aerlili - Tumblr blog

aerlili · 1 year

Text

jiya as jennifer check 💗♥️💗♥️ need to draw shunu as needy as well but im lazy

20 notes · View notes

aerlili · 1 year

Text

pocketyan will be baked soon alhamdulillah

146 notes · View notes

aerlili · 1 year

Video

I made a fan trailer for JWQS! the wlw enemies to/and lovers novel!!! please read this novel I love it so much

2K notes · View notes

aerlili · 1 year

Text

no

423 notes · View notes

aerlili · 1 year

Photo

ghoul pals 🦇🐺🖤 I haven’t painted sketches like this in a long time !!

2K notes · View notes

aerlili · 1 year

Text

watching twitter implode in realtime is definitely funny but also anyone else utterly disgusted at the fact that one billionaires temper tantrum cost thousands of people their jobs, countless more across its userbase and is destroying what is one of the biggest websites on the internet? one guy. literally one single fucking guy who couldn't just admit to a fuck up and is taking the whole thing down with him because of his big mouth. its one guy and he has enough money to just tear down the website. one guy.

91K notes · View notes

aerlili · 1 year

Text

agula, xiao-die and 😳 jiya 😳😳😳

318 notes · View notes

aerlili · 1 year

Text

no

423 notes · View notes

aerlili · 1 year

Text

read 泾渭情殇/ jwqs and lost my sense of self and made fanart .... political court drama lesbians own my soul!!!

695 notes · View notes

aerlili · 1 year

Text

last time i used this account i was 17 help.... i tried being active on tumblr i rly did 😔

4 notes · View notes

aerlili · 3 years

Text

i want to talk about nagsi jiya.

(surprisingly) jiya is one of the most misunderstood characters in JWQS. you could even go so far as to say that she’s hated. it’s almost hypocritical in the way others harbor hatred against her. her actions mirrored qi yan’s own in the sense that she did what she had to do for her own sake and her own dreams. she came to the wei kingdom with a plight as well, and when the opportunity arose for her to put her plans in motion by having personal relations with several members of the imperial family, she took it, and rightfully so.

I’ll say this only once, because it’s a serve. if it weren’t for nagsi jiya, nangong rang would’ve had a few more golden years before he kicked the bucket.

that’s not what i’m here to talk about, though, i wanna discuss her capacity for love. as you know, and if you don’t, pdl stated that jiya didn’t have the room in her heart needed for nangong shunu. to really paint the picture, she also said this: “for someone that does not love themselves for the sake of their dream, how could they love someone else?” if you were only awed by jiya’s physique then perhaps you took that and went with it; no questions asked. i, on the other hand, refute. and i have more than enough proof to lay out for you.

let’s start with jiya taking an inherently selfish interest in nangong shunu and compare it to our beloved qiyan agula’s own early feelings for nangong jingnu. in a conversation of revenge between these two, jiya asked, “isn’t the one that he(nangong rang) cares for the most your bed partner?” and as per qi yan’s typical response to harm coming nangong jingnu’s way, he replied, “she’s the last one.”

there’s an adamancy for nangong jingnu’s safety, even from himself, as qi yan struggles in his turmoil; that being heart over mind, sense over sensibility, and so on. but what about nagsi jiya? in that same conversation, she asks only one thing of qi yan; “without my permission, you cannot make a move on nangong shunu for now.”

and there’s the reflection, there’s an adamancy for nangong shunu’s survival after everything is over. “without my permission,” suggests that jiya holds in her hand the power over nangong shunu’s life and death, just as qi yan held nangong jingnu’s own in the beginning. but as we all know, these promises fall through as the prince and bright pearl of the grass plains are bettered by their love for the nangong sisters.

now let’s take a look at some of jiya’s earlier moments with nangong shunu, moments that led to her (unknowingly) falling in love with the daughter of the enemy kingdom. i’m tempted to mention more of those fleeting but memorable moments between shuya, of jiya protecting shunu and even of moments where shunu was able to murmur a few words and spare a few touches to calm jiya’s anger, but i want to talk about the morning after their first time instead. jiya uses her sensuality as weapon against others and others as a means to an end. she could sleep with just about anyone and her heart would not stir, but it was different with nangong shunu. she woke up with a heart in chaos, it felt “teased and excited,” which is a feat, all things considered. but nothing quite compares to that moment where nangong shunu was lost in thought in her bed, unknowing of jiya’s returned presence. to quote, it said, “but at this very moment, it was as if roots had grown from her legs. her breathing had slowed down without her notice; she feared that she would startle the woman who was deep in her thoughts.”

