Last petal has fallen

In the beginning we were one. Two damaged souls bound in the midst of choatic depression and self destruction. Together, we picked up broken pieces of one another and began to put ourselves back together. Somewhere along the journey several pieces were misplaced and never seen again. Over and over we tried to fill the voids using the wrong things. Alcohol, drugs, and lust. Temporarily this seemed to work, but when these things wore off the voids were exposed and once again.. we’d fall. A repeating cycle of toxicity. It wasn’t until we hit the rock bottom of our depressing relationship that we decided to make changes. To seek help with our mental health. Not realizing that at that point, it was too late. Our bond could not be repaired even though we tried. Well i tried. Towards the end i began to feel less effort from your side. You built a distance between us too long to bridge. I jumped and i fell. I tried to climb up to your side but it was a slippery slope impossible to climb. Over and over i jumped, attempting to climb from the bottom as if it would be a new beginning. Last night was my last fall. Today i climb back to my side and begin my journey on a new path. Im not seeking a new love with anyone merely searching for the love that i lost for myself during this toxic battle. It’s funny how we can mistake lust for love. Because looking back i realize, we never were in love.

Yesterday i woke up, feeling unweighted by my depression. Explored nature and the fresh air was so intoxicating. Today I didn’t want to get up. When i finally managed to get out of bed i felt that weight pressuring my emotions downwards. I will not give up to these feelings of depression. Today WILL be a good day. #CarpeDiem