.

But then you see her.

You vomit.

The headless body of the man drops unceremoniously to the ground.

Kanae is standing next to him. Sword drawn. Panting. She looks blank. But then she moves. Her eyebrow furrows, as if not quite understanding what happened yet. You hear her whisper a „Okay“ under her breath, as she slowly nods. Seemingly coming to a conclusion.

You still star in shock at the body of the young man, as Kanae whirls back around. Hurrying over to you, slightly limping – her ankle must hurt, you worry about it again – she stumbles, catching herself, she reaches out to you. She nearly pulls you completely from the ground by your arm, as she hurries to adjust your position, leaning on to her.

„Hurry! The sun.“ She doesn´t say more than that. She doesn´t need to. You slowly start to understand, what is going on.

When you pass the body, you start to salivate. It disgusts you, and you furiously wipe the spit away from your mouth. She looks at you, and before you can react, she slashes the torso open. Leaning down, she rummages around, pulling out the heart and some other organs, and simply pockets them.

„C´mon. We can´t waste any more time“ and with that she is back to focusing on dragging you along, to where ever she considers safe. You shuffle away. Her pockets dripping with blood and you yearning for it.

What strange companions love and guilt made you.

#yandere #yandere kanae #xreader #demon slayer #kny #kanae kocho #kanae #yandere headcanon #kanae headcanon #kanae x reader #yandere demon slayer #yandere kny

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are-you-still-writing-that · 20 days

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Yandere Alphabet: Ren Hana

I just love that dude, mkay! He has me heart and soul! This is specifically BtD2 Ren, so yeah. Favourite route of that game! This got quite long, it´s around 6k because I thought I would try something else for this, and I´m actually quite happy how it turned out! Hilariously enough I started to write this, around January 2023 and just finished it (April 2024).

I´ll hope you will like it too, because it was already one of my favourite things to reread every once in a while! Have fun!

Ren Hana

He is insane. He hates you. He loves you. He lives only for you. He would kill you in a heartbeat. Full of contradictions he tends to be a rather mercurial character. You are the first one to know that. Did you maybe, just like me, hunt down every last line of dialogue, every last image in his route. He hides away from sight, and only catches you when he is sure, that he will be able to.

„Let´s be perfectly clear, shall we. The fox is not a little orange puppy dog with doe eyes and a waggly tail. It´s a disease-ridden wolf with the morals of a psychopath and the teeth of a great white shark.“ ~ Jeremy Clarkson

For he was truly raised, tortured and formed by a psychopath. By a sadist without any morals. And on you, this little fox will discover his sharp claws and great teeth once more.

„Beware the fox that makes the ravens fly“

Run little one, run. For you will be his prey.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

When Ren gets it into his head to shower you with affection, it can get quite uncomfortable rather quickly, as he tends to ignore any personal boundaries you ever tried to communicate. He is intense in the way his eyes track you, and in those moments you wonder how you could ever miss the way. that he is a clear predator. And in the next moment he pounces on you with a sweet giggle to simply share his warmth with you. Sometimes when you´re eating, his body is pressed close to yours, with no way left for you, so that you could escape from him. He will hold food up to your mouth, expecting you to take it. His eyes just daring you to refuse him, and with the way his other hand plays with something in his pocket, the threat is clear. Other days he will hand you something, and only give you a small moment to appreciate his gift, before he will pounce on you, nearly bowling you ever, and only his hands behind your head saving you from a concussion, as he demands his reward. Cuddling you on the floor, as he lowly purrs into your ear, his tail wrapping around your waist.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

On some days you will come to the painful realization, that Ren is more animal, than human. Those are definitely the days, he comes back home with blood still splattered all over his face, and the sound of something being dragged in behind him. It´s those days, when he calls for you to come with a playful uncanny trill in his voice, that makes listening to it so unpleasant. It´s those days, when he rips the still bleeding, still warm corpse apart in front of you. Sometimes off-handedly offering you a piece of flesh he just tore out of what had been a living breathing person moments before. On other days you will realize, that while he is clearly brutal, he holds you dear. At least, it´s what you need to believe, when he violently goes for the throat of that guy who tried to touch you when you refused, and then thought you would be more agreeable when he shakes you around. It´s what you whisper in the sudden quiet in your mind, when Ren comes to you. Blood dripping of his fangs and claws, and tenderly holds onto your bruised wrist. He is cooing at you, and the rapidly cooling body behind him, stares at you with unseeing eyes. You try to desperately believe what you tell yourself, as Ren carefully leads you away, humming slightly to calm you back down. It´s what you need to do, because you thought you saw accusations swimming in those dead eyes.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Ren does crave your love and your companionship more than anything else. So, in order to achieve that, he will try to be kind to you, after all that could help him earn what he wants. Right? He will be kind and accommodating, and his reward will be you. Though, when he realizes, that you still reject him, he won´t hesitate to be cruel to you in return. If you´re throwing everything, that he gave you simply away, well then he doesn´t need to give it to you in the first place. In the end your companionship can simply be achieved through obedience as well, no? When it comes down to it, he will mirror you. Throw back at you what you show him first. If you are kind, he will be as well. If you are cruel, he will be cruel. An almost perfect mirror, that will throw your own attitude back at you, but so much more dangerous than you could ever be.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Ren will force his need of skinship onto you, if you want to or not. The one time, that you struggled as if trying to free yourself, you stopped out of self-preservation when his grip grew tighter and tighter, making it hard to breathe for you. Sometimes he will come to you, to simply hold your face, gently tracing it´s shape, his claws nothing but a whisper on your skin. These are the things you could tolerate. The ones you can´t are when he shushes you, more growl than calming purr, when he pulls you down the stairs towards the basement. The smell of blood, already coming over you, and you already know what will await you. You don´t kick or scream, only sob quietly, hoping that you will not make him angry. His next shush comes with him, wiping away your tears. But you shiver in fright and disgust, when you see how he licks his hand clean afterwards. Chasing the taste of your tears on his fingers. Though, this is still the lesser evil, than the dead man walking, that will await you down there.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

It would annoy you how much he talks with you, if he wasn´t the only one breaking the silence. And as long as he is chatty, he isn´t brooding either. He will talk about the most inconsequential things, throwing in stuff every once in a while that is so heartfelt, that it becomes jarring to you. You would hate how open he is with you, as if you aren´t a prisoner of his. You would maybe even react, if you didn´t knew, that he is still trying to gauge how much he can trust you with. And every time, he decides to trust you, you have to believe that this is a good thing. For your own sanity. Though you hate one specific time with a burning passion. It´s when he pulls you towards the couch, and pushes you into the pillows he already laid out. When he then stands up, to push a self-titeled disk, the ink already worn away in places, into the player. When he comes back to cuddle you, as you watch with horror living in your ribcage, how a man you never saw, but instinctively put at fault for your situation, ripping into another being with glee. When he whispers softly, about those day, when the body in the cooler, was still a man, and of all the things he did, as Ren watches you. When you wish he would just shut it all of, and he would be the only thing again, that is breaking the silence.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

The moment you try to use force against him, is also the moment you already lost. There is nothing left of the boy you knew, as the gentle cooing that haunts you in your nightmares, turns into a vicious growl, that is more fitting to belong there. You hit the ground hard, and your vision swims for a moment, till the growling suddenly become muffled. It takes a moment to pull yourself back to consciousness, and for you notice the claws sinking deeper into your shoulders, and the sharp pain, that comes from your neck, which gets so much worse, when Ren pulls back again. Blood dripping from his mouth onto your face, he gnashes his teeth at you. You don´t even scream, still numb from it all, when he pulls you down those dreaded stairs, to a place you never wish to set foot in, and yet visit time and time again. You know he will show how „kind“ he has been the whole time. He will hurt you like in those movies. But the only thing going through your mind, is the image of the pleasure he seemed to feel, when he licked your blood from his lips. Then you remember the heartless corpse downstairs. You scream.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Ren bristles when you ask him that. He can feel how his tail bushes up, and curls around you without him consciously willing it to happen. His teeth gnash together, as he squints at you. He only stops the growl that already started up somewhere deep in his chest, when he sees you flinch away from him. He huffs instead at you, and lets himself fall relaxed back onto you. He waits patiently for you to go back to carding your fingers through his hair as you had done, before asking this, quite frankly, offensive and stupid question, before he starts purring again. He doesn´t know who he is trying to calm down at this point. He wonders, if he has forgotten to show you how much he loves and adores you. His sweet, precious thing, that stays with him, that listens to him. You, who keeps that damn ghost, that still haunts him every day away. He wonders if he should tell you, that he wants you to stay with him for forever and ever and ever. Though, that might frighten you. So he simply nuzzles you, as he purrs softly, ignoring how you flinch away from him with practice.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

You were careful. And o how careful you had to be, to not accidentally set him off. But you wanted him so badly to realize, that this was not how a relationship worked. He had mentioned time and time again, and yet you couldn´t quite believe it. And when you asked – gentle, careful, don´t anger him – he had looked at you funny, before grinning. A sly smirk, that reminded you rather suddenly, that you weren´t talking to a human. As if the ears and tails hadn´t clued you in. Though, this didn´t feel like the grin of a fox, more like a hungry wolf, as he contemplated out loud, that he was behaving rather strangely, at least to his kinds standards. After all, he was being patient and accommodating to your own behaviour till now, though, he could change if you wanted to. You shook your head, and instead thanked him. You knew he hadn´t lied.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

He whispers his vision to you in the death of the night. His quiet voice, soothing were it only makes you so afraid. He paints a picture, that makes him sink deeper into the cushions, makes him feel safe and content, while you can do nothing but watch in horror. If you were just a bit more like him, you would be sure, that your hair would be standing upright with the terror chasing down your spine. Though, what he describes isn´t so far off, what he already has with you. Have you grown this complacent, to simply give in to his every wish? He wants to lay down with you, in the sun spots inside the house, side by side, curled around each other. And your hand just burrows deeper in his hair, careful to only scratch and not pull. His vision, is already your reality.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

He knows that there is nothing for him to get jealous over. Where would you go? Who would you be able to turn to? If you ran, would you ever be able to run far enough? Or would he catch up to you before you knew it? He knows the answer to these questions. And they will never worry him, as much as you seem to worry about them. He knew he won. It´s once more proven to him, when he finds you kneeling by the door. Tears running down your face, spit slowly dabbling from your chin. Now and then a small jerk going through your body. Your eyes look vacant, as he walks past and opens the door for you. His victory only becomes more certain, when you turn away from the light, the breeze, with an anguished cry. What does he need to be jealous of?

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

His behaviour tends to closely mirror your own. He doesn´t seem to be aware of it most of time. At other points, it seems more than intentional. He repeats phrases, that you have said. His speech patterns begin to more closely resemble your own, the more time you spent with each other. Or do yours resemble his? It seems, that the two of you bleed more and more into the other, as time passed. Over time though, while you grew more and more subdued. He became louder. Where you grew into something, that cowers away. He became something, that would be impossible to miss. He mirrors you, but he plays into every extreme there is. Your melancholy becomes something loud and heart wrenching. Your happiness wraps into demented glee and shrieks of joy. Your gentle affection on his face turns into a punishing grip. Ren clings to you. He knows, that he is adapting to your personality, though where this might frighten you, it only brings him joy. He always knew, that you were the perfect fit for him. His perfect other half, and now he only got to prove it. He won´t let you go. Oh no. He never will. And why should he? With all the work he put in, to be your counterpart? He will cling to you till the end of time.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

You were bored, when he approached you. His soft voice nearly scared you half to death, when he started to talk to you. You hadn´t even heard him coming close. There was a sharp wit lacing his every word, as he waved your anxiousness away with a quiet humour twisting around his mouth. You and him talked nearly for the whole night. You were no longer bored. Drink after drink gets shared between the two of you, as dawn slowly comes around. You don´t even notice, when they start to taste funny. Maybe you simply drank too much? Your sudden tiredness is blamed on the late hour, and even when it feels like you can´t keep your eyes open any more and his smile is so full of sharp teeth. Maybe your fear was reasonable. Maybe you should have listened to that first instinctual response of absolute terror, when you noticed at first. These thoughts run slowly and languid through your mind, as he hoists you up over his shoulder, and simply walks out. No one stops him.

