lord the peasants are so loud today

Ouppy

love it when a nondog baby animal is called a pup anyway

Mourn my passing. I’ve been made to learn shakespeare by reading it.

The wonderfully spooky Vampire Squid

"when they dig up your bones they'll know your sex assigned at birth" is the "what if you were aborted" of transphobia.

“trans men have a responsibility to combat bigotry in their communities and-“ Everybody Has a Responsibility to Combat Bigotry in their Communities it came free with your fucking Being in a Society Dipshit

we are RADICAL REBELLIOUS QUEERS WHO LOVE GAY SEX but don't break the rules of our social panopticon and don't point out misogyny or racism and don't do any of that freaky kink shit around me or I'm reporting you #ACAB #DOCRIME

Hermib crab : D

My plan to create a perfectly flat and level Kansas by moving 5,501 cubic miles of earth from west to east. It’s the ideal Kansas. Still some details to work out about rivers, roads, etc. Watch out for the 900-foot cliff bisecting Kansas City.

i feel like this is a important thing for us to remember

Just separated all of the peel from my apple. Ama

Random Ass Alternate Universes

the alternate univerce where a small but vocal tumbr fandom developed detailed and complex personalities for all of the background characters in Pirates of Penzance

the alternate universe where a vast majority of words for neurodiversity symptoms come directly from Latin

the alternate universe where all animal sexual dimorphism is reversed (ie peahens with long colourful feathers)

the alternate universe where pro wrestling is real

the alternate universe where the satanic panic was real but nobody cared

the alternate universe where lava lamps became a popular widely accepted form of home lighting

Blorbo from my seas. Is this anything?

I never get tired of putting the before and afters of the immortal blood billionaire guy side by side

most people attain these results simply by developing a drug addiction but for a few billions dollars and a diet of green goop and some shedding of young blood you can achieve the same thing

LITTLE GUY SPOTTED

I gave my soapbox speech about how weight loss is mostly bullshit to two different patients in a row yesterday and so help me I’m pretty sure one of these days someone is going to say “but SURELY you agree I’d be HEALTHIER if I lost weight!” bc you can see the disbelief in their eyes. And like. Sure, maybe! You might see some improvement in biomarkers like LDL and A1c, and your knees would probably feel better. But you would be amazed at how much more good you can do for yourself by focusing on things you can actually meaningfully change without resorting to making yourself miserable. Eat more fresh fruits and vegetables—it’s hard bc they’re more difficult to prepare and more expensive per calorie and go bad faster than other foods, but they’re what we evolved eating the most of so they’re what our bodies need the most of. And walk around more; sure, cardio is great for you, but if it sucks so bad you don’t do it, it isn’t doing shit for you. And we evolved to walk very very long distances, a little bit at a time, so our bodies respond actually very well to adding walks into our schedules, which is vastly easier than adding workouts that are frankly designed to be punishing when the definition of punishing is “makes you less likely to do it again in the future.”

You get one life. It is shorter than you can begin to imagine. Don’t waste it hating yourself because somebody is going to make money off that self-hatred. You deserve better than to be a cash cow for billionaires who pay aestheticians and dermatologists to make them (or at least their trophy wives) look thin and beautiful no matter what they actually do.