ladies, gentlemen, and my non-binary friends, nagsi jiya was many things but considerate she was not. she was a force to be reckoned with, one couldn’t step into a room without being drawn helplessly to her in either want or in envy. she had always been self-serving first and foremost. even her selfless acts were selfish in truth, her actions were made with her future in mind. in bed was no different, even if she was “serving,” she was the sole dominator in the act. but it was different with nangong shunu, look here again, “it was as if roots had grown from her legs. her breathing had slowed down without her notice.” over and over again, jiya will experience these moments of weakness without ever knowing their importance.

here we have another quote, “even Jiya herself was unaware that her cynical gaze had an extra trace of softness. In that tough and solid heart, a trace of softness could actually flow.” we as readers are now aware of what jiya both is and is not, and that is that she cares for nangong shunu. case in point, she quite literally says she cares about nangong shunu but the gravity of those words don’t compare to the core of her feelings. if it did, how could she be unaware of the softness of her gaze when looking at her?

before we get into the most important moment between shuya yet, i.e. their breakup, it’s important to recognize that jiya had no intention of shunu finding out about her sleeping with other people. but when she did find out, jiya reacted defensively, and that was her first mistake. jiya being defensive about anything at all is kind of amazing, from the readers perspective, because you know that she didn’t typically do that. she didn’t care about what others had to say or think, so it was very big. remember that as we go forward—

“Nangong Shunu turned around to leave, but Jiya held her wrist from behind. She pressed her lips together; she did not speak. Nangong Shunu did not turn her head back. Naturally, she did not see the struggle and the lost look in Jiya’s eyes.

Nangong Shunu: “Let go.”

Jiya: “I was just…lonely for a moment.”

The scolding hot frames of her eyes could no longer contain the weight of her tears. One full bead of tear slid down her elegant face. Nangong Shunu started to smile: “That’s right, we were both lonely for a moment. Let me go, I beg you.”

Jiya opened her mouth a little. She let go of her hand at the same time.”

to briefly go back to what pdl said, “how could they love someone else?” jiya wouldn’t have understood what she was feeling if it hit her in the face. she was the bright pearl of the grass plains, she never had to ask for anything if she stood to lose something in turn. she didn’t even conform within the wei kingdom, she was as free as a woman could be, but her dreams took precedence over her self, in both love and worth. to quote a friend–you know who you are lol–“after her plan goes through she’ll have everything. why would she ever need something as expendable as love?”

so, even if jiya wanted to ask nangong shunu to stay, she wouldn’t have known how. you could see it in the way she held onto her wrist, in the way she screwed her mouth shut and then opened it as she let go; her emotional turmoil spilled over into the physical and it reflected in her eyes. still nangong shunu left thinking that nagsi jiya didn’t care at all.

i can’t help pointing out, “i was just…lonely for a moment.” because again with this! “this,” being things nagsi jiya didn’t typically do: explain herself. we know the truth of why she was with nangong wang, but for her to say that it was a moment of loneliness in the face of the woman that could never bore her…are you in pain right now? because i am.

if you’re anything like me, then you probably expected there to be more of them going forward, but instead all we got was jiya helplessly chasing after shunu without ever having been seen. she left the kingdom without saying goodbye. there was no closure for her and if we’re honest with ourselves she probably left without ever knowing why she was so bothered by the way they ended, enough to spend YEARS just looking for one moment alone with her.

and the reason was this: nagsi jiya never realized that she fell in love with nangong shunu.

BONUS POINT:

in an interview, someone asked pdl, “will jiya ever fall in love?” and pdl had this to say: “She did love Nangong Shunu, but that person she loved more was herself. She is also a woman who values her carnal desire very much. Perhaps, someday in the future, she will meet the right person who belongs to her, and teach her what love is.”

as i’ve stated before in so many words, it’s not that jiya loved herself or even carnal desire more than she loved nangong shunu. it’s that she didn’t understand the gravity of her feelings before it was too late. her pride was too big, she thought herself uncaring or unfeeling when it came to others but that simply wasn’t true. from the quote above, you can tell that she never learned HOW to love let alone what it meant.

21 notes · View notes

aerlili · 3 years

Text

i don't understand how this site works still . its been almost 5 years since i joined and i have 0 clue what these words mean

1 note · View note

aerlili · 3 years

Text

i have rediscovered tumblr and my shinomitsu comic nothing is stopping me from becoming 10x more unhinged than i already was

1 note · View note

aerlili · 4 years

Text