Mask: Are their true colours drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

There is a quiet confidence, you observe, that seems to find him in the strangest moments. His mood is quick to change. Laughter can turn into angry screams, faster than you can keep up with it most of the time. It´s no secret to you, that Ren is unstable. It´s also pretty obvious to you, that he is aware of that fact as well. Whenever he actually decides to take you outside, Good behaviour need to be rewarded dear, he has to concentrate. He can´t be too domineering over you, and so he falls back into patterns, that make him seem shy and unassuming. He knows, where those habits formed, and while he wouldn´t thank Strade for them, he still finds them useful for this. He knew what a charmer Strade was, just as he is now as well. A good trait to have, if one is like him. So he puts on the mask, that helps him to navigate the outside easily. Voice timid and shy. Never taking up more space, than he needs to. He basically vanishes into the background. It´s easy for him to watch every little move that you make. After all, you also tend to forget that he is here, whenever he gets like this.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

You don´t even know why he suddenly slams into you. Tearing you down to the ground with him. He is hovering above you, lips pulled back into a cruel snarl. Teeth gnashing and spit slowly dripping from the corners of his mouth. Right now he resembles more than ever, the violent and feral animal, that he always pretends not to be. There is the clinking of chains, as your breath only comes shortly. His teeth violently snap shut just inches from your face. When he speaks, a melodious hum, you can barely understand him, but the little you do frightens you. It freezes the blood in your veins, as you try to shake your head at him. Tears are already rolling down your face. He pats your face, then your head. His grip on the chain wrapped like a collar around your throat not loosening. He chuckles out But what a pretty star you would make. It would surely be my new favourite film. You can only cry harder, as you think of the man in cellar. You try to plead and beg with him, as he yanks you down the stairs. Your limbs kicking out in every direction, as you pull at the chain and try to stop him. The wooden steps bruise your back, and his laugh rings in your ears. When you swipe at him accidentally instead of the chain, his laughter stops. He doesn´t pay your terrified shrieking any mind, as he fished a little button from his pants pocket and presses down. You don´t really move, when he pulls at the leash again. Drool and spit slowly dribbling from your mouth, as fine tremors run through your body. You don´t even know what brought this on.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

You wake up with a groan. You definitely drank too much last night. Your head pounds, and every little movement you make makes you wince. When you finally open your eyes, you don´t recognize the room. Carefully lifting the blanket you realize that you are only half-dressed. You can´t even remember how you got here. It takes you stumbling around the room, ripping open the curtains and seeing your reflection in the barred up windows to realize that there is something on your neck. It´s bulky and heavy, and no matter how much you fiddle with it, you can´t get it off. When the door suddenly opens, you nearly scream. The boy, red hair and kind of small, seems vaguely familiar to you, lets out a surprised yelp. His smile seems kind, but when he notices you still fiddling with the collar, his expression grows dark. It´s a low Stop that! that gives you a momentarily pause, before you ignore it. The next thing you know is pain. The boy holding a remote, as he comes to a stop standing over you. He crouches down next to you, a small smile playing around his lips, as he watches you drool and shake. There is a worried crease between his eyebrow, that you can´t help but feel like it´s fake. He pats your head, with a smile, as he licks his too sharp teeth. O this is gonna be fun. I love you so much my dear!

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

You looked at his hand, as if he would bite it off, when you took it. Come here, he crooned, curling his fingers in slowly. His patience was slowly running thin. You couldn´t see it from your position, but he had started to fiddle with the remote of your shock collar. He was contemplating to just shock you into complying with his simple request, but something about the way you looked at him – shaking, scared – stopped him. His patience was rewarded when you finally reached out for him, curling your fingers around his as he helped you up from the floor. He nuzzled close into your neck, and patted your hair. Good job, darling! So good for me~, he couldn´t help a little moan slipping out with the words. He led the way to the basement door, and opened it. Walking down the steps first, he sighed as he heard how your footsteps had stopped. With just one glance over his shoulder, he knew that this time you wouldn´t come that easy. It wasn´t fear and hesitance – both very under stable to him – that stopped you this time, but stubbornness. Without even hesitating, he pressed the button on his remote. Keeping it pushed down, only giving you short breaks to let you catch your breath, he grapped you by your shirt to drag your convulsing body down the stairs with him. Dropping you down at the pole, he leaned in close If I want something, you do it!, with that he tapped you on the nose, before standing up again.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

You better hope and pray, that something else will kill you before he gets his hands on you. He stares down at the broken collar, then at his open front door. The laughter, that escapes him at this moment is strained. With a deep breath, he already knows where you went, and moves to follow you. The hunt is on. It was hard to get him to this point in your conversation, but maybe you actually got through to him. He looks at you with wet and wide eyes, before he suddenly sobs. Collapsing into your open arms, he burrows close to you. You try not to flinch, as his hands suddenly snake around your throat, but the click you hear, stuns you. We will meet each other again, right? Do this the right way again?, he asks as he gently puts the collar to the side. You can´t help yourself but to whisper a Of course! against his twitching ears. Blood covers his hands, his chest. He can feel how it already started to dry on his face, flaking off. This wasn´t supposed to happen. He didn´t intend to do this! Carefully, he pushed his hands beneath your body, to lift you up. He stumbles down the steps to the basement. It´s a bit of a fumble to get the lid open, but he finally manages it, as he lays you next to Strade. Huh. That looks almost cute. Flexing his claws, he tears open your chest cavity, and rips out your heart. As he bites into it, he gently closes your eyes, only to slide down to the floor and lean his back against the freezer. He starts to talk to you both. When he is finished, he will close the lid, and maybe watch a movie. Doesn´t he have something with you in it?

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

It´s with a spring in his step, that he carries you out of the bar. He waves off the concerns of the other patrons, whispering instead in approachable manner Drank a bit too much, you know how it can be. The rancorous laughter than follows tells him, he hit the right tone. He has to adjust you once or twice, hefting you higher up on his shoulder. The same lie becomes easier for him to tell over time. Such a good boy, one older lady comments, and he can´t help but giggle to himself. His hands only start to shake with adrenaline, after he deposited you on the bed, he had prepared for a guest. He fumbles with the collar, that he became very familiar with under Strade, before he gently clicks it around your neck. Carefully he adjusts, so that it won´t be uncomfortable for you to wear. It is with a smile, that he removes your shoes and jacket. He wonders if he should remove your jeans as well, before deciding that they must be terrible to sleep in. He hums lightly as he unbuttons them. His hands hovering over your body. Still asleep, the drugs he had put in your drink, still doing their job. He smiles, as he pulls the blanket over you. Shuts the curtain of the barred up window, and with a smile as he looks back at you, closes the door. It would have been nice, if you would have come to him, but this is perfect as well. He is giddy, as he runs down to the basement, to tell Strade about what happened today.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

He suppressed the instinctual snarl, the gnashing of his teeth, as another stranger bumped into him. Instead, he forced his lips into a kind smile. Holding tightly onto the mask, that let him seem like any other person in this bar. His skin was itching for blood and it had become such an overwhelming need to him, that he couldn´t tell any more if it was his instinct or his experience urging him to get blood to flow. He let his eyes sweep over the bar, when something suddenly drew all his attention. Your were just sitting there, looking at your drink as if it held all the answers to this world. Flinching away from every stranger, that would press themselves to close past you. A look of disgust openly on your face, when some would come to touch you in the process. It was almost cute to watch. Ren could feel his tail slowly swaying behind him, this could be a chance for him to pretend to be normal. After all, it looked like you wouldn´t even be able to tell the difference anyway. Something in him was still screaming for blood. It felt like a physical ache in his fangs and claws, and his ears twitched to take in every little sound you made, as he slowly stalked towards you. But there was something else as well. A ghost of someone – long dead, his heart gone – urging him forward with a gentle smile to reel you in. It wanted to see you cry. He shivered in delight as he imagined for a moment, what you would look like on your knees, face bloody and bruised, tears still streaking down your face, and mixing with your spit, as it dribbled down you chin and onto his old collar and your eyes wide as you looked only at him. He knew this would be fun, when he saw you flinch, when he greeted you.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

His ears perked further up, when he heard a faint sobbing coming from your room. For a moment he wondered, if he should lock the knife away, before shutting the stove off, and simply leaving it on the cutting board. Wiping his hands on a towel, he made his way to you. Gently knocking on the door frame, he announced his presence to you, as he had already made his way halfway into the room. He ignored your muffled Go away!, and sat down next to you on the bed. There, there he hushed you, as his claws gently carded through your hair. He busied himself with pulling some of the knots out, and pulling the matted parts gently apart, completely ignoring your wince or how you tried to pull away from him. When he deemed you decently groomed – as he would sometimes term it with a laugh on his face – he dropped down onto your bed next to you. Pulling you to lay on his chest, he hugged you close. He was still petting you, as he slowly dozed off. Dinner could wait for a bit longer.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

There is doubt in his heart, whenever he sees you cry. He is sure that you are his, in every shape and form that matters, but to see you cry breaks his heart every time. Maybe it would be better, when the two of you would part ways. Maybe it would be better of he could simply watch you from far away, instead if staying constantly by your side. Or maybe he should just make sure, that you stay forever with him. Heart by heart. No matter how bloody it would be. You recognize easily, that while Ren tends to be a bit overbearing, he never seems to touch you longer than he needs to. You caught him countless times staring at your mouth, only to laugh and blush when he realizes that you noticed it. His hands only ever seem to land on skin that is covered by clothing, or at least his touch never seems to demand more. It´s strange you think, idly watching how he is staring at you again slowly licking his lips, how he never acts on his desires. Almost as if he doubts himself.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

It´s when he gently kisses your forehead, as he tucks you in for the night, that you finally realize something. For all his bluster, for all the pain he causes you, he also always turns rather quickly back into a facsimile of kindness. He amps it up for you, when ever it seems that you´re playing into his delusions. You might loose yourself in them, but you have nothing else to loose any more. So you try it. And suddenly it seems that this vicious fox is at your every beg and call. You don´t ask about the basement or the screams and he never threatens to take you down there any more. You compliment his cooking and suddenly food seems something you never seem to lack. You never step into hall for the door outside, and he wants to take you on a thousand walks. You even stop fiddling with your collar and with time forget that it´s still active. He will give you everything that he can. You shall lack nothing, not even your freedom. He is of service to you. Especially now, that he can have this soft life with you, that he had always dreamt of.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Sometimes Ren watches you with such a cold calculating look in his eyes, that you can´t help but shiver. You know, that in those moments he is debating with himself. His grin sharpening, while he flexes his claws. As if he can´t quite decide if he should rip your throat out with his fangs or his claws. As if it would matter in the end. Your blood would be on his hands either way. In the end, he will relax again. He knows, just as well as you do, that there will come another opportunity for him to let go of his pent up aggression. Another misstep of you, which allows him to have a go at you, without feeling all guilty about it afterwards. You overstepping the bounds, he always lays so carefully out for you. And if you fight back, he might even get a taste of that precious blood of yours.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He loves, loves, loves you! From the moment, he first saw you, when you so trustingly, so full of blind faith, drunk the glass he gave to you, he knew it. He knew you would be perfect for him. He wants you to be there, by his side, for the rest of your lives, and he swears to himself, that he will do whatever it takes to make sure, that he can ensure, that your paths will not lead apart. He wants you to be there so badly, that he reassures himself, that the end will surely justify the means. Though, he will still very much react to the way you treat him. He will pull get you the moon if you so much as wish for it, but he also wants to make you aware, that all of this doesn´t come for free. He wants his love to be reciprocated by you, and he makes it abundantly clear to you as well. Otherwise, he won´t mind training you like a wild animal to simply love him. Hey, if it works, it works, right?

