amushroomnamedsalem
a mushroom named salem
salem (all pronouns)
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hi guys first hc / 3rdlife art please let me into the fandom :,)
[song: problems - mother mother]
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this is so good i feel so normal about this i promise
Or: Once upon a time, a man turned himself into a demon for the sake of his husband's soul.
It's been a long time since then.
-
Demons don't really need to sleep, but Roier likes to do it, anyway. It's relaxing, and it reminds him of better times back when he was human and his husband wasn't... well.
Well.
Jaiden doesn't get it, but that's because she's never known what dreams are. Because demons don't sleep and, unlike Roier, she was born a demon. Her and Bobby both were, leaving Roier as the odd one out.
...That's fine! Their loss! Because sleep? Great. Dreams? Even better.
Because, in Roier's dreams, he sees him.
-
(They're in bed, because that was Roier's favorite place to be. He's on his back with his husband laying next to him tracing patterns into his shirt with one finger. Rain patters on the ceiling, and some leaks through into the kitchen and lands in a pot placed conspicuously in the middle of the floor. Their blankets are warm, and so are their hearts.)
-
Roier has been married for almost 500 years. His husband has been dead for 499 of those years, give or take a few months.
They were never legally married; that just wasn't something you did back then. Didn't matter, though, because they wouldn't have been able to afford a wedding even if they could get married.
They were farmers- well, Roier was a farmer. His husband just liked sitting and watching Roier work shirtless in the fields. He'd sit with a pitcher of water waiting by his side should Roier need it, and he'd watch shamelessly for hours at a time, and he was horrible.
And now he's dead.
-
But, see, the first thing Roier asked when arriving in Hell was whether or not the Devil was cool with gay marriage.
"Uh," said Jaiden- and this was their first real conversation post-demoning, okay? So she obviously wasn't as cool as she is now. "Maybe? I don't know. I'd have to ask?"
"Could you?" Roier had asked, freshly deceased and still bleeding from the temples where his horns had just finished growing in. "I'm expecting my husband."
"Right," Jaiden tensely replied. "Your husband."
"Yeah," Roier said, and he tried saying his husband's name, but it just. Wouldn't... what was it again?
-
But that's fine, being a demon is a pretty sweet gig. All Roier has to do is go up to the Mortal Realm and do a few jobs for a few witches, corrupt a few souls. In return, he gets badass magical abilities and immortality.
More importantly, he gets his husband's soul. As soon as he reincarnates back in the Mortal Realm, and as soon as he dies again, he goes to Hell with all of the memories from his previous life with Roier intact, and they finally get their happily ever after.
It's what he would've wanted. Hell might sound terrible, but it's no worse than the Mortal Realm, and its public transportation is actually better, somehow. The busses all run on time, and the subway is free.
More importantly, Roier's husband was the one collecting all those books on summoning demons and making deals with demons and communing with the Devil. Roier just... completed his work for him.
It's the least he could've done, and it was his last chance at seeing him again.
-
Fuck, but what was his name?
-
(They're in the fields, because that was Roier's husband's favorite place to be. Roier is shirtless and bent over a row of seeds that are going to grow up to be corn in a few months, and his husband is on the ground under the apple tree watching him shamelessly. It's sunny out, and there's the smell of smoke in the air.)
-
It's been 500 years since Roier's husband died, and Roier has spent that time trying to remember the name of his husband's killer.
Because, once upon a time, there was a farmer, and there was a witch. Ah, but witches were illegal, you see. They communed with the Devil, and they brought chaos into a world of order.
All Roier remembers is that the person who tied his husband to that pole was in all-white. Not a priest, just someone boring.
That same person was the one who lit the straw at Roier's husband's feet on fire. And they smiled doing so even as Roier dove towards the flames as if he could put them out with his bare hands.
It didn't work. Big surprise there.
-
"So the Devil's fine with you two getting married," Jaiden said after a few days of dealing with demonic bureaucracy, "but I have some bad news for you."
Roier, for the first time since Jaiden slit his throat and converted him, felt fear.
"What is it?" he asked.
She let out a breath, slow, and said, eventually, "Your husband's soul isn't here. He isn't in Heaven, either. Or in any of the other gods' realms."
Roier blinked. "What."
It was not a question.
She threw up her hands. "I don't know! It's like he just... disappeared!"
"Is that why I can't remember his name?" Roier asked. "His soul is fucking gone?"
His hands shook. Jaiden reached out and took them.
"We'll find him," she promised, kind despite her whole 'Is A Demon' thing. "Even if it takes five hundred years."
"Yeah, well, it won't," he scoffed. "I'm going to find him. He promised me a wedding."
-
Souls don't just die. They go to someplace that Roier has only ever heard of: Purgatory.
Once in Purgatory, souls get judged by the Eye of Justice. He asks them questions about their life, and they have to answer truthfully, or he'll feed them to his children.
