unicornpoopy-blog
❝ℍ𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕪 𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕝𝕖 𝕡𝕚𝕝𝕝
✖Nerd, antisocial, awkward, sarcastic extraordinaire.✖
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*makes and joke but nobody laughs* fuck u guys i’m funny as fuck
#self appreciation#idk#i thought it was funny#you not laughing?#imma make you laugh#lol bitch#jk#maybe#funny#as#fuck#i am hilarious#i am funny#i am a comedic genius#i belong on stage#take me to my people
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Alien looking at 2016 american presidential election results: what the fuck
other alien: what the fuck
alpha alien: what the fuck
Abraham Lincoln: what the fuck
#aliens#presidential election#presidential debate#politics#hillary clinton#donald trump#alien#what the fuck#abraham lincoln#funny#funny politics
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You: guess who did it
Someone: omg who
Me: *bursts through your wall* IT’S JOHN CENA
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Friend: *knock knock*
Me: who’s there
Friend: it’s me
Me: me who?
Friend: oh my god
Me:
Friend:
Me:
Friend:
Me:
Friend:
Me: okay but me who
#knock knock jokes#okay#but who's there#i need to know#how do you expect this friendship to go on stacey when you can't tell me me who#me who#irl jokes#knock knock jokes irl#irl knock knock jokes#the more you know
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pricey tags empty carts buying crappy chocolate bars
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guys what if hell and heaven doesn’t exist and we all just get turned into marshmallows after we die
#science side of tumblr#any side of tumblr#i need answers#please#what do i do if i get turned into a marshmallow#funny#3am thoughts#it's 3am#2am thoughts#thoughts#explain#call ghostbusters
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Conversation
me, never intending to come back: brb
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I walked to a deli and got a sandwich to go and a coffee and while I was waiting these two teenage girls ran up and were like OH MY GOD JESSICA HOW ARE YOU and then hugged me and the one whispered “that guy was following you and taking pictures of you” and then they walked home with me and that one guy stopped following me and hONESTLY THIS IS WHAT I AM HERE FOR
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Alien: yo, what’s a gif?
Other alien: you know those talking and moving pictures that we had back in 1000?
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Me: my back hurts
Someone: my back hurts more
Me: nuh uh, mine hurts more
Someone: nope, mine does
Me: *bends back in an inhuman fashion*
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i feel ugliest when my nails are really short
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He used The Pacifier from Sky High
Guys we need to stop saying Ted Cruz was the Zodiac Killer. He was born in 1970, when the killer was active in 1968-69. Clearly he’s the SON of the Zodiac Killer, all grown up and ready to follow in the footsteps of his elder.
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*thinks about space* what the fuck? is this allowed? what the fuck? is that allowed?
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