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

He had already talked with you for so long, and know he was nearly shaking with excitement. The bar was quiet, nearly deserted as was the usual for The Jackalope, and he knew nobody would watch him too closely here. He waited with bathed breath for you to finally arrive, as he had finally managed to weasel the promise of a real meeting from you. The bottle of Rohypnol in his back pocket, that he tucked away, when leaving already told him how this night would go. Tonight, he would make sure, that he wouldn´t be alone any more, that the ghost would hopefully stop hounding his every step, as another person would fill this empty house once more. He just has to be patient, just has to be careful. Buy a drink, crush one or two, and then bring it back, with an innocent smile. He could do this. His eyes snapped upwards, as an angel walked in, and a sly smirk, quickly a gentle smile curved his lips, as he stood up and waved towards you. He would do this.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Ren will, if all else fails, scare you into compliance. He will hold out for as long as he can for a relationship for the two of you, like the ones in his stories. But if it all falls through, he will be satisfied with Stockholm syndrome setting in one day. And while he stills hope for that, showing kindness to you whenever he can without undermining himself, he shudders at the other options. Sometimes, not that he would ever tell you of it, he thinks about how he could break you apart. Though, he will think of what might follow in the end. He realizes rather quickly, that he would never want to see you break. He saw it too often. How only a shell it left, a hollow puppet that doesn´t respond any more. When he looks at you, he can never imagine being satisfied like that, and so he nourishes his hope, and makes kindness is weapon. He will get what he want, without breaking you. He just has to be a bit more patient.

#yandere #yandere ren hana #yandere alphabet #xreader #boyfriend to death #btd #ren hana #yandere headcanon #btd ren #ren headcanons #ren hana x reader #yandere btd

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are-you-still-writing-that · 20 days

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Heya! So, you may have noticed that I wrote the first few prompts for a challenge for last month. Though, because of some personal problems I had to put writing on hold for a little while!

But! I still planned out most of the prompts, so I will probably finish and publish them at later points.

Another thing: I was thinking about putting my Yandere Alphabets on AO3 into a collection for easier finding.

Also I will probably soon play around a little to get something resembling a Masterpost up and running. That could take a while though (while I already have collected a few links, some might still be missing and so on and on)

Now that I have some of the orga stuff out of the way, I´m happy to announce that a big alphabet drops in a few hours! I tried out a different style (that takes a bit longer to write but has more of a story telling feel to it)

I´m excited to hear what you have to say about it all!

#author notes

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are-you-still-writing-that · 2 months

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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Event: Whump- The Musical

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Characters: Charlie Morningstar, Alastor, Vaggie

Warnings: Genocide (Canonical), Self-Doubt

Prompt Used: Day 2 - The song referenced + Mob Mentality (mentioned) + Propaganda (implied)

Have fun! Story under the cut <3

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

„No!“, she screamed. Her voice spiralling into an unholy shriek, as she threw herself at the golden door. Charlie hit it repeatedly, while not stopping to scream. She just couldn´t stop herself. And why should she?

„How dare you! How can you do this!“ Her voice broke, as a sob escaped her throat. Another angry shriek, as she threw her entire weight against the door now, hoping against all odds, that this would be enough for it to open again. To give her the chance to negotiate for the redemption of all her friends once more. To make them see sense. For her to achieve that her friends were given the mercy they were in desperate need of!

„Charlie?“ Vaggie had never sounded so afraid. Not even when Charlie had found her in that alley, still bleeding and shaking, when she needed her help to even stand up. „Are you alright?“, a gentle hand was laid on Charlies shoulder.

„Am I alright?“, she whirled around, slapping away the hand, staring at the other. At the angel, that had deceived her from the first moment. At this being who had slaughtered countless of sinners. Charlie let out a humourless laugh. „Am I alright!“

She started to pace. „How could I be alright!“ She pointed a finger at Vaggie, not even noticing, that her fingernails had grown sharper in her agitation, forming the claws she always tried so hard to suppress. It was something she needed to do, to appear more harmless, to appear kinder. Just another thing, she always needed to keep track of. Otherwise people would never believe in her idea. Most thinking of it as ludicrous anyway.

„Were you even listening!“, Charlie cried. „They are coming down to kill us all! Am I alright?! No! Why would I be! They trusted me!“, she gasped, „They trusted in me!“ Her voice broke again, warping her last word into a helpless sob.

Her voice now more akin to a growl, than anything else. She tried to quiet down, when she saw one of the sinners, that were just passing by, flinch. They didn´t even know where the sound had come from. And why would they? Charlie, just like her father, had always tried so hard to appear as kind. As more human, than they really were. No matter what they were truly like. But she was failing at it in the moment. In the same manner that she had failed in every other aspect.

Another helpless cry tore its way out of her throat anyway, as she started to run back to the hotel. She ignored Vaggie, who was running after her, shouting at her to wait, to slow down, to „Please talk to me!“

There was one last hope, that had settled into her mind. After all, she was the same kind of creature, that her father was. Her mother known as a witch. Her father an angel. Wasn´t there some book of spells that they had gifted her some centuries ago? Maybe, she would be find something useful in there. Some way to stop heaven from coming down here, and kill her people.

She took no notice of the sinners jumping out of her way, as she raced down the street or of Vaggie trying to keep up with her. Still calling out to her, growing more and more frantic, the longer Charlie refused to react, and yet still not receiving any answer.

Charlie ignored it all.

Take the corner at the left, third right, straight ahead, right again at the weird statue, side step the drunk, sharp left, run up the pathway to the hotel.

Barrelling through the door of the hotel, she took no notice of how Angel Dust and Husker jumped out of her way. How Nifty nearly got kicked across the room by her, and Sir Pretentious unceremoniously shoved aside. She ran past Alastor, who had bemused smile on his face, as he got interrupted in the middle of his greeting once more, reminiscent of his first introduction to the hotel.

The faint „What´s up with her?“ from Angel Dust, didn´t even reach her ears. Just as she didn´t hear Vaggies poor attempt at explaining her erratic behaviour.

Charlies focus was centred around the attic. She needed to get up there as quickly as she could! This hotel might still have a chance of being saved.

Boxes over boxes greeted her, when she finally climbed up to the attic. Immediately she started to rip into them. One of those contained the book she needed. Glasses, blankets and old pictures. All those things were carelessly thrown to the side. She simply couldn´t spare the patience to treat them the care they needed at this moment.

Finally, she pulled the old book out of its hiding place.

Instead of racing down to her room, like she had originally planned, she sat down on the ground. A wave of dust billowing up around her, as she started to quickly page through the book.

It was filled with an abundance of strange symbols. Charlie tried to twist her tongue around them, but realizing soon, that this would be useless. She simply couldn´t understand what was written down in there. The language too far from her grasp, even if she simply tried to sound the words out.

Her reluctance to learn, when her father had offered to teach her years ago, was coming back to bite her in the worst possible moment.

This might just be something that was far beyond what she could do. But if she didn´t even try, who would. Who would step up to the angels? To heaven? Who would protect her people from their cruel fate? From what these damn angels planned for them?

Her father? He had already given up centuries ago. His hopelessness had cost him the fight before it had even begun. Her fathers opinion of the sinners, had already clouded his decision when he allowed the angels to come down in the first place. The teachings, heaven had instilled in him far too strong to rise up against them a second time. And if he ever did again, he would never do it in protection of the sinners.

Her mother? Who had deserted them all seven years ago? Charlie knew, that against all hope she still harboured, that her mothers song were unlikely to ever return to hell. There wouldn´t be another song to get the people to rise up as one entity. The only way, they maybe could have had a chance of beating the overwhelming force that heaven was sending down upon them.

She laughed dryly, whispering quietly „One more disaster, I can add to my generous supply“

Charlie was fully aware, that whatever happened next: The responsibility of it was laying on her shoulders. The king and queen of hell, not willing to step in any more. So she had needed to do it as their princess.

But her attempt had failed spectacularly. Her idea of redemption being laughed at, as impossible in both heaven and hell. And now she had brought the angels back onto her doorstep as well.

Was this her punishment? Was she more like her father, than she had ever even thought in the first place. An old saying, her father had sometimes whispered to her „Pride goes before the fall“ to warn her of hubris, came to mind.

Had the idea of the hotel, of sinners redeeming themselves, been nothing more than her hubris, for which she was getting punished now.

Was this somehow all her fault?

With a sob, she threw the book to the side, pulling her knees up to her chest, as she started to cry once more in earnest. Curling into herself, she didn´t notice the shadows shifting behind her. They were wrapping themselves around her, as if they were attempting to hide her even further away.

Charlie couldn´t believe that all of this happened, because she wanted to help. All she ever wanted was to help.

Angel Dust, who was such a gentle and heart-warming person, once you got to see behind his mask. Husker, who always was there for everyone if they needed somebody to talk to and always offered his advice. Sir Pretentious, who was, even she had to admit, somewhat a wuss, but still willing to step into a fight to help his allies and always well-meaning.

Even Vaggie, who had betrayed her trust. She had always been there for Charlie. Fighting to protect her dream with all she had.

Charlie had brought the angels right to them, because she though she could change the way things were being run. Stupid, stupid girl.

She sobbed again.

With the way, that she was crying, she completely missed the sound of the door being opened, or the tapping of dress shoes slowly approaching her. Every little tap almost sounding like hooves hitting the wood.

Though what she couldn´t ignore, was a surprisingly gentle hand petting her hair. The tips of sharp claws, barely scratching her skull. They were nothing more than a faint warning any more, of what they might be capable off, but at the moment utterly harmless.

„Now, now little princess. Enough of that!“

She looked up at the demon, that had come to crouch down in front of her. Alastors smile was as permanent as always, but somehow it felt more forced than usual. He had tilted his head to the side, as he watched her closely.

Charlie sniffled and wiped her tears away. The radio demon didn´t stop petting her, though at this point, she could recognize, that the motion felt kind of mechanical. Nothing more than a imitation of affection.

She looked closer at the other, truly looking at another person, since receiving the refusal from heaven, that had dammed all of hell.

„One question haunts me, and it hurts to even think about it. It feels like everything is too much.“, Charlie mumbled, opening up to Alastor. Finally, spelling out what was racing through her mind.

He just raised one eyebrow. The sound of radio static, that always surrounded him, growing a bit more quiet. It was obvious to her, that he was waiting for her to continue.

„Was I really seeking good or just seeking attention?“

Charlie looked away from him, when she didn´t immediately got an answer from him. Doubt was flooding her mind again.

Faintly, she wondered if there was even such a thing as a good deed. She had grown up in the pits of hell. But what really send her mind racing was the state of heaven. The angels apparently saw the annual slaughtering of her people as a recreational activity. Something they did for fun. Killing was nothing more than a bit of fun for them.

If this was how the righteous and the holy were, was there even anything approaching goodness in the world?

„What a loaded question, my sweet!“ Alastor laughter was warped with his static, as he just grapped Charlies arm to simply pull her back onto her feet. He was still chuckling to himself, as he first dusted of her shoulders, and then his own hands.

Walking away a few steps, he picked up the spell book. Carefully smoothing out its broken spine. Charlie must have accidentally broken it, when she threw it. She waited for Alastor to continue, but he wasn´t coming forth with any answer, instead he simply turned to her and smiled. His canines almost shining.