There are a few options for what comes next.
One: they pass the Eye of Justice's judgement and are allowed to move on to whatever afterlife they believe in.
Two: they pass the Eye of Justice's judgement and are allowed to reincarnate into another life.
Three: they fail the Eye of Justice's judgement and are forcibly sent to reincarnate into the life of a bug or a blade of grass or something else boring and tortuous.
Roier got to skip out on Purgatory entirely because he took the direct line to Hell. But maybe, just maybe, if he had died regularly, he could have seen his husband in Purgatory, and they could have reincarnated together.
...Ugh. Hindsight is a bitch.
-
(Roier is visiting his grandfather when the church bells ring.
"A witch!" he hears a woman scream, and his stomach fell right into his shoes.)
-
It's been 500 years, and Roier has gotten a bit of a reputation among modern witches for being one of the easier demons to work with. He'll help with their problems in exchange for information on a certain lost soul: if they hear from his husband's soul, they summon Roier. Or he'll help in exchange for some book recommendations for his son; Hell has many things, but it does not have a public library.
He isn't a particularly strong demon despite what his only angel friend, Etoiles, might say. Etoiles is just a silly little guy, don't listen to him!
-
(He never even got to say goodbye. They locked eyes as the flames rose, and Roier screamed his name one last time, and he hasn't been able to feel anything since.)
-
Jaiden was the first demon that Roier had ever met.
He was on the floor surrounded by the ashes that used to be his home. His husband's books were in charred tatters around him, but one managed to survive the fire. It was almost supernatural, but, like, yeah. Demon book, of course it was fireproof.
He was bleeding. He had offered his blood, and his soul, to the demon in exchange for his husband's life back.
She sat on the floor with him.
"I can't do that," she gently told him. "Demons can do a lot of things, but we can't perform miracles."
Roier's throat burned: smoke inhalation and grief.
"Oh," he said, small-sounding.
"But I can get his soul to Hell," she offered. "In exchange... you have to go to Hell."
His answer was immediate: "Yes."
She blinked. "I wasn't finished?"
"The answer is still 'Yes'. As long as I'm with him again, I don't care what happens to me."
"You'll have to turn your life over to Satan. You can't just go to Hell. That isn't how it works."
Roier shrugged. "That's fine."
Jaiden gawked for a moment before nodding and standing and extending her hand.
He took it.
And then he died.
-
But it's been 500 fucking years, and now Roier is being summoned by another witch for another deal. He'll probably have to help supply additional magic for some big important spell, that's basically all he's used for these days. He's more than a battery, thanks! He's a demon, he should be out, like, stealing souls and shit.
He goes, anyway, because he has to. If he doesn't, his contract is void, and he won't get to see his husband because he himself will be sent to Purgatory to be judged and, really, he does not want to deal with that. (The Eye of Judgement is fucking creepy, okay?)
There's the familiar pull at Roier's core, and the familiar blinding burst of light as he's yanked into the Mortal Realm, and the familiar smell of brimstone and evil that follows him wherever he goes outside of Hell.
The room is filled with blood red smoke as he appears- his trademark.
(The most important thing to a demon these days isn't evil, it's marketability.)
The witch in front of him, nothing more than a shadow hidden behind the smoke, coughs and wheezes and fans their hand in front of their face.
They're kneeled on the ground in front of a pentagram drawn in... what the fuck is this, strawberry jam?
Roier crouches and sticks a finger into one of the circle's markings. Careful not to break the circle, he pulls his finger out and licks the red stuff on it.
Shocked, he looks at the witch, and he asks, "Dude, what the fuck? Is this blood?"
What happened to chalk!?
The witch coughs at him indignantly. "I needed to make sure I got someone powerful."
Roier rolls his eyes and plops fully onto the ground, criss-cross applesauce. He wipes his blood-covered fingertip on his jeans. Newbies...
"Well, you got me," he says, humble to the core. (He may be a super evil demon now, but he isn't a dick.) "So... what's up? What do you need?"
The smoke in the room slowly starts dissipating, revealing the witch to be a man in what have to be the previous day's clothes. His head is still ducked, and his face is still hidden in his elbow as he coughs, but Roier could almost call him objectively handsome. Shame Roier's married, this guy would be fun to mess around with.
"I need to- fuck-"
The witch coughs one last time before finally managing to get a lungful of clean air. He raises his head, and Roier finally gets a look at his face, and-
"I need your help," the witch says, voice rough and rugged and absolutely heartbreaking. "I need to kill someone, and I need your help to do it."
"Okay," Roier agrees. He doesn't have a choice, being a summoned demon and all, but he doesn't think he could turn this witch down at all, because...
-
("Cellbit!" Roier screams.
