So, this is the first part. It's the first time I write something so long, especially in English. It's not my first language so be nice ahah.
TW: swearing cursing bad words. I'm serious, I don't want to be responsible for you, kids, swearing. Also it's kind of sad. So don't read it if you don't like sad things. :(
--------- Roots of your problems : part 1
- Is it painful?
- What? To marry?
He chuckled loudly, yet he silenced himself fastly, as if it helped for her not to get offended by her little stupid question. But she felt so stupid for asking that to him. How could someone who’s never been married tell her how is that to be married? Well, atleast that's what Clef always said. ”I've never been married”. Alto lies a lot. Like, all of her childhood he used to lie, and lie, but somehow she doesn't think that it's one of his lies. How can a man like him lie about being married? He doesn't look like he has a wife or kids at all. And Marzia felt an embarrassment by asking something so stupid from a man who aren't even able to fall in love (at least that's what she thought about him and that's what she said to her)
And she was twelve once. She doesn’t go to school. When your adoptive parent works for a super-top-secret organisation and your sibling starts college to get a job at the same organisation it’s not like you have time or an opportunity to live a normal life. To be honest, it was ok for her to get an education at home. Marzia never liked other people, it was tiring to even be at the same room (it wasn’t the same with Michelle or Alto. Maybe it's because they’re not, exactly, ”people”?). People are gross. They're loud, they're stupid, they're nosy and Marzia didn't like them at all. Some of them were tolerable enough, like Glass. Their visits were long and she got used to him.
- She needs to socialise. You know how is it important for her age…Michelle, you have to…
- I know that. You see, she doesn't want to. She doesn't even pay attention to me, it's like I'm dead to her. I'm so, so fucking tired.
No. No, that's not true, she doesn't see him dead. Why did he say that? Maybe that's because she doesn't notice him sometimes? But that's not on purpose, that's just how her brain works, that's it. Sometimes it's just hard to talk, but he is dear to her. If only she was able to tell, things would be easier.
When she turned eighteen, she realised, that it's hard to find friends in the Foundation. Marzia didn't have even one, but somehow, she ended up in a group of pathologists. That's how she met Clem, who just got out of college straight to the Foundation. She was older, she was fun and she was like a star. Like a sun, but Marzia is nothing but a moon. She's not even a fucking planet, she doesn't deserve any of her warmth, but yet, somehow, she's here for her. So they're friends, for the first time Marzia had a friend who wasn't looking at her like she was a burden.
Oh, how she tried to shapeshift. She had a great example to follow, it was easy to pretend to be someone she wasn't. She tried to wear makeup and bright, extravagant clothes, she was unhinged, she was loud and sometimes it was too much of her in the room and she felt embarrassment when her laugh was just a bit, just a bit off. It’s like she was laughing a little bit longer and louder and somehow, she found herself crying while laughing. Because she couldn’t stop. She was trying, but she was laughing and laughing while tears are rolling down her cheeks.
And Marzia, stupid, little Marzia, Marzia with no friends at the age of eighteen, Marzia with no goals for the future, Marzia, who's life for the next fifty years is gonna be this stupid, concrete base, dusty shelves full of books and articles and paragraphs she'll never be able to understand, she was so lucky to have someone at her side, to have a person, the only person in the whole world who LOVES her and doesn't even wait to be loved back. And she was grateful, and she was trying so much to not be this stupid, little Marzia with her stupid socialising problems.
And they're sitting in front of fireplace. It's almost midnight and Clef and Michelle are already sleeping in their rooms. Clef doesn't like Clementine, neither does Michelle, but still, he allowed them to have a sleepover, and they're talking till the midnight and they're laughing and hushing at each other and Marzia knows that Clef is not sleeping. He's waiting. It's like he felt all this shit that was hiding inside Clem, he knew it. He felt it. But Marzia didn't care at all, he can think what he wants, she liked her. Even if she's evil. Even if they're doomed as a couple, and it won't be the last time it happened to Marzia.
- I want to show you something. Can I...uhh...trust you? Can I?
Clem nodded without saying a word. Her dark brown eyes reflected gold from a fire next to her. She was in flame herself, she was that flame from a fireplace. The only one who understands her. Her only friend. Her lover. And her eyes got wider as something tickled her ear as Marzia tucked hair behind it. Marzia handed her a flower. And Clementine knew about Michelle. She knew everything about her family, everyone did. And her face acquired a grimace of regret. She stood up immediately.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I can't. I don't want to...Shit, why did you do that to me? You know how complicated it's gonna be. I thought you aren't...you can't...warp...- She got silent, pursing her lips. And Marzia knew, she wasn't able to deal with a reality bender. She didn't want to have problems, to be in danger and to have her family and her friends in danger. And more, she didn't love Marzia back. She liked her, yes, but she didn't love her.
- I'm sorry. I'll call a taxi.
And Marzia is looking at her. And a big, painful lump got stuck in her throat.
- Marzia.
- Yes?
She was hoping so much that she'll change her mind.
- I won't discuss it ever again. And I don't want to talk again. Please, leave me alone, ok?
The door closed.
And the first abnormal spot ended, pulling her out of her own memories.
Now Layla is here.
- We got everything we wanted. Let's get out of here.
When I was a kid I used to dream about space a lot. I wanted to become a mad, cartoonish scientist (blame monsters vs aliens and space chimps lololol). I still remember all those scary, strange dreams about space or sea.
I was asking my mother about buying me a microscope. She said no over and over. And the school killed the urge to study in me. I was a dumb child with silly dreams and no plan. I can be smart. I just was too tired to become one. Gravity Falls was the only thing that flamed something in me. For the long time I started to like something again, to want something again. That’s why I started to draw again. To create something as cool. But I still think about science sometimes.
Even if in my mind I am with art, in my heart I am still with science. Maybe I shouldn’t become a screenwriter. Maybe it’s not too late to study space or marine biology.