„Well, what do you think?“, she pushed. Not willing to bear the silence for a moment longer.

„That this is exactly why I came to this hotel in the first place. Your idea was insane, and I was just waiting for you to fail!“ He hummed slightly, his attention being captured by the book, as he slowly started to page through it.

„What the hell?!“ She was getting angry.

At Alastor, who acted like all of this had no other outcome, than what was happening at the moment.

At Vaggie for lying to her all these months. No. Since the start of their relationship.

At heaven, who kept sending angels down to hell, to cull her peoples population, without even caring if there was any other way.

At Adam in particular, who was leading the charge.

But most importantly, she was getting angry at herself, for already having give up so easily.

Charlie started to pace, trying to find a way out of this mess. But no matter, how she approached it, she just couldn´t find a way.

„Interesting what you have here, princess.“

She spared another look at Alastor, who was still paging through the book, but it had slowed down. It almost seemed like- But no, that couldn´t be...

„Do you actually know what this says?“

„Oh yes. Not like it´s hard, now is it? Wouldn´t you agree, princess?“

Charlie just slowly shook her head. Certainly not agreeing with the radio demon. Her pacing slowed, as a sudden thought entered her mind. It made her take a closer look at Alastor.

Alastor, who was the radio demon. One of the most powerful overlords in hell. Certainly experienced in fighting his way to the top. Cruel and gruesome. But undeniably, one of the few which seemed to win every time.

Maybe she had been approaching, the defence of the hotel all wrong. Of course, she wouldn´t find another way. She already had tried all, that she could. At least, if she was still trying to be kind and gentle.

Maybe she needed to approach it differently. Not as someone who wanted to show her people, that kindness was possible even in a bleak place like this. But as the princess of hell.

„Help me“, she demanded. A plan slowly forming in her mind, that might just work.

„What?“

„You need to help me Alastor!“

„Not asking, are you princess“, he chuckled. Finally, he looked up from the book, staring at Charlie instead.

„No. I am not! I will defend this hotel and it´s residents with all I have. And you will help me!“ She had decided to do this now, and there was no way, that she would move from her position at this point.

„If they want a fight with the princess of hell, they will get it. O but I can promise them, if it comes to it, then no good deed will I do again.“, she growled this conviction out. At once the shadows in the attic started to violently twist.

„Willing to make a deal?“, the demon in front of her asked, his voice almost joking. But she could see, his magic coming to life, as it swirled around the two of them. Charlie took a deep breath, as she simply stepped forwards and shook his hand. In response, a loud static screech echoed through the air, as Alastors smile seemed to grow impossibly wide.

„As you wish, princess“, his laughter and voice faded away, as he vanished into some of the shadows, and a silhouette of Alastor giddily waved at her, before fading away itself.

Charlie meanwhile stormed back down to the main room of the hotel. Willing to ride the energy and motivation, that her deal has brought her for as long as possible. To plan, to scheme, to get everyone ready. Either to leave or to fight at her side. Whatever they chose.

Because if heaven wanted a fight with hell, hell they would get.

And she would make sure of that.

#whump: the musical #hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar

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are-you-still-writing-that · 2 months

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I Can Dream Of The Old Days

Event: Whump- The Musical

Fandom: Hunter x Hunter

Characters: Kurapika-Centric

Warnings: Mention of Death, Collecting of Body Parts, Canonical Level of Violence

Prompt Used: Day 1 - The Song referenced + Second Chances

Have fun! Story under the cut <3

„I Can Dream Of The Old Days“

The movement was repetitive. Almost soothing, with how easy it was. And so much easier than, when Kurapika had to do it once before.

Stick the shovel in the pile of dirt. Move it over the grave, he had dug out before. Shift it, so that the dirt drops into the hole. Ignore how sick it makes you feel. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat...

Kurapika had to suppress the urge to gag, whenever he heard the dull Thump! of the dirt hitting the body below it. The body, who had been so much more than just a body before. A person, that had been so excited to fight with him only moments ago. Someone, who had taunted him, with his heritage. How forgettable his family had been, till Kurapikas own crimson eyes had burned bright with emotion.

Crimson eyes. His own, just like the rest. The only thing differentiating his from his family, was that his still resided in his own skull. And that he was still breathing. Not dead, like they were. Like the body in front of him was.

He gagged again.

Instinctually Kurapika lifted his arm to his mouth, heaving. He turned away from the makeshift grave, that he had dug, far too quickly for his own taste. Because it was a speed that spoke of his experience with digging them in the first place.

He had closed his eyes, desperately trying to hold back tears. Slowly, he turned his face towards the moon. Something, he was used to as well. He opened his eyes once more to look at her.

Crimson tonight, just like his eyes were.

What was she crying about? For a moment, he wondered, if she was mourning him. And the blood that was still sticking to his hands, slowly drying under his fingernails, and still slightly runny on his own face.

He couldn´t even remember when he had looked up to her the last time. Asking for her guidance, they way his grandmother had taught him too. Asking for her blessing, with the instructions his aunt had whispered into his ear o so gently, as they pleaded for her grace for his yet unborn cousin. His cousin, who wouldn´t even be able to celebrate his second birthday.

Now he was here. Alone. No gentle whisper at his back, and calm hands guiding his movements. He was truly alone. Only she was left. Watching over him. Crimson. Overcome by her emotions, like he was. Weeping.

He didn´t even notice, that he had let go of the shovel, as he went to wipe the tears away, that were running down his face now. Overcome by all that had been lost. All that he had lost.

At once he thought back once more.

His mind circled Pairo. His hand over his own so often. Pairo gently wiping away his tears, when he cried. Pulling him along with ease. Always so excited to figure out something new, stoking Kurapika own curiosity with ease.

Pairo, poor Pairo.

Flashes of a time long gone, raced across his mind. Chasing each other, before he could even grasp them completely. O how he missed it all.

„Hey, no matter what happens. We two, we stick together, won´t we Pika!“ - „Of course, we will!“

Bright laughter. A happiness, how only children possessed it. Free from all burdens. From all the horror that might hide in the world. As they chased each other, through the high grass, ducking between the feet of their birds over and over again, as they tried to catch each other.

Ignoring the calls of outrage that followed them, when they for a chance started to dart between the legs of their family instead. Throwing more than one person off their balance in the process.

Shrieking laughter from each other, though was all they heard.

They didn´t even know what was coming for them yet.

„Pay attention Kurapika!“, his mother beckoned him closer, and excitedly he toddled up to her. With ease, she pulled him into her lap. Her weaving only stopped for a moment, before the clicking continued.

„Up and under. Over and down. Round and around“, she was humming lightly, and he giggled at her, trying to grasp for the strings, she was working with.

But before he could get a hand-full to pull on, gently hands enclosed his own, as she pulled them back again and up to her mouth. She kissed them, as she looked at him.

Her smile was so gentle, and he hoped, that one day, he would be able to smile as gentle and as comforting as his mother could.

And o he had tried. But he was sure, that on his face, it always looked somewhat forced.

A candle flickered, dancing in the breeze. The cave, they had hidden away in, always had a draft. The smell of ink and old paper was the strongest, and yet, there was some earthen note as well. Probably Pairo. He always smelled like freshly cut grass.

„The master of the sea. A creature who is found in the surrounding area of Whale Island. A fish, that easily can weight up to over 400 pounds and-. Hey! Are you even listening to me, Pika?“

„Sorry, sorry!“ He laughed. „What were you saying?“

„No, no, no!“ Pairo giggled, shifting so, that he was laying half on Kurapikas back. „You read now!“

„Okay, okay“

They had promised to each other to go and see all these beast. And yet, Kurapika hadn´t seen a single one of them. And Pairo would never get the chance to see them at all.

His father was sitting in the doorway, absent-mindedly strumming over the strings. He was looking up at something. The moonlight bathes him in an unearthly glow. The melody he was playing, sounded so sad to Kurapikas ears, as he wondered if he should come any closer.

But he didn´t needed to have worried, for the next moment, his father stopped strumming, and turned his face back towards Kurapika.

„Well, hello there~“ It was the strange but all the same familiar sing-song voice his father mostly talked in. Not quite singing, not quite talking. But something Kurapika was sure, he would recognize anywhere.

His father reached out for him with one hand, silently asking him to join him in the doorway, and excitedly Kurapika followed the request. As soon, as he had burrowed himself into his fathers side, his father began to strum again, quietly singing as well.

It wasn´t long, before Kurapika would fall asleep like that.

Strange, that he would never hear that cadence again, only in his own speech when he tried.

„Sometimes I wonder, what is out there. Behind our village, even further than the town at the bottom of the mountain.“

The stars were shining brightly. Both of them laying on their back, but still so close together, that if they were to turn their head, their noses would touch.

„Really?“

„Don´t you wonder at all, Kurapika?“ Pairo sounded shocked at his hesitance. Like he couldn´t even begin to understand it, and all Kurapika could do in answer was hum.

„I like it here, you know.“ He was careful, but his tone grew more forceful, „No, I love this place. I wish that I would never leave it all!“

„And yet you will“

„Yes, I will!“

„For me“

„Don´t you know it. Trust me, I will find someone, who will be able to help you. Don´t worry about it, you hear me“

Kurapika heaved himself up, to lean over Pairo. His friends eyes, nowadays always slightly unfocused, as he was loosing more and more of his sight, still somehow finding his own.

„I trust you!“

Pairo never needed to see that doctor at all in the end. If he even saw, who was coming for him? Or was he already completely blind at this point?

„Kurapika, was it? This one is for you. Thank you very much for your help “

The black-haired stranger, gently pulled up Kurapikas hand to drop a golden earring into it. The red ruby at the end was shining brightly. It almost reminded Kurapika of their clans eyes.

„Thank you, Mister! You really can´t miss our village!“

With that he bounded away. Finally able to go on his journey to find a doctor for Pairo, that knew what was ailing his friend.

Not once did he look back at the stranger, though his cold grey eyes would linger in his mind for a long time.

He was shaking now. Tears running down his face without his control. Feeling like it was impossible to hold them back at this point. He slowly sunk to his knees. He tried to gasp for breath through the pain, but it seemed utterly impossible at this point

Vision blurry, he kept pushing dirt into the grave with his bare hands. It felt comforting to him to touch the earth directly, instead of the cold metal of the shovel. He felt so detached from his own body at the moment, that he needed to take his comfort from where he could.

Quietly, Kurapika started to hum one of his fathers songs to himself, as he finished up. One last time he patted the grave down, knowing that it would sack further down anyway as the body decomposed, but not willing to care about it at this moment.

Instead, Kurapika simply picked up the shovel, to throw it into the trunk of his car, before leaving the desert behind, where he just committed to the first part of his revenge.

He fumbled with his phone, dialling Melody, to get to know where they were with the boss, before driving there himself.

Kurapika ignored her stuttering, as he ignored his own tears on his face.

Or was it blood?

He couldn´t tell the difference any more

When he got the news of the spiders death just a few hours later, he was numb once more. It was unbelievable to him, that somehow the Mafia had been successful with what they had so much trouble before. With what had nearly torn him apart.

Detached, he went through the motions: Bid on the eyes. Walk back to the hotel with them. Do not wonder who they were, even if they kinda look like- Do not go there! Just walk. One foot in front of the other. Ignore the shrieking of the boss, as she happily throws herself at the eyes. Ignore it. Ignore it. Ignore-

„Kurapika?“ He slightly turned his head to look at Melody. She was twisting her hands, her overbite even more noticeable than usual, as she worried at her lips. He hummed lowly.

„Are you alright?“, her voice was soft. Either because she didn´t want to hurt her own ears, or because Melody was afraid, that she would further upset him at any moment.

