zwitter31
born into an unsound mind
what crimes have I committed
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Decent into madness.
Struggling through this I see why the mentally ill have been seen as possessed by demons. There is a devil in my mind.
-
Found that in a random file from 2019
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Trying, just trying
Trying doesn't work
Doing never happens
And I'm alone
All alone with the evil
The evil within
Instilled before birth
In my genes
A birth that never should have been
This evil within
Within my mind
Turns me against myself
Turns me into something else
Set it free let me be
It destroys me, destroys me
I destroy me, destroy me
I'll end it all
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Unsound Mind
CW: suicide
"3.5 million Americans have made plans for suicide"
With no one to love or to care for
I get to obliterate the thing I abhor
Against each other we conspire
My deepest darkest desire
My unsound mind
Teeth I grind
White knuckled
My knees buckle
Blow it out blow it away
Not tomorrow and not today
"In 2020, approximately 5 in 10 suicides in the United States involved firearms"
I need this mess out of my mind
And leave it out for someone to find
A beautiful display for all to see
Only can happen when it's just me
My unsound mind
Teeth so worn
Knuckles entwined
Knees are torn
Blow it out blow it away
Not tomorrow and not today
I hold a brave face
My brave face
I hold a facade
My facade
Teeth I grind
White knuckled
My knees buckle
My unsound mind
Blow it out blow it away
Not tomorrow and not today
I hold a brave face
My facade
"There's a higher likelihood of suicide among veterinary medical staff than among the general population"
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I've gotten an app to play around with music making so we'll see what comes of this song
#First of all imma throw in stats like soad#If I could kms I'd use a gun; the gun stat and the vet med stat because I see horrible shit in the vet med field#But I have a lot to live for so my brain will not win the war to self destructive#Suicide#CW suicide
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Autobiographical poem
Zwitter
Anxious, Exhausted, Enduring and
Child of the Fallen Artist and Matriarch
Lover of the leviathan, music and creatures
Who feels overworked, over stimulated and worn
Who needs a new form, a clear mind and an escape from this world
Who gives her mind body and soul
Who fears loss, death and heartache
Who would like to see a better place for nature, life beyond the human race and foreign worlds beyond our sights
Resident of the City of murder
Aquarius
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It's my 2 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳
Lol wow I haven't written much how sad
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Season of Trauma
Each year the season of trauma arrives
Now they trickle in, the small and the young
Depressing to know not all will survive
So I'm their last stop, their song will be sung
I'm not ready but I give what it takes
No time to recover, wounds grow deeper
Endless flows of them, the dam always breaks
Unrecovered I still am the reaper
There's abuse in your face day after day
Hit by a car, maggot infestations
Abandoned at birth just fading away
Never have been owned for generations
An ode to those who did not have a chance
So I treat them well in this circumstance
I see many lost to euthanasia
And nothing stops this nightmare fantasia
#stray cats have a breeding season and there's a fuuuuuuck ton of kittens that come in. they come in all sorts of horrible conditions#i have to euthanize so so so many kittens during the summer and i want to die it hurts#despite how many cats we spay and neuter there's still an infinite supply of them#its horrible euthanizing newborns and kittend they didn't even get a chance to live and they have to die#animal death#humane euthanasia#poetry#sonnets#acrostic#tw animal death
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I’m so homesick
But there’s no home to go to
I miss my own room
My own space
I miss being with me, myself and I
I’m being caged in
Physically
Mentally
Stuffed into a box in which I don’t fit
Made to do things I don’t want
They’re breaking my spirit little by little
This person I’ve become
Is not who I want to be
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Trying to fall asleep.
The thoughts...
The thoughts run around,
run at full speed.
Keeps me up at night.
Thinking, wondering, stressing.
Waiting for my friend.
My slow but good ol buddy
Ambien comes a knocking.
Twilight phase commences,
things aren't the same.
Slightly warped,
Wobbly.
Stumbly.
Like I had been drinking.
The brain slows down,
allowing sleep to start its journey.
Haze and fog takeover.
Eyelids heavy,
Things are weird.
Getting sleepy.
Objects warping, twisting.
Comfy in bed,
as the walls around me melt.
I melt into sleep.
-Ambien induced poem 2017
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In a heartbeat
With no one to stop me I'd end it
In a heartbeat
No one to care about or love
In a heartbeat
Get to express my truest feelings
In a heartbeat
Deepest darkest desires
In a heartbeat
I need this mess out of my mind
And leave it out for someone to find
A beautiful display for all to see
Only can happen when it's just me
#definitely about suicide; if all the people i loved were gone I'd like to blast my brains on the wall. it's caused me so much misery lol#I'm ok tho no need to worry i have a long life a head of me I'm sure#plus I'll still have my job#this is like a plan z situation#im rambling#poetry#suicide
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Conscious Prison
Here I feel like a creature in a cage
Here I pace back and forth in my mind's eye
This mind is prison, I can not deny
This life sentence has caused nothing but rage
What crimes have I committed in my age?
What have I done if nothing but comply?
Held forever in time until I die
Held against my will, can not disengage…
Helpless, heartless
Upsetting, unrelenting, unraveling
Rage and ruins to release and repairs
Transcending, transfiguring, transporting
Shapeless and seamless
I am a consciousness here in this skull
and one day this vessel comes to an end
Physical remains are put in a tomb
Spectral form freed, my true plumage will bloom
I shake off the facade, no longer dull
A beast of freedom with haste I ascend
Escaping ugliness of the worlds gloom
Until the universe meets its own doom
#this took 2 weeks to write#being neurodivergent is hard; like what did i do to have to struggle through life like this; it's tiresome#death is the ultimate freedom from suffering imo#poetry#sonnets#iambic pentameter#diamonte
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Do not remember writing this but I know all to well what it is
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When I have too many things in my mind and can't bring any of it to words no matter how hard I try and I'm just sitting there angry because I can't express myself
Brain constipated
Soul restless
Body sore
I don't want to be here anymore
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Reworked posts
◁ ▷
I create the void
I listen, then it replies
Another life gone
◁ ▷
This soul is restless,
it's vessel is broken down
and mind is foggy.
I don't want to be in here
but this is the way of life.
◁ ▷
First is a haiku about confirming death after euthanasia.
Second is a tanka about living with fibromyalgia.
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Feeling like an animal in a cage
pacing back and forth in my own mind
My mind is a prison with a life sentence
What crimes have I committed
I'm here against my will
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Brain constipated
Soul restless
Body sore
I don't want to be here anymore
#fibro bullshit#here being this body and mind#fibromyalgia#oh also my period that makes everything hurt more#also dysphoria because ew uterus
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Once my home where I had grown
Memories and moments created
They came and now it's desecrated
Greed reined supreme
And stomped all the dreams
Gentrification took my salvation
Now I never feel at home
Even when I'm never alone
#let me tell you a story of my trauma#so my home had been in the family for FIVE generations; my grandma being the last blood owner#she died and it went to her husband; not the blood related to us#step in greedy uncle cashing in on his grief and the gentrification buying up every single thing they can to convert#he sells the house forcing us the family that has actually been there; he hadn't lived there for many years#lost my grandma that i grew up with and the house i was born and raised in#kthx bye#gentrification#fuck hipsters#fuck philadelphia
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Sinkhole
That's what this place is
Down in the depths of despair
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