He can see his face in his husband's glassy eyes, and then he sees nothing but the flames as they rise over Cellbit's head and drown him whole.)
-
The man with his husband's face frowns, suspicious.
"What," he asks, "just like that?"
Roier grins, fangs and all. "Just like that."
After all, he doesn't think he'll need any payment for this one.
He's finally found what he's been looking for.
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so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god
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it’s goddamn early here right now but like
spiderbit and cellboier and their respective relationship and irl friendship really do something to my brain. i know it’s been said before but they really are one of the prime examples of what quackity set out to accomplish with the qsmp
like cellbit and roier, both as characters and cc’s, hadn’t even known each other two full months before their characters were married. and because of that, we’ve gotten to see a whole lot of growth, in both their actual friendship and, consequently, q!spiderbit’s relationship. from communicating in predominantly english to speaking each other’s languages. and isn’t that just so cool?
spiderbit is one of the most inexplicably wonderful (if morbidly wholesome) fictional relationships i’ve seen in literal ages, and the craziest part is… they’re cubes in a block game… portrayed by two people who haven’t even known each other a full year yet (and you’d think they’ve known each other for ages now with the way they’re almost always on each other’s asses)—
and… idk man. the qsmp has just given us so many incredible things on so many levels that probably wouldn’t have happened otherwise, and i’m eternally grateful for that :’)
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Remember when everybody had to go to a mandatory dinner and our streamers were standing around doing the minecraft version of a grip and grin before the meal, and then some kids showed up despite having been tucked into bed earlier, and phil went why kids here > why kids acting strange > these are not my children > imposters > trap, in the space of like half a minute because he's 85% survival vigilance by weight, and then raced home to verify that his kids weren't really there, and then zapped back to the dinner and it was madness and chaos and dead candidates because it had been a trap and these parents can read the body language of animated minecraft eggs and tell when they've been replaced? motherfucking quesadilla island.
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there's laundry to do and a genocide to stop by vinay krishnan
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Leverage is so cathartic to watch when you’re sick of the world cause it’s just: crazy neurodivergent found family does crime and screws over capitalists.
Flawless premise no notes 👌
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man im just like. thinking about egg signs and how they've evolved over the course of the qsmp and how the qsmp has evolved over the course of the qsmp and just feeling so much love and affection for every part of the project. i dont have any grand overarching point with this just. like. here's a history of egg comms bc of the kind of person that i am
so wayyyy back ten months ago now at the start of the short and sweet egg event that was planned to last maybe a month at most, the eggs had their own custom, decorated signs!
[ID: Leo with a pink sign with an egg on the bottom corner that reads "hello" in all caps. Her nametag reads Leonardo. End ID]
They were extremely simple, single word signs. There was hello, hola, story, feed, sleep, and maybe one or two more and each was its own separate sign. The eggs could only communicate the most basic needs in words and everything else was through minecraft body language or just hoping their parents guessed right.
But obviously, there was a lot more that parents wanted to hear from their children. I'm not sure who was actually first, but the earliest departure from this system I know about is BadBoyHalo giving Dapper a simple oak sign so he could name his pet slime. (Screenshot from @/lxrd-ren)
[ID: Dapper wearing a diver's helmet standing next to a tiny slime in a boat with an oak sign reading "Bouncy (slmecicle but better)" End ID]
Parents quickly realized how much more convenient this was and pretty soon every single egg had stacks of signs to communicate with.
The next innovation came from Vegetta, who was the resident mod knower at the time. He knew about colored canvas signs and gave Leo signs in her favorite color purple because he loved her and gave her everything she wanted.
[ID: Leo's bed in her room under some Fooligetta fanart with a purple sign reading "<3" End ID]
Colored signs obviously had a lot of advantages. Being able to tell at a glance which egg placed which sign was a huge step forward in eggs being able to have long, complicated conversations as well as leaving obvious marks of their personality everywhere they went. It took a little while for them to be standard for every egg though. Bobby never stopped using oak signs even after Richas and Pomme both showed up with colored signs.
[ID: Two signs reading from right to left a red Pomme sign reading "we already started working on a guillotine factory" and a dark grey Dapper sign reading "thats the most french u have said so far pomme" End ID]
And this was the system for a while! And it worked pretty well for most people! The biggest struggle most people had was egg signs not being translated, but streamers adjusted to that by reading signs out loud so the translators would pick up on them. This also lead to adorable and fascinating dynamics like Richas swearing in signs he wrote for Bad and then warning Bad not to read them out. There was also the genuinely phenomenal development of Leolingo where Leo writes only in Spanish to Foolish because it's easier for her to write and he takes his time to puzzle his way through it and learn in a way that's super cool to watch someone else do onscreen.
Then Tubbo joined the server. And Tubbo himself had no problems at all with the system, but he is dyslexic and he casually mentioned offhand that it was getting kind of annoying to read signs after a ten hour long stream and the admin team Fucking Cooked.