He also kept his voice soft, as he already turned to walk away, „No.“

Kurapika ignored her worried calls, that echoed after him, as he quickly went up the staircase. Maybe he would find some peace on the rooftop. Unconsciously, he feet were following a rhythm he had known years ago.

Step to right, shift your weight. A little hop here, and a slight twist there.

Probably one of the first few steps he had learned as a child. A simple dance, easy enough to learn, but somehow he was still the last one to dance it. Though, Kurapika mused, maybe Gon would enjoy to learn these steps. It would be a pain to teach, Gons attention seemed to drift on the best days, but maybe Killua would keep him in check...

Only moments later, he pushed himself through the door, to reach the roof. His steps slowing, as he looked at the sky. It was already bathed in a bright red, as the sun started to rise.

Carefully he stepped to the edge, leaning against the railing, as he tried to just breathe for the moment.

His thoughts wandered to his friends this time, as he absent-mindedly scratched at his hands. Somehow they still felt like they were wet with blood, when he stood still for too long.

Leorio, who studied medicine and who ardently believed in the good of humanity. Somehow he had the feeling that Leorio would help him, if asked. Who worried about every little scratch, he saw on another person. What was he thinking, Leorio would jump at the opportunity to help his friends.

Fondly, Kurapika shook his head, picking at something beneath his fingernails.

The same was true for Gon and Killua. While Gon was more free with his help, as he was with his affection, Killua tended to be more reserved, but still offered. They were children, though at no point did Kurapika doubt, they would be a tremendous help, if he ever needed them. He faintly hoped, that it would never come to that.

Maybe this was what he was hoping for anyway. He shook himself out of the numbness, he was stuck in. Recognizing, that he had scratched his hands bloody again. Carefully, he wiped the blood from his knuckles.

With the spider dead, he didn´t need to follow through on his revenge. At least not on this part. His hands could maybe stay somewhat free of blood, as he instead chased down the eyes of his family. It wouldn´t be a chase any more, that could only end with him dead at the end of it.

It almost felt like with this, that maybe is life purpose wasn´t being ripped away from him, but instead he received a second chance at living. The thought almost made him smile. This was something good, wasn´t it?

Though what actually got him to smile in the end, was the realization, that not only will his friends be able to help on this journey, with the threat of the spider gone, but he would be able to help them as well. He wouldn´t be so caught up in his journey of revenge from now on. Not with them already dead. That meant, that Kurapika could freely lent them a helping hand as well. It almost made him giddy.

Suddenly his phone rang. He pulled it out, a smile still playing on his lips, thinking about the life that was given back to him tonight. How he might be able to rely on his friends from now on to complete his work, and let them rely on him in turn now as well. Though all of that came crashing back down, with a single message sent to him by a familiar number.

„They were fakes :)“

Nothing more.

Still, his whole world seemed to burn down around him once more. This was it, no? He looked at his hands, feeling like the blood upon them, was once more wet. Why did he have any hope of keeping them clean in the first place?

He swallowed, trying to hold back his tears, as his eyes burned crimson with grief.

Fakes. The bodies had been fakes. The spider was still alive.

But so was he.

#whump: the musical #hunterxhunter #hxh #kurapika #canon character death #minor character death

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are-you-still-writing-that · 3 months

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Everything you write is a pure SLAY. Thank you so much for sharing it with us!!!!!

Thank you so much for reading! * blows a kiss *

#author notes

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are-you-still-writing-that · 3 months

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you made yandere hcs for killua... could you do relationship hcs now🥺🙏

Hey, sorry I´m a bit late in tagging you, but the Killua Relationship Headcanons are out. You can find them here.

I´ll hope you´ll enjoy them! <3

#l answers

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are-you-still-writing-that · 4 months

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#tumblrtop10

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are-you-still-writing-that · 4 months

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Reading List 2022

So there was lot that happened in the last year, but one of them was that I finally got a regular access to the library of the University I´m studying at. Though, the majority of the books on this list, still come from my own shelves, and were simply collecting dust for a long time.

I wanted to share with you guys, what took my attention a lot of the time, whenever I sat down to read something, apart from the copious amount of Fanfiction I read on the daily. Something, that is between me and AO3 only.

This list is supposed to be something between a casual review and recommendation. There are a few books on here, that I simply adored, and others that I hated. Either because I didn´t like the style or it was written in a genre I´m not fond of to begin with.

But without further ado: Let´s begin, but be aware of spoilers!!

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman

Let´s start with something I absolutely adored!

Nobody Owens escapes death just barely as a young child, and is instead raised by the folks at the graveyard. Ghost and spirits of the deceased and his legal guardian Silas, who is clearly a vampire though it never gets outright said in the novel. We follow Bod around, as he grows up, makes friends, gets though of as an imaginary friend several times, and even meets the personification of death. With him we explore the stories of the graveyard he grew up on, and the secrets it has.

I loved the character of Nobody „Bod“ Owens and how he interacted with the world! This was the first book I read, that was written by Gaiman and I gotta say I wasn´t disappointed. There was such a heart wrenching moment, when the story came to an end, that really felt like a final goodbye. The story, was inviting to read, and didn´t become boring. I genuinely enjoyed reading it, and was left with a melancholy, that comes with a story, that is about growing up!

The Wicked and the Damned by Warhammer Horror

This is one of the books, where it was gifted to me, and the genre is not something I enjoy.

Three people meet up in a place full of the death, without a clue how they even arrived here, they tell the stories of their lives in hope of finding out what had brought them here. We get told of a soldier, who keeps the army in line, and fulfils his duty with a fervor. A woman, who did everything to rise through the ranks, and now is haunted her own deeds. A pastor, who simply can´t believe in what he does and slowly looses his faith. We get told their stories, and how they ended.

Here we have a gritty and rather bleak horror novel, with hints of it being Sci-Fi, where not one of our protagonists is likeable in my opinion. Their motivations always seemed so horrible to me. I think, in the end, this story, is really about the absolute depravity humanity can reach. The scenario is some far away future, where society is ruled by, what seems to be a dictatorship and religion. We have the stories of 3 different people, and how they deal with the situations they find themselves in. All of them, by the way, don´t deal all that well. Worth it I think if you´re a fan of horror and Sci-Fi, and to be honest kind of bleak stories, but otherwise, it can become exhausting to read.

The Christmas Pig by J.K. Rowling

It´s a cute little children´s stories, and it is good.

The premise could be described as „Where do the things we loose end up?“ Jack will find out, as he makes the journey to recover his stuffed animal, that he lost. On his journey, he comes to know the stories, how quite a few of the things he met ended up lost, and the horrible threat that looms over, the entire realm, as he slowly learns to love.

The story beats come at the right time, and the story itself is interesting as well. I found it quite fascinating how some things were working with „The Lost and Found“ concerning everything inside the story. I also quite liked the character voices.

Amok by Richard Bachman

The entire concept of the story is interesting.

The setting: A high school in Maine. After a conversation with the director, Charlie Decker shoots first his teacher and then holds his classmates hostage. Let the mind games begin, as he simply talks with them, while keeping the police in check

Getting into the mind of Charlie was something I enjoyed, though I have to admit, when the story comes to an end I can´t quite tell you what happened. Either because I was sleep deprived when reading that last part or because I seem to have terrible reading comprehension or because it isn´t that clear to begin with. In the end, I enjoyed it regardless.

'Salem's Lot by Stephen King

Another horror novel, that was gifted to me...

Ben Mears returns as a successful novelist back to his childhood home. He plans to write a novel in this deserted town, far away from the big cities. Almost at the same time, a weird stranger shows up as well, who decides to rent a building that has been empty for decades, because the previous owner just up and vanished. Soon enough, it becomes weird. Lights burning without a source, a dog gets found dead, and children go missing.

I´ll be honest, I expected witches, demonic rituals, anything, that might connect the happenings to Salem. My first thought was „Salem Witch Trials“ and I was disappointed when I got vampires instead. They were surprising, yeah, but not a great choice in my opinion. Though, my father disagrees with me on that...

Seibetsu "Mona Lisa" no Kimi he by Tsumuji Yoshimura (Volume 2 – Volume 6)

A beautiful manga, that really became important to me personally, and where I fear a bit the ending.

„What gender was the Mona Lisa? There is a lot of myth surrounding the painting, and some even say, that it combines both“ In a world, where everyone is born without a gender, they will have to choose. Most children have chosen who to become around the time, when they celebrate their 12th birthday. Not Hinase. Already 17, they still haven´t decided. And it seems, that time is slowly running out for them, as they are the oldest living person, who still hasn´t decided.

Hinase struggles, resonate with me on a personal level and I´m really invested in how their story will end, even though the end scares me at the same time as well. The love triangle though, is something I am just tolerating. I mean on their own the characters are really well done, and their struggles are just beautifully presented. I just can´t stand the declaration of the Male Interest, and though the Female Interest says the same thing in the beginning, she quickly changes her tune, and realizes, that she would still love Hinase no matter what they become, all the while the Male Interest still is stuck on getting Hinase to become a woman. The characters are good. The love triangle isn´t. The story resonates with me on a personal level.

The Green Mile by Stephen King

The story definitely hit it´s mark with me.

Paul Edgewoth is a prison guard, and tends to talks about his guest. He is responsible for seeing the death penalty through. Though things take a turn to the scary and supernatural when two girls die and John Coffey gets convicted and is put on the death track.

It was a pleasure to read through these books, and slowly getting more and more of the story. I was deeply saddend by the inevitability that seemed to haunt me, after reading it, and truly dreaded the end. It was compelling to read, and a beautiful commentary on something truly despicable. My little summary can´t reach the brilliance of what is happening. Well done, King.

‎The Wicked Sister by Karen Dionne

A thriller, that was truly enjoyable.

The 26 year old Rachel Cunningham lives for 15 years in an „asylum“ in Michigan. She believes, that she killed her own mother as a little child. That memory, of her standing there with the weapon in her hands in front of the body, won´t leave her be. Though the memory lies, and the deadly truth comes creeping in.

It truly took me a while, till I realized, that the little girl in the flashback was not Rachel but her older sister, and in that moment all the tension relied on Rachel first of all figuring out what truly happened, and then escaping her sister. It was tense, and I enjoyed it a lot while reading it on the train.

Leiden sollst du by Laura Wullf

Another great thriller, that kept my interest till the end

Was it really an accident? The seventeen year old Julia was missing for several months only to be found dead. Marie is deeply disturbed by this cause her cousin, Ben, was friends with the now dead girl. She asks her husband, Daniel an ex-cop who is now paralysed, for help and finds out that Ben has been receiving threats and has been followed now for several weeks. Shortly after the next body appear and Marie joins a game she never wanted to play.

I admit, this one is rather average and not that memorable, still it is enjoyable to read through. I liked the characters well enough, and the game the killer plays was also unique enough to keep me interested.

Rivers of London by Ben Aaronovitch

Another gift, another one, that I really wasn´t fond of.

This is London as you´ve never seen it before. A city of wonders and terrors. A city of ancient secrets, which is haunted by it´s past. A city where you are never far from magic. A city Peter Grant will help you discover: My name is Peter Grant, and I used to be a probationary constable in that mighty army for justice known to all right-thinking people as the Metropolitan Police Service, and to everyone else as the Filth. My story really started when I tried to take a witness statement from a man who was already dead...

Quite frankly, I was glad, when I finally finished the book. Something about the book just rubbed me the wrong way, and so the end couldn´t have come soon enough...

Die Dunklen by Ralf Isau

Something, that collected dust for a very long time in my shelf...

The pianist Sarah d´Albis has synaesthesia. She can see music. While listening to a piece of Franz List a foreboding message is revealed to her. She starts to follow the trail of a secret brotherhood, who call themselves the dark ones. For ages they have been searching for a terrifying piece of music who promises to grant them complete control over humanity. Together with the Russian Oleg, Sarah will do anything in her power to stop them. The future of the world depends on them.

This book would have been a lot more enjoyable if I cared about music and the terminology used for it. As it is, I don´t. While I did like the characters and the stories itself, Isau became to long-winded for me to properly enjoy his story. The end was too often in reach, only for it to be pulled away again.

Santa Clawed by Rita Mae Brown

Goddamn, I hated it...

As Harry well knows, there’s hardly a place on earth cozier than Crozet, Virginia, at Christmastime. Snowflakes, carolers, it’s all picture-perfect until Harry and her husband, Fair, find the tree they’ve chosen grimly decorated with a corpse. The tree farm is run by the Brothers of Love, a semimonastic organization whose members live atop the scenic Blue Ridge Mountains. Now, as the season grows merrier, a murderer is growing bolder. One by one, prominent men of Crozet are being crossed off Christmas shopping lists and added to the morgue. And if Harry and her four-legged helpers aren’t very good–and very careful–this Christmas will be her last.

The story was mediocre at best, downright bad at worst. I couldn´t stand to read it, and at the same time get away from the religious imaginary, that was just thrown at me the whole time. I was glad to finally shut it, and will open it never again. Moving on!

Whisper by Isabel Abedi

A reread, and a good one at that.

An unnatural silence lays over Whisper, the old mansion, where Noa is supposed to spend her vacation. The old building hides a secret, which no one dares to mention. Fear but also curiosity drive Noa to discover the trails over a long silenced crime. Together with David, a boy from town, she will discover the secrets of these old walls.

I read this story before, but couldn´t quite remember what had happend so I made my journey again, and it was great. I love how done Noa is with her mother, and I completely forgot about the twist at the end, though it does come kind of outta no where. Got to admit that. I also adore, that all our characters seem like people, and not just walking tropes. It´s nice children book.

Der Verehrer by Charlotte Link

This story is my cup of tea, through and through.

When the body of a recently murdered young woman is found in a forest, the police and her family are confronted with a mystery. For the last six years, the woman was considered to have disappeared without a trace. Only another crime leads to new approaches and to a woman who has no idea she could be the next victim.

This story grabbed me by the throat and refused to let go. It was such an enjoyable read through, I don´t quite know how to put it in words. One thing only: You should know around the halfway point what is going on. At least I did. Though I liked, that Link didn´t try to drag the mystery for too long. It became obvious, but it never lost it´s tension.

Funfact: I took the book with me, while going to my first convention, and I really gotta say I had to convince myself to put it down, when I was reading after coming back to the hotel to wind down for the night, because I had an early start the next day. Amazing story!

Black Out by Marc Elsberg

Let it end already!

On a cold February day, all electricity grids in Europe collapse. The total blackout. Italian computer scientist Piero Manzano suspects a hacker attack and tries to warn the authorities – unsuccessfully. When Europol Commissioner Bollard finally listens to him, dubious e-mails appear in Manzano's computer, directing suspicion to himself. He has come under the crosshair of an adversary who is as sophisticated as he is merciless. Meanwhile, all of Europe is in darkness and the battle for survival begins . . .

At this point most of you should have realized that I hate bleak fiction. I just can´t stand it! This was another book, where it felt like a pain, or worse a chore, to read it. I genuinely couldn´t enjoy it at all. I mean the twist at the end was kind of funny, especially because it´s a call back. But the rest, I dreaded it. While the characters were somewhat fun, they also felt like plain caricatures the whole time. I was glad, when the book finally ended.

Todesträume am Montparnasse by Alexandra von Grote

No, just no...

It is not a pretty sight to see Commissioner Maurice LaBréa at the scene of the crime. The deceased is lying on the bed with his hands and feet tied to the bedposts with a thin nylon cord. The mouth is covered with a large patch. On his chest, the killer deposited a cassette with Ravel's Boléro on it. At first, the police suspect an act of revenge – but shortly after, a similar murder occurs, and LaBréa is confronted with a mystery. A race against time begins . . .

The vibe of this story was just off. I genuinely can´t tell you what it was, that made this story so fucking uncomfortable to read, but I really gotta say, I was the worst. Especially, because I could never pin point, what it was now, that was rubbing me the wrong way. Really the vibes were just so off!!

GANGSTA by Kohske (Volume 1)

I love it! I love it so much! It´s everything.

In Ergastulum, a city rules by violence, drugs and the mafia, there are two independent handymen – Nicolas and Worick. Alex, a former prostitute who joins them, wants to know more about them. About their friendship and past. On the streets murder is a everyday thing, a strange drug and superhumans called Twilights, are calling the tune. It´s a mafia fantasy through and through.

You know what? I take some it back, even though I still love it with all my heart. The story and the world can be a bit bleak. Because Ergastulum and the reality Nicolas lives in. That´s just dark! Still the teasing he exchanges with Worick, the way he already worries over Alex! It´s everything to me! I really, really just adore the way he acts! The way you can already tell how much he loves the people around him. I just love it. Everyone, please give this oldie (and it kinda is) a chance.

Funfact 1: I won the first volume in a Go-Tournament.

Funfact 2: For those, that know of the anime, I could actually see StereoDiveFoundation (the guy who wrote the absolute banger that Renegade is!) live this year ( in June 2023 btw..., yeah it takes that long...)

The Speaker by Traci Chee

It was definitely an interesting read, and I loved the story telling in this.

Having barely escaped the clutches of the Guard, Sefia and Archer are back on the run, slipping into the safety of the forest to tend to their wounds and plan their next move. Haunted by painful memories, Archer struggles to overcome the trauma of his past with the impressors, whose cruelty plagues him whenever he closes his eyes. But when Sefia and Archer happen upon a crew of impressors in the wilderness, Archer finally finds a way to combat his nightmares: by hunting impressors and freeing the boys they hold captive.

Something I have to mention upfront: On a side note, it can work as independent story, even though this particular one is the second book from a trilogy. So my opinion of it, might be a bit strange. Especially because of that. But yet, I still adored the story telling of Chee. She had a beautiful way to bring this entire world closer to me and reading this never felt like a chore to me. My applause. Genuinely. Also, the German title is very dear to me: Ein Schatz aus Papier und Magie (downright poetic)

The Thing on the Doorstep by H.P. Lovecraft

Creepy as fuck, as I hoped it would be.

A collection of short stories by the popular horror author H.P. Lovecraft. Including „The Thing on the Doorstep“, „The Outsider“, „The Colour Out of Space“, „The Dreams in the Witch House“ and „The Shadow Out of Time“.

These short stories had me in a tight grip when I read them. I practically devoured it. It hit all of the right points for me to sit back and question it. Lovecraft allowed me to follow along, while still giving himself enough time to actually explain, what was going on. Well, at least well enough, that I didn´t feel too terribly confused and got annoyed with him. It was a gorgeous collection and definitely worth the read. Because yeah, this was a collection of his though the titular one was by far my favourite.

At the Mountains of Madness by H.P Lovecraft

This one was weird...

Arkham, 1933. Professor Dyer, learns that a scientific expedition will soon leave for Antarctica following in the footsteps of the journey which he himself had made in 1931. In the hope of dissuading the attempt, Dyer decides to make a full account of the tragic events he had survived, this time without omitting the passages which he had kept silent about on his return, for fear of being taken for a madman.

Two years earlier, ships chartered by Miskatonic University had landed on the frozen continent at the start of the Antarctic summer, and the group of four professors and sixteen students set to work immediately. The expedition biologist, Professor Lake, left with several members of the team to follow a promising fossil track. After just a few days, he announced by radio that he had discovered astonishing specimens of an unknown ancient species, before stopping all communication after a terrible storm. Guessing the worst, Dyer went to their rescue the next day. What he discovered went beyond his wildest fears ...

Okay as much as I loved the previous one, this one was a bit strange. I couldn´t quite tell, what his intentions were with that one, but I found it so much more strange and off-putting. It´s written more like an actual scientific report, which made reading it a bit more tedious than the previous one. I´m just not a fan of rhetoric used in those stories, so I knew I wouldn´t like it. In the end the horror story did it´s job though. I was freaked out and a bit afraid.

Monster by Robert Waugh

Admittedly a super interesting, if a bit dry, read.

A series of essays by Robert Waugh, where he explores the themes, motive and narrative in the stories of H.P. Lovecraft. He pulls from the live of Lovecraft, as he tries to find what makes his stories so special, and where the many fears, that Lovecraft uses in his horror come from. The trilogy was titles „A monster of Voices“, „The monster in the mirror“ and „A monster for many“.

It was so interesting to actually read all of this. At some points, it started to feel a bit heavy, but it´s kinda what I expected from a series of academic essays. Though one thing I noticed, because it was frankly hilarious, was how the print got gradually bigger and the books thinner over the course of the three books. No, if there is an avid interest for the work of Lovecraft I recommend checking these essays out.

Profiling Violent Crimes by Ronald Holmes

That one was so much fun!!

Another series of essays, that busy itself with the topic of violent crimes. Where does it pop up? Who are the victims? And who are the guilty? What styles of violent crime are there? And who is the most likely to do what?

It was so much fun to actually read that, cause he comes to a few conclusions that seem pretty strange, but Holmes argues well-enough for them, that it seems to make sense. A book, where I actually enjoyed looking at it´s graphes. Something, I usually dread.

Sisi by Andy Englert

Cute!

Every year, the three famous “Sissi” films enchant millions of people in front of the TV at Christmas. The image of the Austrian Empress Elisabeth is shaped by the “Sissi” classics with Romy Schneider. But what was the “real” Sisi really like? Royals expert Andreas Englert sheds light on the historical figure – Munich-born Elisabeth Amalie Eugenie von Wittelsbach, later Empress Elisabeth of Austria-Hungary – in the spotlight. Did you know that after the dream wedding in Vienna with Emperor Franz Joseph I in 1854, disenchantment quickly reigned and why? Or that the “real” Sisi did not suffer from an eating disorder, as has often been claimed? And why is she actually called “Sissi” in the movies and not “Sisi” or even “Lisi”? Questions about questions, all of which are answered in a well-founded and exciting way in this book.

It was cute little biography, filled with some funfacts about Sisi. Definitely very entertaining to read, but nothing memorable, that I can say now about it. Cuz, while I do like Sisi well enough, certainly not enough to actively memorise facts about her...

In the end, it was all about love. by Musa Okwonga

Another mediocre book. Not great, but not bad either. Somewhat fun.

The narrator arrives in Berlin, a place famed for its hedonism, to find peace and maybe love; only to discover that the problems which have long haunted him have arrived there too, and are more present than ever. As he approaches his fortieth birthday, nearing the age where his father was killed in a brutal revolution, he drifts through this endlessly addictive and sometimes mystical city, through its slow days and bottomless nights, wondering whether he will ever escape the damage left by his father's death. With the world as a whole more uncertain, as both the far-right and global temperatures rise at frightening speed, he finds himself fighting a fierce inner battle against his turbulent past, for a future free of his fear of failure, of persecution, and of intimacy. In The End, It Was All About Love is a journey of loss and self-acceptance that takes its nameless narrator all the way through bustling Berlin to his roots, a quiet village on the Uganda-Sudan border. It is a bracingly honest story of love, sexuality and spirituality, of racism, dating, and alienation; of fleeing the greatest possible pain, and of the hopeful road home.

Let me tell you something. I was reading this book, while having the nigh watch, and you know what even being awake for far over twenty hours I didn´t fall asleep with it. Which says a bit more, when I tell you that I definitely feel asleep before while reading, several times, pretty often. So, it was interesting enough, to at least keep my attention. Even when I was exhausted beyond belief.