Within 24 hours, they had TTS working on the signs. Within 48 hours, it was working on books too. I can't remember how long it took to get translation working, but it was definitely under a week.
And this opened up a whole new world of possibilities for the entire QSMP. The admin team has been on top of capitalizing on it for story purposes, but also just allowing the egg admins to speak in their native languages to everyone whenever they want has been so enriching for everyone involved. Leolingo is awesome but Foolish has been learning Spanish insanely fast and his process is a lot slower and more frustrating than most people can do in front of an audience of thousands of people without feeling discouraged. That's also one language. We've had everything from Foolish being able to check his work a bit more faster to Phil insisting on his eggs taking a day to speak to him in their native languages to Ramón writing a book for Fit in Cantonese, a language we haven't even seen on the server in any other context!
And all of it is fully understood and fully communicated! Sometimes the translators mess up but no one expects them to be perfect and people ask for clarification if the translator says something that doesn't sound right. It's not only a massive step forward in communication technology, but it's a great demonstration of how to use it and when you can and can't rely on it.
And finally, the most recent innovation! One of BBH's viewers sent him a dono saying they had trouble reading certain signs because they were too low-contrast. Bad, Richas, and Pomme just. Took it upon themselves to fix the problem right there and then. Based on One (1) bringing up their own personal struggle, those three came up with new signs that innovate tremendously on the originals.
[ID: Two separate images of the before and after. The first is the egg signs in their original colors with the corresponding egg's name written on them to demonstrate the font color and the second is in the new, higher contrast colors with the same text. The new signs also have custom decorations for each egg. The second picture also has two signs from Pomme in all caps that read "Send all the love to Richas he spent a whole night making this he's the best <3" End ID]
There are three main innovations visible in the above pictures
1: Obviously, the colors are higher contrast. The signs with white text have darker colors and the signs with black text have lighter colors.
2: The colors themselves are lower saturation. Richas said this made it easier for him personally to read them so he corrected that way, but that's open to change if it causes difficulties for more people than it helps
3: The decorations are for accessibility reasons! People with various different forms of colorblindness will find different sets of colors easier or harder to distinguish, but any of them can look at the decorations and use them to identify whose sign is whose instead.
But! Those innovations are not why I made this post! It's these ones!
[ID: The backs of the new signs when placed on the ground. Most visible are Chayanne's with vines and a hardcore heart, Sunny's with shining sunglasses, and Pomme's with an apple and the Eiffel Tower. End ID]
Richas added distinguishing marks to the backs of the signs too! This is something that Bad brought up specifically as something he wanted because it was hard for him to tell who was talking when he was using TTS from behind signs and couldn't see the colors at all.
We went from custom egg signs (a hotbar or so of words and nothing else to communicate with) through a long journey of expanding communication and expanding who we're bringing along on the communication and how easily they can join in and we've circled all the way back around to custom egg signs (they can say anything they want in any language they want and anyone will know it's them saying it from any angle)
and i guess i have enough feelings abotu that to write All This about it
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being held would be so cool. wish physical touch was real
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need people to understand like if youre my friend you should bother me anytime. call me randomly send me something you think is funny ask for help with an essay i literally do not care. i love you
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sometimes it’s not a big thing
sometimes it’s just the way you think of her eyes when you see a cup of coffee or the way her laugh makes your heart beat just a little bit more quickly and whenever you are with her you feel like you’re flying
sometimes it’s the way you feel numb and broken and a little bit like crying when he kisses the top of her head or maybe it’s the way you wish you were him instead
sometimes it’s just all the little things (that make you realize you’re in love)
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as an asexual, I've been told I just "haven't found the right person yet".
that's why, this pride, I am partnering with Tinder so YOU can find your right person while I "procrastinate" finding mine <3
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Today's Gender is feeling like your art hasn't improved and having some ideas on how to improve it, but not having the motivation to execute those ideas
Oof. Valid
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“It always pays to be prepared with anti-homophobia cheese.”
-Darcy, Heartstopper
#lgbt#heartstopper#go watch heartstopper#queer#quotes#cheese#anti-homophobia cheese#anti-homophobia#go watch this show#now#this is not a request#this is a threat
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to the other aces out there, did you guys also think that hot just meant pretty? because before i figured out that sexual attraction as a thing people experienced, i just thought that saying someone was “hot” just meant they were really pretty and i couldn’t believe it when someone told me that saying someone was hot was saying you would wanna...you know....do stuff with them
like ew no, you’re pretty but just no
#asexual#asexuality#lgbt#asexual musings#questions#why did my friends let me call people hot for YEARS without telling me this#honestly smh so rude#and now im making up tags#this is your fault koasiian
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*cries in asexuality*
when you realize your entire sexuality revolves around the friends to lovers trope:
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