Nahe Tage by Angelika Overrath

Break my heart, why don´t you?

With the last of her mother's belongings, Johanna returns to the apartment where she grew up. As if under duress, she sorts her mother's laundry according to temperature tolerance, and while the washing machine starts running, Johanna makes an inventory of her childhood. . .

What a text on which I ended my year. It made me cry. You can just feel that grief, that Johanna is going through the whole time. The disbelief, as she is still grabbling with what happened. Her childhood. I´m dying. Especially reading this over Christmas was either the best decision ever, or the worst one. I genuinely can´t tell.

I´m finished!! A total of 31 books were read in the year of 2022. Looking back I will definitely continue to sort through my shelves. Cuz I got too many of those damn books. I always collect them but never read them (Note from the future: I try my best here, but I ain´t easy (my to be read list is already longer than it was last year...))

#reading list

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are-you-still-writing-that · 4 months

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Killua Relationship Headcanons

As soon, as I step out of a format, believe me I´m struggling. So, I already know, that I will also struggle quite badly with this one. Though, I´m sure I will find my way around this one as well.

What I´m looking at is a request from a darling anon, who requested relationship headcanons for Killua, in response of me posting the yandere headcanons. So, I will have to take another look at this boy and figure out how he would act as well in this particular situation.

Well, that´s surely going to piece of cake, won´t it...

Killua Relationship Headcanons

He was very likely the driving force behind getting this relationship started → very picky who he talks too, or even which names he remembers

Because of something like this, he wouldn´t even realize if you were the one flirting with him

This could become very funny (at least to me), if you´re oblivious

A bit of a bastard to you

Tends to pick on you quite a bit → all in good faith, even though some of his comments tend to turn into a mean direction

Hilariously enough, it´s how he tries to show you affection → bit of Kindergarten-Logic that one

Still very attentive and attuned to you → knows when he hurt you and apologizes, also aware when something seems to be stressing you out

He is aware of what you´re feeling

This will cause, by the way, as many problems as it´s solves

Because he somewhat expects you to be attuned to him in the same way

Which means he rarely talks about hat he feels, and just thinks you will know what he feels without him telling you

It´s like pulling teeth when you try talking emotions with him as well... good luck...

Someone who shares food with you

Another way he tries to show you affection → like I said very much like 5 year old...

Say goodbye to an evening at home → wants to see new stuff whenever he can and enjoys sharing the experience with his partner

You better get along with Gon and Alluka

Otherwise he will drop you without hesitation (their opinion means everything to him) → later yours will as well

Actually takes a lot of input from you

Tends to remember your likes and dislikes very well

Will show this very off-handedly (probably not even actively memorizing anything)

Has a habit of losing himself in his relationships

You NEED to ask him every now and then for his opinion and separate the two of you into individual people, instead of being one

Needs someone who can slow him down every now and again → he´s always alert, all the time, it will burn him out someday

Don´t sweep him along → he needs the space, otherwise he will be lost!

Hilariously enough, a bit of a gentleman → tends to walk on the side wherever the road is, like he bodily puts himself between the road and you

In general tends to put himself bodily between any perceived danger and you → also something that seems to happen unconsciously

Also the first one that will pull you away from some things

Likes to keep you in sight of him → a strong tendency to let you decide where to go, or to simply point over you shoulder when he wants to go somewhere specific

Not big on PDA → will hold your hand, sure, but please don´t kiss him, yeah the hug is also fine

Terrible at communication → never tells you anything

Doesn´t mean he is good at keeping secrets though... → he will share it before you know it with Gon or Alluka

Their secrets are also shared with you though Still, there is always some understanding between the two of you and he always tries to make sure that you know that he loves you. He understands your actions and your words and knows that you know him well enough to understand him as well. He is someone, that will try to make the relationship work. And with a little bit of cooperation, you two will make bond, that could last a lifetime.

#killua #hunterxhunter #hxh #killua zoldyck #killua headcanons #killua x reader #xreader #hunterxhunter headcanons #hxh headcanons

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are-you-still-writing-that · 6 months

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You know what’s really refreshing and impressive? The way you write for the characters in a way as if you were the one who created them in the first place. Like, you write the characters as if it would be canon. Especially Illumi! Whenever I read HC’s of him (especially yandere themed ones) it’s always ‘he wants the family business to keep going’ and that can be true, maybe. But it’s so refreshing and nice to see that there are people like you who come up with different theories, concepts and opinions. You said that Illumi wants to have something completely outside of the family business. Something different. And it’s so damn beautiful! It’s the first time I see people going out of that whole family business concept and give Illumi certain space and.. character(?)(xd I’m low-key struggling to find the right words but I think you understand what I’m trying to say into words.) You also mentioned that he just wants to have a bond with his object of affection and that’s giving him more character than all the stuff I have read so far. Your writing is lovely, keep up the great work ! :P

That is such a nice thing to say of you! I can´t remember how often I went back to your message to read and reread it over and over again. It, it just means a lot to me to hear how you think about what I do.

Especially : "The way you write for the characters in a way as if you were the one who created them in the first place. Like, you write the characters as if it would be canon."

That part simply means everything to me!!! I always try to let the character be as canon as they are, but I know that after all I´m twisting them around to fit the need of the story.

So to hear, that they still after all, and especially Illumi, still feel canon. It simply means the world to me!

Thank you, thank you so much! Your kinf words will be a source for motivation for quite a while. Truly, thank you!

#author notes

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are-you-still-writing-that · 6 months

Note

Hii! I am new on ur blog, but I REALLY love ur work! I especially love the Yan! Mikey alphabet. There for, I would like to request a yan! Chifuyu alphabet if thats ok.If not, its alr dw. Hope u have a good day and please make sure to drink enough water! :D

I finished him, and have finally the chance to notify you of it as well!!!

You can find the alphabet for Chifuyu here.

I hope you will like how I wrote him!!!

#l answers

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are-you-still-writing-that · 6 months

Note

Hii is it possible we can get a yandere alphabet for Baji or Mitsuya?

You may have already seen them, but I posted your request a while ago.

For Baji you need to go here.

For Mitsuya you need to go here.

I hoe you will enjoy them <3

#l answers

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are-you-still-writing-that · 6 months

Text

Milestone: 250 Reblogs

Guys! You´re all so cool! I was so excited when Tumblr told me that. That number might seem small to some, but I´m so happy, that my work found so much appreciation.

Tumblr after all lives off it´s reblogs and OH MY DEAR!!! The knowledge that my writing got shared 250 times with other people, I´m so happy

(-> you all)

(First of all that, me seeing the wiriting shared)

(Me right now again)

#author notes #milestone #sorry for the many gifs #but I had to!#so amazing you guys

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are-you-still-writing-that · 6 months

Text

Yandere Alphabet: Baji Keisuke

He such a feral bastard. Honestly, love that for him. Here he is:

Baji Keisuke

Fucker is downright feral. Wild and free-spirited are some of the nicer things, that can be said about him. Most would say it a bit differently. He is extremely headstrong and sometimes he doesn´t make any sense to you. I honestly believe that you will need to him match him in every aspect because otherwise he will simply steam roll right over you.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

He is as intense as it gets. Always hanging onto you. He needs to be in physical contact with you and he can´t stand to see you leaving his hands. Though he is all for public displays of affection. Though as soon as he gets started it always feels a little inappropriate, cause he never slows down. He will leave hickeys all over you, and will place them purposefully over where the collar of your shirt will reach.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Baji would probably kill someone on accident. He would throw himself at the other and wouldn´t stop. His rage knows no bounds, even when he tries to keep it in check. In the end, it´s likely that he won´t even realize what he has done till it´s too late. Still he will gladly come back to you, and quite frankly for you? He would do it all again.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Not one to mock and neither to abduct. Another one of the guys, who suddenly moved in with you. Appears everywhere that you do and in general just clings to you. He isn´t someone, that would abduct you at all. Or if he did, he would very quickly let you go again, because he couldn´t even keep up with something like that.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

He clings to you. Following you wherever you need to go. He wants to spend time with you and he makes is very clear. But otherwise, he lets you hold the reins. You will know what is best for you, at least better than him. So, he lets you do as you please. He just wants to be with you every step of the way.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

This man opens his heart for you from the first moment he sees you. He wants you to know what is going on inside if him. But he also wants to understand you as well. He wants to know what is going on inside your mind at every moment. He adores to listen to you talk, too see you opening up to him, like he open up to you as well.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He rather sees it more as an invitation to play-fight with them, than the genuine attempt to get away from him. Though with him, this warped perspective is definitely on purpose. He knows that wasn´t what you intended, but he hopes that with some humour he can convince you that this would be a terrible idea.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

If it´s established previously as a game, he will enjoy chasing you around. It´s a bit like playing tag, isn´t it? If you just suddenly try to get away from him with no explanation or anything of that kind, he will be mainly confused. He doesn´t understand what´s going on, and will be hurt, when he figures out what has been going on.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

The moment he pounces on someone else for the first time, and you try to get between that. In that moment he will accidentally hurt you. That moment, will be the worst experience with him. Because that will hurt, and he might not even notice what he has done till long after he calmed down again. The realization, that when he fights he looses track of his surroundings and can´t even recognize it when you approach him. How strong he is and how easy it would be for him to break you apart.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

It doesn´t come to mind for him to plan for the future. For him, what counts most is the moment. It´s the present. He wants to be with you in this very moment. He doesn´t want to think about tomorrow. Everything that counts happens right now. And right now he wants nothing more than to be with you.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Baji has a tendency to get jealous and whenever he does, he will show it as well. Stepping closer to you, kissing you, throwing his arm over your shoulder. All these are signs that he wants the other person to finally back off. Though, the other should really start watching out as soon as he starts to fidget. It´s the only warning, that he will jump the other in the next few moments.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

He tends to watch your every move. Careful eyes are always on you. Though, he will also lean on you. Making sure, that you know that he is close to you. A hand on your back or on your arm are common for him. He also tends to kiss you quite a lot, if you give him the chance to do it. It´s the easiest way for him to ensure, that everyone around him knows that you and him belong together.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Spending time with them is his to go method. He likes nothing more, than to spend time and talk with the people he loves, so why would it be any different, when he tries to get closer to someone? He will accompany you on some of the mundanest trips, but bring the highest energy and enthusiasm always with it. It´s almost endearing.

Mask: Are their true colours drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

A bit wild and feral. That is was everybody sees when they look at Baji. Even his mother described him as such for as long as he can remember. He takes pride in that description. He never tried to hide who he is from anyone. Never did, never will. They just have to accept him how he is. So he never appears any different around any person. Is core always stays the same.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

He will get violent when angry. But still he wouldn´t think of touching you in any shape or form. His voice will get louder, his movement will become more erratic but he won´t touch you. He might crowd you accidentally, he might throw some of things around, though it´s a mix between his own and yours belongings, cuz he genuinely can´t decipher it in the moment. He doesn´t try to hurt you, but he knows that he needs to vent this anger in some way.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

It´s not so much, that he takes away his darlings rights and more so, that he simply tends to be around a lot. Of course he wants to know, with whim they´re going out. Especially, if he isn´t going to be there. He will be overprotective, but he still understands, that your decisions are mainly your own. He can influence them with his opinion, but he still has to let you do what you want.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

In general, he isn´t a very patient man. If needed, he can wait for a bit, but only when he knows, that it will aid him in his goals 100%. Otherwise, he will either loose interest or try to speed things up quite a bit. With that in mind, he also tends to be impatient with his darling. He doesn´t wait to approach them and just throws himself with all his affections at you. Either they will get used to him or not. But he won´t just stand aside and wait for them to notice him.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

He is someone, that is always focused on the moment. Never someone, that plans very far ahead, but he does dwell on the past, and wants to atone for mistakes he made. So, he would mourn them. He would look back upon his actions and wonder, where he went wrong with you. He doesn´t understand, why you felt the sudden need to leave everything behind the two of you had going on. He is also pretty sure, that he will never understand it either. He won´t come up after you, but he will approach you, if your paths ever cross again.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

As previously mentioned, he isn´t one to abduct his darling in the first place, and if he ever did, he would feel guilty upon seeing their reaction. He doesn´t plan to do something like this, for that simple reason alone. He doesn´t think, that he could bear to watch your expression crumble upon seeing him. So, he would let them go rather quickly as well.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Baji had always been a wild and uncontrollable child. He has always been a bit on the possessive side of things, and his mother had always indulged him in it. He was allowed to love, how he wants to, even encouraged to. His passion was always very visible and nothing he ever hid, and either people loved him or hated him for it. He never saw the sense of dimming himself for the comfort of others, and so he will never do so either.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He doesn´t like to see you in pain. In total he simply can´t stand it, when you aren´t happy and he will do everything to the best of his abilities to make you happy again. There is nothing he loves more, than to see you smiling, your laugh or the expression on your face when you are content. So, he will do what he can, to have you look at him again with love and happiness in your eyes.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

With him there is no mastermind at work. Very rarely will he think his plans through till the end. There is so much, that he could do for you instead, that would express the same thing as his words would. In general you will notice, that he is very intuitive with you.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Now there is something, that can be exploited, but he is also very aware of that weakness himself. First of all, he isn´t exactly the brightest one out there. All the while though, he is very tunes into the way you behave, so he will pick up any sudden changes. Second, he adores you. There is seems to be nothing, that he wouldn´t do for you. He is also very aware of that.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

He is not someone, that enjoys hurting the people, that he loves. While he is very much capable of hurting you, he would rather not do it. It pains him to even think about such a thing. He knows that he ban be abrasive and short-tempered, but he still takes care to control himself. If he realizes, that he won´t be able to, he will leave you by yourself. He never wants to become the cause of pain for you.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Baji adores his darling and while he does hold them in high regards, it never reaches something worshipful. He still sees them as a person, with all your flaws. He believes, that no matter what happens, he will always be able to see the real you. Never a mask and never to be put on a pedestal. Still, he likes you. Would go to the end of this earth for you. No matter what.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

He is someone, that believes in the idea of love at first sight. He sees you and his heart starts to race. That first moment, he is done for. He already adores every little thing that you do. He doesn´t immediately bowel you over, but he still approaches you as soon as he can. He doesn´t care if it seems awkward as well. For something like that, he doesn´t let himself fell any shame. And so he pines and every advance makes him bolder.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

He is definitely capable of breaking his darling to smithereens. Baji is not necessarily the most careful guy out there, while at the same time he is definitely highly emotionally intelligent. There are times when he holds you too tight and leaves bruises he never intended to leave. He is like that in most things. He can be too harsh, too cruel, too forceful. He knows this as well and so he will try. He will be attentive, but he knows himself, that it´s likely that he will miss something along the way.

#yandere #yandere baji #yandere alphabet #xreader #tokyo revengers #tokrev #baji keisuke #yandere headcanons #baji headcanons #baji x reader #yandere tokyo revengers #yandere tokrev

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are-you-still-writing-that · 6 months

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Yandere Alphabet: Matsuno Chifuyu

What a cute guy. Strictly loyal and incredible attentive towards his friends. We get introduced to him and know in the same moment, that he would die for his friends. What a guy!

Chifuyu Matsuno

A gentle soul, that can´t see, that was is he doing might be seen as wrong. He wants to be close to you and he will do whatever he can do achieve that. Relentless. Pushy. I honestly believe, that with him around you will never have a quiet moment to yourself again. Good Luck with him, my dear. And patience. You will need it.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

He is a big fan of physical contact and he knows it. He always tends to saddle up to you, to get in any contact with you. Brushing through your hair, fixing your clothes, wiping something of your face. He will gladly take any excuse to get more comfortable with you. Accidentally brushing against your hand only to grasp it tightly a moment later. It doesn´t matter. His hugs are a bit too tight and his contact a bit too insistent, but he laughs any worries away and instead smiles brightly at you.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

While he avoids doing something in front of you, you can still tell by his split open knuckles whenever he went out to beat someone half to death for insulting you in any manner. It´s in the way, the blood is still drying and the red speckles don´t quite wash out of his collar. It´s the way his hair is even more dishevelled and bruises are forming on his face. It´s in the way, he leans against you, pride clear, demanding praise anyway.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

He isn´t one for mocking you. After all, he genuinely loves you and is delusional enough to believe that you love him just as much as well. While he can get a bit mean sometimes, it´s more in a playful manner, rather than him trying to purposefully trying to hurt you. In general he doesn´t really change from the way he treated you beforehand.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

He wants that physical contact and he doesn´t care if you want your space or not. He wants to be close to you, to ouch you, to hug you whenever he is nearby. Chifuyu always wants to have a hand on you or lean against you. But he also wants 100% of your attention always. He will do everything that he can to ensure, that he will get what he wants. No matter what you think.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

He is always talking about his days. Most of the time though, he will stick to everyday conversations which might seem meaningless but truly mean the world to him. He enjoys talking to you deeply. Sometimes he will drift off into heavier topics, but will always make sure, that you´re still comfortable with the turn talks with him sometimes take.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Chifuyu gets annoyed. Quickly. He can´t stand it to see you fighting back, when all he wants is to have your affection. He is also can´t understand, why you would do this to him. After all, he would lay his life down for you. He is incredibly loyal to you, and he thought he made this clear for you as well. He just doesn´t understand what is going on, when you fight back

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

While he once told you, that he enjoys playing games with you, he rather meant cards or boardgames, hell even tabletop games. Not whatever this is. He doesn´t like that he has to go and look with you. He can´t stand not knowing where you are. Chifuyu wants to be close to you and spend his time with you. Not waste is searching for you. He´s always open to play games, but please let it be something different.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

At one point you will realize, that you can´t go anywhere any more without him following you. You will realize, that he is everywhere that you are. It will feel like you can´t breathe any more. And no matter what you do, or where you try to go, you will never be able to escape from him either. It´s a realization, that comes slowly, but it comes with the utmost believe that it can´t be anything else.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Something peaceful. Something serene. Something, that could come straight out of a fairytale. He wants to have his own little happily ever after with you. It´s incredibly important to him. He wants to stick with you forever if you let him.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

He gets jealous in the same moment, where he realizes that you pay attention to someone other than him. He can´t stand it. In those moments he will become louder and more insistent when touching you. He tries every thing that he can to keep your attention on him. In the end, he will only stop if he is assured that you´re only paying attention to him, though he might leave you alone for a moment to teach the other a bloodier lesson about who is the number one in your heart.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

He hangs onto you all the time. Somehow he always manages to keep his hands on you. Clinging to you whenever he has the opportunity. He will also tend to draw your attention towards him, when he suddenly asks about topics that he knows you favour talking about. In total, he makes it clear that he is the centre of your attention, and that he won´t move from that space either.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Chifuyu is slick. He stumbles into you and will start an easy conversation. It will be easy and beautiful to talk with him. After all, he already knows how to entertain you. Here and there, he will make sure, that you know that he pays attention to you and listens to what you say. He is a fan of sending you some funny cat pictures or just talking about your life whenever he can. He becomes first a good friend that you can confide into, then he will become something more.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

He is a lot colder and manipulative, than he truly lets on. Around you and others he will play up being a ditz. Just another stupid blond that can´t do anything right. He is an idiot, right? He isn´t. But there is no need for other people to be aware of that. It makes his life also a lot easier. No one expects him to have the insight needed, to have the emotional intelligence to play around with people. No one ever suspects the stupid blond, who can´t stop crying, when it comes to your disappearance.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Crying. Screaming. Outright telling you, that he will hurt himself if you do that again. He never attacks you, but nothing else is safe from him, himself included. Chifuyu looses his patience in that moment and will, in a move that seems thoughtless, threaten everything that you ever hold dear. But never once he touches you. Which is quite jarring considering how he usually hangs onto you.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

He is someone who smothers you in his affection. You will never know another moment of peace after he comes into your life. Somehow, he is always hanging around you, touching you, or trying to talk to you. With that, he also takes control, slowly everything that he wants becomes part of his. His will somehow eclipsing yours.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Back when he was still pining for his darling, he proved how patient he can truly be. Waiting days, months and weeks to actually get what he wants. Even when he approaches you again, well it would be the first time for you, he proves again how patient he can be. He is careful with his words and actions, willing to be satisfied with the smallest scrapes of affection.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

In the case you dying, he will mourn you forever. Maybe he will fall for someone else again, years down the line, but it´s unlikely, that he will actually move on from loving you. He adored you with every fibre of his easy-loving heart. You leaving him, would cause him to chase after you forever. He will never let you go. It doesn´t matter where you try to go. He will carry your picture with him, in a locket.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

He doesn´t really feel any kind of guilt about kidnapping you. For him it was something, that was absolutely necessary. He needed you to be away from all these strange people. He needed you to be safe and far away from others as possible. No matter what you do, he will not regret giving himself the opportunity to become number one in your life.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Chifuyu always was a bit clingy as a child. But over time, it seemed like he slowly grew out of it. Only that he never truly did. He still tended to first idolize people and then follow them with an almost blind loyalty. It´s how he got into his gang, it´s simply part of how he lives his life. This is an aspect, that also shows itself in his love life.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He doesn´t necessarily minds it, if you start to isolate yourself. It only makes his own job so much easier. But seeing you cry and scream, slowly breaks his heart. He hates to see you like this. Chifuyu will try to console you, lowly hushing you, as he rocks the both of you back and forth. You shouldn´t waste your tears like this, don´t worry, he will always stay by your side.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Chifuyu is actually rather harmless for a yandere. He doesn´t really attack or hurt anyone around him. Him lashing out is also rare. He avoids scaring you and because he is so focused on you, he usually doesn´t even takes any note of other people. He is also absolutely besotted with you. In general he is rather laid back, if overly clingy.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

He is absolutely besotted with you. Chifuyu would almost do anything for you. Focus on the almost. His kindness and his love has a limit. At one point, even through his rose-tinted glasses he will understand what you are trying to do. You need to be careful with what you ask, otherwise he will realise that something is going on.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

It´s unlikely that he will ever hurt you. There is no clear purpose behind such an action, that he can perceive. It would bring him no further than he wants. He wants your touch, your closeness. He doesn´t want you to flinch away from him. So, hurting you, making you afraid of him, would be extremely counterproductive.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He isn´t at a point where he worships the ground you walk upon, but it gets close to is. Chifuyu simply adores you. He loves everything about you and simply can´t stop thinking about you some days. Here and there something of yours will go missing, and it usually winds up in his possession. He collects little trinkets of yours whenever he can and adores each and every snapshot he can make of you.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Oh, that boy can pine. Following after you for months, before he makes his first move. He watches you for what almost seems forever, before he even dares to approach you. It´s even a bit strange for himself, because usually he is just so much more confident, but with you, he really wanted to be sure, that he is well prepared. And he is. Playing the long game for as long as he can, pretending to be a completely normal boy, who is simply enamoured with you.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

It will be an accident with him. In his quest to have all your attention to himself, he forgot about a few key things. He isolated you and in the high he felt because of the success, he couldn´t see how your eyes dimmed more and more. In the end, he won´t get any reaction out of you any more, but he will still be estatic because he knows, that he will have you all for himself.

#yandere #yandere chifuyu #yandere alphabet #xreader #tokyo revengers #tokrev #chifuyu matsuno #yandere headcanons #chifuyu headcanons #chifuyu x reader #yandere tokyo revengers #yandere tokrev

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